No Brave Nude World

How could I explain humor to Thera? I wanted to make her laugh, but now I was a little uncertain how to do it. I still couldn't believe that first of all, she wanted dinner and sex (what a perfect date back on Terra), but she was looking to maybe have a child with me as well? What a perfect way to begin my vacation!

"Hello Jack!" she greeted me with a smile. "Are you ready for dinner and sex?"

"I certainly am!" I responded enthusiastically, as I placed my arm around her waist and smiled. "I have been looking forward to this all afternoon."

"Me too!" she confided. "I've never had sex with an Emerald before."

"An Emerald?" I inquired, as we strolled toward the vertical ascender to take us up to the revolving restaurant on the top floor.

"Yes, your eyes." she replied. "I told you before, green eyes are not found on this planet, any more than my golden eyes are found on yours. When an Emerald and a Golden mate, the result is two rings in the iris; one is what you might call dollar bill green, and other is gold. Anyone on either of our planets with money eyes is considered special, so I would love to have your baby if you will agree to it."

"I have no issues with that." I responded.

"Good! Then let's have a great dinner and sex in the dining area!" she exclaimed. "I can't wait to show you off to everyone there! Me having sex in front of everyone with an Emerald! It's a dream come true!"

"I'm flattered." I replied. "I think."

Obviously, I was some sort of trophy for her, but I didn't mind. We reached the top floor and exited into the restaurant. We were seated next to a window with the most spectacular view I had ever seen. Below us, the planet's curvature could be seen, and above, the blueness of the sky was giving way to the darkness of space, and even though it was still light out, stars could clearly be seen twinkling above us.

"Can you still see your mother's house from here?" Thera inquired.

She was being serious, as she had absolutely no concept of humor. It was time to teach her how to laugh. I wracked my brain, trying to think of a simple joke back on Terra that might spark a reaction.

"Yes." I responded. "I think I'll call her."

I turned to the window and whisper-hollered, "Hey Mom, get off of the roof!"

Thera stared at me expressionless. This wasn't going well at all. Desperate, I fell back on an old tried-but-true joke from the early 21st century from one of the classic comedians of the time, Gilbert Gottfried.

"Do you have homosexuals on this planet?" I inquired.

"Well yes, but we call them same-sexers, why?"

"Well, our slang term for the guys is fags." I replied. "So here's a fag joke: this guy is driving through a parking lot and a fag walks out in front of him. He hits him with his car and the fag starts screaming, 'I'm gonna sue you for fifty thousand dollars, you son of a bitch!' So the guy says, 'Yeah, and you can suck my dick too!' So the fag says, 'Well, I guess if you want to settle this out of court...'"

If Hedon had crickets, you could have certainly heard them chirping, even at this altitude, as Thera stared at me blankly.

"What's a car?" she inquired, completely ruining the joke.

"Never mind." I said through clenched teeth, as my erection shrank. "Let's just order dinner."

Suddenly, I heard a burst of laughter coming from the table behind us. I turned to look, and another couple were both laughing their asses off.

"Suck my dick and settle out of court!" the woman guffawed. "Oh my god, that is so fucking funny!"

"I don't understand." Thera said in a flustered tone. "I don't understand laughter either. Why is that funny?"

"Because the guy's gay!" the woman giggled. "He'd suck dick anyway. So this guy says that as an insult and he agrees to it instead of paying! Holy shit, that's the best joke I've heard in a long time!"

I could see the frustration on Thera's face, and I realized that she would never comprehend humor or the simplest of jokes. It was time to change strategies.

"Perhaps we should look at the menu." I suggested, trying to change the subject. "I have no idea what any of this is."

Thera brightened and nodded.

"I can help you with that!" she exclaimed with a smile. "What do like to eat?"

"Meat." I replied. "Good, old fashioned red meat."

"Oh, like what you would call a steak?" she inquired. "We have a very tasty animal here on Hedon called an exelot that we butcher in such a manner. The best cut is what I think you call prime hip."

"Prime rib." I clarified. "And it's delicious. If you have something like that here, I would like to try it."

"Oh, don't worry!" Thera said with a wave of her hand. "I'll order for the both of us if you don't mind. I love Terran food, and this is pretty close to what you call steak and potatoes."

