No Cigar

"Burgy?"

Calliope Cruz leers over at her bestie Burgundy Jones, getting off on a dildo named Gabriel, as they drive through Miami traffic. A loud speaker letting the citizens hear the drop dead gorgeous African American Detective moan, and growl at having to perform for everyone, just as Calliope had earlier. Less than fifteen minutes ago, the terrorist Gabriel made an example of Burgundy by turning her into Miami's newest Pornstar Detective. That or be assassinated by a sniper waiting in the wings, red lighting her chest as encouragement to obey. Gabriel had also threatened family, just as he had Calliope. As he had toward anyone he felt like using for his twisted game.

"What?"

"We're almost at that Auto body place, No Cigar." Babee now present, persona wise, offers one other insight. "That sniper probably couldn't target you through bulletproof glass. Gabey was intimidating you."

"Now you tell me. You really think the other sniper was Virgil?"

"Who else would defend us by shooting another sniper? My gut says he's trying to make up for being pushed into shooting at Commissioner Meade's lady friend."

"Let's just hope he stays in the wind. I don't know about you, but having a guardian angel doesn't sound all bad."

"How's it coming over there?" Babee snickers watching Burgundy easing the dildo in and out at a steady rhythm. Truth be told, Burgundy Jones was enjoying the openness of the toy. It had been a few days since Luis Santos fucked her against her will due to Gabriel's lust. It was hard enough keeping Luis focused on the job, without having to walk around naked just like Calliope.

"Don't be a smartass Babee. I'll cum when I cum. Christ! Okay I'm really close. Fuck you CC."

"I wuvs you BJ."

Burgundy Jones arches her back in her reclined passenger seat and squirts all over the glove box. Calliope winced, "Time for a detail."

"Damn that felt good."

"Listen to the cars honking. They all heard you."

"Wonderful. How do you do this CC? I'm embarrassed as hell now."

"You get used to it. I know I shouldn't admit it, but I kind of like this freedom."

"I guess I better get used to it. Dammit! My badge was attached to my pants, back there in the street."

"I still have mine. Let me do the questioning." It was attached to a tiny clutch purse.

"Do you really think those Cuban's are gonna answer the questions of two naked bitches?"

"Luis went there to get surveillance footage. Maybe he's still there to help us."

"Who are you kidding? Luis will see me naked, and fall all over himself."

"Maybe Gabey will turn him into another Pornstar Detective."

Burgundy flares her eyes then winces. "God I hope not. He's not that well endowed."

"Who knows maybe the entire Police Force will have to go nakie."

"Stop giving Gabriel ideas." Burgundy then grimaces as if ready to hurl, "Damn! Can you imagine Frank Roper nude?"

"Nope!" Babee giggles. "Maybe Mosley. I bet he's hung like a racey horse."

"Don't go there. Talking race with him being black."

"I meant race horse. Don't be so touchy."

"Sorry. Can't help that. Comes with the color."

"Put the toy away! We're at the Auto Body."

"Somehow, I don't think any of those Autos have a better body than either of us. Those guys are going to chew us up."

"Like bubble gum. I don't mind being a hood ornament. As long as they're talented."

Babee snickers.

"Maaaan! CC, you're getting too into this."

"I bet they'll be into us soon too."

"Stop it Bitch! I'm gonna pee." Burgundy tried not to laugh.

"Gotta get the car detailed anyway. Go for it. The guys here might clean it afterwards."

"Rather not. Pull in over there. That car belongs to Luis."

"Time to let them know we're here." Babee hits the siren once to the tune of Baby Got Back by Sir Mix-A-Lot. Burgundy had to grin. Gnashing her teeth her eyes sparkled.

Burgundy nods with respect, "Let's do this Partner."

"Maybe we should ask Donny to make us partners."

"Better than me partnering with Roper. Being nude all day long around that stinky bastard will ruin the sex drive. Hear that Gabriel?" She leans toward Babee's choker mic. No reply she presumed he was just being cordial.

Shutting the car off, the ladies took a deep breath and stepped out of the car. Outside, Mechanics taking smoke breaks instantly pep up, making sure nobody missed out on their strut, with a dramatic sway of get a load of this in their swagger.

"Look Homey's. We got us a visit from the Pornstar. Two of 'em."

Whistles all around made Babee drop her keys, then bend over with her ass in their direction. Whistles became howls. "Look Burgy. They know Who let the Dogs Out."

Burgundy was not as sweet. Pointing at the trio of mechanics she growls. "Bark at me again, you're all going to the pound."

"I'd like to pound that." Another joked.

