First Time Holding The Camera

1.

Have you ever watched two people fuck? Not on your computer. I mean in real life, right in front of you, up close. Very close.

I hadn't.

I was twenty, and Cassie was my roommate at university. She was mostly friendly and kind but she intimidated me and she knew it. I'd been with two guys at this point, my high school boyfriend and, a few months after that ended, a guy I met in the Theatre Society. I wouldn't have called myself experienced but I wasn't totally inexperienced. I was just a skinny, slightly shy girl who didn't turn many heads.

But Cassie was different. Cassie fucked. F-U-C-K-E-D. I stayed out of our shared room when her boyfriend Jay visited, which was a lot, and I kept quiet about the fact that Jay wasn't the only guy she ever saw. Cassie kept to our agreement that she wouldn't fuck while I was there, but I swear I woke up one night to the unmistakeable sound of a blow job happening on the other side of the room. When it was over I remember thinking, she definitely swallowed. I had never swallowed.

When I would take a shower I would put my underwear and my bra -- the bra I hardly needed -- back on before I came into the room. When Cassie showered...let's just say I knew when she had a date that night, because I knew when she'd shaved, because she would wander round naked without a second thought. You wouldn't call her "curvy" but she was just on the edge of it. She had the kind of boobs that lightly bounce out when you take your bra off.

I did not have boobs like that.

But Cassie was clever about this stuff and she figured out something about me. She knew her brazen sexuality made me uncomfortable, but she also knew, deep down, some part of me enjoyed the discomfort. I think she knew that about me before I knew it about myself.

That night when I woke up to the sound of her sucking cock? I guess I could have put my earphones in. But I didn't.

And once Cassie, an exhibitionist, realised she had a voyeur for a roommate, albeit a voyeur who was deeply in denial...well, she started dropping hints.

"So Lauren, what would you do," she asked, "if you walked in while Jay and I were fucking?"

"I'd leave," I said.

"Because you hate sex?"

"Because I don't want to watch you two having sex. You can keep that private, thanks. Or private by your standards, anyway."

She laughed.

Cassie liked to find people's boundaries, and she liked to push and pull at them. One night she went beyond teasing me and moved in for the kill.

"Next time Jay comes round we're going to fuck on your bed," she said. Jay had just left, and now Cassie was wearing a tight t-shirt, no bra, messed up blonde hair and and pink cheeks that screamed I've-just-been-fucked.

"Don't even joke," I said. I was tired and it was late and I was getting bored of being forced out of my own room.

"Someone should do it on there," she said, "if you're not going to."

"You know I've --" I sighed in frustration. "Fuck this. Why am I even justifying myself to you? Just drop it, OK? Being a slut isn't some superpower. I don't need to hear about your sex life all the time. You're the one who's being weird about this, not me."

She'd gotten under my skin and she knew it. What happened next was totally calculated but it worked perfectly, because she was much cleverer about sex than me, and I was in awe of her.

She softened her voice, sighed apologetically, and came over to sit next to me on my bed. She smelt of sex. I had the vague feeling at the edge of my mind that actually I quite liked that smell on her.

"Look," she said. "I actually don't have a lot of girlfriends. You're the only person I really talk to about sex and stuff. I'm just showing off. I'm sorry."

"It's fine," I said, letting my anger go. "Just...don't talk about me like I'm some nervous virgin, OK?"

"I get it. I'm sorry."

I started fussing with my pillow. I was ready for sleep.

"Can I just ask you one thing?" Cassie said. "Last thing, I promise."

"Go on."

She looked at the floor, doing a perfect impression of someone working up the courage to ask a really difficult question. I fell for it, of course, and I fell hard.

"Would you ever stay in the room while I...you know, with Jay...you don't have to do anything...and watch me, and be next to me when I come? I think about it all the time, and I can't ask anyone else."

And before I could reject the idea...I hesitated. Just a fraction of a second, but there it was, I hesitated, she knew it, and I knew she knew it. "Be next to me when I come". That was what got me.

"I tell you what," she said, "why don't you film us? It can be a little present for me and Jay. I've always wanted to watch myself fucking on screen."

See? She was clever. I would never have agreed to just sit and watch her having sex, but if I had a job to do, well, I could tell myself I was there to do the job, and not just there to watch.

2.

So a week later there we were, Cassie waiting on her bed in matching black underwear, me sitting across the room in jeans and a shirt with Cassie's phone in my hand, and Jay arriving any moment.

Jay was attractive in a very all-round sort of way. Comfortable but not rich, sporty but not built, good-looking but not a movie star. He was a nice guy I guess. He didn't look twice at girls like me, but he had no trouble getting girls like Cassie. God put boys like Jay and girls like Cassie on Earth to fuck each other, and, well, they did.