Our server arrived at that point, and smiled. She had light brown hair and enormous tits that due to the low gravity, pointed almost straight out; like torpedo tits back on Terra, but much longer and more pronounced. I was immediately enthralled by them.

"Hello Thera." she said with a smile. "Who is your date?"

"Jack." she replied. "He's from Terra and he's an Emerald!"

She was clearly excited about dating me, and I was beginning to feel like an old timey circus freak, put on display for everyone to ogle at. The server peered into my face and sucked her breath in sharply.

"Oh my goodness, he is!" she exclaimed. "You lucky tigress!"

Insert a record scratch here. Were my eyes a huge turn on to all the women of this planet, like a naturally blonde woman back on Terra was to men on other continents in eras past? If so, might it be in my best interest to move here and sift through the idolatry to find that perfect woman? It was certainly tempting! All the sex I could want, plus my strength was superior to that of Hedonists because of the low gravity. It was definitely a point to ponder.

"We're going to have sex after we eat, Cassie." Thera informed our server with a great deal of pride in her voice. "He's going to impregnate me right here in front of everyone."

"That," she replied, "I want to see. I'll bet he could hold you up for all sorts of positions."

"And so you shall." I responded. "In the meantime, I'm pretty hungry, and Thera seems to know what I want, so let's go ahead and order, okay?"

Thera smiled proudly.

"He and I would both like large slices of roasted exelot, with a baked yunna, and a side order of sauteed Peranulan fungi." she said with a smile.

"Sounds yummy." I said dryly. "I'd like that exelot cooked medium please."

"It only comes one way." Thera explained. "I told you, it's like your prime lip."

"Rib."

"Whatever. Anyway, you'll like it, trust me. If you don't, I'll pay for it, okay?"

"Okay." I agreed. "Do you have milk here?"

"We do!" Cassie said enthusiastically. "I'll get one of our female staff to pump you a fresh batch, or you could nurse her directly at the table if you'd like."

I stared at her blankly for a second before she smiled.

"My grandmother was from Terra." she explained. "While I'm not terribly good at it, I do understand the concept of humor. It comes from exelots, just like yours comes from a cow."

"I wasn't expecting it." I admitted. "You got me."

"Perhaps you should tell her the same-sexer story." Thera suggested. "She might understand it."

"The what?" Cassie inquired.

"Never mind." I replied. "Another time perhaps."

My attention was suddenly drawn to a ruckus on the other side of the restaurant, where a very attractive pregnant woman with an enormous belly was trying to tell a potential suitor that she wasn't interested in having sex with him.

"I told you I have a husband!" she said sternly. "Now please let me be!"

"Aw, come on." the guy said persuasively. "You are just so alluring with that belly sticking out. I'd love to fuck you right here."

"No!" she replied angrily.

It was clear that the guy was intoxicated - most likely on Cydalian ale - and wasn't going to leave her alone, so I decided to be chivalrous and intervene. I leaped to my feet, forgetting the gravity here was akin to that of Luna, Terra's moon, and quickly found myself standing on an empty table several yards away.

"Oops." I muttered to myself. "Gotta remember the gravity's different. Now I know how John Carter felt."

I crouched down and sprang forward in a broad jump that would have made any Olympic athlete jealous. The gravity was only one-sixth that of Terra's, and I sailed close to fifty feet through the air - and over several tables - before landing next to the inebriated jerk.

"Leave the lady alone." I suggested rather sternly, forgetting I was a peace official back on Terra and not here. "Go on home and sleep it off."

"Your mother is an Orock whore!" the man yelled, apparently insulting me.

I guess that might have made a Hedonist angry, but it had no affect on me. I had no idea who a whore from Orock was but it didn't bother me in the least, as my mother was actually a farmer's wife. I was going to let his remark slide, and usher him out, but then he shoved me.

It wasn't much of a shove, as he only had about the same amount of strength as a child on my planet. I don't think I even moved a foot, but it was a mistake. I could almost hear the bionic sound effect from an old rerun of the Six Million Dollar Man, as I put my hands around his waist, lifted him off the ground and threw him close to twenty feet through the air. Hedonists aren't built very sturdily, due to the relative low gravity compared to Terra, and I knew I had hurt him when he landed with a sharp cry.

I immediately felt badly for him, and loped over to see if he was okay. I had reacted reflexively; not out of malice, and I was concerned for his well being.

"Are you okay?" I inquired, as he struggled to get up. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do that."

