Deceptions

Okay, this is becoming weird, and not a little uncomfortable.

After my sexy late-night encounter with Dirk, I'd gone back to my room. J.T. was still up, while a half-sober Ray had stumbled in only moments ahead of me. Being somewhat shitfaced, Ray wasn't exactly shy in whooping it up over my tiny shorts and skimpy tank top.

"Whoa! Where's the party, and how come I wasn't invited?"

He literally burped it out, and I couldn't help but smirk.

"Nice. At least your eyes still seem to work. I'm not so sure how much longer we'll be able to say that about your liver."

"Fuck my liver! He's no fun!

That's

fun!" he said, pointing to my dramatic camel toe.

Glancing down, I realized I'd never bothered to pull my thin shorts from my pussy before returning to our room. I also noticed that at least my lips weren't still peeking out.

A laughing J.T. smacked my ass, then he yanked my shorts up to give me another thong wedgie. When I slapped at his hand, he pulled me down beside him on his bed. "Screw it," I giggled, leaning back against the wall to face them. Settling in with a bemused grin, I wrapped my arms around my raised knees.

"Didja have yourself a little accident there?" Ray sloshed out, pointing between my legs.

J.T. and I looked to where Ray was pointing. I smirked again, and J.T. gave me an accusing grin when we saw what was plainly a large wet spot on my shorts, right over the mouth of my pussy. Due to the way I was sitting, those tiny shorts were sucked directly into my drenched pussy. This time it was more like a g-string, with definite lippage peeking out on either side of the narrow strip of nylon.

Deciding to tease them, I subtly spread my legs.

"Ray, I know you're drunk and all," I smiled, "but you might want to learn to develop some sort of edit function between your brain and your mouth. It's really not polite to point at and talk about a girl's body like that."

"Huh? Since when? You've been running around here naked every night, and now I'm not allowed to talk about your body?"

"Yeah, what's up with that?" J.T. laughed. "And what's up with

that?

" he added gleefully, going right back to the sight of my obviously drooling pussy.

"What can I say? It's a hot book," I answered, holding up my vampire novel.

I really didn't want to get into the whole Dirk thing with them; not then, and maybe never.

Peeling off my top and shorts, I threw the top at J.T. and the soaked little shorts at Ray, who, in his drunken stupor, totally whiffed in his attempt to catch them. I climbed under the covers, laughing to myself over their hungry-dog looks when I bared my breasts and pussy to them.

"Good night, guys," I grinned.

A few minutes later the lights were off, and for the first time I let J.T. fuck me with Ray in the room. I was facing Ray while J.T. took me from behind, but it didn't matter since Ray was already sawing logs.

Really, though, none of that was the uncomfortable part. I'd quickly adjusted to doing whatever I wanted in their cozy little dorm room. Although I wasn't blatantly flaunting myself to Ray the way I had that first day, at least not every day, anyway, I had started dressing and behaving the same whether Ray was there or not.

No, the uncomfortable part came when we did our auditions for the play. First off, I quickly discovered that this wasn't merely an Off Broadway play, it was a waaaay Off Broadway play! Talk about low-budget, and what a crappy theater! Here I was, imagining myself in a slightly smaller scale

Phantom of the Opera.

Instead, this place was off of some alleyway in Times Square. The theater only held maybe a few hundred people. Still, it was a professional play, and if I landed the part I would at least have that on my résumé, along with a little extra spending money.

The initial thing that made it difficult was when Katherine politely let J.T. know she wouldn't be able to use him in the play. He was definitely bummed about it, although he seemed genuinely happy for me when Katherine said she was excited about my potential.

Things really got weird at my second audition, a couple of days later. J.T. came along again, and holy shit but was his face something to behold when Dirk walked through those double doors.

Poor J.T., he looked like someone had just run over his dog.

Katherine waited until we were all together before telling us the game plan. "Jen, I want to try having you do a scene with Dirk here. Dirk, this is Jen. Jen...Dirk."

"No need for introductions," Dirk said. "We went to the same high school. We've already done a couple of plays together."

"Excellent!" said the always bubbly, hyper-enthusiastic Katherine. "You guys should have no problem then getting comfortable with each other!"

Long story short, I got the part, and so did Dirk. During the cab ride back to our dorm, that's when things really became uncomfortable.

