Tom

An upset Melissa come running to find Tom who was just emerging from the women's restroom with the company's librarian.

"Tom, Tom."

"Melissa, calm down. Armageddon is not scheduled for today."

"Tom, Tom. Mrs Stokes has arrived and is with the partners. You and I have been called to them."

"Oh good. We can snare this one for you darling."

"What?"

"You'll do the work. I'm employed as the ideas guy. I'm not required to work."

"Oh, I think I understand what you mean. Will we survive this?"

"I bet my left nut we do Melissa."

"Oh Tom, I don't think you should talk to me like that."

"Please yourself Melissa. I shall remain circumflex around you."

"Do you mean circumspect?"

"Something like that. They are only words Melissa."

Melissa was by then so confused she was temporarily happy until she reached the boardroom door.

"Oh god."

"What, wet your panties?"

"Yes, I mean no. Mom will be so angry with me if I lose this job. She's been boosting to her friends I'm big in Madison advertising."

"Well physically that remains true Melissa but let's get you associated with me on this project and make you famous."

"Pigs can fly Tom."

"Well they don't in Texas."

"Oh hi, you must be Mrs Stokes. Neat body."

"And you must be the idiot who scrawled this note over my invitation to pitch."

"Well don't get your tits in a flap until we present."

The woman didn't ever look unnerved. "And exactly when will that be?"

"Now if you can bother to listen and cooperate."

Mrs Stokes appeared to be generating a full head of steam.

Ben and Caps stood petrified while Shona smiled sweetly.

"There Rosemary, didn't I tell you our Tom has the distain of a genius?"

Rosemary muttered something that sounded like she was confronted by someone who should be locked up.

"Rosemary... pretty name. A lady I know in the neighboring county back home who runs a brothel shares that name."

Rosemary Stokes gaped.

"Get the mouth close Rosemary and show me the metal bra. Oh, very nice. As the English would say, a smashing design. The workmanship appears top-line. Congratulations. Now drop the top of your dress and remove your bra. Don't mind Ben and Caps, they are gay. I see more tit than I know what to do with and Melissa here and Shona will be interested to see what you pack. Oh, really cute. Now pull your dress top back up. "

"I can't believe I'm doing this."

"This is not the right type of dress but for demonstration purposes put on the metallic bra."

"Over my dress?"

"Wow, you're a quick learner Rosemary. That's it. What do you think everyone?"

"I'm not sure."

"It's different."

"Smashing."

"It could balloon or it could bomb as a new trend launch."

"Thanks folk. Now Rosemary, here's the line to give you the Open Sesame with this new product to captivate young America today. Sorry it's only written on a soiled table napkin."

"Oh God," Rosemary shrieked. She then read it out, 'Armored and Ready.'

"Ready for what?" Ben asked.

"That's just it," Melissa said. "Don't you see? Young people don't want to be told anything. This slogan means exactly what it implies, ready for anything. Miss Peebles, give me an old English girl's name, short and not nearly as alluring such as Eve."

"Fanny."

"No."

"Dora?"

"Yes, brilliant. Oh Mrs Stokes, we now present you with the secondary line, "Wear something your mother wouldn't be seen dead in. Wear Metallic Dora."

There was stunned silence. Tom was grinning first at Melissa and then at Rosemary.

"Oh god, Rosemary said? This could be a sensation. I'll get secret marketing appraisal done. I woke up one night, having dreamed of Queen Elizabeth the First..."

"I know, in armor and looking out at the Spanish fleet before giving her famous oration to her defense forces. I sometimes have that dream. It's so inspirational," Shona said. "Melissa, can you lead the team to develop this concept?"

"I think so."

"She knows so. Melissa is shy."

"But you, shouldn't you be leading the team?"

"Mrs Stokes I only conceptualize, I don't execute."

"Please resume calling me Rosemary Tom."

"Rosemary, have you thought about designing bordello style fashion into mainstream. It could prove a big seller. The prices sex shops charges for it are outrageous. Men can go all night when bordello is being flashed around them."

Rosemary invited Tom to lunch to chat about ideas.

