Let the record show that I'm not an exhibitionist. I mean sure, I never really had any issues being semi-nude in front of people. And I do get a tense little thrill when I know someone's watching me. I've never really been ashamed of that. (The part that is a little shameful, and not something I've ever told anyone, is that sometimes this thrill happens even if it's a dirty old man ogling me. I dont have to be attracted to the person to find it incredibly hot to catch them staring at me. Probably not a win for feminism, but hey ho.)
Oh and I did let my best friend watch me have sex. But I wouldn't call myself an exhibitionist; I'm not a pervert or anything.
I also want the record to show that I'm not a voyeur. But I suppose that's where this all started: me being tricked into watching.
I worked in a market as a checkout girl, but I knew things would get better. It was a boring job, but I'd surprised myself by enjoying it. Having spent my teenage years convinced that all people were bastards, it was uplifting to interact with different people all day and discover that actually only most people were bastards. Some of the customers were genuinely pleasant, and I found myself looking forward to seeing the regulars.
One of these regulars was Maya. There are three major things to know about Maya. Number one is that she's hot af. Long black hair that swishes dramatically as she saunters around. Stunning green eyes that blend out in captivating spirals to a pale brown on the outer edges of her irises. Big ass titties. Long legs that she shows off at every opportunity. Eyebrows that are always elegantly on point. A self-described Bollywood Bombshell.
I'm not gay, but I guess I'm just as 'not gay' as I am 'not an exhibitionist'. I'd never been with a woman before, but I could certainly see the appeal. I'm attracted to about 30% of the men I see on the day-to-day, 5% of the women, and 100% of the Maya's. I would never admit that to her, but I think she knew. Sometimes she would smile at me, but hold eye contact as my eyes struggled not to glance down at her full lips or tremendous cleavage. I swear those things had some sort of stellar mass, because I always had to fight against their gravity not to be a gawping Gertrude. Maya knew, and it seemed like she found it very amusing. The smug bitch.
At first I couldn't actually tell if she liked the attention, or just found it funny. She was unreadable to me, in a way that was both frustrating and exciting. The first few times I saw Maya, my thought process had been something like this:
Damn this girl is stacked.
She's so friendly!
And funny!
Is she... flirting with me?
Oh no, she's just being polite.
Wait, she's definitely flirting with me now.
Oh never mind, I guess she's just a really friendly person.
She sure eats a lot of cheese.
Was that a funny, joking innuendo, or is she flirting with me...?
Do I want her to be flirting with me?
Well it doesn't matter, because she's not flirting with me. Probably.
Stop staring at her boobs!
Etc etc ad nauseam.
As I said, I've never really been shy or prudish, but Maya often made me feel like a blushing virgin. In a way I suppose I was.
Second thing to know is that Maya is aggressively outgoing. She knew everyone and everything that was going on, and it made me feel special to know that she liked me. She laughed at my dumb jokes, sympathised with my petty dramas. It was a little demeaning to feel so #blessed to have the attention of this 'cool girl'. I was embarrassingly delighted when one day she said "Babe, you're hilarious. Give me your phone number, we are now officially best friends." Her tone was firm and it made my stomach go all tight and fizzy. I think I even started to cross my legs. It was like the silly, clichéd moment that the hot, popular girls decide to take pity on the shy loser. Her attention and favour was worth ten times that of anyone else.
Normally I don't make friends quickly; it's more of a slow process to get me to trust people. They're all bastards, remember? Not the case with Maya, and I truly appreciated her extroversion. I hadn't been in town long and she brightened my work day and my free time.
The third, and most pertinent thing to know about Maya, was that she was completely shameless, and certainly one of the aforementioned perverts. She had no boundaries and revelled in telling me as many lurid details about her sex life as she could. Nothing truly outrageous, but she was voracious and had a new partner, male or female, practically every week. I was in awe of her confidence and sexual freedom.
A brief note about bisexuality. I don't think I ever asked Maya what her preferences were, because she had this air of pure confidence and control. Whatever she said, whatever opinion she raised, whatever action she took, she made it seem normal, natural and yet still 100% hers. Before I met her I think I was the sort of person that leaned on pigeonholing people and classifying the world to make sense of it. But the more time I spent with her, the less any of that mattered to me. I think I wanted to imagine that I was similar to her, and so I pushed my insecurities as deep down as I could and tried to pretend I didn't care about what label to put on things. I think that's all anyone really does. So I wouldn't say that Maya was bisexual, she was just her. As for me, I was trying to find out what being 'just me' might look like.