"I fucking can't believe it. I cannot believe this shit. That asshole!" J.T. exclaimed, positively fuming.

"What's the big deal? It's not like you ever really cared about being in this thing," I offered, playing dumb.

"You're right, I really don't care. I never thought they were gonna pick me anyway. I'm no actor, and I don't look anything like Clapton. I know that. It's him! Dirk! You know how much I hate that guy! Goddammit, I can't believe it! No matter what I do, I just can't get away from that fucker! First he gets my position on the football team. Now he's going to fuck my girlfriend again!"

This was the angriest I had ever seen J.T. It was also the most honest I'd ever seen him.

I tried to soothe his ego a bit...

"Again? J.T., you're the only person I've ever fucked. What's this 'again' stuff? It's a play. It's only acting. Whatever they have us do, you know it won't be real. Come on, I'm pretty sure we're not going to be doing any actual fucking."

That's when J.T. broke down and told me his side of what happened in high school with his girlfriend, the one he said Dirk stole from him. I have to say, it was really nice to see him being a little honest with me for once.

"How come you never told me this before, especially after Dirk moved in right next to you at the dorm?" I asked. "No wonder it drives you crazy to hear him constantly fucking all those girls."

"Yeah, no kidding. That guy is beyond lucky."

"J.T., please, as if you've ever lacked in the frequent-fucking department. You've been having just as much sex as he has, ever since I've known you. Before you started fucking me you were doing a different girl every week, and we both know you haven't stopped now that we're together. Even after I let you fuck me--even after I let you turn me into a total slut--you still fuck plenty of other girls. You have nothing to complain about."

He continued silently fuming, until eventually his expression softened. "I know he's going to fuck you, Jen. You know it, too."

Hoping I was gauging his mood correctly, I grinned mischievously. "Maybe I should just let him fuck me. I should at least encourage him with a little teasing and flirting, don't you think? Seriously, would that be so bad? I mean, god, you're constantly getting on me about loosening up, wanting me to become more flirty and adventurous. Your big thing is always for me to keep being hotter and sexier. You love it when I let Ray see me naked. Come on, that's totally flirting."

"That's Ray, not Dirk. Ray's my friend, and he's not trying to fuck you."

"How do you know he's not?" I asked coyly, feeding the fire.

J.T. just looked at me.

Damn it. I couldn't keep it going. First my upper lip curled into a snarky little grin, then I tried to suppress a giggle, and finally we both laughed.

"Okay, fine, Ray isn't trying to fuck me...at least not yet, anyway. He should be, though, so why isn't he, especially after I practically offered him my pussy on a silver platter! Aren't I hot enough?"

"Jen, please. Ray would fuck you in a heartbeat. That's about how long he would last, too, if you ever let him. He's absolutely in lust with you, and you know it."

Grinning evilly, he was back to being his usual J.T.

"Sounds to me as if you kind of like that idea," I said, with a knowing smile.

I was fishing; deflecting and fishing.

J.T. thought about it for a few moments. "Do I actually want you to fuck Ray? I can't fully say that. I don't know...maybe? I'm not sure there, but, yeah, I do like the way you've been acting so much sexier with him lately."

"Oh, come on, who do you think you're kidding? When I was naked and wrestling with Ray, you totally got a huge boner. You got another one when you saw him staring at my pussy in my little shorts. I know you like the idea."

Letting that one hang there, I gave him a teasing grin.

By saying nothing, he admitted I was right. I took another chance...

"What if Ray

had

fucked me that first day I got naked for you guys? I was right there on his bed, totally spreading my legs for him. I pooched my bare ass way up high, doggie style, and I even pulled it open to give him a perfect close-up look. Most guys would've considered that an obvious offer, so what would you have done if Ray had gone ahead and fucked me?"

J.T. quickly deflected. "Would you have let him?"

"As turned on as I was, and knowing you weren't going to say anything to stop us? Yes, I would have let him fuck my brains out, but that's not the point," I said, volleying it back. "We're talking about you, and the way you like to show me off, and how far do you want to go with it? Would you have let Ray fuck me? Does that get you off, the idea of your friends seeing me naked and fucking me? I know on some level it does. Your hard cock always says so."

Noticing the conspicuous silence, it suddenly hit me that we were having our lurid discussion in the back seat of a moving taxi cab! I glanced forward, and the leering cabbie was scoping me in the rearview mirror.