He was looking at me now though, sizing me up, and I knew he was wondering for the first time how I looked under my shirt and jeans. "Hey," he said, as if I was a stranger he just met and not the roommate of the girl he'd been seeing for six months.

"Be nice to Lauren," Cassie said. "She's doing this as a favour."

"Yeah. Thanks," Jay said. "Have you ever done --"

"Shut up," said Cassie before I could reply. "You've had six months to get to know each other. Let's not pretend we're here for small talk."

I smiled, although I tried not to show it. That little moment of Cassie showing that she really got me. I loved her sometimes.

Cassie took charge and directed us both with a wave of her hand.

"You, stand there," she said to Jay, motioning to the side of the bed. Then to me: "And you, start recording, and come closer."

Cassie straightened up on the bed, reached behind her and let her bra fall off, then gathered up her breasts in her hands, trapping her nipples between her fingers, then letting them go. She teased at herself again, pinching, squeezing, and then her nipples were hard and her breathing deepened. I held her phone steady, keeping the camera on her. I supposed Jay would want her boobs to be the focus but her face was what drew me, the glazed expression of her eyes, and then the vulnerable paleness of her neck as she tipped her head back. How the fuck did she do that? Getting herself in the zone so easily, and with people watching her? But so far this was fine. I'd seen Cassie's boobs a million times. It was a little weird filming them but nothing I couldn't handle.

She leant back against the pillow and opened her legs up, and now between playing with her boobs she began to stroke down her stomach, her hips, her thighs, clearly working her way to her pussy. OK, I thought. Quickly and efficiently Cassie tapped my arm and motioned for me to stand in front of her, and then to lean in. Obediently I stood directly in front, between her open legs, and then she pushed me down with one foot so I was kneeling.

If I'd had any hope of keeping a safe distance from the action, I realised there was no chance of that now. I felt myself flush in the face and chest. I looked up at Jay, but he was ignoring me.

Fuck. This was more than I was ready for. This was nothing like watching porn, and I didn't even enjoy porn very much. Porn was all of the sex and none of the sexiness, in my experience. Watching two strangers fuck on your laptop is nothing...NOTHING...like watching someone else's intimacy happening right in front of you.

But I stayed. Was it because I wanted to watch? Or just to prove to Cassie that I could? I wasn't sure. I'm still not sure.

Cassie put her legs together neatly and slipped her underwear off. Then she slowly spread them apart and reached down to open her lips with her fingers. My heart was thudding and I knew I was red in the face. There it was: Cassie's pussy, visibly wet, scented with her arousal. She plunged two fingers deep into herself, moaned, shifted her hips on the bed, and the movement of her wrist told me she was working the inside of her vagina. When she pulled her fingers out they glistened, and she made herself messy with her juice until her lips and clit were slick and swollen.

"Up here," she said quietly, and sat up to look directly into the camera. She slid her wet fingers into her mouth and cleaned off her own wetness with her lips and tongue.

It was almost unbearable to watch but I couldn't look away. In that moment I was in love with Cassie but I hated her. I hated the power she had over me. I hated how I felt ashamed of wanting to watch.

But inside my jeans my body was betraying me. I was wet. Fuck. My clit was throbbing.

Now Jay moved closed to her, standing at the side of the bed, and he pulled his t-shirt off. Cassie unbuttoned his jeans, then yanked them down with his boxers. His cock was only semi-erect but as she gathered it into her mouth it quickly swelled and hardened. She began to work the shaft with her mouth, dragging her lips slowly and down, and I could hear the little gasps in her throat as she neared the bottom each time.

It wasn't like I'd never given head...but I realised how functional and methodical my own technique was compared to what Cassie was doing. Where did she learn this stuff? She treated Jay's cock like a feast, sliding her tongue up the length of the shaft, swirling it over the head, taking him in deeply then letting the gathered-up spit run out of her mouth when she pulled away.

Now it was Cassie's turn. Jay stepped out of his fallen jeans and boxers and knelt next to me, repositioning Cassie on the bed. She put her leg up on his shoulder so that it wouldn't be obscuring my view. I did my best to keep the phone trained on her sex as Jay began to pleasure it with his mouth. He alternated skilfully from side to side working up and down her lips, teasing their edges, playing with the space in between the inner and outer. When he moved to her clit he used the base of his hand to pull up and away from the hood, exposing her even more, and when he closed his mouth over her he began to fuck her with two fingers. I could hear every movement of his hand, his mouth, and her gasping little moans.

My knees were trembling as I knelt. Fuck. Praying that Jay and Cassie were too distracted to notice, I let my hand drop to my crotch, and my thumb touched lightly on the thick seam of my jeans just over where my own clit was screaming inside. I was soaking. Every emotion of shame and desire made my heart race and my head spin. I realised my hand was shaking as I held the phone and I told myself to get a grip.

