The Awaening

Note to reader: Saffiya Daoud is 28-year old French-Moroccan psychologist and sexologist. A graduate of Sorbonne, she is third-generation descendent Moroccan immigrants. A slender, olive-skinned raven beauty, she is a head turner. A sexually liberal woman, who has a difficult relationship with her family, due to her left-wing views and choice in lifestyle. No regular partner, just causal encounters, she travels to Tunisia to study new found sexuality post-Arab spring.

"Ladies and gentlemen, we'll shortly be arriving in the Tunisian capital Tunis, once again we would like to thank you for travelling with Air France and we wish you a safe onward journey."

Awoken by the announcement, I try to regain composure. Returning to the Arab world, a place in transformation and upheaval, after the old dictatorial order came crumbling down. We are living in a historic moment, and I want to investigate, what impact these upheavals have on people attitudes towards sex and sexuality.

The idea of Arab sexuality has always been a hotly debated political topic and as a French person of Arab descent, I'm not immune from it. The personal is political and female sexuality is complex, threatening and contradictory. Growing up in a conservative Muslim household, and having restrictions placed on me, only for me to break these restriction upon heading to university has greatly impacted my world view and politics.

I also find it difficult to have serious relationships; I prefer no string attached sex, because it feels less restrictive. Before embarking on this journey, I attended a sex orgy, and sucked off five guys, penned by 7 guys and did anal with 3 guys. It's fair to say, that I get stuck into my research, if it feels good do it, right?

But I know, as a French researcher , I am entering into a minefield. We invented a field of study called Oriental studies and practitioners of this field are called Orientalists. In 1798, when Napoleon invaded Egypt, he took with him an army of scientists, artists and scholars to study and produce knowledge of the new world. However, this knowledge was designed to serve Europeans who wanted to subjugate the non-European world from Japan, India, Arab world to Africa. Quite often they would try to justify, the subjugation as necessary and even good, in France we developed a concept called the 'civilising mission'- in short our rule over non-European people was essential, because they were 'backwards' and 'primitive' and only we could 'civilise' and 'modernise' them.

This field of study proved crucial in developing the notion of 'them and us' or 'The West and the Rest' and things like 'The Clash of Civilisations' or 'The Roots of Muslim rage' are the latest manifestations of it. As a sexologist, I'm in a particularly difficult spot, as sex became the means of European subjugation. In the 19th century European Orientalists produced accounts of the Muslim world- as being a hot bed of uncontrolled sexuality and every form of sexual 'depravity', 'debauchery' and 'bestiality' went. In short, Muslims were too horny and always at it and this offended the 'civilised' mores of 19th century Europe. Thus they needed to be colonized and taught prudishness.

The sexual liberal image of the Arab world changed in the 20th century in the eyes of the Europeans. Arabs went from being sexual ravages to sexually puritanical and repressed- replacing one stereotype with another. It's true that the Arab world became more conservative, but this was due to the long-term effects of foreign colonization. Thus, many Arabs are suspicious of westerners coming into their country and studying their sexuality. I am hoping my Moroccan background gains me entry into people's private lives.

We land and I head to passport control, the border guard stares at my passport and at my face, I offer him a smile and am waved through. Jumping into a taxi and heading to my hotel, I have a few hours to prepare, before my first interview. A few hours to relax and then I get ready.

I head off to a café near Tunis's main university, where I am due to meet Joumana Hatim, who teaches French literature and European philosophy at the university. Since, the revolution she has courted controversies, and has been an outspoken critic of what she calls 'Islamization' of her society. She runs a blog in French called 'my pussy, my rights', and has challenged both conservative and neo-conservative traditions. She also released an audio tape of herself having sex with an unidentified male.

I see a fair-skinned, dark-haired and dark-eyes woman, wearing denim shorts, cowboy boots and a little top with sunglasses, who appears to be in her late twenties. I immediately recognize her and wave her over.

Joumana: "Bonjour, how are you?"

"I am fine and you?" I say, as we kiss each other on the cheeks. The beautiful, if not sultry, young lecturer takes a seat and we order some coffee. I start the interview and I am curious to know why she does what she does? "So, you describe yourself as a sexually liberated modern woman, could you tell me what you mean by that?"

