Day Four
There was another folded card under my door as I stepped out of the shower. The feeling of Marisa still hung in the room and in my thoughts, but I was curious what new experiences today would bring. In order to prolong my sense of anticipation, I decided to dress first and then look at the card.
When I finally opened it, I saw that I had been chosen by Mei Ling and smiled at my luck. I definitely remembered her as the one woman on my mental list from the soup and salad table at the masquerade dinner that first night at the Resort. I recalled her shyness and not sharing much about herself, but listening intently and her eyes followed each of us as we all contributed to the conversation.
She was sitting next to me at the table and I remember trying to draw her out by asking easy questions to encourage her, but she gave only polite responses without elaboration so the conversation quickly turned elsewhere. There was something alluring about her quiet personality which I found intriguing. The two dances we shared after dinner taught me little else about her, but I enjoyed holding her and I felt that maybe she enjoyed being held as well.
Because she had left that night without a goodbye I felt that I had misjudged her feelings and was therefore surprised that she had chosen me today, but nevertheless pleased that I might finally have the chance to learn more about her during our day together. I thought about activities we could enjoy that would give us a chance to talk, yet provide topics of conversation that were not personal if she felt uncomfortable for any reason.
I found her quickly at breakfast and joined her at the table at which she was sitting.
"Good morning Mei Ling! I'm happy to be spending the day with you, so thank you for choosing me," I said enthusiastically.
"Good morning to you as well William," she said with a slight blush and then immediately looked down shyly at the menu.
"I've been thinking about what we might enjoy today and was hoping we could talk about things you like to do while we eat to help me decide," I said.
"I'm happy with anything you choose," she said hesitantly.
"Why don't we start with selecting what we like from the menu and go from there?" I said with a smile to giving her a little emotional space.
I sensed that she found our one-on-one conversation more difficult than the group discussion of dinner the other night because the focus on her was impossible to avoid. The waiter took our orders and as we ate Mei Ling seemed to get past the awkward beginning and relax a little.
I suggested a couple of activities I had been considering and asked if she preferred one over the other. She became less reserved and guarded when she realized I was not trying to pressure her to share, but was genuinely interested in her thoughts.
We agreed to try parasailing this morning as it was a lovely day and both thought seeing the island around the Resort from a higher vantage would be thrilling. Neither of us had ever done this before, but Mei Ling seemed to reach an internal decision and gave the first genuine smile I had seen on her face since meeting her.
"Why not? We'll have fun," she said.
We made our way down to the boat dock and were given a time slot during the next hour, so I asked if she would like to walk along the beach while we waited. She agreed and we set off toward the surf.
Mei Ling's expression seemed like she wanted to say something as we strolled just above the waves, but seemed reluctant, so I stopped and looked her in the eyes.
"Are you comfortable with spending time with me today? I know you asked specifically for me to join you, but if you have changed you mind, I respect that. I want to enjoy our time together, but only if you find it enjoyable," I asked sincerely.
"I do want to spend the day with you and your genuine concern about my feelings just confirmed what I had hoped you would be like after meeting you the other night," she said as a single tear ran down her cheek.
"However, I feel that there are some things I need to share about myself first. I'm afraid that if I am honest with you, what I have to say might cause you to change your mind about spending time with me. I don't want that to happen, but I feel I should be fair to you and tell you now," she said.
"I was drawn to you the other night at dinner for several reasons and sincere this morning when I said I was glad you had chosen me today. I find you intriguing and have been looking forward to knowing you better. I can't imagine what you might say that would change that," I said as I reached up to gently brush away the tear.
"We'll see about that, but this might be easier for me if we walk along the beach as I talk so I'm not staring into your eyes. Is that okay with you?" she asked as more tears fell.
"If that makes you more comfortable Mei Ling, that works for me," I said.
"I was raised in a very strict Chinese family. My father is a businessman with many international connections. My mother strives to be the perfect wife and kowtows to everything he wants, knowing that was her role as a companion," she paused, "...and a woman," she said.
