Bachelor Behavior - Part 2
by Simon Underfoot
Copyright 2022, All Rights Reserved
Day 0
In the morning, I managed a piece of toast and a cup of tea. At lunch, another cup of tea, but that was all. Keep in mind that I'm around three bills and you'll get a sense for how churned up my stomach was. That first day in front of the camera on the twentieth floor at JJC was nothing compared to how I felt sitting on my bed. I don't remember dressing, but I do remember seeing Stephanie as I walked out. She appeared almost as nervous as I felt, but looked fantastic anyway in a black pant suit that hugged her curves wonderfully, accentuating what she usually seemed to downplay. She gave me a once over, then pointed out that I'd missed a loop with my belt and wasn't wearing socks.
As nervous as I was when the limo pulled away from the curb, I felt almost calm by the time we rolled up in front of the hotel. Part of it was having lived through pressure situations on and off for the past half dozen years, but the bigger piece was Stephanie. The entire drive she was asking me questions about my childhood, or college, or anything else that came to her mind. I knew at the time she was just distracting me, but it worked, and the more I talked, the better I felt -- I actually had the driver circle the block twice to give us a little more time. Of course, everything on the ride was captured by night William, who was sitting opposite us.
As we stepped out, the excitement was back. I looked down at Steph and pulled her into a quick hug while whispering my gratitude. She smiled up at me while wiping at her eye, then grabbed my hand and led me to the front doors.
The ballroom was elegant, if fairly typical of high end hotels, but the view of the cityscape out the windows was wonderful. The women would begin arriving in about an hour, so I had time to wander around. Oddly, at least for me, I spent the last thirty minutes looking out at Chicago, enjoying the building sense of anticipation and the adrenalin coming with it.
At five minutes til, I left the ballroom and went to the adjacent meeting room Gloria had set up as the control center. I would stay there, watching the live feed on a large format TV until all the women had arrived, then make my grand entrance. We had toyed with the idea of meeting the women individually as they entered, but I couldn't think of a better way to make a terrible first impression than trying to come up with a one-liner nobody had ever heard before -- no thanks.
I honestly don't remember saying it, but as the women entered I whispered, "My God, they're beautiful." I only saw it later when the gif started circulating, courtesy of some nice up-close work from Toby, who was helping out for the Big Night. I was right, though.
It's hard to describe the scene when the doors were pulled back and the women stepped through. I had been adamant that the process would set aside physical appearance as much as possible, and I didn't care at all about money, so I was insistent that the women come dressed however they were most comfortable. The result was fantastic.
I saw a woman in a beautiful backless gown talking with a girl in tight jeans and a flannel shirt who was also wearing Chuck Taylors and a baseball cap. There were several summer dresses, and one woman wearing a leather skirt and knee high boots, but my favorite might have been the cutie dressed in yoga pants and a tank top.
Even better than the outfits was the variety of women -- it seemed I really didn't have a type. On the screen I saw a wonderful spectrum of skin tones, hair colors, heights, and weights. I was so excited that my leg was going extra fast and Gloria actually had to smack my arm to get my attention. She shook her head indulgently, then smiled. "Show time, Kai."
I grinned back and almost ran out of the room, barely sidestepping one of the technicians just entering.
I found Stephanie next to the back entrance as planned. She saw me and broke out in a smile, amused at the energy I was radiating. "I guess you're ready then?" she asked.
"If those doors don't open in the next ten seconds, I won't be responsible for my actions," I quipped. I might have been serious.
She reached up and squeezed my hand once, which I thought was wonderful, then led me into the hall.
Ever feel like you were the main course on the menu? Me neither, that would be weird. This was like being in the center ring of a circus, just before doing some death defying feat of heroic athleticism.
Every eye in the room was focused on me, or at least it felt like it, and I couldn't wipe the smile off my face. No nervousness, just a wonderful smugness paired with boundless optimism.
Stephanie handed me a mic and I realized it was my turn to speak. "Did you already go?" I asked, holding the mic away. She laughed incredulously and nodded. "I am so sorry. I don't even remember the last five minutes." She shook her head and smiled, as if I was the biggest goof in the world -- I figured that was good enough.
Turning back to the women, I raised the mic. "Thank you so much for being here. I can't tell you what it means to me that each of you is willing to put yourself through this kind of ordeal. I don't know what the road will look like, but I hope it will end with my wife.
"For tonight, there are a lot of you and only one of me..." This got some laughs and one really loud wolf whistle from the girl in the ball cap, to which I tipped my own imaginary brim before continuing. "So please try to have fun and be patient with me."
