I have always loved the old dime paperbacks so thought I'd try my hand at writing one. If it isn't your thing, thanks for looking but move on. Otherwise, hope you enjoy.
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Chapter 1: The Dame
The neon sign flashed on and off outside the second story building throwing a strange pattern on the musty walls of the old office. The hand painted advertisement on the window showed signs of neglect and stored an ample supply of dirt and dust for the taking. Even the alley rats had left the building and moved on to bigger and better things. Evening had finally arrived and the rain continued to fall on a long forgotten street.
The quiet of his office was disturbed by the ringing of the phone. Al Johnson looked toward the sound coming from the plain black instrument sitting on the edge of his desk. He stared at it as if he hardly ever heard it ring. Truth be known, he hardly ever did. Once more the ringing broke the quiet of the evening.
Al stirred in his chair and said, "You planning on answering that doll?"
From beneath the desk his secretary removed her pouty red lips from around Al's stiff cock. As she reached for the phone she said, "Does a gal have to do everything around here?"
She picked up the receiver and putting on her best fake smile said, "Johnson's Private Eye Service, how may we help you?" She looked rather put out as she listened to the caller.
After several minutes she placed her hand over the receiver and whispered, "You want to see this dame tonight or tomorrow?"
Al knew he didn't get many calls from people wanting his services. Usually it was another bill collector trying to ruin his day or take some of his already depleted bank account.
Figuring his secretary could finish sucking his dick before the client showed up, he said, "Yeah, tell her to come on over."
"Mr. Johnson could see you this evening if you like. Yes, twenty minutes should be plenty of time, I mean, that will be just fine. You know where we're located? See you then."
Placing the receiver back on its cradle she slid down below the desk and resumed the blowjob. Al's cock was still standing as tall as the flagpole in front of the mayor's office. She spit on his dick and proceeded to move her lips up and down his shaft. Al began squirming in the chair as if his butt was on fire.
She began rubbing his balls like she was kneading dough. He remembered why he didn't care she couldn't type for shit and didn't have much of a personality. Her hands, however, were pure magic and her mouth was to kill for. As she increased the speed of her lips his cock was ready to explode just like a cheap firecracker.
"Damn baby, you get better and better at this. Looks like practice does make perfect," he said trying to sound like he was in control. "Go baby, suck on that dick."
She looked up at him and taking his cock from her mouth she said, "Whatever you say Al."
When he came it felt like his balls had burst and he thought he would never stop. She acted like she'd been without anything to drink for days and proceeded to take every drop of his cum without hesitation. He tried not to make too much noise even though there was no one else in the run down building but the two of them. His moaning seemed to echo throughout the building as he emptied his load into her wet mouth.
"Fuck sweet heart, you were outstanding. Remind me to give you a raise when we get some work," he was finally able to say.
As she rose from the desk she looked like a cat that had just finished a bowl of cream. She wiped his cum from the corners of her mouth and straightened her tight fitting skirt.
She glanced at him and said in a nonchalant tone, "Looks like I'm the one that gave you the raise."
She shuffled back to the outer office and sat back down at her desk.
Al buttoned up his pants and ran his hand through his dark hair. He looked like he had kissed a bus while it was moving toward him. His shirt hadn't seen a washing machine in days and his pants looked like they were in dire need of meeting an iron. He sat back down in his chair and wondered what kind of trouble this dame was in that would cause her to want his services.
There was an almost timid tap at the door. She didn't wait for an invitation, she simply eased through the open door and stood quietly observing the drab surroundings.
The best way to describe how she looked was to check in the dictionary under "Brick Shithouse". There you would find her picture. She had short curly red hair which matched her ruby red lips. Eyes that were so engaging they would make a freight train take a dirt road just to follow them.
A skirt so tight you could see her slip had butterfly designs on it. She wore silk stockings that covered gams that went all the way up to her round ass. And you could hear the buttons on her blouse straining to keep her large tits under control.
She spoke in almost a whisper, "Mr. Johnson?"
The secretary paused doing her nails just long enough to point into the room where Al was trying to become presentable. This was a task which would require more time than he had at the moment.