Joumana: "Female sexuality is a deeply politicised and revolutionary space, through the prisms of our bodies, we can shatter patriarchy, traditional power, dominance and slavery. It's seen as necessary to control female sexuality in order to preserve male privilege. By liberating our sexuality, and not being cowed by labels such as, good girl versus bad girl, or slut versus virgin, we can destroy the psychological colonization of our minds."

I look at her with an intense look, "So sex is political too you?"

Joumana: "Sex is political for all of us. But also, women have sexual needs and rights too, and we need to remove our fears about our own sexuality. I set-up an NGO called Jasad (Body), and our aim is to get a sexual conversation going for women. We educate and listen to women's needs and aim to empower them."

"Recently, you have taken aim at Islamists and so-called Islamization of society. What do you mean by this?"

Joumana: "Islamism is a political project, which aims to use the language and cloak of religion to pursue neo-conservative and intolerant political agenda. Religion in Tunisia and the Islamic world in general has always been a de-centralised, pluralistic and contradictory phenomenon. There's no Islamic Vatican and no one interpretation exists- which means by default our societies have always been secular. Traditional religion exists alongside other cultural traditions and mixes with them." She pauses and takes a sip of her coffee, which energies her beautiful face.

Joumana: "But Islamism is a new political phenomenon. It has a distain for traditional religious practises and seeks to eradicate them. Islamism seeks to homogenise religion and to use it as a force to change society based on their singular vision. Islamists are extreme modernists and many are neo-liberal capitalists- they emerged in the 1970's as a result of the failure of both left-wing politics and third-world nationalism politics. Many leading figures in the Arab world in the 60's and 70's were openly agnostic and atheists- but today- no one would dream of being public about it. That's because Islamists have been taking up charity and civil society work and worked on society. They have changed social and political mores and since the Arab Spring, they have more power and influence than before."

While we are talking, an attractive waitress walks over to us with refills. Upon hearing our discussion she adds, "Please, the Islamists are just a group of sexually frustrated men. All they need to do is to get laid." She then walks off and Joumana and I look at one another before resuming. Joumana laughs.

Joumana: "You see everyone has an opinion. But I'll tell you, I fought against dictatorship in this country and I took to the streets to get rid of Ben-Ali. But I will not have my rights curtailed by Islamists just because they also opposed his regime. The women's body is dangerous too them and hence my sexual activism. Sex is a weapon and I intend to make full use of it. Which is why I released those audio tapes and run NGO's to do with female sexuality. The Arab Spring will not become and Islamist winter."

Joumana is an interesting interviewee and as we continue to talk- the more appreciation- I have for the notion of sexuality as a political weapon. Joumana also said to me, "My body is North African and my heritage is Arabo-Islamic. But my mind is in Paris and my soul in French Philosophy." This quote really got to me. People like Joumana constitute a tiny segment of relatively elite group of intellectuals within society. They are often accused of being 'European' and trying to emulate that of which they are not. Many seem them as 'colonized' people who still lust after bygone times, and while most of Joumana's critiques of Islamism are accurate, I cannot help but wonder if much of her fear and loathing from them comes from the inherited prejudices from the ousted regimes propaganda. And this makes me deeply unsettled.

Jounmana: "You're quite an intelligent and attractive girl. I'm heading to a party in a few days, why don't you join me? I will show you the other Tunisia!"

I agree to join her at the party and we depart ways. Over the next few days, I speak to a wider range of people and read more stuff. Tunis has a red-light district and I visited it and spoke to sex workers. I also speak to ordinary couples and what gets me is how sexually open this place is. There are parks were people do it. Most single girls I interviewed are not virgins and the more time and interactions I have here makes me see sexuality in the Arab world in a different light. Sexuality has multiple manifestations and the Islamist have their own manifestation of it.