"Ignore her, she's new." Calliope fanned her hand at them with a childlike expression. "Serenade away. Do you know Georgie Thorogood's Bad to the Boner?"

Detective Cruz had them eating out of her hand. Once the men came around, they led the two women into the shop through a set of garage doors. One of them, named Jaime, directed them toward the office where Luis Santos, and his ride along detail were. They sat perusing camera video, of the day the Camaro was brought in. Raoul, from the precinct delivery spotted them before Luis, and points them out.

"Pornstars in the house. Can I make copies of today's live feed?"

Luis sitting in a desk chair with the Owner, a very large Cuban male with ink everywhere looked up. The other attending officer, trying to keep his composure nodded for Luis to delay his further video exploration.

"Might wanna check this out, Santos. Looks like your wet dream came true."

"Burgundy?" Luis jumped to his feet at the sight of the strutting Burgundy Jones, in all of her succulent beauty. "Hadley? Keep looking...at the video feed. I'm gonna check out what brought this on." He excuses himself from the Owner's side, and lets Officer Hadley resume his job. Stepping into the shop to hear more howling, Luis looks around and calls out loudly. "HEY! RESPECT! I'VE GOT A GUN. Registered even."

"Hiya Luie." CC greets him giddily. "Burgy just got promoted to street walker. I mean street detail."

"Ai carambe!" Luis rubbed his chin, as Burgundy pointed at him with a threatening look.

Fingers snapping to force his gaze Burgundy hissed. "Don't! Just don't! Eyes up here."

"Sorry Burgundy. What brought this on?"

"Gabriel brought this shit on. I can't wear clothing anymore, just like CC."

"Permanent wardrobe malfunction. Where are we gonna start wearing our badges?"

Babee shivers looking over her body, then Burgundy's.

"Quit making a scene." Jones grunted at Babee.

"Scene one, take two." She flutters her fingers at the growing number of workers that had stopped doing their jobs. It takes the Owner, abandoning his office with a disgruntled look, to make the congregation of Cuban's head back to painting and sanding cars. Waving a cigar in the air to look threatening. It worked.

"You trying to blow up your place of business?" Burgundy notes the lit cigar. The paint fumes in the air were horrible.

"My place, my rules. Arrest me Pornstar." He grumbles taking a drag, before blowing a cloud of smoke that made the girls wave it away.

Luis rubs the back of his neck trying not to look at either woman disrespectfully. "Ladies? This is the owner of No Cigar Autobody. Stogie Bear."

"Seriously?" Babee peps up, moving closer and hopping on both heels while clapping her hands. She then lifts her right breast for an introduction. Followed by the left. "This is Boob and Boo. They're buddies."

Stogie whose real name was Sergio Barbarosa chuckled. "I'd shake them but I don't wanna get arrested for assaulting an Officer."

"That's okay. I can shake them for you." CC does just that, her massive tits jiggling about as she shakes her shoulders.

"ARE YOU DONE BITCH?" Burgundy snaps. "You find anything on the surveillance feed Luis?"

"Not yet." Luis slaps his right cheek, to break his trance over Calliope's dancing breasts.

Saved by the bell, Officer Hadley calls out from the office doorway. "Might wanna see this Detectives."

Luis being gallant bows and sweeps his arm for the ladies to take the lead. Calliope jumps at the chance and prances forward in her stilettos. Burgundy, barefooted shakes her head, "You're only doing that so you can look at my ass."

"Get used to it Detective Jones. You just know your new nickname is gonna be Moans Jones."

"Fuck you Santos. Give me your shoes before I step on your tongue. I don't want wet feet."

He kicks off his brown leather shoes and lets her step into them. They were obviously too big, but it was funny watching her walk in them. She flipped him off over her shoulders with both barrels. He missed seeing them totally by looking at her ass wiggle away.

Stogie shakes his head and hisses, "What's this country coming to?"

Inside the office, Hadley makes room for CC to sit at the desk observing a frozen point on the screen. As the others joined her in close proximity, Hadley unlocks the paused monitor feed. In drove a once black Camaro. The driver couldn't be seen through the reflection of lights on the windshield from above. It wasn't until the driver left the vehicle that they got a good look at him. A short Caucasian male in a black suit, white buttoned down shirt, and a red bowtie with polka dots on it. His features resembled...

"Groucho Marx? The driver is Groucho Marx. What the hell?" Burgundy looked queerly at the video. Leaning her knuckles on the desk. Every man there eyed her perfect ass at an angle.