"Come on in Miss."
She moved like a fashion model walking down a long runway. Her hips swayed back and forth as she moved toward the chair located in front of Al's desk. As she moved her butt looked like two kittens wrestling in a burlap bag. She had the moves that made men on the street stop and stare as she walked past them.
She eased down in the chair like she was sliding into a warm bath, crossed her legs and gave Al the once over.
"Well, I didn't catch the name," Al said trying not to stare at her large, firm hooters peeking at him from over her lace bra.
"My name is Mrs. Noobs," she said in a high squeaky voice, appearing to be talking to no one in particular.
"Well Mrs. Noobs what can I do for you?
She readjusted her ass in the chair and cleared her throat. Leaning forward toward him she said, "I think my husband is cheating on me and I want you to find out if he is or not. You see, I am rather well off and, if he is, I can divorce him without having to pay him one red cent."
Al was hoping for a missing person case or even a murder. Cases involving adultery were either boring or too messy to deal with. But since his stomach wanted to eat and he needed to pay the rent, he knew he'd be taking the case.
"I get a "C" note a day plus expenses. And I'll provide all the evidence you'll need one way or the other."
He was waiting for a reaction when, without any hesitation, she reached in her purse and pulled out a wad of money that could gag a large horse. She casually peeled off three $100 bills and handed them to him.
"Will this be enough of an advance?" she said shyly.
Al hesitated for a few seconds. He hadn't seen that much money since he found that rich dame's lost dog two years ago. He leaned across the desk and took the money. As he did he smelled the most exotic perfume coming from her. He lingered taking in her aroma before she finally leaned back in her chair.
"Would you like to take down some information regarding my husband?"
When Al finally came back from his fantasy where he was helping to undress her, he asked her to proceed.
"His name is Duke Noobs. He's 42 years old, about 5 foot 11, maybe 280, with gray thinning hair. He works at the Shagnasty Advertizing Agency over on Main."
Al jotted down the information and had started to go back to his fantasy about removing her clothes. Unfortunately for him she stood up, picked up one of his business cards and turned for the door.
"Then I'll expect to hear from you in a few days," she said as she glided toward the exit.
As he watched her tight ass walk away Al thought to himself, "This broad has one fine caboose, why would her knuckle head husband want to fuck anything but her?"
As Mrs. Noobs closed the door behind her, Al yelled at his secretary, "That's all for today doll, tomorrow I'm on the job."
He could hear his secretary gathering her things and moving for the door.
"Good, maybe I'll be able to pay my rent now instead of having to fuck my landlord!" she said as she left the office.
Al knew his landlord would be looking for him if he went home. He looked over at the Goodwill couch and thought there was no way he was going home. He pulled himself up off the chair and curled up on the musty old couch. He went to sleep thinking of Mrs. Noobs.
Chapter 2: The Husband or He's Like a Turd in
a Punch Bowl
Although he felt like he'd slept on a pool table and looked like he had tied one on the night before, he was on the job even before the roosters were up and about. He had followed Mr. Noobs when the man left for work. Noobs' office looked like the Daily Plant building off the Superman TV show. As Noobs entered the office building, Al settled down in his car across the street to wait.
The day had crawled along with no action at all. Al had almost finished the crossword puzzle he'd been messing with when Noobs finally exited the building. He figured the guy would be heading home and Al would have wasted the entire day watching the outside of a very dull, very gray, very large building.
Noobs got into his car but instead of heading east toward his house he turned and went west into the setting sun. Al's ears perked up like a bloodhound that had just found the scent. I knew that dirt bag was as crooked as a paperclip.
"Where was this peckerwood headed," Al said to no one in particular.
After a trip through the city Noobs stopped and parked in front of the Ritz Hotel. The Ritz had seen better days. There was no longer a doorman and no telling when it had come in contact with a paintbrush. Noobs slid out of his car and literally skipped up the steps of the place like a kid at recess.
By the time he gathered his camera case and entered the hotel Noobs was nowhere in sight. Al checked the Dining Room and even peeked in the Men's Room. No Noobs.