I reached my hand out to offer assistance and he took it. I did my best to lift him as gently as I could, but still jerked him off the floor. About that time, two Hedonist law officials arrived and headed in our direction. One was a rather muscular guy that looked like a weight lifter back home, and the other was a rather gorgeous blonde, with her long hair pulled back into a high ponytail.

"What's the meaning of this?" the guy demanded.

I could see Thera hurrying in our direction, and she addressed the two officials by name. Luckily, she seemed to know everyone in the building.

"Hey Puppis; Athena." she greeted them. "This is my date, Jack. He's from Terra. He was trying to help that woman over there from being harassed by this doxhead. This guy pushed him and he defended himself. He didn't do anything wrong."

"He placed his hands on you first?" Athena inquired, glancing quickly at my cock, then back to my face.

"Yes," I said with a nod, "but I didn't mean to hurt him. I keep forgetting how fragile you are. I just reacted and tossed him back. I didn't mean to throw him across the room."

"Do you wish to press charges?" Puppis inquired, taking a notepad from his waist pack.

I shook my head.

"No." I replied. "He didn't hurt me, but I'm afraid I may have hurt him. You might want to take him to a medical facility for treatment. He may have broken some ribs when he landed."

"I think you dislocated my arm when you pulled me up, too." the man said ruefully. "I should have listened to you."

"Well then, I guess we're finished." Puppis said. "It was nice meeting you, Jack."

He reached his hand out and I gave him a firm handshake. Puppis' eyes widened, and he winced.

"I am so sorry!" I apologized.

Puppis nodded.

"I don't think you broke it." he responded, opening and closing his fist a few times. "Wow, we could sure use someone like you on our law team. Ever thought about moving here?"

"I'm considering it," I replied, "but I don't know. Thera and I are going to try and make a baby here as soon as we finish eating. Maybe if I get her pregnant, I'll come back."

"If you do, I'll get you an interview with our director!" Puppis asserted. "Until then, good evening."

Athena smiled slightly, and reached out to shake my hand as well. I took it and did my best not to crush her delicate hand. To my surprise, her grip was almost as firm as mine. She winked at me, and turned away. She and Puppis left us, and Thera and I returned to our seats, just as Cassie was placing our dinner on the table.

"Well, that was exciting!" she exclaimed. "You certainly have a way of making an entrance, Jack. Maybe my manager should hire you for security detail if you decide to stay here."

I smiled at her and looked at my dinner. It looked wonderful! The steak nearly filled the plate, and on a separate plate was a large baked potato. In a nearby bowl was what looked like some sort of mushrooms. Everything smelled wonderful as well, and my mouth was watering. Cassie set a large glass of milk in front of me, and I picked up my cutlery and dug in.

I have no idea what an exelot is or what it looks like, but they taste absolutely delicious, I can assure you! The meat was very tender, with a full dry aged flavor, and was better than the best grass fed prime rib I'd ever had! I cut the yunna open and discovered it looked like a baked potato on the inside as well. Apparently, they grew here on Hedon as well, along with what tasted exactly like sauteed Portobello mushrooms.

"A lot of the food you grow on Terra grows here too." Thera explained. "Most planets have similar biospheres, with a few exceptions. So, if a chef knows your tastes, they can make food you're familiar with. Now, let's eat so we can have sex and try and make a baby, okay?"

No objections from me! We polished the food off in good time, and relaxed for several minutes as we watched some sort of event on one of the many monitors located around the restaurant. I was also curious to keep looking out the window as the whole thing slowly revolved. Gomorrah on one side; towns fading into forests on the other. My thoughts were soon interrupted by Thera's voice.

"Are you ready for love?" she inquired, slowly sliding her chair back.

She spread her legs and exposed her fiery red bush.

"I want to have sex with you now, Jack." she said sultrily. "Come here and make love to me. Let's join the others and enjoy ourselves with some after-dinner sex."

I nodded and stood; careful this time not to launch myself from the floor like a frog from a lily pad. This whole concept was new to me. Back on Terra, a dinner date was typically capped with dessert, not sex. I'll have to admit though, that as much as I like a good cannoli or a chilled slice of New York style cheesecake after a hearty prime rib dinner, sex was even better to top it all off and maybe even work off a few extra calories in the process.

