Tormented My First Time

This is a one part story. It replaces a two part version. I believe it is better as a one part piece because the set up is somewhat empty without the story's conclusion.

This story is no fairy tale, it is no sweet romance, it is a tale of tawdry revenge and its consequences. Its a tale of torment and tragic sexual experience and wanting more. So if you want a cheap thrill filled with love and happy endings you may wish to read something else.

If you read the story make a comment. Complain about how awful some sexual experience is but don't just say "its awful". Tell me why.

Or perhaps you liked the story, maybe just because it isn't all sugar coated sweet love, but hard and confronting the way sex can be. Again tell me why.

Do me a favor and critique the writing, comment on the character development, deconstruct the story, say something of value to both me and other readers.

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Tormented: My First Time

There's a first time for everything, torment lasts forever. Don't get me wrong I am not tormented by the tawdry public toilet fuck that cost me my virginity, I'm tormented by the fact that I lost her. She was never really mine, well maybe she was for a few sacred moments, but her heart never belonged to me. Unfortunately my heart and soul belong to her.

She is forever divine, the goddess, the seductress, the siren; I want to tell you about her, I want your help to find her. I have done my best to piece together the pieces of the story. I may have used a little license in filling in the gaps and taken a few liberties in describing her thoughts, but its as honest an account as I can render. At least it is the story her facial expression and the little noises she made when being made love to or being reamed like a cheap whore. But somehow I think I know her, at least part of her, the woman that took my virginity. So enjoy the story and please, if you know where she is, tell her about me, ask her to contact me, or give her my details.

♂♀

Bella was as beautiful as her name suggests. Not slim like a catwalk model, but womanly, curvaceous, luscious and fit. Her raven black hair cut a shadow across the pillow as she slept, her husband still not home. He was one of those guys who had everything and treated it all like nothing. He kept Bella like she was a beautifully tailored suit, the perfect fit, but with something about it that felt like yesterday. It was like he had a wardrobe full of suits and she was no longer his favorite. Bella roused from her slumber, randy for her lack of action. She moaned as a nondescript noise, some bump in the night forced her to open her eyes, tired but awake. After a minute or two looking at the gnarled shadows that danced on the ornate ceiling Bella slid her hand over her tummy, beneath the elastic waistband of her pants and down between her legs.

'God I feel horny', she said as she tweaked her pussy.

Masturbation was always nice, but Bella wanted more, she wanted David, touching her, rubbing his face over her body, breathing in her musk, sipping her sweet juices. She wanted another warm body on top of her, riding her, pounding away at her innocence, but there was no-one. Again she lay there in that big bed alone.

Another noise caused Bella to sit up, to let her legs fall from the bed and her tip toes touch the carpet. Her white singlet and cotton panties almost glowed in the dark, understated, but sexy nonetheless. It was a warm inside, and outside it was cold but almost still, hardly a leaf turned on the trees. She was a beautiful sight standing by the window looking out over the street below, over the neighbor's houses, into their windows. It was too dark to see anything, or so she thought. But then she saw a woman pressed up against a wall, her breath like steam in the night air, her legs wrapped indignantly around her lover. There was not enough movement, or noise for them to be doing anything to get excited over. Bella wanted to see something she shouldn't, to see someone walking around their room naked, or twisting on the bed, but all was too cold and quiet for that.

Bella lent forward and placed both hands on the window sill, and began rocking her hips back and forth. It was how she masturbated when she was just a little girl. No hands, just her bodies rhythmic movement. It felt nice. She looked through windows, even saw people in bed sleeping. The warm happy feeling between her legs threatened to thrill her languid body into erotic action. Her lovely hips and bottom rocked from side to side seesawing her labia, massaging her budding clitoris. It was time her fingers teased her delicate wetness, her lovely pink folds. It was time she imagined a man who wanted her more than anything sacrificing everything to taste her perfect love.