Now Jay was up and climbing onto the bed next to Cassie. They kissed, holding each other tightly in mutual desire, lost in each other's presence. Somehow this was even harder to watch than when they went down on each other. Now I was jealous. I admitted it to myself. I wanted desire like this. I wanted to be held. I wanted to be kissed and have my body given the attention that Cassie was getting.

When they pulled apart Cassie looked right at me. She saw the longing in my eyes in the split second before I could hide it. She flicked a tongue out and licked her lips, savouring the taste of her man, of her juice on his lips, of the power she had over me. She got off on being watched. She got off on flaunting herself in front of her tragic little roommate.

"Hey," Cassie hissed, snapping me back to attention. "Make me look good, OK?"

She turned around on the bed and got onto her knees, arranging a pillow just in front of her then bending over to hug it. Jay positioned himself behind her, stroking his hard and eager cock in readiness.

I nearly walked out. Let them fuck. I didn't want to watch. I hated how easily I'd been talked into this, how deeply I'd let her get into my head. In that moment I hated my own trapped, frustrated pussy that was soaking through my underwear. But fuck that. I wouldn't let her win. I'd stay until the end, until Jay spent himself inside her, or over her boobs or face or whatever porno finish she had planned.

I'd be everything she wanted. She thought I was some horny voyeur who was secretly in love with her but just wouldn't admit it. Well, let me turn that back on her.

"Wait," I said. I wanted to get Cassie's face in view. As it happened, this was the one I'd seen in porn videos that actually WAS arousing. I wanted to see the moment of submission as Jay entered her. I knelt near to her head, looking into her flushed and -- fuck it -- beautiful face. I quickly looked at Jay as if directing him, and she gave a moan and a long, stuttering breath as he pushed himself into her waiting vagina, hands on her hips, and began to fuck her. He was strong, rhythmic, and her whole body moved with his.

"Harder," I said, and he followed my cue, pulling her hips back roughly over his shaft, thrusting deeply into her over and over. Suddenly I loved this little bit of power I had over Cassie. I loved watching her expression as her body responded, as waves of tension and pleasure built up inside her.

"Don't stop," I said. I wanted Jay distracted, and I wanted Cassie helpless. Surely even someone as manipulative as her would let her guard down while being fucked from behind.

I turned the camera so the whole of her body was in shot, with Jay's strong arms on her thighs and his cock just visible in between thrusts. I leaned in close to Cassie's face, and took one of her hands in the hand of mine that wasn't holding the phone.

"You love this, don't you," I said to her quietly.

"Oh yeah," she moaned, grinning at me.

"You were right," I said. "Watching you turns me on so much. More than I dreamed. I'm soaking."

"Huh," she muttered, smugly, as if she'd proven herself right.

"Every time I see you I get so wet," I said. I was talking so low that Jay couldn't hear, not that he was listening anyway; he was too busy bucking his hips against Cassie's ass, pleasuring himself deep inside her. Now I whispered right into her ear. "I've been in love with you ever since we started living together."

Cassie looked confused. Finally, I'd shocked her out of her taunting cockiness. She shut her eyes tight for a second, riding out the wave of tension and pleasure that was building inside her. "I love knowing you how much you fuck," I told her. "I love being in love with the hottest slut on campus. It means you're going to be the biggest prize when I finally get you."

She was looking at me now in a way she'd never looked at me before. She bit her lip, unsure, suddenly vulnerable, trapped between Jay's eager dick and this new creature who had never surprised her until this moment. What if my emotions weren't something she could control? What if she didn't really know me?

"I will watch you fuck a hundred men," I said, "if it's what you want. It'll all be worth it when you're nobody's whore but mine."

I left the phone propped up on the bed so I had my arms free.

"Turn her over," I told Jay. When Cassie was on her back he held her legs up against his chest and fucked her, rhythmic and steady. I had the feeling Jay was starting to get tense and tired. He couldn't go much longer.

It was a simple thing, to reach down between Cassie's legs, to take her clit under my fingertips and give her the few minutes of pressure and stimulation she needed...as the sensations started to fully overwhelm her she gripped my free hand, tightly, looking into my eyes until she had to screw hers up and let the wave of release rush through her.

She made a soft, almost girlish noise as her orgasm arrived. I remembered her words from a few days before. "Be next to me when I come."

Afterwards Jay got the finish he deserved, Cassie obediently on her knees, playing the devoted little cum slut. She let him cover her face and boobs in his seed and she made a good show for the camera of smearing it into her nipples and licking it up. Good girl. After he came, Jay seemed to get a little freaked out by the tension in the room between me and Cassie and by the camera pointed at him. He left as soon as he politely could.

Later that night, when we had both showered, Cassie came to me. She climbed into my bed. She told me she was sorry for teasing me for so long, for taunting me with her body and with her stories. Finally, after months of getting used to the sight of her body, I showed her mine.

What happened next is a story for another time. But it definitely wasn't caught on camera.