'Whatever,'

I thought.

'This is my life now. These things are going to keep happening to me, so I'd better just get used to the idea.'

I looked over at J.T., my persistent stare pressing him for an answer. Truthfully, I didn't even care about his answer. I just wanted to avoid having him turn it back on me.

I guess I really am learning more and more every day. As I become more openly sexual, I'm learning about these little verbal deception games. I'm even beginning to understand how J.T. must feel all the time, since he's always having to lie, spin, and change the subject!

"I don't know, Jen," he finally said. "I like the idea of you being so hot, especially the way you get naked in front of us and all that, but I don't know how jealous I would be if you really did it with someone else."

"You might be okay with it if it were Ray, but probably not Dirk," I offered.

"Yeah, I guess," he answered, not very convincingly. "I hate Dirk. The more I think about it, though, fuck, maybe I do like the idea of him seeing how hot you are...you know, how amazing you've become lately. You're way better-looking and much sexier than any of his girlfriends. So, yeah, I guess I like the thought of showing you off to him. I'm sorry, I know that's 'shallow' of me or whatever, but it's the truth. The more you make me think about it, the more I like the idea of him seeing what I have, okay?"

"But you're still not sure that you want me to fuck him, just like you're not sure whether you want me to fuck Ray."

"Yeah, maybe. Fuck, I don't know. I don't even think I care if you fuck Ray. He's just...Ray. It wouldn't mean anything to you, so it wouldn't mean anything to me either."

"J.T., you seem to be forgetting something," I said, a little shocked by his cavalier attitude. Oddly, though, I also realized I wasn't angry, and that surprised me.

'I'm really starting not to recognize myself,'

I thought.

He gave me a challenging look. "What's that? What am I forgetting?"

"Uhhh...duh! Hello?! You're the only person I've ever had sex with...remember? I may be loosening up about how I dress and flirt around the dorms, but it's not like I've suddenly started fucking tons of guys! Sex is still a big deal to me, you know. I was a virgin just a few months ago, or have you already forgotten that too? Jesus, J.T., not all girls are like your porno sluts!"

"So you're saying you'd fall all in love and stuff with Ray just because you had sex with him? If I ever see you two in bed together it would mean you've fallen for him, and you're gonna dump me?"

That one actually stopped me in my tracks.

"Umm...maybe," I said, hesitantly. "I don't know! Isn't that what it's usually supposed to mean when a guy finds his girlfriend in bed with another man? If I'm having sex with someone, isn't it supposed to mean that I feel something for him?"

"It's just fucking, Jen. It's just sex."

"Is that all we do?" I asked pointedly. "Just sex...just fucking? It could be anybody, and it wouldn't matter?"

"You know what I mean."

"So, okay, if it's 'just fucking' with Ray, why would it be any different for you if I let Dirk fuck me too? I barely even know him. By your logic, it'd be 'just fucking' with either one of them. As long as I don't have strong feelings for the guy, I can fuck anybody I want, and you shouldn't care."

"It's different with Dirk," he said, after a moment's pause.

I noticed his responses were becoming clipped. Also, his voice was losing its confidence.

"Different, how? Ray or Dirk, either way it ought to be 'just fucking' for me, according to you. If it's 'just sex,' why would you care? That's what you do, right?"

"Not with you, Jen. You know that," he said, his voice at least rising in pitch.

"Uh-huh. Okay, so if I have this straight, you don't mind at all if Ray and I have sex, but you're not sure how you'd feel if I let Dirk fuck me. On one level you like the idea, while on another it scares you."

"I never said I was scared. I said I hate the guy, and I'm not totally sure what I think, other than it would be cool for me to have him really see how hot you are. You being with him that way, you know, in the play, I like the idea of making him jealous, okay?"

"You just aren't sure yet about the idea of us having sex."

"Yeah."

"Okay, what about us fooling around, though, even if it's only acting? This all started with you saying he's going to fuck me, but right now that's neither here nor there. What we know for certain is that he and I are going to be performing simulated sex in front of a live audience--including you at some point, I would hope. Watching us, how are you going to feel? Sweetie, we're going to be fully making out and fucking. Sure, we'll only be pretending to fuck, but we have to make it look good, and we're going to be making out for real. We can't fake that. So, knowing all this, do you want me to tell Katherine I can't do the play?"