Morning saw her wake next to David. He must have crept into their room sometime after two. He didn't rouse, he didn't wake. Bella rose took a shower and dressed. David slept. Yesterday's love seemed so far away. It was a nice morning for a walk, and a coffee with a friend. The aroma of fresh coffee was reward enough for getting out of the house, Elizabeth's warm hug was compensation for David's malaise. But all was not well with Beth. Barely a few moments passed before Bella knew that something was wrong. Ever since she was a young girl she fidgeted and bit at her lip when she was hiding something. She was never any good at Poker either, held her breath when she bluffed and avoided eye contact when she had a winner. Bella knew it was only a matter of time before Beth divulged her secret.

After about five minutes beating around the bush Bella demanded that she give up and tell all.

'I wasn't going to say anything, you know sometimes these things are better left alone. I'm really sorry. I really am. I didn't want to tell you...'

'Oh for crying out loud, just spit it out.'

'I saw David making out with a woman in a night club.'

'Oh.'

'I wasn't going to say anything but I saw him with her more than once.'

Bella was shocked, she knew that David got around, but she thought he would have been more discrete. And what was worse was that he was with the same woman.

'More than once?'

'Three weeks in a row, Friday night at the 'Locker' on Bridge Street.'

He's having an affair. Well that would explains everything. Bella's head was spinning. He's probably in love with her, She thought to herself. Bella must have looked stunned, Elizabeth waited but Bella just sat there staring off into space. Elizabeth couldn't help herself, she burst into tears.

'I'm really sorry. I didn't want to tell you.'

Bella assured her that everything would be alright, even though she had no idea whether or not her marriage was over.

♂♀

Bella wanted to avoid the 'do you love her' question, but desperately wanted to know the answer. It was important, David had always claimed that she was the only women he ever loved. If she were just one of many their relationship was nothing special, just legitimized fucking. Bella understood her own logic, but knew just how bizarre it was to think nothing of her husband screwing countless women, but think their relationship was over if he actually loved one of them. She asked herself, how could our relationship be considered ordinary, knowing it never was. She was on the verge of tears. Bella simply couldn't envisage a life without David, even with his philandering ways, a life beyond his love seemed incomprehensible. The potential loss of everything she ever loved was overwhelming.

Bella just couldn't sit and wait for David to show his hand. It had been ages since Bella went alone to a night club. The covert operation, spying on her cheating husband demanded she look sexy, dark, maybe even brooding, but not too sexy. She didn't want guys falling over her. A little black number, heels, some jewelry and a nice hair-do was all she needed. Entry into such a club, for a sleek and sexy single woman, was always guaranteed. The music was too loud, the lights low, the strobe was set to mimic the beat. The dance floor was full of people seducing one another with moves aimed at showcasing their lithe bodies, stamina and flexibility. It was a meat market like every other nightclub of its kind. Bella managed to locate a bar stool at the far end of the bar, near the corner of the room. It was perfect, she could survey the surroundings without being too obvious.

A couple of young men approached her, she showed them her wedding ring. Then she saw her husband and her new tart. He was wearing a leather jacket that she had never seen before, and she was wearing high black booths and a very short skirt. Her sequined blouse was dark, maybe burgundy, backless. She looked hot, if she had more makeup she would have looked like a street corner hooker. Bella kept an eye on them, David was not acting like his usual self. He seemed a bit nervous, kind of lacking confidence. She was very assertive. She looked familiar, but like a complete stranger. There is something about this woman, Bella searched her mind. The music slowed and spot lights raked over the crowd.

'Oh my God its her.' Bella recognized her, she was David's blond admirer from the golf club. Bella hardly recognized her, not because she looked that different, but because her manner had changed so dramatically. She wasn't looking longingly at a man who paid her little attention. She was calling all of the shots, and David tiptoed around her. The tables had turned.

Wishing to avoid the advances of the many men that approached her, Bella eventually decided to leave the club. The drive home appeared to be much longer than she ever remembered. Bella had so much running through her mind. What had happened between David to change their relationship so dramatically. She needed to get to the bottom of all of this. David arrived home just after midnight to find her waiting for him, still wearing her little black number.

'You look lovely, have you been out?' his surprise was evident in his voice.

