Confessions of an Exhibitionist

It took me all of about sixty seconds to find Carli's Facebook page on the internet.

The AA meeting last week had started me thinking about Carli again and that single crazy night that we'd spent together when I was still a very shy, naïve eighteen year-old country girl. Not even one night really - more like just a couple of hours - but it was during that brief, intense period in my life that had changed it forever. That was the night that my experimentation with public exhibitionism had blazed into a consuming addiction for me. And it was during that long, lingering goodbye kiss with Carli that I'd discovered that I had an attraction to more than just boys.

I never saw her again after that night and we hadn't exchanged e-mails in years, but there she was now smiling at me from my computer monitor. She was older, of course, and her face had matured a little, but she was still as drop dead gorgeous as ever.

I took out my smart phone and began scrolling through the pictures that Carli had taken of me that night. There I was - in all my naked glory - in the park, on the playground equipment, on the little league diamond, posing before the front door of my high school, walking down the hallway inside, and, finally, masturbating in front of her on the teacher's desk in Mrs. Taylor's classroom.

"Wow, who's that?" Startled, I quickly put my phone face down on my desk and turned and saw Jeff, one of my co-workers, standing at the entrance to my cubicle. He was staring at Carli's picture on my monitor.

"Down boy," I said, relieved he hadn't seen what I was looking at on my phone. "She's an old friend."

"Not very old. The two of you would make a tasty Jeff sandwich."

I laughed at his dumb sexual innuendo. Jeff was as geeky as they come and his junior high level of sexual bravado was always a source of amusement to me. Besides, he was married to a woman he positively adored so his flirting was harmless. At least I hoped it was.

"In your dreams, Jeffy boy," I said.

"Yep, I'd rate that about a three kleenex dream."

"Jeff!" I said in mock horror. "Haven't you taken the Value of Respect training? Do you think this kind of talk is appropriate for the workplace?"

"Oh, hey Melissa, I was just joking around," he said nervously. "I didn't mean anything by it."

"Oh, that's too bad, because I was going to arrange a threesome for us. But if you're not interested…"

Jeff relaxed when he saw I was joking. He really was fun to play around with. "Oh, well in that case I'll have to check with my wife," he said. "I'm sure she'll be fine with it."

"You do that, Jeff, and get back to me."

"So did you two go to high school together or something?" he asked pointing at Carli's picture.

I couldn't help but smile. "Yeah, something like that."

He looked a little puzzled by my obvious amusement at his question but didn't pursue it. "So anyway, Melissa, the reason I came down here was to tell you that since the team is out of town some of us are going to Sneakers after work for a couple of beers. Are you interested?"

"I can't tonight," I said. "I have some plans."

"Ah," he said, "I gotcha. I guess that's why you wore a dress to work today." I was wearing a cotton summer dress and if Jeff only knew that I had nothing on beneath it and that I'd worn it mainly because it could be quickly removed and was disposable, it probably would've rated at least a four or five kleenex fantasy on his scale.

Since discovering the thrill of public nudity in high school my adventures have generally involved one of two basic types of exhibitionism. The first is what I guess most people think about when they think of exhibitionists. In those situations I know in advance that I'll have audience and I want to be seen naked. The whole purpose is to expose myself in order to get a reaction from onlookers. As much fun as that can be it's usually the second type of adventure that turns out to be much more intense and exciting for me. In those scenarios I

don't

want to be seen naked because there may be potential social, legal, or career ramifications if I am. The thrill comes from the chance of being caught.

It's the latter type of adventure that I had planned for tonight and my anticipation had been building all day. And, as usual, I knew my body was beginning to betray me. My mom had first suspiciously called it a "glow" and I didn't dare wear any type of form fitting clothing that would reveal erect nipples. Not unless I wanted people to notice anyway, and today I most definitely didn't.

"You look flushed," Jeff said. "Are you feeling okay?"

"I'm fine. I guess I'm just getting hot thinking about our threesome, Jeff."

