We left Jacen's apartment pretty soon after they came. I could tell that they may have gone for more typically, but got the impression Jess was wrapping it up intentionally to gage my reaction and tend to us.
That alone was reassuring to me. To be honest, I could completely understand why Jess would have wanted to go again. What they did was better than any porn I had ever seen.
She came back to my place. She was really practically living with me now she spent many nights a week at my place. We would occasionally stay at her dorm since Lindsay was pretty swamped with her lab work and was hardly around. Technically, she wasn't supposed to have overnight male guests, so we kept that on the downlow.
"Babe, I'm going to take a shower now. If you don't mind, I'd like to just shower by myself tonight. Ok?"
"Yeah, sure," I replied. She gave me a sweet kiss on the forehead since I was sitting down on my bed and went to take her shower.
Seeing what I had tonight was pretty life changing. It was far better than any porn I had ever watched. The woman involved being my girlfriend, whom I had been intimate with countless times in our time together made it so much more real, so much more erotic. The feelings of inadequacy in comparison to that prime example of a man were intense. He reflected so much more what we expect a man to be. His well-earned confidence in his appeal to women was intoxicating when put up against the societal expectations of a loyal girlfriend. Could I imagine being with a girl who might cheat on me when confronted by a seduction by this specimen of raw manliness? Absolutely. And it's mind blowing to find myself with an incredibly attractive woman who does desire to be with me but also honest enough with all involved that she as no desire to not enjoy both experiences. What we have versus what they have.
So the question is will this work for me, for us. I absolutely got off on it. The voyeuristic nature of it, the intimacy of watching someone I'm sexually involved with fuck someone else. The dominant/submissive roles played out, especially amped up by the racial context. But can we sustain this? Will it still appeal to me the tenth or the hundredth time?
I start to wonder if it would be different if Jess was my wife of many years and this was all new to us versus a relatively recent relationship where she was previously involved with him. In this case, I'm kind of the interloper. Jacen came right out and said that Jess was seeing him less because of me. That such a weird place to be.
And then I think about what else he said. That he could tell Jess to stop having sex with me, or at least block my access to her pussy anyway, and she would. Was that all just talk? Had she prepped him with that denial talk because of what she and I had discussed? Is that something I would really want, or was the idea of it just hot but the reality of losing access to my new girlfriend's pussy not sustainable. At that point, is she even my girlfriend anymore?
And what was all that talk of tattoos and actual pregnancy? I'm certainly wondering if it was just to amp up the experience for me. I know Jess has told me before Jacen doesn't want to accidentally knock up some goldigging bimbo. Does the idea actually appeal to him even if he knows the reality would suck for his future? Is Jess now being "taken" by a boyfriend make her even safer than before?
I find myself getting hard at thinking about the tattoo and interracial pregnancy. Both are huge triggers for my developing cuckold desires. They both are tied with the potential shame of being exposed for being cuckolded, "taken to eleven" by the racial overtones. Jacen mentioning Jess and I potentially getting married took me to a place where I could imagine her allowing Jacen to consummate the marriage, excluding me, perhaps in a cock cage.
And then I shake myself out of it. There is easily a spiraling out of control that thoughts like this take me. Where would it end?