'Yes I went down to the Locker on Bridge Street.'

'Oh, a bit of reconnaissance?'

'You could call it that. A friend of mine saw you there with the blond. She was afraid that you are having an affair,' after a moment's pause Bella asked, 'are you?'

'Well, I suppose that depends upon your definition of an affair. I have been seeing Elaine since before we met. You know, once a year, that sort of thing.'

'And now at least four weeks in a row?'

'Over the last twelve months we have been seeing each other much more regularly.'

'What does that mean, are you in love with her?'

'Love?, Hmm... I never really thought about it. She is not the kind of woman that falls in love, nor the kind that one falls in love with.'

'I'm sure she used to be in love with you.'

'What do you mean?'

'Years ago she used to look at you with such longing that she had to be infatuated with you if not in love.'

David was more than a little surprised with Bella's candor. After a moments contemplation he simply said,

'Yes I suppose she did.'

'So what changed,' Bella honed in on the essence of her concern.

David fidgeted about, putting his cuff links away and generally getting undressed.

Bella waited for an answer. She had known David long enough to allow him to answer, rather than letting him off the hook by asking another question.

'What changed?' David repeated the question. 'Elaine could never understand why I had no interest in her. Before we were married she found out about certain affairs I'd had. To keep her quiet I arranged for us to spend some time together. We met at a B&B, we had sex. After that we bumped into each other from time to time.'

'But you don't call the last twelve months "bumping into each other"?'

'No that is different... She... She has changed a lot since we first met. I find her intriguing.'

'Intriguing?' Bella was not smiling.

'She is a dom. I have never been with a dom, at least not since I was a boy. I don't know how to explain it. It's a 'dynamics' kind of a thing. What we do is just different.'

'Different, how?'

'She has a different approach to sex and pain than we do. I have a lot to learn.'

'So, not only are you intending to continue in this affair, but you had intended to keep it a secret?'

Defensively, David said,

'It's not really like that. I mean, I never describe what I do with my charges. I mean we have an open marriage.'

'An open marriage? So you don't mind if I have an affair, or perhaps screw the local football team?'

'Oh come on Bella, you don't need to be like that. You know what I am talking about.'

'I thought that I did, you shagged who ever you wanted and I never said a thing because you said "you never fell in love with them"'.

'I never said I was in love with her'.

'Having an affair is very different from having a one night stand or a quickie behind the pub. The girls have a bit of fun but you never fucked them on a daily basis. Did you.'

'Bella, I think this is getting a bit out of hand. You need to get some perspective. My relationship with Elaine has not detracted from my love for you.'

'Well it has detracted from your performance in the bedroom. You have been almost lackluster for months. Your mind is always elsewhere. For all I know you're thinking about her.'

'Oh come on. That's just not true.'

'It is true' Bella guessed right.

David was very quiet. The penny had dropped. His relationship with Elaine was threatening his marriage. He stopped, dropped his gaze and said.

'I'm sorry. I will tell Elaine that I have to stop.'

'Have to? You don't have to do anything. You have always done exactly as you wanted. You have got to want to stop, and if not don't stop on my account.'

David took a deep breath, turned and headed for the bathroom.

Twenty minutes had passed before he returned, showered and shaved. His absence did not help Bella, her anger grew. David knew that he was in trouble but he never knew how much he had hurt the woman he once loved more than anyone. She began,

'You always said that sex was only a physical action, and that you never loved anyone other than me. I don't see how you could be having an affair with this woman for a year or even worse, on and off, for ten years without loving her.'

'Bella, you really need to calm down. I never said I was in love with her.'

'Maybe that's worse. I mean what kind of person could have an affair for so long without falling in love?'

David was in a no win situation. Either he was a heartless womanizer or he had betrayed his wife by falling in love with another woman. David began to gesture as though he was going to try to explain himself. Bella shook her head, raised her hand, signaling him to save his breath and headed for the door.

