Lots of people are the victims of cheaters. It's a common problem. Dan Caruso had a unique reaction when he learned his wife Lois was having sex with her boss. You might be amused by the story. All characters are adults over the age of 21.
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Lois opened the envelope and found a copy of my divorce filing. It took a few moments for her to figure out what she was holding, but she finally got as angry as I'd ever seen.
"What the hell is this about!?" she screamed.
"I think it's self-explanatory," I said calmly.
"So this is how you tell me you want a divorce!?" Lois said. "No counseling? No discussion? Nothing?"
"There's nothing to discuss," I said.
"So you took me upstairs and fucked me this morning even though you knew about this?!"
"You said you enjoyed it," I said.
She roared out in anger. "You dirty motherfucker! I am going to take you to court and get every cent you own!" she said.
"That's your plan?" I said.
"Hell yes!" she said.
It was at that moment that the doorbell rang again.
"I wonder who that could be?" I asked, knowing exactly who it was. Lois gave me a withering look, then went to open the door.
It was my lawyer Cindy. As soon as the door opened, she walked in without being invited. She was trailed by a young man I'd never met. "Hello, Mrs. Caruso. I'm Cindy Mansfield, your husband's attorney. This is my paralegal, William Parson. We have some things you need to see."
"Get the fuck out of my house!" Lois screamed.
"Actually, this is your husband's house," Cindy said. "He bought this property before you got married. His name is on the deed. He invited us. But we are here for your benefit, Mrs. Caruso. William and I have something urgent to share with you. It will only take a few minutes."
As Cindy spoke, William opened a briefcase and removed a laptop. He turned it on and clicked on the file containing Lois' sex video. "Why don't you have a seat, Mrs. Caruso?" Cindy said. "Play the video, William."
Without a word, Lois looked at the screen and saw herself and her boss enter the motel room. Her eyes got big and wide. Lois is a nasty, vindictive bitch, but she isn't stupid. She knew what she was about to see and hear.
"Get on your knees and suck my cock, you whore!" Joe said. The sound quality was excellent. Cindy's laptop had very good speakers.
As the seconds ticked by, Lois' face got white. All her anger drained away as she stared at the screen. At some point she realized that William was paying unusually close attention to the video, and he seemed to be enjoying the show. I later learned that Cindy had told William to act like he was titillated by watching Lois have sex.
"Do you mind!? This is none of your business!" Lois snapped.
"Actually, Mrs. Caruso, I instructed William to examine this video to help him research laws relevant to your divorce," Cindy said. The tactic was intended to force Lois to realize that lots of people would be fascinated by such a lurid video. William acted like a teenage boy watching his favorite porn actress.
This was the most entertaining drama I've ever seen. Frida told me that Cindy was ruthless, and I was particularly impressed with the way she pretended to be there for Lois' benefit.
At some point I noticed something so entertaining I could barely resist the urge to laugh. Lois was squirming around on her chair. It was so pronounced that it made me wonder why she was doing it.
Suddenly, I realized that her butt had to hurt from the punishment I'd given it earlier. In the past, I'd whipped her ass hard enough that she was sore for a few hours. This time, I'd whipped her so hard that she must be in serious pain. Plus, I'd fucked her little butthole so forcefully that it surely felt tender. That pain must be distracting, I thought as I watched Lois wince while she stared at the computer screen.
This was turning out to be a delightful day.
The video was almost over when Lois finally got so angry she exploded. "So what! This doesn't prove anything! Adultery is not illegal! It makes no difference in a divorce! If you think this will force me to go easy on you in court, you just wait and see what happens!"
"I'm glad you mentioned that, Mrs. Caruso," Cindy said. "You are absolutely correct. The court doesn't care that you cheated on your husband. Legally, it makes no difference in divorce proceedings.
"Still, if you choose to contest your divorce, I will file this video with the court. It is relevant because it speaks to the state of your marriage.
"Court filings are public. Lots of people will see this video, and there's a very real chance that it would have unforeseen effects. Imagine what would happen if someone on the board of directors learned about this video. I'm sure Mr. Johnson would lose his job. So would you. Why risk that? I've persuaded your husband to let you settle this divorce quietly. Wouldn't you like me to go back to my office and lock this video away in files no one ever sees?"
