So here it is late summer and I've been scoping out a couple of neighborhoods looking for an easy score.
In case you were wondering...I am a burglar.
I am average, white, 5' 10" tall, medium blond hair, 195 pounds and blue eyes. I only match the description of 24 million other men in America. Can you imagine what the police must go through every time they hear that?
I have been watching this house for a little while and am getting ready to make my move. I get my costume ready and head out for one last look see before I go in. I'm all dressed in my electric company uniform complete with clipboard, tool belt, circuit testers, fake I.D. and even a white panel van.
My physical description and disguise should just about drive the cops nuts!
I pull into the neighborhood and slowly drive around to the street I want. As I scan the street for nosy neighbors, I double-check that I have everything I need to pull off the job and the charade.
The street is quiet; most are either at work or off getting one last taste of summer. I park the van a couple of houses away and get ready. One last check of the street and I step out of the van.
The street is quiet; a couple of cars go by but other than that nothing. I walk up the street to the house I have been watching. If all goes well I should be in and out in less than fifteen minutes.
The house belongs to what seems to be a nice couple. Good looking, especially her. They both work, which means they can afford nice things. I check my watch, 10:15 am, they are both at work, and I know I've been watching.
I walk up the driveway and to keep up appearances I ring the doorbell. No answer. I wait about thirty seconds and ring the bell again, still no answer. I look at my clipboard and then at the address. I want anyone watching to think I am supposed to be here. I continue the act for a couple of minutes and then decide to make my move.
I leave the front porch and go around back. As I step through the gate I smile, the yard couldn't be more perfect for a burglar. It is very private, High Cedars block the view from the neighbors and contain noise. I check the gate and yard one more time and then start getting my tools out.
That's when I couldn't believe my luck!
I look down and what do I see? A burglar's equivalent to a wet dream! A Hide-A-Key Rock at the edge of the garden! You know what I'm talking about. Those cute little fake rocks that you put a spare key in and then hide it in your garden. This is so when you forget your keys at the office or get locked out because the wind slammed the door shut you can get back in your house.
Just so you know these Hide-A-Key things are well known in my line of work.
So here I am in full costume, in a backyard that was designed to allow a burglar to break in and guess what? I don't have to because these people left me the key to get in. I pick up the key holding rock and open it up. Well, well, isn't there a shiny key in there for me?
I peek through the back door window to see if there is an alarm panel anywhere. I don't see one so I decide to take the plunge. I push the key into the lock and give it a turn. The door opens and I carefully step in. I close the door behind me and listen.
I listen for a minute and wait. I don't hear a thing, no T.V., no radio, footsteps and most of all I do not hear any alarms. Confident in my entry I start to get moving. I by-pass the amateur stuff, TV's and stereo's and head up to the bedroom. I make my way up to the second floor and find the Master bedroom. These people have class I think to myself as I look at the decor.
The jewelry box is on full display on the dresser. I go over and open it up. Jackpot! Diamonds and Gold This is what I came for. I dump the contents into my bag and head over to the husband's dresser. I open the top drawer and find a very nice watch and a couple of rings. Into the bag they go. I start to go to the closet when I heard something no burglar wants to hear.... the Garage door.
I figure I have two ways to play this.