♂♀

Walking through their grand old house Bella began to cry, she was sure her love affair with her husband was coming to an end. Her heart was breaking, tearing, the pain was almost unbearable. She found herself in the second suite, and very much alone. She sobbed and howled like a woman who had received bad news from the war department about a husband lost in battle. She cried herself to sleep.

Morning broke upon a dark and dismal day. It was clouded and raining and the dampness reached inside everyone in town. Even before breakfast Bella had gone to see the house keeper and announced that she was going for a short holiday. She returned to the main suite, David was not there, she packed a case and a travel bag. Before leaving she left a note. She was going away, and would be back in two weeks. Her departure was ungracious, a defeat in many ways, or at least that is how it felt. She had been driven from her home by the very idea that her husband loved another woman more than her. Coming home was going to be difficult, that was for certain.

♂♀

Despite her freedom Bella could not enjoy herself. She tortured herself thinking about David, hoping that he could feel her pain, hoping that he was lost without her. After a couple of days she began to doubt her own right to complain, he never said that he loved Elaine. He said that she was a dom and he was somehow experimenting. Bella thought that maybe she overreacted. Would he forgive her. Why should she need his forgiveness. He should have told her about Elaine. Why the secret? Why, because he was breaking the rules. David must have fallen in love with her, Bella told herself. She knew what it was like, she had a certain love for Joy and Beth and some others, but she had never had an affair with any of them. How could he not love Elaine? Bella questioned. She wrestled with the argument, was it his fault? Maybe the whole thing is impossible. Maybe the 'don't fall in love rule' provides nothing more than a false sense of security. Maybe our relationship was bound to fail, Bella's conclusions only brought fresh waves of tears.

Almost a week had passed when Bella decided to return home. Friday afternoon saw her speeding down country roads, winding between the green hills and hedge rows. She pressed the button on the remote control and the gates opened. Bella's car was parked in the garage and she was on her way through the hallways, up the stairs. Their suite beckoned her, it had always been their sanctuary. She felt relieved to be home. One more flight of stairs saw the last hall open before her. The great oak doors in front of her Bella strode toward her refuge. As she reached for the door handles, she heard a sound emanating from within. Bella turned the handles more slowly and when the latch retracted she pushed the doors open. The gap between the doors was no more than six inches when she saw the blond sitting up facing her, spread eagle on the end of the bed, David's head was between her legs. Bella stood still, her husband was seducing his lover and her rival in their very own bed. He lapped at her sex, oblivious to his audience. The blond Elaine looked up into Bella's eyes. A wicked smile carved into her beautiful face. Bella pushed the doors open, they didn't make a sound. David licked and sucked at his lover's pussy. Elaine closed her eyes and let out another deep moan,

'Oh god that's good,' she said taunting Bella.

Bella was so enraged, so full of hate that she was paralyzed. After a moment reflecting upon her husband's betrayal she simply turned and walked away.

♂♀

Again her car sped between the hedge rows, along the narrow country roads, but this time she was heading for London. She needed to get David out of her head, and maybe out of her heart.

'Sacrilege, sacrilege,' she said to herself, 'bringing that slut into our bed.'

Bella was mad as hell. He should have known better. He didn't have to use our bed, her logic confirmed his thoughtlessness.

'Obviously our relationship means nothing to him,' she screamed.

Just saying the words seemed to make his betrayal so much more real. Bella's cheeks were streaked with tears when she pulled the car over, she needed to cry properly. She howled, bellowed and blubbered like a baby. It seemed like minutes, but hours passed as her torment overflowed. Eventually she climbed into the back seat, pulled a small traveling blanket over herself and fell asleep.

Shivering, Bella woke cold and disoriented. Where was she? The car windows were covered with condensation, she was freezing. Her teeth chattered as she climbed back into the front, the leather seats were cold, she started the engine, turned the heater on and looked for something to wipe the windows. The car's lights did little as the car was shrouded in fog. Thick waves of white mist lay across the road, even with the fog lamps on she couldn't see more than twenty feet in front of the car, driving in this was madness. It was how people died, but right then Bella didn't care much for her precious life. She didn't want to die, but just never took her normal care.