I found her rudeness offensive, but tried to address her question with equanimity. "Some are doctors, some are interns, and some represent various medical and scientific disciplines. All of these women have been made aware that their volunteering for this experiment is paramount to its success. So far, none of the women have shown any reluctance to give "handjobs," as you put it, "since their efforts can only serve to advance the boundaries of medical science. Does that answer your question?"
She looked down at the floor. "That's the damndest thing I ever heard!"
"Now baby, you knew all this coming in," Barney reprimanded his wife. "Why you gotta give the doctor a hard time?"
She continued looking down at the floor without answering.
"Well, if there are no other questions, we can adjourn. If you gentlemen will follow my assistant Rebecca, she will take you to your rooms."
The men dutifully followed my associate to their respective suites while my assistant, Maria, showed the women out.
After thinking it over for a while, I had to agree with the men's insistence upon having only a female audience present during the test. Due to the highly intimate nature of the experiment, and in order to encourage each subject's natural sexual response, I realized that the presence of strange males might affect the men's performance in a negative way. I therefore forbade any of my male colleagues from attending, and decided to utilize only the services of several of my female colleagues. The women would observe, take notes, and, if necessary, participate in the actual test. Some would be responsible for the logistics associated with seeing that privacy and security were maintained in order to give the subjects a comfortable and secure environment in which to perform. Two of my assistants would videotape the experiment using two cameras, so that the entire staff could review the tape for further study at a later time. I also contacted several of my female colleagues at Stockholm University and told them that they were welcome to attend the experiment and that they could invite whomever they wanted.
During the first week of the administration of EJAX-472, no anomalies were reported. But during the beginning of the second week, several of the men stared to complain of a "heavy" or "full" feeling in their scrotums accompanied by a strong desire to either copulate or masturbate to orgasm. This could imply that the drug was beginning to take effect, or it might simply have been a natural response resulting from a long period of sexual abstinence. It was during this period that two of the five unmarried men and two married men had to be dismissed for various reasons. One unmarried man simply became disinterested in the project and quit without further explanation. Another said he was tired of abstaining from sex and simply had to masturbate to relieve the pressure in his testicles. One of the married men told me that his wife had second thoughts about the whole thing and demanded he withdraw. The wife of another married man told me that on the night she had visited him, he demanded sex from her and she refused. They argued and she walked out, telling my assistant Rebecca that she thought her husband was going crazy. Rebecca entered the man's room to see if she could calm him down. She later told me that she heard a loud moaning sound coming from the bathroom. She opened the bathroom door just in time to see him climax into the toilet, shooting—as she whimsically put it—"huge wads of cum" into the air. Although I was disappointed to have lost four of my subjects, I was relieved to learn that no negative side effects or adverse levels of toxicity were observed further.
At precisely 9:00 AM on the day of the test, all six subjects walked into the lab room in their white frocks looking refreshed but a little nervous. The three wives and one girlfriend were there to greet the men as they entered. As arranged, all the men wore nothing underneath. A few of them looked at me with barely disguised lust in their eyes, which had a most disconcerting effect upon me. The women seemed a little anxious and asked me if the men were all right. I reassured them that everything was fine. Although I had no idea what to expect myself, I tried hard to exude an air of self-confidence, hoping this would allay some of the uncertainty they were experiencing. One of the unmarried men, whose girl friend had recently refused to take part in the experiment, jokingly told me not to worry, that he would take matters "into my own hands".
The ladies and test subjects were led into a suite of offices adjoining the lab where the men would wait until their names were called. I had arranged for the test to be conducted in one of the Clinic's smaller lab rooms, but was forced to use the larger lab room when more than 200 of my female colleagues and their guests showed up. I had not anticipated such a response but was overjoyed at the turnout nonetheless.
At one end of the lab was a large platform about a foot high, and on either side of the platform were doors leading out to the small suite of offices where the men were waiting. The rows of chairs formed a semicircle around the stage extending almost to the back of the room. It took a good forty-five minutes for the crowd to assemble. Many of the women in attendance I recognized as being some of the most esteemed doctors and scientists in Sweden. As they filed into the lab they talked in an animated fashion, fueled by professional curiosity and by the inherently prurient nature of the experiment.
It was almost 10:00 AM before the audience began to settle down. The cameras, and their operators, were in position and had already begun filming. Rebecca told me that all the test subjects were ready and awaiting my word to begin. I had ordered my assistants to cover the platform with protective layers of a thin, translucent plastic. I did this as a precaution: if the experiment was successful (as I hoped it would be), the platform would be saturated with sperm from each successive subject, and the plastic sheets would have to be removed for sanitary reasons. I also ordered that large glass beakers be placed upon the stage for the men to direct at least a few of their bursts of semen. This was done so that semen volume and sperm count could be calculated. Some of the women in the audience were seated precariously close to the platform, and although I did not want to see anyone's clothes soiled by a wayward stream of ejaculate, I almost wished it would happen as a testimonial to the success of my drug.
