The Virgin Ceremonies

Brent: Found in New York

The city lights flashed and blurred in the window as I made my way through the streets in a black SUV. This wasn't a common taxi. It was a luxury car service. I was once again reminded of how wealthy these people were, and how wealthy I was not.

I stared down at the mask in my hands, black and anonymous. I grappled for some meaning behind the whole night, trying to come to terms with what I'd done. I did it for a good cause, or so I told myself, but I hadn't expected to enjoy it so much. And enjoying it made me feel cheap somehow. But the time that Ginny and I spent together was beautiful, perfect, unforgettable. I would have given anything to spend my life with a girl like that.

"I can tell by the look on your face you're thinking of Virginia."

"Huh?" I said, looking at Olivia. "Oh, no. I was just---"

"Please don't insult my intelligence. It's fine. Of course, you're enamored with the girl. What boy wouldn't be? But I really don't care. I'll remind you of your NDA. What happened tonight, didn't happen. You never met me, my sister, my mother, my daughter, and you never met Virginia. You're not to look for or contact any of us, least of all her."

"I wouldn't do that."

"Good. So, take tonight as a pleasant memory, the best job you ever had."

"Yes, ma'am," I said, looking out of the window.

"You did very well, if it's any consolation," she went on. "Really, you lasted much longer than I expected. I was very impressed."

"I'm glad."

"Unfortunately," she said, "the $1,000 bonus is forfeit. After all, you were not supposed to cum unless she told you to. I wish you followed instructions as well as you fucked. Take this as a life lesson."

I looked at the woman in the dark. Why was she being rude to me? I didn't care about the money anymore, but I still felt insulted.

"Fine." I turned my head back to the window, looking through the glass.

"Aren't you going to ask for your payment?"

Did I even want it? If she didn't pay me, maybe I wouldn't feel so lousy after the night I'd just had. "Is that how you deal with all of your employees?" I asked her, looking back. "You make them beg for their paycheck before you give it to them?"

The politeness vanished from her face, and I could tell I thoroughly pissed her off. I hadn't meant to, but she'd insulted me, and I was still grappling with the night. I knew she was going to give me the money, but I wasn't going to let her rub it in my face.

She reached into her purse and pulled out a thick envelope. She held it out. "Count it."

I didn't want to take it. What if I walked away from it? "I don't want it."

She dropped it in my lap. "You'll take it, boy. I paid you for a service, and you performed it."

The weight of the envelope in my lap seemed to pull me down.

"What?" she went on. "You think you have some moral high ground? You're a prostitute, 'Beau.' I paid you, and I got exactly what I wanted. Take your money and spend it on, oh, beer, and weed, and girls, and games, or whatever you simpletons do."

I picked it up. "It's for my grandmother."

"Sure, it is," she said. "Now, go ahead and count it."

"I trust you," I said, sliding it into my jacket pocket and returning my eyes to the window.

"You know, even if you met her again, she wouldn't be interested in you."

I sighed heavily. "I know."

"I just want to put your mind at ease. You may be a good lover, but you're not boyfriend material, not for a girl like her."

"Is there a reason you're telling me this?"

"I don't want there to be any misunderstandings. Do not attempt to contact her."

I was getting angry. "Look, I did a job. That's it."

"Good. That's exactly what I want to hear."

"We're here," I said.

"Driver, stop," she called up to the front.

He pulled up in front of the coffee house, Starstruck's. I gathered myself and stepped out.

"Brent," she said.

"What?" I said, turning back.

"You fuck well. Maybe you should consider it as a career. If you'd like, I know a madame who runs a male brothel."

I slammed the door in her face and hurried to the stairs beside the coffee shop. The car pulled away by the time I made it downstairs. I turned the key in my door handle and threw my shoulder against the sticky doorjamb.

Max barked and jumped up on me, rubbing his cold nose on my neck.

"Haha, okay, buddy, I missed you too."

I scratched his neck, running my hand through his golden fur. He walked around me, his tail wagging, sniffing me thoroughly.

"That strange scent is the most amazing girl in the world, but you'll never smell her again, so enjoy it while it lasts."

"Ruff!" Max barked.

"Exactly," I said.

I moved through the small apartment, turning on a few more lights. There were only two doors in the place, a bathroom and a small bedroom. I opened the bedroom slowly, peeking inside. My grandmother slept silently. At least, I prayed she was still sleeping. I always had this fear that one day she wouldn't be sleeping. I stared at her back in the dark, looking for signs of life, my heart inching up in my throat. Then she moved and I relaxed.

