DATE: Sunday 15 November
TIME: 08:47
ADVISOR: Hello, you're through to Simon, and how can I help you this morning?
CALLER: Hi Simon, I'm Lucy.
ADVISOR: Hi Lucy, how are you today?
CALLER: I'm, ah, fine but we've got a problem with our broadband and we wondered if you could help?
ADVISOR: Yeah, sure, Lucy, let's see what we can do. What seems to be the problem?
CALLER: Well it looks like our broadband is going really slow and we can't do anything with it.
ADVISOR: Okay. Well I'm going to need a bit more detail on that. What were you accessing, what were you trying to do?
CALLER: Well we were looking at a movie and it's frozen.
ADVISOR: Uh huh, uh huh. What was the site, is it one of those streaming movie sites like...
CALLER: Yeah, yeah.
ADVISOR: Subscription?
CALLER: Well, ah, no.
ADVISOR: Well as I say I'm going to need a bit more detail if I'm going to help you.
CALLER: Right.
ADVISOR: As much detail as you can.
CALLER: Okay. Mmmmm yeah. Well you know Redtube?
ADVISOR: Uhhh...
CALLER: Porn site, I think you know it don't you? Me and my boyfriend were going through it 'cos, well, it's Sunday and we're feeling fucking horny to be honest. My boyfriend Jamie he loves girls with big tits and gangbangs and seeing big fucking wads of come shooting over them. You know? And to be honest they get me a bit damp between the legs too, especially the big black cocks.
ADVISOR: Umm, I don't think...
CALLER: You said you wanted detail. Don't you like me saying this?
ADVISOR: Well it's er, it's not that but...
CALLER: You like it, don't you? Course you do. I bet you love fucking girls with big tits. I bet you're getting hard right now. Aren't you?
ADVISOR: Err...
CALLER: Come on Simon, you can tell me.
ADVISOR: Er, look, er, Lucy, I have to tell you these calls are recorded.
CALLER: Yeah but no one listens to them unless there's a complaint, do they? I'm not complaining Simon. Hey stop it. Sorry, that was John, he's getting horny listening to me.
ADVISOR (clears throat)
CALLER: He's... ohhh... he's just starting to kiss my tits. We're in bed Simon, I've got a shirt on 'cos we were about to get up but he's, mmmm, he's undone it and he's... oh fuck... he's sucking on my tits. You greedy boy. Ohh. (pause.) You still there Simon?
ADVISOR: Yes oh yes.
CALLER: Where were we?
ADVISOR: The, ah, the broadband?
CALLER: Oh yeah. John loves Gianna Michaels. You know her? Porn star, huge tits, she always looks like she's fucking loving it, everything you can give her. Four black cocks ramming her, big full loads all over her... (murmur murmur) Oh yeah, John says there's one he fucking loves, Gianna's in this car with a young guy and they're getting it on and suddenly they're out of the car and fucking naked right by the road with cars going by and honking and... oh, John's getting harrrrrd now. Are you harrrrd, Simon?
ADVISOR: ...
