"Can I help you?" The attractive young woman inquired as I rushed into the common office space she shared with two other hospital workers. I was checking the stopwatch on my I Phone. I looked up and surveyed the reception area to the lab. This wasn't the out patient lab where they had a nice waiting room with chairs and a flat screen. This was the processing lab on the third floor where the real testing was done.
"Twenty-Two minutes," I said. She eyed me patiently.
"I'm sorry. I have to get a sperm test done and I timed my trip over here to see if I could make it in under the half-hour you recommend." She cracked a smile.
"Um, so do you think I'm close enough to ... produce my specimen at home and bring it in?." The Technician thought about it for a minute as if weighing the pros and cons of a major surgical procedure then she looked at me without any expression and answered my question.
"Well, you are just under the half-hour and normally that would be fine but it's close and at your age you might not want to jeopardize the quality of your sample. A traffic jam, an overload in the parking lot, or even a jam-up in the lobby at the elevators and your specimen could be compromised," she told me in an instructive tone.
"Really?" I said, not able to hide my distress. "I could carry it in a little cooler with some ice."
"Ice is not the way you would transport a sperm sample," the pretty lab tech said now breaking a smile at my nervousness. "You want to keep it warm. In fact, what we tell our patients is, 'when you're driving, keep it between your legs'."
"That sounds like something a cop said to me once," I said. She broke up laughing. Now I felt more comfortable because we had broken the ice, so to speak.
"But I still would rather go home and do this... where I have ... research materials, and videos--" she squinted here eyes and frowned here lips at me, maybe a little playfully. "-- And a blow-up doll in fish-net stockings," I pressed on.
"Sir, we have a perfectly nice room set aside just for this purpose. You will find every thing you need there. Wouldn't you like to come with... me--" she said and then paused. Her timing was much better than mine. "--and produce your sample for us right now rather than worry about it?" She took my arm and led me down the hall to an exam room. Once inside she closed the door and pointed out some things.
"You'll find sterile sample containers with labels, antiseptic wipes—you won't find any lubricants because that might pollute the specimen— tissues, etc. in there," she said, pointing towards the cabinet over the small counter against one wall. It had a small sink mounted in it and there were paper towels and, of all things, a potpourri that smelled like the usual indefinable scent. "There is a television and a DVD player. The remotes are there on the desk and there is a magazine stand...with placeholder for... well, to hold your page open...ahem. It's there beside the chair."
"Thanks. I guess everything I might need is here then. Why is there an exam table?" I asked eying the exam table elevated to a sitting position with foot stirrups.
"Oh, that is for our difficult patients," she said with a stern expression." Before I had a chance to react she smiled and said, "Some times the hospital gets crowded and we use the room as a regular exam room. That's all."
I shook my head and smiled back. "You really had me going. It's good you have a sense of humor. It helps."
"I have found that it's important to make people comfortable and it goes especially for hospital patients. Everything just comes more smoothly when people are comfortable." She gave me that pert smile again. "So then. If you need anything else there is a button over there on the wall. It rings out at the station. Otherwise, I'll leave you to yourself."
She left the room and then there was that little, soft, knuckle tap that doctors always do before barging in. The lab tech popped her head through the partially opened door and said, "I'll be back in five minutes for your sample". I looked at her blankly. "Just kidding. Take your time and just bring your sample out to me when you're finished." She smiled and closed the door.
I decided I better get right to it. I dropped my pants then decided to take them completely off because I couldn't maneuver around the room with my ankles bound. Taking off my pants meant taking off my shoes and one thing led to another until I had stripped all my clothes off. Now that I was naked I grabbed my cock and started to attempt to arouse myself to the task. I fondled and stroked myself but felt so uninspired. I tried thinking of the pretty tech and that got me warmed up but I could tell this might not be as easy as I hoped. I started looking for the magazines or DVDs that I expected they would have. I found the usual stale issues of Newsweek and Time and a few other topical zines. The only DVD I found was one from a pharmaceutical company on prostate health. This was going to be difficult. After searching the small room for anything remotely exciting—forget porn—I gave up and pushed the button.
"Yes, can I help you?" Great. It was an intercom not a buzzer. Everyone out there would be able to hear me asking if they had a copy Hustler Magazine I could use.
"I'm um wondering why you have a DVD but no DVDs or a reading stand but nothing to read." I said not even sure to whom I was speaking.
"Sir, gentlemen who come in to give us a sample of their sperm usually bring their own masturbatory materials." Was that a snicker I heard in the background?" "The room is set up to accommodate that but the hospital is a Christian one. I'm sure you can understand why we cannot furnish that kind of material to our pagans."
"What!" I said.
"Oh! did I say Pagans? I meant Perverts... Oh! sorry, Patients. I meant patients." And then a giggle, "It's me Ashley. Don't worry no one can hear. Our intercom just comes through like a phone call. I'm at my desk. Do you need anything?"
"No, Thank You. I'll be fine. Oh, and thanks for more of your patient relaxation therapy. It's charming." I told her and went back to work. I flicked through the magazines. Jesus! I couldn't even find a picture of Sarah Palin. It was then that I got the idea to call my girl friend and see if she could help. Stacy was great and I was sure she would jump right into action. She did.
"You what? You're calling me from where? You boob; What did you think, they'd have a closet full of porno at the hospital like you do at home?
"You have to help me, Stacy. I'm here in this room alone with a Food Network magazine with pictures of Rachel Ray and it's just not cutting it."
Stacy didn't miss the opportunity to make fun of me for a bit then she told me she would skype me in five minutes. I knew Stacy would do something to help. In fact, I was so confident that I got ready. I raised the reading stand as high as it would go and propped my phone on it. Then I climbed up on the reclining exam table and, 'what the hell,' I propped my bare feet in the stirrups and started stroking my cock. By the time she called back I was at full attention. She from her bedroom; she was on her bed wrapped in a giant bath towel.
"Hi, baby, Wow! Look at you." I said. "I knew you would come through for me."
"Wow you! You certainly manned the gunning station there, didn't you soldier?" I just smiled knowing I was in good hands.
"Do you like what you see, Hun? If you do don't talk and just listen. Oh, and start stroking that big cannon of yours for me, okay." As she spoke she scooted up closer to the web cam on her computer. Her cleavage looked deep and delicious. Stacy is so beautiful and sexy to me that I could see I wasn't going to have too much trouble.
"Now I want you to stroke it nice and steady for me. Long nice strokes and pretend its me kneeling between your open thighs and playing with your big full balls as I stroke you."