Personally this makes me feel conflicted. I am a hyper-sexualised individual, but from my upbringing, I always felt that this negated my cultural heritage. My pleasure seeking violated my traditions and I have always felt a sense of guilt. I always imagined sexual Puritanism to be the traditional Arab culture norm- despite my academic reading which contradicted this. Its one thing to know it intellectually and quite another to know it sub-consciously. This place has forced me to change sub-consciously, which means I am having my own Arab Spring. Culture and traditions are not static but ever changing, and my hyper- sexualisation is part of my culture and traditions and not in conflict with it. Despite what that waitress said, Islamists are not anti-sex and they do get laid a lot, as my interviews revealed.

I've been trying to run away from my heritage, maybe it's time to stop running? The night of Joumana's part arrives and I slide into leather leggings, sleeveless top and high heels. I've had so much European cock and I am curious to know what Tunisian cock feels like? People here are very beautiful. I arrive at a house and I buzz the intercom- and I am buzzed through.

Joumana seems pleased to see me and kisses me on both cheeks. She then introduces me to her friends and two guys take interest in me. Zain and Abdul are both friends of Joumana, but are unlike the others at the party. They are tall, tanned and well-built and both are actors. Joumana whispers into my ear, "I think you'd enjoy them. I've had them a number of times and they are special."

Alcohol, drugs, dancing and fornication this part has everything and to any westerner it plagues the question- are we really so different after all? Sipping wine, I sit in Zain's lap, so that I can feel his cock grow. Despite being of a similar heritage, I feel Zain and Abdul, are exotic creatures and dark-beginnings are inherently fiery, passionate and sexy. I realise of course, that these ideas are white European ideas about these people, which being a Moroccan-French woman I have obviously picked up from French society. This should disturb me, but right now, all I want are these Arab beasts to sexually punish and control me. I would be a good whore!

Although sitting in Zain's lap, Abdul still strokes my leg and we try to have a normal conversation. It's then that I tell them what I want and both seem surprised. But ultimately they both agree and I jump off Zain's lap and both me take either of my hands and lead me to the bedroom. Joumana winks at me as we pass her by and I acknowledge her wink with a tilting down of my head.

In the bedroom, we are finally alone. Exotic Abdul turns to face me and applies his lips to mine and the two join together in a mystical union. I want them to punish me for having European cock, these sex beasts. Abdul slides his tongue into mine and they engage in a dance of the ages- saliva swaps mouths like people's phone numbers. Abdul's minty breath re-assures my taste buds that something wholesome and good is about to tingle their senses. Meanwhile, Zain strokes my butt and lower back indicating his sodomite intensions.

Abdul pulls his tongue out and spits in my mouth, which I duly swallow. The room temperature seems to be rising and sweat emanates from my brow. Finding no adobe, the sweat continues its move across my head and falls off my face, and lands onto the floor disintegrating upon impact. Penetration, penetration, I want to be penetrated, the voices in my head cry out. No more, no more, I surrender to your majesty, please go rough, I find myself saying. A big Arab dick inside me would cure what ails me. Abdul licks my face and much of the sweat off too- while- Zain kisses, licks and beats the back and side of my neck.

I never thought I could be so aroused by an Arab man, but now I depressingly want one. Zain nibbles on my ear lobe and Abdul blows air into my other ear. Abdul places his hand and begins to rub the crotch areas of my leather leggings, while Zain runs his hands through my hair. Zain crotch is pushing against my ass and I can feel his manhood growing, I never knew Arab men could have large manhoods, I always thought they were meant to be tiny. European men are meant to be big, so much for power and sexual knowledge. My perception of the powerful white man, lead to a perception of a powerful lover. Europeanized beauty was the ultimate beauty, because of its association with power and power is always right.

My womb wanted to be impregnated by a European man, because of their civilisational dominance and from them I obtain power. Power is erotic, hence, why I believed that Europeans were better lovers and now these two Arab studs are about to teach me a new lesson. Maybe I will marry one of them and given them the benefit of my rationalised scientific European mind, which will dispel their superstitious, savage and primitive customs and tame and civilise them. I think this as Abdul eats my face off.

