FRIENDS
As I exited Barbara's office I was more confused than ever. Confused about myself, my life, my feelings toward Barbara. What the hell had just happened in there? How was it possible that after spending the morning humiliating me in front of several hundred DDE managers and supervisors, treating me like little more than a shiny new product the company was rolling out, Barbara had been able to ignite an intense desire for her with just a few kind words? Was this similar to a Stockholm syndrome situation where a hostage begins to bond with their captor? Was Barbara counting on this bonding as part of her plan to keep me enslaved here as a mailgirl long after my original contract had expired as she had confidently told me was going to happen?
The truth is that I'd been fascinated by Barbara from the start and that had only grown over time. Her keen intelligence, unshakeable self confidence, and the way she cooly handled problems as they arose were all attributes that I'd grown to admire and envy. She was also undeniably attractive, the very image of a beautiful and powerful businesswoman as if cast in the role by a Hollywood director. And now I'd also discovered that she had a charismatic stage presence as well. Despite being used as a naked prop, I couldn't help but admire the potent and articulate way she had sold her vision for the Mailgirls program today.
But then there was Barbara's dark side. Her lies and manipulations, using people as pawns to be moved around her personal chessboard. The way she had tossed Kelly out like the morning trash after she was no longer useful to her. Her hypocrisy in telling the audience today that there would be zero tolerance for sexual harassment after she'd already gagged, whipped, and tied me up in her own office. And now I knew she was manipulating Anna as well, planning to use her as a surrogate to control me while I was away from work.
I couldn't deny now, though, that I felt a growing attraction for Barbara despite this dark side. Hell, maybe even because of it. Being under the control of a puppet master who could expertly pull my strings without any moral qualms about it - and with no easy way for me to sever those strings - was both frightening and exciting.
As I walked through the ninth floor trying to wrap my head around everything I saw Kelly kneeling on the Mailgirls mat looking shaken and despondent. I wasn't on any kind of deadline to get to Marketing so I decided to make a detour. I walked over and knelt down beside her, then reached a hand out and placed it in hers. Kelly turned to look at me with tears in her eyes.
"I'm so sorry, Danica," she said, "I've totally fucked everything up for you. It's all my fault."
"No it isn't, Kelly," I said to her. "I'm a big girl. It's long past time for me to own my mistakes and quit blaming you. You never put a gun to my head to make me do anything." I squeezed her hand. "You're my friend, Kelly, and I need you now more than ever."
"Thank you," she said choking back a sob as she reached up with her free hand to wipe her eyes. As we knelt together hand in hand on the mat I thought back to the beginning of all of this. I hadn't really known Kelly well back then but the two of us had shared experiences as DDE's first two mailgirls that no one else could fully understand, not even Anna. As Barbara slowly stripped away everything I possessed I realized it was more important than ever that Kelly remain a part of my life. I especially valued her opinions since she had a way of cutting through the bullshit when it came to Barbara.
My presence seemed to help Kelly compose herself. After a bit she looked around to make sure no one was nearby listening, then said in a low voice, "You know all of that crap about the condo and the permanent nudity and Anna being in charge of you away from work? Barbara can't really make you do that. As long as you show up to work and fulfill your contract she can't say squat about what you do away from here. You should tell her to go piss up a rope."
"I know," I said, "but she'd just use Anna as leverage. She'd threaten to fire her or send her back to her mother or something like that to get me back into line." I pondered about whether I wanted to go any deeper than that. I decided that if Kelly and I were going to remain friends I'd try to be as honest with her as I could. "Besides, I want to obey her. I know it sounds crazy but I want her to force me to obey her."
Kelly nodded her head. "Yeah, I thought so. You're really into this humiliation and submission crap aren't you?"
"Yes."
"Well you definitely came to the right place for that. DDE must be fucking nirvana for you. So what's going to happen if someday you're not so into it anymore or Barbara goes too far?"
"I'll leave," I said.
"Really? You think you'll be able to just walk away? You're in the spider's web now, girl. The longer you're in it the harder it will be to escape."
"I know," I said. "Believe me I'm not blind to what Barbara is capable of, but if that time comes I've got to have faith in myself that I can find a way out without letting her screw up my life." As I said that it felt like I was trying to convince myself of it as much as I was Kelly.
"I hope you're right," Kelly said. "Personally I think you're making a mistake, though. She's already got you by the short and curlies here at work so why grant her that power away from work?" Just then Kelly's watch lit up alerting her to a pickup order. "Gotta go," she said as she smiled at me, squeezed my hand, and gave me a peck on the cheek.
As she was getting to her feet I said, "Kelly, just do what Barbara told you. Lay low, don't cause any problems, then get the hell out of here when your contract is up."
"That's my plan," she said. "I'll be as invisible as a naked girl can possibly be."
After she was gone I reluctantly rose to my feet and began walking toward the stairs. I was thankful for having had the chance to talk to Kelly but was dreading the humiliation tour of the Marketing department that lay ahead of me. I'd seen my old friends from there only once since becoming a mailgirl and that hadn't gone well at all. Whatever respect they'd had for me had evaporated into a mixture of contempt, condescension, and lecherous amusement at my new role. And they hadn't even seen me naked yet.