You could almost hear the wheels turning inside Lois' head. She liked her job. Being the secretary of a top executive paid more than she'd ever earned before. And, of course, she enjoyed extra benefits during lunch-hour flings with her boss. She didn't want to lose that job, which is exactly what would happen if people at her company saw the video.
Cindy let Lois stew for a moment, then resumed her high-pressure sales pitch intended to get Lois to quickly accept the divorce settlement. "Mrs. Caruso, I persuaded your husband to not let his hurt feelings motivate him to destroy you. I've urged him to just end this marriage in a way that allows both of you to painlessly start the next chapters of your lives.
"Any lawyer could tell you that Mr. Caruso could take you to court and quickly obtain a very favorable divorce. But I've persuaded him to avoid a big public brawl that will embarrass you and your boss, Mr. Johnson. All that is important is that he gets a clean break. I'm sure that once you've had a chance to think about it, you'll agree that a clean break is in your interest, too."
Cindy pulled out a stack of papers and shoved them in front of Lois. "I've written up a divorce settlement that serves the interests of you and your husband. You can read it. The bottom line is that your husband will give you a quick, easy divorce if you agree to leave without an unpleasant legal battle. I've persuaded him to offer you some incentives to do this."
Cindy held up a key. "This key unlocks a short-term rental property. It's a very nice vacation condo. Fully furnished. Mr. Caruso has paid for the first 30 days of rent. You're going to need a place to live. Here's a free home you can enjoy while you get back on your feet."
Cindy then held up a debit card. "This card is linked to an account with $5,000 deposited by your husband. You'll need money over the next few weeks. This should be more than enough for your immediate needs. Think of it as a goodbye gift from the man you used to love."
This was happening fast, and I could tell Lois was struggling to absorb it all. That was Cindy's plan. She wanted to present this information so quickly that Lois didn't have enough time to realize it was a mistake. A sensible woman would know she shouldn't do anything without talking to a lawyer first. But Lois had never been a particularly sensible woman, and learning about the existence of the video made it hard for her to think straight. It was all going according to Cindy's plan to get that bitch out of my life with almost nothing.
"It's a good deal, Mrs. Caruso. It's a lot better than you'll get if you decide to contest the divorce. It won't make the video public. It provides everything you need to start the next chapter of your life." Cindy withdrew a pen from her briefcase and handed it to Lois. "It's in your best interest to sign this today," Cindy said.
I noticed that every time Cindy used the words "it's in your best interest," the words that followed were about things that were definitely NOT in Lois' best interest. That settlement specified that Lois got to keep her personal belongings, her car, and nothing else. The house, personal property, investment account and retirement account went to me. I thought that was fair because Lois had not saved a penny during her whole life. She spent every cent of her income on things ranging from designer shoes and purses to trips to the spa. I was the one who'd saved everything. Still, divorce law held that Lois was legally entitled to one-half of all assets accumulated during our marriage. Cindy knew that a lawyer would advise her to negotiate a better deal. She wanted to get Lois' signature before she had time to talk to a lawyer.
But Lois wasn't completely confused yet. "I'd like to think about this for a few days," Lois said.
"That is certainly within your rights," Cindy said. "You can take your copy of this settlement and review it as long as you wish. But you need to know that your husband's offer to give you $5,000 and a place to live for the next month is contingent on getting an agreement today. Those offers go away if we don't settle right now.
"Lois, divorce lawyers aren't cheap," Cindy said. Notice she called Lois by her first name, as though they were buddies. Brilliant. "If you hire a lawyer, you will incur significant legal bills. If we can resolve this today, it will make everything much easier for you."
I had a hard time listening to this without laughing. It reminds me of buying a new car from a high pressure salesman. Those guys almost always ask customers "What will it take for us to put you in a new car today?" What's the hurry? They act as though I won't get as good a deal if I wait a day, or a week, or a month. Who made that rule? It's never true. The best thing a car buyer can do is slow things down and use the time to press for a lower price. But Cindy was doing an excellent job convincing Lois that she should sign a divorce settlement she hadn't even read first.
It worked.
"OK," Lois said. "Where do I sign?"
Cindy showed Lois where to sign. It turned out that William was a notary public, so he notarized the document right then. Cindy took the notarized settlement, stuffed it in her briefcase, and locked it away before Lois had time to reconsider.
I was divorced! And I didn't have to give Lois nearly as much of my money as the law normally requires! That sex video did a great job persuading Lois to get out of my life immediately.