Abdul now kisses down my neck and chest area, I place my hand on his crotch area and try to squeeze his cock imprisoned by his pants. I place my other hand behind me and do the same to Zain. Both men grunt and become more excited, they want more and I do too. I lift my arms in the air like the spirit of the phoenix and both men pull my top off. My bra is quickly unhooked and my breasts feel the air of liberation.

Abdul places his lips on each nipple and kisses them both out of respect. He then proceeds to lick and suck them. Teasing my nipples with his tongue, his wet and sloppy tongue encircle my nipples sending them into a state of hardening. An erect breast and two erect penises, not a bad start. Zain becomes increasingly impatient and his veins burn with lust. Desire has overcome him and made him rowdy, he pulls down my leggings and panties with aggression. My westernised ass lies bare for him.

While Abdul's tongue is making love to my breasts, slurping down their wildly, Zain is unzipping his pants and unveiling his manhood. I stick my hand behind me and place it on his bare cock and squeeze it. It feels large and untamed and I feel my arousal steadily increasing. I pull his cock towards my ass and place it on one of my cheeks, before letting go. He wastes no time and starts to rub my cheek up and down and sideways. Leaving a line of precum as he goes along, which he rubs into my butt cheek.

I know I can't hold him off for much longer. He opens my butt cheeks and slowly slides his cock between them. He places his arms around me and pulls my head back. I scream wildly with ecstasy, while he pushes in further and further. He reaches my outer ring and slides into my colon and implants himself within. Meanwhile, Abdul places his hand on my outer virginal lips and starts to tease them with his fingers. Zain kisses the back of my head and then pulls his cock out and then in again. He increases his speed and within moments the faint sound of balls clipping butt cheeks grows ever louder. Cheeks become red and a grown man wails, cries, screams, grunts and groans with pleasure.

I feel my pussy becoming moist and Abdul does not let up. His tongue penetrates my bellybutton before it reaches my pussy. Using his tongue and fingers, he opens my pussy up to a whole new world. His tongue penetrates deeper and deeper with the aid of his fingers. He pulls himself upwards and pulls down his pants and unveils his throbbing manhood, which is the pride of the Arabs. Using his hand, he directs his cock onto my outer lips and gives them a good rub. The teasing of my lips send my into a sexual sensation, while the smell of sex fills my body with desire and passion.

He now inserts and pushes pass my inner sanctum and enters into my private world. His cock is a work of art and it manages to make it all the way in. Two cocks implanted within me, a double pen, and a devlish smile on my face. Abdul begins to make pelvic movements, which go upward in trajectory. It takes him a few moments but he does get going, and my pussy turns red. I feel my anus and pussy being ripped in-two and I'm loving it.

I kiss Abdul on the mouth and slide my wet tongue in, while he pounds my pussy. Nothing feels better than for my ass and pussy to receive equal treatment. Harder and harder they pound, reder and reder I go, even my facial cheeks feel the impact. I can feel blood rushing through my body and the smell of cum drifts upwards and greets my nose. My body will ache after this, but it's necessary and right that I continue.

My pussy begins to drip, and I can feel fluid go up my ass too. Both begin to leak and it feels me with excitement. I feel my leaky pussy is a symptom of an orgasmic sensation that has overcome me. Cum drips out and I am close to climax. I close my eyes and scream my lungs out and then suddenly, white liquid comes out in large droves and my brain relaxes itself. I have had an orgasm.

Both men stop and withdraw and have a victorious look on their face, like they have just conquered me and won me over. To show my gratitude, I fall to my knees and begin to suck both of their cocks. I lick, tease, slide, bite and stroke their manhoods, rubbing them in sensitive areas and swallowing their balls. Both men redecorate my face with their hot jizz and for the first time this evening, my face looks like my sub-conscious, white. I of course cleaned and swallowed every drop.

The evening ended and I felt a huge change in my social attitude, I no longer felt guilt and the wall of fear that held me in check had fallen. I later interviewed Islamist woman and found their sex lives were very fulfilled and I began to wonder about the dictum, that the Arab Spring was a revolution of the mind. But a revolution for whose mind? Who proved to me a revolution for my own mind and I take these thoughts and finding back to France with me.