"Only if Melissa is invited. If we nut out things Melissa should be there from the start as she'll be doing the donkey work."

"Say yes Rosemary," Shona said. "Melissa I want you back here by 3:00."

"Oh brilliantly managed Shona. Come on you two."

After Melissa had returned to the office, Rosemary and Tom finished their drinks and Rosemary took him home. Tom dropped into stud mode but to his astonishment Rosemary told him to put it away. "I'm faithful to my darling Fritz."

In the bedroom she stripped off and teased Tom for the next thirty minutes by wearing a selection of bordello garments.

"Two years ago in New Mexico Fritz and I went into a restaurant that backed on to a bordello. Some of the women came in to eat and we talked to a couple and they invited us to have a look over their workplace. Fritz had a hard-on the entire time, rubbed up a little by the girls not doubt when I wasn't looking. I was quite enchanted how the two women transformed. They'd arrived in jeans and tops to eat and when we returned with them we watched them change and they looked far from repulsive. Indeed, as they worked their veils for us and I saw glimpses of flesh I admit to becoming horny. So I have made quite a wardrobe for Fritz and for me of course because I just love the sexy, flimsy touch. I see that you are aroused.

"Yes."

"Want me to relieve you, just with my hand?"

"No, I'll be fine. I suggest you deeply consider attempting to market this home eveningwear mainstream. My bet is you'll unleash a market of desire for such product. In watching you cavorting just now I could almost hear the tinny music from the bars and old-style cantinas with a bordello influence. Behind the curtains at the back a travel-weary guy will come up with a few dollars to slip between the thighs of a woman in the darkened room."

"You speak with familiarity."

"I've been to New Mexico a few times," Tom grinned. "But it's all in the head. There are slick-looking babes in ultra-modern offices in this city who perform with age-old tradition and don't even bother to ask for money."

Rosemary smiled and said, "You speak with familiarity."

Tom grinned.

"You are an unusual young man Tom Briscoe," Rosemary said, sounding if she was teetering.

"Come I'm calling a cab and will drop you off at your studio," Tom said, pulling out his phone. "I have no wish to corrupt you."

Rosemary sighed and grabbed her handbag followed him out.

* * *

Around midnight that night, covered in drying sweat and body fluids, Shona said, "Um Tom?"

"Yes sweet one."

"I've never taken it backdoor."

"And now you feel your time has come?"

"Yes. I thought you might have the experience."

Tom grinned. "As it happens Texas women spend hours sitting down having their nails done and their hair colored. There are exceptions to that of course. But for those who do there is the feeling their butt is the most under-exercise part of their body and they resort to the favored remedy for that."

"Butt fucking?"

"Right on baby. Here we go... now there's no hurry and you must remain relaxed and ride out any discomfort because I promise you the way ahead will be into new sensations."

"Oooh, new sensations. That sounds very promising. Here's the lube darling. I insist on a condom."

"No problem; so do I."

In the way casual relationships go, Shona and Tom began drifting apart. Shona had found he was too shallow for her and was disappointed although he had vision, his focus was too pragmatic to take her mind into romantic adventure lands of bygone days.

Their split was accomplished gracefully.

Shona said yawning, "Do you think much about your apartment these days?"

Tom rubbed and ear and said, "No, why?"

"I was just wondering."

"Would you like me to move back there?"

"Well since you've brought this up..."

"Okay."

"Tom, there's no rush."

"Oh good. I'll shift out tomorrow."

"Okay. Our company results for this quarter are looking good."

"Are you ready to fire me."

"Oh god no. You are one of the driving forces of our business dear one."

Tom celebrated his freedom by winning $10,000 payable to the writer's agency in an open contest to agencies to write a catch line for the IRS. The photo of Tom with the chief of the IRS public affairs office appeared on TV and in newspapers and the business press. It was stated many great slogans were rejected because they were inflammatory, defamatory, derogatory, silly or not politically correct. Tom's entry was described as 'magnificently simple; we in the IRS should have thought of it." It read:

'Pay your taxes; it's not optional.'

