The Ungrateful Wife - Ch. 06
Guilt No More
Ok, so now what? I'd finally gone and done the one thing I tried to convince myself I'd never do. Not ONLY had I just cheated on my husband, whom I sincerely wanted to spend the rest of my life with, but I had also betrayed a good friend in Guen.
Sure, I could come up with a million justifications for my actions. I mean, my husband kind of enjoyed the idea of seeing me with "bigger men". It was, after all, what made him fall in love with me in the first place. He fantasized about it a LOT, and, I had half a mind to think that IF Jason ever got to watch Richard and I going at it together that he'd love it. In fact, under the right circumstances, Jason would have loved being there in the workshop watching us this morning. Richard fucks EXACTLY like my husband likes. Nice and dirty. In time, I MIGHT even be able to convince myself that I did all of this for him.
And Guen, while somewhat innocent in all this, did, in fact, cheat on HER husband with Richard years ago. Let's not forget THAT little detail. Once she divorced her husband, however, and afer she had Richard move clear across the country for her, she just went all dried-up on him and lost all interest in sex. It wasn't fair of her to do that to Richard and she HAD to know that he'd need to get his needs met somewhere. Ironic, isn't it, how good sex brought them both back together? How could she not know that LACK of good sex could drive them apart? In a sick way, I was actually doing for Richard what SHE really needed to be doing for him. Hell, maybe I'd even help them SAVE their marriage. Yeah, I could make myself the hero in all this if I worked hard enough at it.
Truth was, however, I was essentially just another backstabbing, filthy, cheating slut who put her own morbid curiosity over the needs of all others. I knew it and now Richard knew it. How the hell did a casual curiosity about a friend's husband's big dick turn into all this???
I spent the rest of the day trapped in my own head, not being terribly social I suppose. I just couldn't bring myself to smile and play nicey-nice with Guen pretending I hadn't just fucked her husbands brains out hours earlier on her own property while she slaved away in the kitchen making breakfast for us all. Eventually, however, my dour mood caught up with me as Guen flopped down on the sofa beside me shortly before dinner.
"Honey, what's wrong?" Guen asked.
"Nothing," I said, trying to smile. "Why do you ask?"
"Well you seem to be moping around all day since breakfast. Did you and Jason get in a fight last night or something?"
I chucked at the realization that THAT was her first guess.
"Not at all," I shook my head. "I think my stomach is just messed up is all. I've felt kind of yikky since breakfast."
Mostly I was feeling "yikky" about my shameless actions in the workshop, but she didn't need to know that.
"Oh honey, I'm so sorry," Guen said with sincere concerns. "Why didn't you say something? We have some stomach medicine around here I think."
I groaned inside. This was just making it worse. Leave it to Guen to be thinking of ME after I'd done nothing but think of MYSELF this morning in the workshop with her husband.
Guen rushed off and came back offering me some Pepto Bismol or Roilads and I politely took them saying I'd think about it and thanked her for her being so sweet. She REALLY is a sweet woman. That's what made my betrayal so gut wrenching, but for HER sake I would have to put on my happy face this evening or Guen was likely to pick up on something.
By dinner time I had done a pretty swell job of correcting my attitude, if I do say so myself. Richard organized a BBQ down on the lawn at sunset and the six of us friends hung out, cracked some jokes and generally had a great time. Richard and I mostly avoided eye contact, though even THAT was awkward. Were we avoiding each other TOO much? Gosh, I was no good at having affairs.
