I was seated on the ground. She stood nearby, naked, and we spoke about the sky. The sky was unavailable to me, but she was plain enough for me to see clearly. In fact she was slightly luminous. The thought suddenly "appeared" between us (i.e., neither of us spoke it, but both of us knew it at once) that there was a special place closer by where I could see whatever I wanted to see: sky, stars, miracles. She drew closer, and I knew exactly where I was to look.
I recalled an erotic audio in which a woman told of the Buddha and his Mother. The Buddha had a sore throat which his mother wanted to inspect. When she looked into his mouth, she was awestruck, because what she saw was The Universe Itself! All the entire Cosmos was there inside the Buddha's mouth. That was how the Buddha's mother discovered that her boy was in fact the Buddha. In the erotic story I read, the woman went on to speak about her own sexuality, how she pleasured herself, and how her vagina was like the mouth of the Buddha, containing within it the entire Cosmos with all its miracles. Merely to gaze upon it would mean to Know everything.
We both had these thoughts, this image, as she slowly drew closer. "the cosmos" was at my face level, and we both knew where I should look to gain the sky, and knowledge. I was ready, and so was she, and I approached to nuzzle and gaze and learn. She pulled up a little on the flesh of her pubic area, opening herself a little, but did not spread her legs. She said, in a small voice, "You could lick me." I asked, "Would you like that?" and hoped she would say yes. "Oh, yes, yes," she replied. I closed the short remaining distance ... and then awoke.
Enlightenment
Giving a lecture has always made me feel good, I don't mind admitting. Partly, it's that as a blind person, I seem to impress some people without even trying. It's like they expect me to appear totally helpless before their very eyes, and when I manage to reach the podium without getting lost, and then whip out my braille notes to guide my remarks, and to top it off I even manage a smile and the usual joke to start with, I've got it made. My biggest worry is that when it's time for comments and questions, instead of getting questions about my work in neural network design, someone in the audience will ask me how a blind person can manage to wipe his own ass without assistance. But my talk to the faculty in Missoula Went extremely well (i.e., no dumb questions) until the incident at the reception later, for which I was unprepared.
The receiving line moved right along. So many compliments from so many strangers, and all those hands to shake or squeeze. I knew hardly anyone there, and very few of the people moving through the line helped me out by saying their name. The Dean was an exception.
"Enjoyed your talk, Dr. Cochran," said the Dean, "I'm George Gregory, Dean of the Graduate School, and this is my wife, Pauline."
"Thank you, Dean Gregory," I replied, shaking his hand, and then Mrs. Gregory took my hand in both of hers.
"I missed the talk," she said in a strangely familiar voice, "but I just had to come and say hello anyway."
"Thank you for coming," I managed, "is it Pauline?"
"Yes, now it's Pauline," she said, "but you used to call me Billie." And with that, the reception line moved on, and the Gregories were gone.
I was speechless. Billie! A.K.A. Pauline, the student nurse who was my "girl teacher" and first love, 20 years ago, when I was a freshman. And now here in Montana of all places, and the wife of the Dean?
This is where it really sucks being blind. Where did the Gregories go? Are they still here? Did they leave? Did she look happy? Was she pretty? Will I see her again before I have to get my plane?
The rest of the evening was a total loss. My preoccupation was chalked up to fatigue, I guess. My hosts eventually got me back to the airport and into the hands of the airline. Soon I was airborne and on my way. And not another word or sign from her. Maybe I had only imagined the incident. It was not long before fatigue, and the steady hiss and hum of the plane, lulled me to sleep.