Glaring up at the camera, he tweaks his moustache and runs a palm over his strange haircut. Smirking with confidence the man then lifts the bridge of his glasses and wags his bushy eyebrows. As approached by Stogie himself, the man pops the trunk, then relinquishes a duffle bag of cash, along with a written demand.

"The note had specific instructions on what to do to the car. The cash barely covered the actual cost. I took a hit on this one, but it was worth it." Stogie chuckles, his belly bouncing about. Seeing him Calliope brightens up.

"Look! Stogie really is from Bellystone Park."

"You're a riot Pornstar. I could have told you the guy was dressed up. He even spoke like Groucho. Stole a cigar out of my vest pocket, then did that funky routine the real Marx did, without the sound effects." Stogie continued as he produced the empty duffle from a metal cabinet. "Outside of that he never spoke. Just actions."

"Like a mime almost." Luis points out watching his actions.

"Improv actor?" Burgundy pondered aloud. "Where's the note he left?" In response Stogie opens a desk drawer and passes it to Burgundy. She uses a tissue from a box on the desk to obtain it, then places it in a baggy produced by Hadley.

"Outside cameras captured his ride." Hadley fast forwards after pocketing the baggy, then switching footage to the exterior cameras. A black van pulls up outside the shop, and another driver exits to open the passenger door for Groucho.

"Great! Now we get Harpo Marx." Burgundy rolls her eyes as Harpo takes his hat off of a bushy blond hairdo, and the two men bow to each other as if bantering. No lips moved on either man's face. As the van drove off the passenger door window lowered, and something gets thrown out.

"Stop!" CC points at the move. Without saying anything due to her choker, she motions for all voices to be silent. Her finger directs everyone toward the discarding of something along the chain link fence, at the entrance to the Autobody lot. Luis nodded, claiming his shoes from Burgundy before taking a walk to investigate. Luckily, nobody working there cleaned up around the area due to laziness. Eying the cameras in the vicinity for safety, Luis used another baggy to obtain a chomped on cigar. There for a few days, he hoped it wasn't too contaminated. Saliva on the cigar could lead them to Groucho. The question was, did he do it on purpose or had he been negligent? Only a healthy DNA sample could get to the bottom of this. He hid the evidence away before he returned to the office. By now, Calliope and Burgundy had left the office with a flash drive of everything they could find.

"Nothing, but garbage. You really should clean up the litter. Make America beautiful."

Stogie huffs. "America just got more beautiful." He casts a thumb toward the Pornstars. Calliope melts as if winning an award, holding her hands to her chest.

"He thinks we're beautiful. Now I have a taste for Indian food. Lunch? I can make a reservation."

"Wrong Indian." Burgundy rolls her eyes, having to walk barefooted back through the lot. In the Miami heat she was hopping from side to side.

"Native American dance. She's a Hopi hoping for rain." Babee giggles. Hadley had to laugh.

"IN THE CAR BITCH! I'M DRIVING."

"Coming Chief. I'm gonna tell Gabey to make you wear moccasins."

Luis walked with Burgundy side by side. "For what it's worth B. I'm sorry you have to do the Pornstar thing too."

"No you're not." She scowls at his tented erection. He shyly covers it with his hand.

"Hey! Eyes up here." He gave her a dose of her own medicine. "Maybe you should go buy a pair of shoes."

"Right! I'm going straight to a Foot Locker. I'm sure they'll love seeing me naked."

"Head home, and grab some. I'll go do the foot work." He pats his pocket with the evidence.

"Hopefully someone at the precinct grabbed my clothes. I loved that outfit dammit!"

"I heard about the Sniper fight. Hadley got the call over his mic. Glad you're still here. I'd miss you B."

"Stop sucking up. Like CC, I'll do what I have to, like it, or not. Church on Sunday is definitely out."

"Choir would love you."

"Not gonna happen."

"You're still an Angel to me."

"Fuck you Santos."

As she got into the car, Luis watched her legs split wide upon entry. He sighs with a wink, "There's those wings."

"If you say Hot Wings I'm gonna beat your ass."

"Hey! Redwings might have a sale on shoes."

She rolls her eyes another round, then slams the car door on his grin. As he turns smirking, she had to join him. Her stress was laughable. Honking the horn at Calliope, who was signing autographs while letting mechanics rub her ass, the blaring belted out another tune. This time Elvis Presley's ballad Love Me Tender. That made Calliope pull the men closer and pet their cheeks, they caressed her entire body, grinning like the Devil's daughter invited them to dinner.