Scores of congratulatory emails arrived, making Tom aware of just how many people he knew in New York and beyond. None were received from Loving, Texas. He read them all including one that he treasured. "I knew you had greatness within despite your well-groomed naivety."

He's replied: 'Hi Jane, thanks. Let's have lunch one day but in the presence of your mother'. Jane never came back on that. Well, that was fine, Tom sighed. Jane wouldn't want to risk wrecking her restored family life.

There were some failures of course, the most notable being 'Book Week America' when at the eleventh hour the national committee rejected Tom's theme that was ready to go to print based on the theme, 'When Did You Last Read a Book Dumbo?'

The book week committee chairman was fired and the publishers demanded their payment of $88,000 be refunded. The partners of Tom's firm agreed reluctantly to refund $10,000 and told the organization to pay better attention when approving a promotional campaign in future. The organization threatened to claim $200,000 in damages but nothing eventuated.

The other more damaging fizzle occurred when the directors paid back $372,000 advanced to promote a black condom Tom assured the promoters couldn't possibly fail and named it the Black Sheik of Sheaths. Ethnic groups lodged complaints about political insensitivity and women went to the media complaining it implied that a black penis was superior to a white, yellow or green one.

The media of course had a field day, mounting a search for a truly green penis and the furious distributor was forced to withdraw the product. The partners accepted culpability in misfiring with the promotion as the name certainly had promoted deep unrest, and returned all fees but refused to accept culpability for marketing so refused the demand to pay the $78,000 costs incurred in withdrawing the product that fortunately had been confined to the state of New York.

Upset he'd cost the agency money and dented its reputation, Tom went on TV shows to defend his product-naming recommendation that had been accepted by the promoters. He became a minor celebrity because of his humor. For instance, he described how he'd envisaged the Black Sheik of Sheaths stealing through the night to carry out its mission of relief for damsels in distress... "even if in most cases it will only be the wife in her patched nightdress." Studio audiences and home viewers loved him.

At the request of a national advertising journal he wrote a cover story he called, 'My Failed Campaign Produced Some Laughs and 19 New Clients.' The cover illustration was a headshot photo of Tom merged into the tip of a Black Sheik of Sheaths. By then the sheaths were selling for up to a hundred bucks each as a collector's item. The distributor began advertising withdrawn product for sale.

Yes, nineteen new clients in five weeks as a result of publicity of Tom's failure and his sterling performance in defending his misfire-of-the-year on TV and then giving examples of his successes. In one instance the interviewer was wearing an exterior armored bra and showed her very trendy fishnet stockings manufactured with ladders and big holes in them. The stockings were marketed under the simple name Tom had suggested, 'Very Trendy Fishnet Stockings with Ladders and Holes'. Sub twenty year olds thought the stockings and the bra were the coolest thing since they'd discovered sex and the more their mothers objected the more pairs of those stockings they purchased. It became a badge of something... no one was sure a badge about what because teenagers are always difficult to figure out.

One of the Tom's new clients had 226,700 long black winter coats left unsold from the previous year. Company buyers ordering for the upcoming autumn were not interested, claiming fashion colors were in. The distributor was almost in tears talking to Tom.

"This will be the ruination of me. I bought the coats cheap and now they are sitting there, filling two warehouses."

"Right Silas. Just leave it to me. How much do you want to spend?"

"I'm poor, I have no money. My family is starving."

"Come on Silas; I come from Texas. Don't attempt to load that crap on me. Load two bucks on to the price of each coat and that money comes to us."

"Ohmigod, $450,000. This is the end. I'm dead."

"Silas, if I do my usual good job you will be pleading to your manufacturers for more product. Forget you are Jewish. Be a business man."

"But Jewish men are businessmen."

"Oh. That was just a wee slip Silas. Think of yourself as a tough dealing Texan."

"Me, a wheeler, dealer from Dallas?"

"It stretches the imagination but yes, the sharp-shooter Silas from Dallas."

Silas pondered. "But you had that huge failure with those black condoms."

"True Silas. But that was my failure for the year. We have another nine months to run before I begin to fall due for my big annual failure."