"Oh yeah," he said and then a look of panic came over his face. "You weren't really serious about that were you? Because I don't think my wife would…" I picked up a nerf basketball I had on my desk and threw it at him.

"Get out of here you dweeb," I laughed.

After he left I picked up my phone and scrolled to the only picture I had taken myself that night. I stared at Carli's beautiful nude body, then turned to her Facebook page and clicked on the "Add as Friend" link. Then I shut down my computer and prepared to leave.

II

Several hours later I stared at the South Towne Mall through the windshield of my parked car and tried to talk myself out of what I was about to do. Walking naked through a mall was one of my longtime fantasies but as I stared at the hundreds of cars in the parking lot I realized just how crazy this was. Malls meant security guards which meant the distinct possibility of arrest if I was caught, and this was one of the largest malls in the city. The reason I was here tonight was because I'd recently discovered an opportunity that might allow me to do it and get away with it. It was an opportunity that would end very soon and may never come around again.

What really made me nervous was knowing that an arrest would almost certainly end my new career before it had really even started. That's why I'd gone to that AA meeting last week, to see if I could gain some control over my addiction. Yet here I am tonight like a junkie looking for another fix.

I guess now is a good time to describe my new job to you and why what I was contemplating doing tonight was so incredibly risky. You see, I work for a major league baseball team that will remain anonymous. I'm a baseball stats geek who has landed the job of her dreams.

I don't know why, but even as a young girl I had a passion for math. My parents told me that almost from the moment I learned to count to ten I'd go around the house counting everything I saw. Once I reached ten, I'd start over again at one. I'm sure it drove them a little nuts after awhile.

I loved numbers and statistics and anything that would allow me to measure and quantify the world around me. Needless to say, this was something that didn't exactly draw a flock of friends and admirers to my side, which was okay for a shy, introverted small town girl. And after I grew to share my father's love for baseball I'd found the perfect outlet for my passion for numbers and statistics.

There's no game in the world more suited to statistical analysis than baseball. Everything that happens on a major league baseball diamond – every pitch, every swing, every walk, every hit, every foul ball, every error – is measured and quantified and compiled into statistics that are pored over by both baseball junkies and professionals attempting to uncover what they tell us about players, teams, and strategies.

After I discovered Bill James and sabermetrics my passion for baseball statistics rose to a new level. Every fan knows about stats like batting average, RBIs and ERA, but in many ways those are crude and inefficient measures. James had developed new ways to analyze the game which yielded results that often contradicted common wisdom that had been taught for more than a century. I devoured everything he wrote and pored through major league statistics searching for my own hidden clues to the effectiveness of players and strategies.

After graduating from college I sent my resume to every major league team in the country and got exactly zero responses. I guess I shouldn't have been surprised or disappointed. I mean, who was I? Just some girl with a math minor and no baseball experience other than being a fan. I was competing against people with masters degrees from Ivy League colleges who'd written their thesis on baseball statistics or people who'd made a name for themselves with their baseball analysis. I was nobody.

So I took an office job with a small advertising firm and spent my spare time on my two favorite hobbies: watching baseball and getting naked in places where I wasn't supposed to be naked, including in and around my office. I didn't care much about the job so I wasn't too worried about the consequences of getting caught.

The exhibitionism was fun but watching baseball…not so much. My favorite team went into a tailspin last year, losing over 100 games, and it became excruciating to watch them after awhile. At the end of the season the club cleaned house, firing the coaching staff and general manager, then hiring a new GM to rebuild the team. I dusted off my resume and was going to send it to him when I decided that was a waste of time. Instead, I spent nearly a month working up a detailed statistical analysis of all the players in the organization, from the major league team all the way down to the low minors. When I was satisfied with it I put it on a disk, flew across the state, and handed it to the new general manager as he was eating lunch in a restaurant. I was like some kid from a garage band handing a demo tape to a rock star. I didn't know if he'd even bother looking at what I'd done but it worked! I got the job interview and a few weeks later I was moving to a new city to start my dream job!

