Shade returned many times after that to visit me, sometimes when Jaysin was away at work for days he'd send her to keep me company and that she did well. His own treatment of me was becoming distant, there was less and less physical interaction, and I found myself becoming attached more than physically to Shade. Fall was fast approaching, the leaves outside the house were beginning to change colors, Jaysin brought fewer guests to the house, his band equipment had been moved out and I had to believe either they were actually playing gigs and travelling, or they'd found somewhere else to practice. Shade stopped coming around as much and I was left alone in the house, too terrified of the dogs to leave, I couldn't go much further than the deck outside, when I'd come out they'd sit at the bottom of the stairs and look up at me insolently, as if desperately wanting me to come down and give them chase. I was desperately bored of this arrangement, he had added a door to his bedroom so that I didn't have access to the television and there were no phone lines in the house. My cellphone battery had long since died, the charger mysteriously disappeared once I'd arrived at the house and so I was completely isolated.
Into late October near Halloween, Jaysin suddenly returned looking desperately careworn as if he'd aged greatly in the time he'd been gone. I was past any desire to see him, or even Shade, I just wanted to go back to my apartment, if it was even still my apartment, and get out of this arrangement. I wanted to tell him this but he looked so sickly, so tired that I left him be as he stumbled up to his bedroom and returned to my own room and closed him out. Late into the night he came for me, and rather than inviting me to his room, took from me what he wanted in my own bed. I allowed him, gave him a good show of insolence and defiance and then turned my back on him when the deed was finished. "You have every right to be angry with me." he said and I shrugged, not turning over. "I shouldn't have brought you here...my life is not for you."
"If you say so." I said, trying my hardest to feign indifference, not wanting him to know he'd hurt me. "I just want to go back to my apartment if I still have one."
"You do." He said with a deep sigh. "There's gonna be a Halloween party here...I want you to stay for that and then you'll be free to go, I'll get you back to where you want to be."
I didn't say anything, my eyes stung with tears, his voice sounded full of genuine defeat, but I didn't dare ask him what was bothering him. I wanted to know but I didn't want him to know I cared and that was difficult. I kept my back to him, tried to keep my breathing steady, it was becoming ragged, on the edge of sobbing aloud. He left the room slowly, his footsteps reluctant at first but then I heard him sprint up the stairs and the door slam. Moments later I heard him playing the drums and opened my eyes with a start, I hadn't known he'd brought them back with him. I cried uncontrollably for a long while, sitting on the edge of my bed, my head hung down. I wanted to stay, suddenly, as badly as I wanted to go. This place had become a sort of safe-haven for me, even if I felt as if I was held here against my will, I also feared having to face the world alone again. The entire time I turned this realization over in my head he thundered above me on the drums, long after I'd fallen into an uneasy sleep I could hear him on the edge of my consciousness, and I woke suddenly when I realized the music had stopped. The fire had burned low and I was about to get up and fix it when a subtle movement at the door stopped me. I lay still, my eyes barely open, and saw Jaysin cross the room and add logs to the fire and then heard him go up the stairs again, this time being so quiet I didn't really know if he was gone.
The Halloween party came and went, it was a lot of fun, some people dressed up while others, like myself, did not. Shade was there and we spent a secret hour in my room making up for time we'd lost. I got her number, telling her I didn't know how much longer I'd be at the house but that I'd like to continue seeing her when I'd gone back to school. I returned to the living room and the crowd was beginning to dwindle down, Jaysin was leaning against one arm of the couch, one leg kicked up on the cushions, the other foot on the floor. He smiled slightly when Shade and I emerged from the hallway and then looked away. Shade gave me a kiss on the cheek and told me goodnight and then passed Jaysin with barely a word to him and slipped out the door into the night. Now only the two bandmates I'd originally seen remained. They tried to carry on a conversation with Jaysin as I watched from the hallway, where I was leaning on the wall, but he seemed to be a million miles away in his own thoughts. Both of his friends gave me accusing glances as they told him "Later." and departed.
The guests were gone and I looked at him expectantly, now he seemed to find the strength to look at me, now that they were all gone and we were alone. I approached him cautiously, wanting to ask him to allow me to leave now, wanting him to keep his word. I'd never been more ready to leave a place in my life, though in my heart never more ready to stay. My things were already packed at the top of my staircase, waiting. I sat on the opposite end of the large couch and didn't say a word. After a moment he said, "Get your clothes off." I stared at him, it didn't occur to me to obey him, not now, I was supposed to be free of him.