An air of expectation seemed to come over the audience as I walked onto the platform. I nodded to Rebecca, who gave instructions to several other assistants to prepare to take their place on the stage and await my orders. Some of the women in the audience were friends of mine and waved to me from their seats. In all they were a diverse group of doctors, scientists, geneticists, graduate students, and their guests. I felt proud to be addressing such a respected community of women professionals.
"Good-morning everyone," I said into the microphone, "and thank you for being here. Most of you know who I am, but for those of you who don't know me, I am Dr. Christiana Swensen, founder and director of the Swensen Sex Research Clinic. This is the first in a series of tests to be conducted on the efficacy of my new male fertility drug called 'EJAX-472'. The drug is still in its testing stages. To give you a brief idea of what results have been recorded with EJAX-472, I can tell you that, in tests done with male rats, orgasms would frequently exceed several minutes, resulting in abundant streams of sperm being exuded. The amount of active, non-deformed sperm contained in the rat's ejaculate was increased by amounts of up to 300 percent in some cases."
The audience's response to this last statement was exemplified by a sudden plethora of soft-spoken comments—some positive, some of outright disapprobation. I noticed that some of the women were quite young, maybe around 20 years old or so and were probably the daughters of some of my colleagues. Two of the younger women in the front row were whispering in each other's ears and giggling. One of these girls, a pretty blonde, was quickly chastised by a woman sitting in the seat to her right. The girl looked at me sheepishly and just as quickly looked away.
"As many of my esteemed colleagues know, there are many men who cannot father children because of a low sperm count due to various dysfunctions of the male reproductive system. Some of these men may be able to sustain an erection for a short period of time, or not at all, thus denying them and their partners an enjoyable and satisfying sexual relationship. It was my idea seven years ago to address this problem, and tonight you are all going to witness the results of my labors. Remember that this is only a preliminary test of a prototypical drug. I cannot guarantee the results. You are here because most of you are friends of mine, and I wanted you to be present should the experiment prove successful, which I hope it will. And now ladies, I am proud to announce the introduction of my new male fertility drug, 'EJAX-472'. I am now going to bring on the first of six subjects, all who have graciously offered their time and effort to assist me in my experiment. Thank you for your attention."
I turned to Rebecca. "Please escort the first of our subjects to the platform please."
I walked off the stage and stood several feet away to the left. Rebecca, my assistants, the six subjects, and their female counterparts, would now conduct the experiment for an enthralled crowd of curious, skeptical women. This was the moment I had been waiting for. If the test succeeded, I would have the support of the entire Swedish scientific community behind me. And in time, I would be able to market the drug after further refinements had been made. If the experiment turned out to be a failure, it could mean more years of research and experimentation. This was something I did not look forward to. As the first subject walked onto the platform accompanied by his wife, I wrung my hands in nervous anticipation.
"Our first subject," Rebecca said into the microphone, "is a white, married male of 44 years of age who suffers from erectile dysfunction. The subject complains of not being able to engage in intercourse due to his inability to maintain an erection. The experiment being conducted is to test the efficacy of EJAX-472 in aiding the subject in acquiring and maintaining an erection by increasing blood flow to the penis with subsequent discharge of semen. The subject's wife will assist in the demonstration."
The subject standing on the stage was Jeffrey Ames. In our earlier meeting, he had raised an objection about performing in front of men, but standing naked in front of a group of strange women did not seem to quell his apparent anxiety either. He looked at me and smiled, but I could tell that he was nervous. His wife Priscilla stood close to him as two of my assistants helped him to disrobe.
As the frock came off, the audience moaned in appreciation at the sight of his tanned and muscular six-foot frame. I myself had never seen any of the men naked, but I had to admit that he was a spectacular physical specimen. Rebecca asked him if he was all right and he replied in the affirmative. He seemed to appreciate the fact that he was being admired and this helped to restore his confidence somewhat. I noticed that the blonde girl and her companions were enjoying the show. They stared open-mouthed at the attractive man standing not more than several feet in front of them and giggled excitedly.
A portable recliner was moved center stage and my assistants had Jeffrey lie back onto the bed so that they could position him on a 45-degree angle facing the audience. They placed his hands and feet into the stirrups and motioned for Priscilla to come over and stand next to him. The recliner had been specially designed so that semicircular cutouts on either side of the bed could allow easy access to the subject's genital area. Priscilla now positioned herself to the left of her husband as Rebecca poured a modest amount of lubricating lotion onto his wife's hands.