I closed the door quietly and sat heavily on the couch. I peeled off my coat, kicked off my shoes, and then I lay down on the couch, my bed, feeling exhausted, physically spent and emotionally drained. I stared up at the ceiling. I could still smell Ginny's perfume all over me. I savored each breath. I pulled off my t-shirt and touched my chest, bringing my fingers to my face, smelling hints and whiffs.

I'd told Ginny where to meet me tomorrow, if she wanted to. Now I felt like a fool for saying anything to her, for daring to think she would want me, for letting myself assume she felt the same connection I did. Her aunt was right. I was paid to have sex with her. Why would I assume she thought of me as anything more than a sex worker?

Max barked and I patted his head. He laid on the floor next to the couch, and I scratched between his ears.

"I liked her, Max. I really liked her a lot. She was perfect, like when you see a beautiful, warm girl, and you just think, I could be happy forever if I could make her happy."

I patted Max's side, and he whined a little.

Who am I kidding? I could never make her happy, because her family comes from money, and I'd never have any. Today, right now, was the richest I'd ever be. After this money got spent, I'd be poor again, and she'd never give me a second thought.

I was quiet for a while, just petting Max, thinking mostly, remembering Ginny.

"Do you think she'll be there tomorrow?" I asked Max. "It'll be an interesting walk, won't it, boy?"

The next morning, the last of Ginny's scent washed away in the shower as I got ready for work. After that, I got grandma out of bed and was treated to the usual wakeup routine.

"Who are you? Where's my grandson?"

"It's me, Grandma, Brent. I'm right here."

"You're not my grandson."

"Yes, I am, Grandma."

"You are?"

"Yup."

"You're James' son?"

"I am."

"You don't look like him."

"I know."

I helped her into the bathroom and gave Max a quick walk out in the alley while she was in there. When I got back, I got her breakfast together. She was generally okay as long as you fed her and put her down in front of the TV.

"I'm going to work now, Grandma."

"Okay, dear. Would you tell my grandson I'll be waiting for him?"

"I'll tell him."

Max barked at me.

"Keep an eye on her, buddy."

I headed outside and up the stairs and was at work by 5:45am. The door was locked and the lights were out. Karen was late, again. I sighed and waited with my back against the glass. I saw her bike come up around 5:58am.

"Not a word," she said, chaining the bike to the No Parking sign.

"Good morning," was all I said.

She opened the cafe. I hurried behind the counter and started prepping for the day. Naturally, a customer walked in at 6:01am and the rest of the morning was a frenzy. I swear, neither one of us breathed until the morning rush died down around 9:30am.

"So, what's bugging you?" Colin asked me. He came in at 9:00am. He was very thin, with slick black hair. He wore black eyeliner and black nail polish and was right at home wearing barista black.

"Huh?" I said, wiping down the counter.

"You seem down, sweetie," Colin said.

I shrugged. "Just a busy morning."

"Hey, fags," Karen said. She called us fags all the time. I didn't know why. Yes, Colin was gay, and yes, she was homophobic, and yes, it was workplace harassment, as we all knew from the training video we were required to watch, but Karen was the owner's daughter. She called us fags and we let her get away with it. I told Colin if he ever wanted to sue, he could use me as a witness, but he never seemed bothered by it. "Less chit chat, more work."

"I said two words to him, Karen," Colin said. "Why are you being so pissy? Are you on your period?"

Colin could talk to her like that, because they both had this understanding. She could be degrading, and he could be disrespectful, and they both knew he wouldn't sue, and she wouldn't fire him.

"Just make sure all the flavors are full before you two jerk each other off."

Colin and I got to work. "I think she's starting to think you're gay."

"I wish I was right now," I said.

"Well, I can help you there."

"I had the best sex of my life last night. With a woman, don't get too excited."

"Really, my boy getting some A.C.T.I.O.N?" he said, spelling out the word. "Details. Oh, my God, was it Karen?"

"Why do you keep suggesting that?"

"It's funny to me. Is that why you've been trying to hide that cute little mark I see under your collar?"

I readjusted my collar. "Maybe."

"Adorable. So, what happened?"

"It was a one-night stand, just happened."

"Good for you," he said. "Are you going to see her again?"

"No, and that's why I'm bummed."

"Why not? Call her up after work if you want to see her."

"I told her to meet me in the park tonight, if she wanted to, but I really don't think she'll be there."

"Why not? She didn't seem excited? Oh, I get it. It wasn't the best sex of her life?"