"I was raised to put my needs second to a man and to not question them in anyway. My father arranged a marriage for me to an older recently widowed man in America with whom he wanted to do business and I had no choice but to go along with his wishes. My mother told me before the wedding that as a woman, I was to do everything for the man in the home and submit to anything he wanted sexually," she confessed.
"My needs were not important in this, so she did not feel the need to teach me anything about sex, because my husband would show me what he wanted in bed. I was to be happy regardless. As you might imagine, I was quite anxious, but determined to play my role," she said.
I was shocked by this outdated notion, but realized my view of the world was not the only one, so I kept my face even and gently encouraged her to continue, which she did after a few seconds.
"My father got what he wanted and they went into business together, but my marriage was not happy in any way for me William. I did as my mother instructed and tried to model my behavior after what I saw her do while growing up and I think I pleased my husband in that way, but not in sex. He told me after the wedding that he did not find me beautiful, that he preferred tall, blonde, big breasted white women and only married me to get the business partnership," she said.
"We slept apart from the beginning and that relieved much of my anxiety because I could focus on keeping a peaceful harmony in the home, a task I felt very capable of accomplishing. I was the perfect, quiet hostess for his business guests and never bothered him or expected anything from him. At least in this he was content with me as a wife," she said.
"I'm sure he was having sex with his secretaries and I actually felt relieved about this, but a couple of times he came home drunk in the early hours of the morning and barged in to my room and climbed on top of me in bed," she said.
"The first time he did this was very hard for me because I did not know anything about what to expect from sex. He left the light off because he said he didn't want to look at me, but lifted my night gown enough that he could penetrate me," she said.
"He loomed over me and I felt something thrust inside me between my legs. It was painful and scary because I didn't know what was happening. He moved his hips back and forth a few times and then I felt something wet spurt inside me," she said.
"It took everything I had not to cry out loud because I thought something had broken in my body and the blood I saw on the sheets later seemed to confirm this. He rolled off me and out of the bed quickly afterward then walked into my bathroom and used a washcloth to clean himself, all the while complaining about how dirty he felt," she said.
Mei Ling was crying harder now and I tentatively placed on arm on her shoulder. She stopped walking and let me hold her in my arms as she sobbed onto my chest for several minutes. Without meeting my gaze, she dried her eyes and began walking again.
"My husband did that one more time while we were married and it was not better the second time, but I at least knew this time what to expect and that he had not damaged me in the act. He was caught embezzling funds from the company he co-owned and was sent to prison three months ago, so I was able to get a divorce just last month," she said.
"I was also able to keep some of his wealth due to the circumstances and I had thought about returning to China to stay with my family, but my father blamed me for my husband's behavior, saying I hadn't done my duty as a wife to protect him, even though there was nothing I could have done," she said.
"So I didn't know what to do next, but when my lawyer suggested this Resort, I realized I had nothing to lose and no other plans, so why not take a chance. As you have probably noticed, I don't have much experience interacting with groups of people and especially when it is supposed to be fun, so I have been hanging out on the edge of things and just learning by watching what others here are doing," she said and took a deep breath before continuing.
"You asked me to dance the first night and I wasn't sure what to do, but I liked the way you treated me at dinner and decided to take a chance. After the second dance, my nerves got the better of me and I ran away," she confessed.
"I'm sorry I did that and don't want you to blame yourself. You were a perfect gentleman, just like you are being now. I didn't know how to handle someone who cared about what I had to say and who wanted to share time with me," she said apologetically.
"I also felt my body...well, a specific part of my body...doing something I had never felt before as you danced with me and that also scared me even though it felt good," she blushed.
"I ran to the bathroom so I could catch my breath and make sense of the strange sensations but that didn't help so decided to leave instead. I found my tour guide and he escorted me back to my room, where I felt a little calmer by myself," she said.
"I wasn't sure what was happening inside your head, but thank you for that brief time together and for letting me spend the day with you now. If I'm not out of line, I find you beautiful and I think you will find that most men are not like your past experiences," I responded.