It was just an entry level position in the team's statistical analysis department but it was the kind of job that could eventually lead to an executive position with the team, even general manager – the person in charge of building the team through trades, free agent signings, and the draft. That's a longshot obviously, especially for a woman in a male-dominated profession, but it's not a total pipedream either. It's a goal that a smart, ambitious person might achieve and I believe that I have those qualities.

So why would I risk my future on a temporary thrill tonight? Why does any addict engage in what they know is potentially self-destructive behavior? Logically, I knew that this wasn't worth risking my career for, but how many of us allow logic to govern our decisions? We're creatures of our habits and our passions and I'm no different. The greater the risk, the more intense the thrill; and the greater the thrill, the more I wanted to walk that tightrope between pleasure and pain.

One last time I mentally listed all of the reasons why this was a very bad idea, then I got out of the car, hid the keys in the wheel well and began walking toward the mall, just like I knew I would all along.

III

The mall was busy tonight, but not as packed as I'd seen it on other occasions. I walked past the shops and corridors filled with shoppers until I reached my destination. When I saw the sign my heart skipped a beat:

Join Us Saturday for the Grand Opening of the South Towne Mall Expansion!

I pretended to window shop at a nearby store until there was no one in the vicinity, then strode quickly past the orange cones that were the only things blocking the passageway into the new expansion.

The mall had been building a multi-million dollar expansion over the past eight or nine months and I now found myself walking past the gated shops that would be opening up in just a couple of days. I'd discovered this area the previous weekend and, of course, couldn't resist exploring it. This was a large building, probably almost a quarter the size of the rest of the mall, but it had been nearly deserted that day. The construction was finished so the only people I saw were those preparing their shops for the grand opening. That'd been in the middle of the day, though, and I guessed that if I came back during the evening hours even they would be gone. So far it looked like I was right.

I strolled slowly down the empty corridors, listening intently for the presence of others and allowing my anticipation to build. My thin cotton summer dress swayed gently as I walked, lightly caressing my nude body beneath it. Even fully clothed I was beginning to reach that heightened state of awareness – of my body and of my surroundings – that often accompanied my nude walks.

When I reached the end of the building I turned down a corridor that led to the restrooms and entered the ladies room. It was pitch dark in here and I flipped on the light switch and walked over to the mirror. This is it, I thought. I'd been thinking about this moment for days now. I peeled the dress down my body and stepped out of it, then turned my nude body to examine it in the mirror from various angles. It was lean and taut, not too thin but with no extra fat anywhere either. My breasts weren't large but they were a perfect fit proportionally to the rest of my body. The shy, geeky, awkward small town girl with the flat chest, braces and acne had somehow developed into the pretty young woman I saw staring back at me. Even now I was still a little amazed by that.

I folded the dress and placed it on the floor under the sink where it wouldn't be easily seen if someone came in here, then removed my leather sandals and put them next to the dress. It wasn't a great hiding place but I didn't see anywhere else in here that would be much better. Besides, I doubted anyone would be coming in here tonight. At least I hoped not.

I walked over to the exit door and paused briefly as the potential consequences ran through my mind one last time. This area may be empty now but at any time security guards, mall employees, shop owners, or customers could come back here and discover me. Instead of discouraging me, though, this thought sent an even greater rush of adrenaline through my body. How far could I get from my clothes and how long did I dare stay out there? I was determined to find out. I took a deep breath, flipped off the light switch, and stepped naked out into the corridor.

I tiptoed down the hallway to its end then peered around the corner. The building's overhead lights were turned off but there was enough natural light coming from the skylight above that the overall effect was dimness rather than darkness. There was certainly enough light for a naked girl to be spotted wandering the corridors. With all my senses on full alert I stepped out into the corridor and began walking slowly past the dark, gated shops on either side.

