Trin sat in the cafe in the downtown Phoenix J.J. Newberry's at the counter. Her long flowing patchwork skirt draped down to her Birkenstock sandals which sat on the small metal stool's footrest.
In front of her was a large bacon cheese gardenburger with crinkle cut fries and a home-made chocolate milkshake. Pure, utter, comfort food as far as Trin was concerned. It made no difference that she hadn't eaten since last night, and had slept in until about nine o'clock in the morning.
Violet had been conked out in the front room as she usually was after working night shift and getting James off to his freshman year in high school. Trin vacillated long and hard about waking her up, and in the process of getting Woofer out for his morning constitutional had done so quite by accident.
Violet had not been grumpy as Trin had thought originally and they sat together for a time on the couch, necking a bit and talking. Only when the alarm in Trin's PDA went off at quarter to ten did they part. Violet saw her to the door, something she'd been doing since Sunday.
From Sunday to today, Wednesday, they had made love in three different rooms in the house about ten times in total. Trin was growing accustomed to being intimate again, and Violet was becoming very accustomed to Trin's tongue being used as a device of pleasure. She hadn't yet been able to bring herself to licking on Trin, but was getting the whole frigging thing down pretty good.
Trin wasn't pushing, by any means, but deep inside she really did want to be eaten. She longed to feel a tongue cleaning her clit, not to mention all that hot breath that cranked her chain so easily.
As that had yet to happen, and for dozens of other reasons, Trin did what she did when she was worked up. She ate. The crinkle cut fries she felt were the best part of the meal, she salted them heavily and ate them coated with ketchup, three or four at a time. Her therapy wasn't scheduled until noon and she often came early to poke about the stores and have a bite to eat before heading up to Nancy's office.
Nancy Lewis, MSW waited for Trin out in the lobby of Phoenix Rising, a not-for-profit counseling group that serviced sexual minorities in Arizona. Trin arrived panting, and wheezing as the elevators were both out of service and the office was on the fifth floor. Nancy brought her water as she paid her fee and then brought her back. Trin flumped on the couch as she usually did, hiding from the venetian blinds. Noon was Nancy's earliest appointment and usually Trin could get to her studio for the hot part of the day afterward.
"Well you made it." Nancy said.
"I did. Not quite sure I was going to there on the third floor." Trin replied.
"Good, good. So how was this last week." Nancy inquired.
"I got laid." Trin said.
Nancy blinked.
Trin had often gone on and on how there would never be anyone else, that no one could replace Ravi. She'd lamented how she would die alone, which had prompted Woofer's purchase. Woofer was now three, and frankly, Nancy was almost at the point where she was inclined to believe Trin.
"Who?" Nancy said. She was unaware of any prospects on the horizon.
"Um. Violet." Trin said.
"Your roommate?" Nancy inquired.
"Yeah." Trin said. "I seduced her. I think. I dunno. Hell, I don't know anything any more." With that, Trin's big sloppy tears fell again, running down her chubby cheeks in her foray into the guilt of her mind.
Nancy was used to this, Trin was a crier. Nancy had always encouraged her clients to cry, especially Trin who locked her emotions in tightly. It had taken her over a year to get Trin to really dump her guts about Ravi. She handed Trin a box of kleenix and gave her a few moments to compose herself, stepping out. She found out her one o'clock had canceled and ordered the slot blocked. Today would be rough for Trin and she wanted all the time she could get.
When she returned, Trin was ready to babble about how shameful she felt about Violet, and how she had no clue about how to deal with James. Nancy waited patiently and then began to cut through Trin's statements after she had exhausted herself.
"So she enjoyed it?" Nancy asked.
"She's cum most every time, and we're running out of rooms." Trin said happily.
"So why are you so guilty?" Nancy asked.
"I um, well um." Trin said. She stuttered and her eyes flickered. She took deep breaths to make herself calm down.
Nancy relentlessly backed Trin into a corner. She told Trin in no uncertain terms she was a good person, and deserved a good relationship. Trin reacted like she was branded, and believed none of it. It actually made her upset to hear these compliments. Nancy had tried various techniques and over the last two months or so, Trin had been able to deal with it.
With this new relationship, Trin was now back to square one, emotionally. Nancy was frustrated, but kept her cool.
"So where are you going to go with it?" She asked.
"I'm gonna keep my nose buried between her thighs for as long as it takes for her to kick me out of the house." Trin replied.
"What if that's never." Nancy challenged her again.
Trin got very quiet.
She said, "then I'll be very lucky."
Nancy replied, "then I hope you're very lucky."
Nancy inquired for specific details regarding the relationship and frowned slightly as Trin explained some of the more dominant aspects of it.
"So let me get this straight. She's waking you up for sex, and you're the one feeling like you're imposing on her."
Trin nodded vehemently. "She'd never had another woman before."
Nancy said, "Trin. Take my word for it, you have nothing to fear guilt wise. I'd be more worried about you being used for nothing more than a biological vibrator."
Trin quite liked that idea and grinned.
Nancy muttered something about being incorrigible and then opened up an old wound. "So you going to pride this year?"
Trin looked at her flatly
"Why?"
"Because it's good to take pride in your diversity." She replied.
"One day of the year? I think not." Trin countered. "Pride should be held every day."
"Then why don't you?" She said.
"I have pride." Trin said.
"In what." Nancy said.
Her tongue sliced Trin like a knife.
Trin sat there silently.
Stupefied.
The sweep second hand of the clock drug along.
Fifteen seconds. Thirty. Forty-Five.
A full minute passed.
"Do you see a problem here?" Nancy said.
Trin would have grunted but she was afraid Nancy would compliment her.
"So I should be proud I'm an aging fat lesbian seductress." She said sarcastically.
"How many awards have you won for your artwork." She asked.
Trin lapsed back into silence.
"Six? Seven?" She offered.
"Five." Trin corrected her.
"How many galleries represent you?" She asked.
"Fourteen." Trin said flatly.
"Is Violet beautiful?" Nancy asked.
Trin took a deep breath and let it out softly.
"Violet is a wonderful woman, and I am lucky to have her. Beautiful, yes."
"Can you take some pride in her beauty?" Nancy said.