I met Thera as she stood as well, and decided to use my pseudo-bionic strength to put on a show for the rest of the patrons. I placed my hands on her waist and lifted her from the floor, before pivoting her 180 degrees so that she was upside down. I then pulled her against me so that we could have a 69 position, although being vertical, it was more like a Y&T.

Her mouth engulfed my cock as I lapped her furry red muff, and we orally stimulated one another for several minutes. It felt good, but we were here to make a baby, and we had a large audience. I carried her out onto what on Terra would have been a dance floor, but here on Hedon was more of a sunken sex stage. She released my penis from her mouth and I spun her around again, so that she was upright. Thera wrapped her legs around my waist and settled onto my cock, so that we could show off in front of the entire establishment.

From her height and build (she was taller than me but thinner due to her planet's lower gravity), I judged she would weigh around 130 pounds on Terra. Divided by six, that was only twenty one and a half pounds I was supporting! It was like holding a big tomcat in my arms! I easily supported her weight as she bounced up and down on my cock, riding me like a rodeo cowgirl.

"Let's give them a show." I whispered in her ear. "I know you love the attention, so why don't you follow my lead and give them something special?"

"Okay." she agreed with a huge grin.

"Pull loose and let me toss you into the air." I instructed. "Don't worry, I won't drop you."

Thera nodded and slipped off of my cock. I'll have to admit; she was pretty trusting. That was definitely a good sign if we were to become wed, should I decide to move here. I hoisted her above my head and placed my palm under her pubes, before spinning her much like an ice skating couple's move. The big difference was that there was hardly any weight to support. Several people clapped at this, so I decided to up the ante a bit.

"Trust me!" I whispered, as I flung her toward the ceiling, still spinning as she did so.

I easily caught her and issued another command.

"Land on my shoulders!"

I tossed her once again, and this time, she came to rest not on my waist, but on my shoulders; her legs wrapped around my shoulders and her fiery red muff in my face.

"I'm going to flip you over and fuck you from behind." I stated. "Just go limp and let me do all the work."

She leaned back and I spun her over in a full circle so she was facing me as before, but then, I spun her horizontally in a barrel roll a few times before I caught her again.

"Go limp!" I instructed.

She did as she was told, and I held her in front of me like a chicken, sliding my cock back into her warm, wet cunt. I stayed firmly in place, but pulled her back and forth on my dick like a cheap fuck toy. Her arms and legs flailed wildly, as I fucked her in earnest in front of at least a hundred other people. Cheers could be heard, as she turned into a living rag doll with a vagina. I could feel my orgasm pending and I let her know.

"Here it comes!" I gasped. "I'm going to cum in your cunt, Thera!"

Spurt after spurt of semen erupted inside of her alien cunt as I came hard. I staggered back a few steps, and everyone knew I'd cum. Cheers and applause erupted, as I slowly stopped fucking her and gently pulled out of her vagina. I then turned her upside down again, so that my sperm could run deep inside of her for an even better chance of knocking her up. After several minutes, I finally set her back into her chair. Thera stared at me in amazement.

"I've never been fucked like that before!" she exclaimed. "Oh my goodness, that was incredible! Thank you, Jack! Thank you so much!"

"You're more than welcome." I said with a chuckle. "I've never done anything like that before either. It was the low gravity that made it work like it did. I told you we'd put on one hell of a show. Damn, I'd love to do that with you again!"

"It was nice," Thera acknowledged, "but I hope you understand that I just wanted to have sex with you to get pregnant. I don't want anything long term for now. There are very few meaningful relationships here on Hedon. We mostly have sex just to enjoy it or to propagate our species. I'm sorry if I led you on."

I'll have to admit that I was a bit stunned, if not downright deflated at her statement, but at least she let me know early on, before I became too attached to her.

"All you were after, was sex with an Emerald?" I inquired, not really believing what I was hearing. "All I was, was a trophy fuck for you?"

I suddenly felt very used, and I understood how early Terran women must have felt when viewed as sex objects. The feeling was fleeting, however, as I realized that I could pretty much fuck any woman I wanted to on this planet as a green-eyed stud with incredible strength. It mollified me to an extent, but then Thera continued.

"Cassie is just dying to have sex with you too." she explained, as though what we had just done meant no more to her than a game of checkers, and was trying to be friendly about setting me up with another opponent. "I saw you staring at her tits, Jack. Go ahead and hit it. She wants that penis too."