"It was, actually. I mean, not that she had many other guys to compare me to, I think, according to her."

"So, what's the problem?"

"Ah, just, you know. She's a rich girl, out of my league."

"Oh, she was looking for some discount dick and went bottom shelf."

"Yeah, pretty much."

"Sometimes that's the best though, gets you nice and wet the way you need it. All tastes like gasoline anyway."

"What?" I said in confusion.

"All right, friendly advice time. If she shows up tonight, good, but if she doesn't, move on as soon as possible. Don't dwell. Don't obsess. Don't even answer the phone if she calls."

"We didn't exchange numbers. I don't even know where she lives. We had sex in a hotel."

"Oh, my boy, okay, she is a lost cause. You know she is not going to be in that park tonight, right?"

"Yeah, I know," I said in annoyance. "Why the hell do you think I'm already bummed and not excited?"

"Fags?" Karen called. "Work!"

At lunchtime, I checked in on Grandma and Max, and then I returned to the cafe and finished up my shift. I had a sandwich at home and watched I Love Lucy with Grandma and kept an eye on the clock. I hoped Ginny understood when and where to meet me, that her ceremony was at 7:00pm, and where I would be.

At 6:30pm, I headed into the bathroom to give myself a dash of cologne and a spritz of product in my hair so it was a little wavier and livelier. I felt so nervous. Then I told Grandma I was taking Max for a walk.

I dressed up a little, putting on my one and only button-down shirt. It was light blue and went together well enough with my blue jeans. I made my way to the park and soon found myself at the fountain. I started to look around. It was 6:50pm now. She could already be here.

Max barked, and I thought he'd spotted her, but then I realized how stupid that was. Instead, another dog was yipping at him.

I walked around the fountain for another 10 minutes, but then I started to think, how would she even recognize me? She didn't know my face. I knew hers. It relaxed me a little, but not much, because I could just imagine approaching her, and then she sees my face, evaluates me, and decides right then that she'd made a mistake and pretends she doesn't know me.

I saw a strawberry brunette standing up on the terrace. I hurried up the stairs with Max, my heart hammering. I saw her from behind then. I approached, but then she turned and I stopped cold. Not her. She moved off and I took her place, looking down over the fountain from the terrace, searching for other reddish brunettes.

I glanced at my phone, 7:15pm. Maybe she was running late. Oh, I was a fool, and I knew it. I felt so low. Max nudged me with his nose, trying to cheer me up. I patted his head and rubbed his ear. We continued our walk, checking the faces in the crowd. As the light started to fade, the people went with it, and I knew it was time to give up and go home, but I didn't, not until it was dark. I sat on a bench there and stared at the lady of the fountain.

"She stood me up," I told the angel. "Don't know what else I was expecting."

I argued with myself. Maybe she was confused about the time. Maybe she was here at 6:00pm, and I'd been late. She probably left brokenhearted. Or maybe she misunderstood where to meet, got the wrong fountain, something. Or maybe...

"Maybe she's just not that into you."

I headed home with a heavy heart. No matter how much I tried to keep my hopes down, they'd been sky high. I paid a price for coming home so late too. When I opened the door, Grandma thought I was a burglar and started screaming. It took hours to calm her down and get her into bed. By the time I fell asleep past midnight, I was in no shape to wake up the next morning at 5:00am.

The days started to drag, as if I was running on four hours of sleep for weeks. My routine became depressing. Wake at 5:00am. Care for Grandma. Walk Max. At work by 5:45am. Lunch at 11:00am. Care for Grandma. Walk Max. Back to work by 11:30am. Leave work at 2:15pm. Care for Grandma. Walk Max. Stay at the park until 8:00pm. Put Grandma to sleep. Dream about Ginny. Repeat.

I didn't know how to get her out of my head. I wished I'd never taken the job. It wasn't worth it, no matter how much money, not his heartache. I was so depressed. She'd completely rejected me. But what did it matter? I knew it was going to be one-night only. I set myself up for this pain by inviting her to meet.

It was weeks later, around 10:30am on a Saturday, when a girl walked in and ordered a couple drinks. I didn't even recognize her at first. But as she spoke, something clicked.

"And I also need a mocha cappuccino for my friend. Could you put extra mocha in that, please?"

I stared hard at her, my eyes growing so wide they nearly popped out of my head. Fate had granted me a second chance.

"The name for the order?" I said, catching my breath. I typed it before she even said it.

"Quinn."

Colin was next to me, writing Quinn's name on the two cups.