"No, don't do that. It would be seriously shitty of me to make you quit. Even I'm not that big of a jerk. I know you want to act, and being in this play could turn out to be a really big thing for you. Whatever happens, I'll just have to live with it. Do me a favor, though."

"What kind of favor?" I asked, impressed by his sudden change of attitude.

'Wow,'

I thought.

'He actually can be a little mature sometimes. Who knew?'

"Just don't let him enjoy it too much, okay?" he grinned. Pinching my nipple, he made me squeal with laughter.

"Look, if I do let him enjoy it, I'll make sure to tell you all about it," I said, returning his grin. "Come on, you love it when I turn other guys on. In fact, wouldn't it be better for you if I went out of my way to turn him on as much as I can, every chance I get? He'll be all crazy horny, totally dying to fuck me the second we're together in bed again, but he'll know I'm yours. Wouldn't that be super hot for you?"

J.T. gave me one of my own pointed smirks. "This is about to get weird, isn't it?"

"Uncomfortable too, maybe. I don't know whether I'll be able to handle it."

"Oh, you'll handle it just fine," he smiled, squeezing my hand. "You've always been weird. I'm the one who's about to become uncomfortable."

We'd reached a détente. Again...wow. He was right, though. The weirdness was just beginning, and the level of discomfiture would only treble from here on out...for both of us.

As the taxi made its way through our sprawling campus, I stared out at the mottled gray sky. The rolling grounds were an explosion of leafy colors, and kids like me were everywhere. I saw groups of students laughing and gesturing wildly to each other. Girls were scurrying around, chatting excitedly on cell phones. Stealing a moment of intimacy beneath a blooming cherry tree, a cute couple kissed while making love with their eyes.

They were all just like me. They were kids struggling to grow up; kids trying to forestall ever having to grow up. Knowing how uncertain we were about the prospect of life beyond the safe cocoon that was our insulated little college world, most of us wanted to hang on to being kids as long as we could.

Then it dawned on me that no, most of them probably weren't much like me at all. I'd only just turned eighteen, and already I was throwing myself into the deep end.

Things were about to become really intense.

Watching the last vestiges of my innocence reflected in the faces of all those carefree students, I thought,

'Welcome to growing up, on stage in New York City. You wanted this, Jennifer, and now you're going to get it.'

~ ~ ~

Wooo, a professional play is nothing like our old school plays.

'Hectic' would be the word. Everything's hectic, with everybody always seeming to be in a huge hurry. Everyone is constantly drinking coffee, and practically every last person smokes. There sure are a lot of bitchy people, too. I guess it's the fact that this is how they're making a living. There's more pressure, so the petty jealousies and competitiveness go through the roof, at least compared to how it was in school plays. Those were just fun times; little more than extended slumber parties.

This is obviously serious business.

It's not all bad, though. Katherine, the director, is an absolute doll. She's so sweet and friendly, and always totally supportive. While everyone else is running around pissing and moaning, she's this wonderful flat sea of calm in the middle of a raging storm. Of course I tend to hang out with her most of the time. She immediately seemed to take me under her wing, and I was more than happy to let her. Whatever she wanted me to do, I was going to do it. I knew she would look out for me.

The first full rehearsal was kind of fun. The producers showed up, and all they wanted to see was Dirk and the band perform an actual song. That was their big thing. They didn't want the play to get trashed in the press for something as obvious as a poor performance by the band, or the Clapton character sounding horrible. It took a while, but Dirk was right, he does a fairly awesome Clapton. With the way they did his clothes, hair, and make-up, along with his nailing of Clapton's body language, yeah, he was pretty deece, despite being ten years younger than Clapton was during the

Layla

era. His singing voice even sounded a lot like Clapton's, and I was shocked at his British speaking accent. It was really good!

I swear to god, once Dirk belted out "Why Does Love Got To Be So Sad," I became totally wet. I had never heard that song, but he showed me the lyrics before rehearsal. When he sang it that day, staring at me as he cried out like he was in real pain, I knew I was in trouble.

I'm having fun, though, especially since they always have me wearing "period correct" clothes. What that means is I get to wear real hippy chick stuff! Cool! They usually seem to dress me up in a poet's shirt and a long, flouncy peasant skirt, although sometimes I'll be in a micro-mini dress or pencil-thin leather pants, like I'm some posh Londoner. They're adamant that I never wear a bra either, which is so killer!