Burgundy starts to pull away making Babee jump and sprint after her, stiletto heels were a joy to run in. Stopping at the gate Burgundy chuckles, and backs up past Calliope, making her switch directions to give chase. Back and forth, twice more, allows the men to laugh at her bouncing tits, and dancing ass. Winded by the time she jumps in on the passenger side, Babee giggles.

"Cuban fire drill?"

"C-U-B-AN Idiot." Burgy jested.

Calliope snorts and slaps the dash. "Too funny."

"I thought so." Burgundy peeled out into traffic.

Back at the Precinct, Captain Donald Bettinger sat in his office, discussing the earlier events with his wife Allison. Allison was a 5'4, 150 pound, busty blond in her early 40's, with big green eyes. Her hair shoulder length and curled.

"Allison what are you doing here?"

"I heard on the radio of everything you're going through. I was close by paying bills, and got caught up in the craziness. I can't believe snipers were shooting at you."

"Not at me. It appears one was sent to be an enforcer, while a second shooter took it upon himself to defend us. I'm waiting for Detective Mosley to report in concerning the offending sniper."

"This is just so insane Donald. Your Officers are so courageous. Even the women forced to parade around nude. I still can't believe our own Governor is allowing them to do that."

"Let alone the President. If it means lives are saved they've agreed to participate in this Gabriel psychopath's twisted porno. Well, at least Detective Cruz. Detective Jones is new to this. We'll see how she adapts."

"Who is this Gabriel?"

"If I knew, he would be behind bars by now. He's good is all I can say. Wickedly smart, and willing to kill if he has to. Which makes me..." He hesitates knowing the chances are good that Gabriel was listening. He grabs a post it note from his desk and jots her a message. It read. "Bugs in office. Gabriel listening. Careful what's said."

"Oh!" Allison shivered with a flare of her nostrils.

Another note reads, "You should go quietly to your parents home. It might be safer there until this is over."

Shaking her head negatively, Allison points at her husband with a stern look. He knew she would never leave his side, he married a steadfast beauty. Frowning, he caved in with an understanding nod, and pulled her into a hug.

"Thank you. I love you Allison."

"For better or worse." She recalled their wedding vows.

"It's going to get worse, before it gets better."

"With you all the way. No matter how bad it gets."

Hesitance in his eyes, he nearly tells her about having forced sex with Detective Cruz. Something held him back. He knew Allison well. She would lose her mind if she knew the truth. A wrap on his office door kept him mum.

"Info Cap." Drey Mosley ducked in after awaiting a wave before fully entering. Allison stepped aside, admiring the tall muscular black man with a subtle blush, before averting her gaze to the outer offices.

"What did you find?"

"Dead sniper. Female believe it or not. ID shows her as Special Forces on leave. Her name was Bonita Fidel. Troops called her Bonafide. Age 32. Born here in Miami. In town for a sister's wedding. Evidently, Gabriel must have called upon her to be his enforcer for the day. Sucks to be her. Chest shot through the heart. I have Walters digging into her further as we speak. Talking to Military Brass."

"What about the second sniper?"

"Looks like Virgil Kaminski. Left a big V spray painted on the ledge he propped his gun on. Here's a picture." He shows Bettinger his cell. "Beside the V was written, I'm sorry."

"Gabriel had him under the influence too. He just chose to break away before he killed an innocent. He could have wounded this Bonita Fidel, not kill her. His own innocence went out the window."

"Agreed, Cap. Of course, Bonita Fidel might have been innocent too. Which case Virgil's a murderer."

"Government sanctioned murderer. We all know the truth there don't we?"

"Guess so. Maybe Bonita Fidel was a bad egg. At least he's attempting to make amends."

"Is he? Fugitive vigilante regardless. We sort this out after we locate him."

Another knock at the door leads to Sargent Martin Bydweider entering. "Conway is waiting in the conference room to discuss his bad cop allegations. "

"I'd forgotten about him." Bettinger lowers his gaze with a sigh. It was too bad Officer Conway had been pinpointed as taking bribes. He always seemed like a righteous police officer. It shocked him when Gabriel busted him out, in front of all of his officers over roll call. Now, none of them trusted the man. Bettinger was willing to give him a chance as long as he repaid everything he had accumulated over the last year. Of course further investigation was warranted. "Ali? I have to go." He shares a quick kiss, then opens the office door for their exit. Outside the office, murmuring led to noticing the returning Pornstars. More applause, with a standing ovation accompanies Burgundy Jones. Entering with Calliope in front of her as a human shield. CC accepted her greeting with a bow. Without warning of CC's actions, Burgundy could now be seen from the waist up. Her hands swiftly covered her tits.