And so our story begins.
It was the end of summer; a long, sticky season that had been insufferably hot. I was at work, and suffering. The only way to make it through the day was to hold ice cubes to my face and shoulders until they melted. The rivers of chilly water running over my skin prickled and soothed in equal measure.
I was dying, and dramatically so. Anytime a colleague or customer came past I would sigh loudly and make sad little pants of heat exhaustion. Nobody had anything more than polite sympathy for me. I didn't especially blame them, I don't respond well to drama queens either.
Then, of course, my hero arrived. Maya was sporting a crop top that was working overtime to contain her boobs, but that exposed her torso deliciously. Flawless skin curved down to the top of some baggy pants that would have looked frumpy on a mortal being, but effortlessly comfortable on her. Even on such a stuffy and sweaty day, she radiated a casual grace that made me feel cooler just by looking at her.
She winked at me before diving into the aisles. I chivvied along a polite old man who was just trying to make conversation with me. Yes, Merv, I'm sure your granddaughter is doing really well at preschool, but Maya is here. It's time for you to fuck off now. I'm sure he understood.
My little area behind the cash register had some steps up to it, which I was incredibly grateful for due to my height. I am definitely taller than 5ft. Definitely. I will fight anyone who says otherwise. But even in my most delusion states I could never pretend to be anything more than 'just over 5ft'. So the opportunity to look most people in the eye is one aspect of the job I genuinely loved. However, it did make me slightly more visible than usual, so I had to frantically straighten my hair and quickly pick my teeth for stray morsels before Maya got back out into the open. One must always look their best when royalty arrives.
She only took a minute to float back from her foraging. Eyes sparkling at me, she dumped a handful of things on the counter. I flashed her a smile as I de-leaned myself from the register. I tried to pose nonchalantly, and I choose to believe that I absolutely nailed it.
"Hey babe, fancy seeing you here."
I laughed like it was the funniest thing I'd ever heard. Except it wasn't very funny, and I didn't laugh. I giggled. Like a fucking schoolgirl. Ridiculous what that woman does to me.
"Well, here I am. Love the outfit, girl."
"Aww thank you. I wish I could say the same but your uniform is as trashy as ever. Seriously, it's like they're trying to make you all as ugly as possible."
I just grunted in response, and shrank in on myself a little. It's true that the uniform t-shirt I had to wear for work was drab and too big for me, with the added bonus of it being made out of scratchy asbestos that retained heat like nobody's business. I wasn't particularly shy of my body or my appearance, but the shirt of shame had really done a number on me lately. I'm sure if Maya had worn it she would have looked amazing somehow, but it definitely didn't do me any favours.
To give you the full picture: I tie my hair back for work in a big bushy tail that is never really under control. Whenever I look in the mirror I see strands floating at the sides of my head like a deranged scientist, no matter how tightly I try to scrape it all together. I have pretty boring blue eyes, and a nose that's too small for my face. I don't think I'm ugly, but I do have a deep fear that I look a bit like a cute weasel rather than a cute woman.
The rest of me is pretty average, but on the smaller side of things. My tits aren't small. They're certainly not big, but they're not small. Not like, tiny. The only words anyone has ever used to describe them have been "cute" or "adorable". I guess that's still technically complimentary, but not words that spark joy for me.
What I lack in the breasticle department, I more than make up for in the butt aisle. I got ass in spades and I got ass for days. I do a lot of squats these days, to keep the sag monster away, but that thing has always been out of control. It was so bodacious that it would have made Nelly say 'Good gracious!'. I think it's mostly a trick of perspective because I'm so short. I can't ever see the stage at a concert, but at least all of my ass and thighs are condensed into a Thiccness.
"Yeah, the uniform is not good."
"Mmhmm. So, when I am gonna see you without it on?"
I think I made a distinctly froggy noise as the air collapsed from my throat. She's smiling at me and tapping her fingernails on the counter.
"Wha...ummm, what?" I manage to gasp out.
She laughs as I blush furiously, and that only makes it worse.
"Relax babe, I just meant out of that garbage and into some actually nice clothes. Although... I do wonder what you're hiding under there."