"Anything else?" I asked evenly, getting myself under control.

"No, thank you."

"$12.52, please."

She paid and wandered off, waiting at the pickup area. I grabbed the mocha cup from Colin.

"We say 'please' here," he said.

"Colin, listen," I whispered quickly as I started to mix the mocha cappuccino. I didn't forget the extra mocha. If Ginny might drink this, I wanted it perfect. "I need to go to lunch right now. Can you cover me?"

"Ask the queen bitch in the back. I'm sure she'll say it's fine."

"No, she'll tell me 'no' to mess with me. It's urgent."

"You can poop here, Brent. It's fine. The bathrooms are clean."

"No. See that girl Quinn?"

"Yeah? Are you gonna ask her out or something?"

"Do you remember a month or so back, the girl I slept with?"

"You mean the reason you've been moping around like a kicked puppy? Yes, I think I remember. Is that her?"

"No, but it's her friend."

"So?"

"So, I want to follow her."

"Why?"

"Because... I don't know yet."

"Oh, don't do this, sweetie," he said. "You're going down a dark path."

"I just want to see her one more time."

"You're going to make everything so much worse."

I paid attention to the drink for a moment. I added plenty of mocha, probably too much, but I mixed it and put the lid on. Time was up.

"I'm going. Cover me, please."

"Damn it."

We both put our drinks in a tray and slid them to the pickup counter.

I smiled. "Here you are."

"Have a fab day!" Colin said.

"Thank you," Quinn said, taking the tray and leaving. I hurriedly pulled off my apron and my Starstruck's hat.

"This is the worst idea you've ever had, and you think caramel is tasty in everything!" Colin called after me.

"Caramel is tasty in everything!" I said as I hurried out of the coffee shop, my heart thumping as I saw Quinn down the street. She jumped into a cab. Damn it. I hurried after her just as her cab pulled away. I hailed another and hopped in.

"Hey," I said breathlessly to the cabbie.

"Yes, my friend, where you go today?" he said in a thick European accent.

"Okay, see that cab that just turned the corner? I need you to follow it. Hurry, please."

"Oh, no, no. I no stalk. Find another cab."

"No, please. Look, I have a good reason. There's this girl I like---"

"She like you too? Or she tell police to keep you away, eh?"

"It's not like that. This girl I like, we had one date, but we lost contact. That's her friend. She just walked into my coffee shop."

"Why you no ask her to tell friend hello from you?"

"Because that would have been a good idea, but I'm a moron."

He looked at me. Someone was honking behind him.

"All right, all right." He drove forward. "I charge extra for stalking, so you know, yeah?"

"Yes, fine," I said, catching my breath. Quinn's cab was at the end of the street as we turned the corner. It had been caught by a red light. "There she is!"

"Relax, relax," he said. "So why this girl not talk to you?"

"I told you, we lost contact."

"Come on, must be more to that, to chase after the friend. You love the girl?"

"I don't know. We only had one night together. It's kind of quick to decide if I'm in love, right?"

"Ah, you dumb kids out here, man. You listen to me. Love never come slow. Love always come quick."

"Really?" I said in confusion, keeping an eye on the other taxi, but my guy was following well enough.

"Yes! People, they fall in love in a night all the time, all the time. They go home, they say, oh, is not love, no no no, not me. Then they date some other person, go out, eat, sleep, do sex, and think, do I love this person? Not yet. If you only love someone after weeks of knowing them, still thinking about it, it's not love, it's comfort. You used to them. But, my friend, you listen to me. If you fall in love all in one night, that's real. I promise you, this this this, ah, how you say, longing, pull, excitement, this is love unfulfilled, ah, unrequited? Something like that. Yes, I no trust love that grow slow. Love is like universe, big bang, it happen, and then your job to figure out when, where, how, but it already happen. Universe is there for you to see. No one ever said a slow bang made a universe, yeah? Haha!"

I stared vacantly out the window, thinking about Ginny. "Holy shit, am I in love?"

"Ah, there you go, you figure it out."

"I dunno, but you're wise, man. Are you married?"

"Ah, yes, thirty years now, my friend."

"Was it fireworks for you too, when you first met?"

"Exactly, my friend, exactly. That's how you know. No fire, no works."

"But what if it was fireworks for me, but she doesn't want to see me again?"

"Ah, won't lie to you. It happen. But you try, you try, and if you don't, you never feel fireworks for another. This, okay, stalking not so good, but once in a while, just once in a while, it's okay. I think you're okay. Never hit a girl, yeah?"