There was some clapping, a cat call, and lots of smiles.
I handed the mic back to Steph and gave her an eager smile -- she just shook her head again -- then I jumped off the stage. It was only two steps high, but I landed right next to a group of girls who shrieked, then laughed. Freakin' awesome.
The next two hours absolutely flew by as I did my best to circulate, meeting the women as quickly as possible. Stephanie played chaperone, prodding me when I had been talking with a group too long, which happened a lot.
When the top of the second hour sounded, Gloria entered and walked quickly to me, as we'd arranged. "Excuse me, Kai, I need a moment." The woman I was talking to was none-too-pleased to be interrupted, especially by such a striking individual, but thankfully didn't make a big issue out of it. "Having fun?" Gloria asked quietly. I nodded, then made my way up onto the stage, where Stephanie once again handed me the mic.
"Ladies, if I could have your attention please," I said seriously. The room became remarkably silent in less than a minute. "Unfortunately, there is an issue that requires my attention. I'm very sorry about the interruption in tonight's activities. Please enjoy yourselves and I will return as soon as the situation allows."
With a wave and a solemn look on my face, I walked quickly off stage and through the back doors with Gloria. Stephanie remained behind in the ballroom.
The idea came from Sam, and I thought it brilliant as soon as he first started describing the concept. The issue under consideration was that first impressions are notoriously unreliable, and I don't believe in love at first sight, so why would we go through all the effort of narrowing down applicants to throw that work away based on momentary urges. On the other hand, trying to have conversations with forty-five women was just too much. Sam's solution: The Plan.
Gloria and I walked quickly back to the control room, where I once again took a seat in front of the live feed. On my right was John from Aristotle, ready with his laptop.
The first hour shut in that room was pretty dry and I found myself yawning as the adrenalin drained away; somebody was nice enough to bring me a cup of chai. Moving into the second hour, however, was altogether different.
The women in the ballroom had also settled in, their eagerness wearing off, and they were getting bored. Some were getting drunk at the open bar. Conflict -- no, let's call it drama -- was in the offing, especially with Stephanie circulating and asking doubt-inducing personal questions. Harsh, but helpful for The Plan.
It wasn't fifteen minutes later that the first argument broke out. It was obvious that the two main parties were both intoxicated, so I turned my attention to the women watching the verbal altercation from nearby. Making up my mind, I spoke directly to John. "The two girls yelling at each other need to go, and I don't like the way the one in the blue dress is smirking -- it makes me think she likes this kind of thing. Put the curvy brunette in the back on the 'Tentative List.' I like that she rolled her eyes at the other two. Oh, look --" I paused as a pretty woman with dark curly hair stepped between the two arguing women and quickly guided one of them away. "Put her on the 'Yes List.'"
So it went.
I haven't mentioned it yet, but I grew up around a lot of alcohol. If my Pop isn't an alcoholic, he's pretty close. He used to take me into his favorite bar when I was little and set me up with two bucks in quarters to play the old arcade games they had around. I got to be pretty good at Dig Dug and PacMan; I also learned to shoot pool before I was nine. Anyway, there were too many times spent watching grown men fight or waiting after baseball practice because Pop forgot to pick me up.
While I don't foist my beliefs on anyone, I don't enjoy being around drunk people, and I think turning to alcohol for solace is never a good choice. This meant that all of the ladies that over imbibed had to go. So did the sad, weepy ones sitting alone and staring into space. And the women who seemed to contribute to the nonsense.
I hope you understand that these were all wonderful women as far as I was concerned. I'd read their biographies and was deeply impressed by each of them on various levels, but we knew some things would only show up in-person. Consequently, the rest of my time in that room really sucked. They say "Kindness begets kindness," and sadly, drama works the same way. By the end of the hour, the list of names for the next set of cuts was ready.
I made my way back into the ballroom, and this time it wasn't nearly so fun. I'm no good at hiding emotion, and the fact that I was letting just over half the women go was weighing on my mind. So was having to explain why I left for so long, but I was fully committed to being honest, and all of them would have the opportunity to learn the truth anyway when they got back to their rooms and looked online.
Day 1
I definitely felt like a heel for having started the in-person process with a deception, so I felt relieved when I entered the ballroom again. Twenty-one women had chosen to remain, meaning just one on my 'Yes List' had decided it was too much.
The women didn't know I would be joining them for breakfast, and several were quite put out to not be dressed in their finest, but I found the entire situation more genuine than the previous night. Besides, I like a girl in jeans.