"Oh yes, very good. I didn't see that one coming."

"And that would be a first for you Silas."

"You make very good jokes Tom. Okay, here's the deal. Two bucks per coat sold, and not a dime more."

"I'll have to get the consent of the partners Silas. They are nervous about me after the condom campaign failed."

"I offered the deal without consulting my partners."

"You did?"

"Actually I don't have partners. It's just loose talk to fill in the gaps while you are wavering."

"Wavering, me wavering?"

"Yes."

"Actually I don't have partners. I only work for them. So Silas, we have a deal."

The men shook and Silas went off."

The partners looked at Tom in alarm. Ben summed it up saying, "This is an asshole of a deal Tom. You should be fired."

"Well fire me."

"Nope."

"Shona?"

"Nope."

"Caps?"

"Nope."

"What the fuck is this?" Tom said in exasperation. "I'm told I've made a lousy and unauthorized deal and ought to be fired but not of you is willing to pull the trigger?"

"Well Tom, it would seem Texans are a bit thick," Ben said soberly (he still had to go to lunch). "If we fired you we would still be left with this stupid contract with Silas; you did say you shook hands on it. Our thinking, as yet unexpressed collectively, will be there's no better person than you to make this deal work. Is that in words you can understand?"

"You're a cheeky shit Ben. I ought to give you a face readjustment."

"Fighting is banned on these premises," Shona reminded them.

"It will be one hit so consequently no fight."

Shona said admiringly, "You are becoming really clever Tom, except when dealing with the likes of Silas who got all over you."

"No he hasn't."

"Yes he has."

"Shut up bitch, this is pathetic."

Shona flared, "Using the word bitch in front of another employee is a disciplinary offence."

"I'm the only employee in the room, you guys are bosses; so how can I offend against myself?"

Caps grinned and said, "Leave it Shona. He's right and you know it."

"Well guys," Tom said airily. "Authorize me to spend 200k on this promotion and that means you sweep $253,000 into your coffers."

The partners looked at one another and nodded faintly. Shona said, "It's agreed but we must sign off before any expenditure is incurred. I think you'll be bending so far backwards to redeem yourself with this one you'll be up yourself."

"A sweet thought Shona. Yes, I believe I already know how I'll sell the 226,700 coats and probably another million. Under my agreement with Silas we get and I quote, 'Two bucks for every coat sold."

"Jesus."

"Jesus."

"My goodness."

"Thanks for your confidence guys."

The campaign was timed for the beginning of the consumer-buying season. The campaign ran only in top women's magazine. The full-page ad showed a twenty-something holding up a long black coat.

'You are cuckoo about your Little Black Dress Annie.'

'Well I'm going bananas about this brand of winter coat with the memorable name of The Long Black Coat for Winter. Every girl should have one. I'm buying two in case one gets wet. Available from most leading retailers.'

On day one when the first of the magazines went on sale Silas called Tom. "Not a single call."

"Hold your nerve Silas. The consumers will have to call the stores and when calls begin to mount that will activate the store buyers."

Day two: Similar dialogue with Silas. He admitted receiving two calls.

Day three: "We have two truckloads going out."

Day four: "Busy, busy Tom. Trucks are lining up."

Both coat manufacturers agreed reluctantly to gear up to produce more coats as a favor to Silas although by then they were on to next spring's ranges. They performed magnificently and pushed through another 667,400 units. Retailers took all of those from Silas on a no-return basis. The partners could scarcely believe all that money had poured into them for the outlay of a paltry $200,040. They were so embarrassed they decided not to talk about it. Tom received a huge bonus.

Silas took Tom to lunch to talk about the possibility of future business deals. His granddaughter arrived at 3:30 to drive Silas home and he saw the look that flashed between Tom and Ana. He pulled out two hundred bucks and handed the money to Tom. "Please take Ana out for dinner tonight Tom. She has been working very hard marking students' paper and needs time off. Ana, I insist you accompany Tom out. He was been of great assistance to the family."

They only went out together the once because Ana had a boyfriend. She left Tom's apartment at dawn aware she was temporarily very bow-legged.

More to Come