I'm naked in the mall! Sure, this part of it is closed right now but I wasn't that far from dozens, or even hundreds of people. I decided I was going to explore as far as I dared and as I walked past the different shops I imagined that the hallways were filled with shoppers shocked at the sight of a nude young woman.

I stopped to look in the window of one of the stores and caught a glimpse of my bare breasts in the reflection. I caressed them and teased my hard nipples between my fingertips. Whew! No wonder I'm hooked on this, I thought to myself. There's just something incredible about being naked in place where it's forbidden.

I continued my walk, turning down different corridors, stopping at times to look into shop windows, and with each step I took I became more turned on. I rounded a corner and entered a large open court that featured a fountain in the center. The skylight was directly above me here, and with the sun still out in the evening summer sky it was brighter here than the previous areas. I paused for a minute to watch and listen for any sign of intruders, then began walking across the open area toward the fountain.

I was getting close to an orgasm as I sat down on the edge of the fountain. I was tempted to bring myself off right there but this was such an exposed area and the flowing water would mask the sound of someone approaching. Besides, I wanted to hold onto my intense arousal as long as possible so I stood up again and began walking to the opposite end of the court.

I continued my nude stroll until I reached the passageway to the rest of the mall. I tiptoed over to the corner and peered around it. Just thirty feet away I could see shoppers passing by and another wave of adrenaline and arousal pulsated through my body. God, I love this!

I waited until there didn't appear to be anyone looking this direction then I stepped out into the middle of passageway and stood naked in full view of the mall corridor ahead of me. There were at least a dozen people who might see me if they looked this way, but I held my ground there for ten seconds, fifteen, twenty, thirty. I finally lost my nerve and scampered back around the corner. God, Melissa, you are so fucking crazy!

My entire body now felt like an electric current was flowing through it and I didn't know how much longer I could hold off an orgasm. I began walking down the corridor to look for a shadowy spot to bring myself off when I heard the voices. Ahead of me I saw a man and a woman enter the corridor on the opposite side of the building and I ducked into a shop doorway and pressed my back against the locked gate. Had they seen me?

"You don't suppose we'll get in trouble for being back here, do you?" I heard a woman ask. It sounded like she had a British accent.

"Naw," an American man replied. "The worst they can do is kick us out of here."

The footsteps grew louder and I pressed my back tighter against the gate, wishing I could make myself invisible. Moments later the couple came into view in front of me. They were both looking at the shop opposite where I was hiding and for a moment I thought they might pass without seeing me. Then the woman turned my direction and an astonished look came across her face. "What is this then?" she said.

Since becoming an exhibitionist I've had many opportunities to gauge the reactions of people to a naked woman in an unexpected situation. Men's reactions were very predictable and they usually ran the gamut from pleased to very pleased to see a naked woman. Or, if they were with a wife or girlfriend, pretending not to appear pleased. But women were much more unpredictable. I've had just about every type of reaction from women: curious, angry, amused, jealous, catty, excited…you name it. So I covered myself with my hands as the couple approached and studied the woman's face for her reaction.

"Have you lost your kit, dear?" she asked. I didn't quite know what that meant but I figured it had something to do with being naked.

"I, um…I'm just doing a little streaking. Just to see if I could get away with it." I glanced at the man's face and, well, he looked pleased to be seeing a naked woman. I still couldn't read the woman yet, though. She looked me over and then a smile broke out on her face and I began to relax.

"How fun! Did you hear that, Tom? She's a streaker." They were an attractive pair, in their mid-twenties I guessed. I didn't know if they were a couple or just friends but she didn't seem too upset about the man staring at a naked woman.

"Yeah, I can see that," he replied, his eyes roaming up and down my body.

"So where are your clothes anyway?" the British woman asked.

"Um…I hid them. In the ladies room."

"So are you going to streak the rest of the mall?" she asked. "That's where the people are, after all."

"No," I said. "That's too risky. I'm just going to stay back here."