He got up, his expression suddenly unreadable, but fast becoming one of anger. I trembled slightly as I pulled off my shirt, there was a throw on the couch and I hid under it, covering myself from him. He wasted no time on getting started, instead ripping into me dry, I literally cried out in pain and he stared down at me, pinning me to the couch by my hands. "My God...I'm not gonna last..." he gasped and very quickly, it was over, he was dressed and sitting looking at the floor. "I never thought I'd meet my match in a college kid." He said, turning to stare down at me where I lay looking up at him sullenly. I hated when he made me feel so used, and he seemed to pick up on this vibe but said nothing, though his expression softened somewhat.
I waited until he'd gone upstairs to gather up my stuff, not bothering to dress I went back to my room angrily and took a bath wondering when he was going to release me. Hours passed and he didn't come down from his room that I was aware of, I was certain he was doing this to keep me around as long as he could. I slipped upstairs later to make a sandwich and was startled to find he was asleep on the couch right where I'd been laying. He was so dead out I dropped the knife and he didn't even move, he was actually kind of cute when he was asleep. Then I realized I had a chance to escape, since it was apparent he wasn't going to release me willingly. I stood over him for a moment, after retrieving the dropped weapon, contemplating how best to make my next move. I knew that I must be both quick and precise, for he was of an evil mind and if I did not succeed in killing him outright I most certainly would not live to make my escape. I stared at the steady pulse of his heart, visible in his exposed jugular and slid silently to my knees, the knife raised in my hand. I made my move but was stunned when his strong hand shot up, stopping the blade mere centimeters from where it would have passed through both his jugular and spinal cord, severing them and first incapacitating, then killing him. His cold blue eyes opened, narrowed, as recognition set in. I twisted my hand furiously, pulling it free and slicing his palm open in the process. He did not seem to notice the wound and he rolled from the couch where he'd been sleeping. I wasted no time dropping the knife at my feet where it landed on it's point, quivering menacingly.
I turned and fled, running as fast as I could, forgetting everything I owned. The plan, which had seemed foolproof in the moment it had taken to think it up, had failed. I was as good as dead. As I ran through the trees behind his house I looked back and realized he wasn't chasing me, but rather, standing in the door watching me, binding his wounded hand. His expression was unreadable at this distance, but I was certain I saw a look of amusement. I watched in shock as he now clearly smiled at me, a smile that did not touch the furious cold of his blue eyes, and turned, closing the door behind him. Worse than chasing me, he had decided to let me struggle to whatever end, and then I heard the dogs barking, the dogs coming for me. I felt the chill of the late Fall night air and knew I'd have to return to the house, but waited still, hoping he'd leave the door unlocked and not leave me to freeze, glad that for some reason the dogs never found me. Thankfully, he had left the door unlocked for me and I slipped back in and down to my basement room, terrified beyond belief of getting repaid for the wound I'd inflicted on him, but no knife came. In fact, I didn't see him again for a long space of time, mainly because I lived the life of a mouse in the cellar, slipping up late at night every couple of days to take enough food to sustain me.
After two weeks of not seeing him I was awakened before dawn by what sounded like my door being slammed open against the wall, not closed, as one would expect. I waited, frightened, in my room for half the day, a cold draft was coming down the stairway into my room, it put out the fire and I wound myself in my blankets. I waited hours before I went up his staircase and found that the front door was open and that fresh snow lay on the deck outside. Had I paid attention I'd have noticed that there were no footprints leading outside the house, but I was more interested in seeing the snow. It was coming down quite heavily and I stood wrapped in my blanket, barefoot and shivering, watching it in amazed wonder. Jaysin hit me so hard from the back I nearly fell, he forced me out onto the deck and into the railing so that I was bent over it, looking down. "We're going to try something new today, Cassidy." He yanked my head back by my hair so that his face was against mine. I could literally feel the malice in his touch so much that I didn't even notice the cold of the snow underfoot. He was unfastening his belt, I realized with a shock, and looked around at the snowy woods. "You're going to tell me why you tried to kill me, why, when you knew I'd never really harm you."
