Here I am, standing in a bus terminal, my two preschool children standing on either side of me. We are waving at a bus as it pulls out of the loading station. We cannot see inside the bus. We are hoping that mommy can see us waving to her and that she is waving back. My heart is in my throat. My stomach is in knots. I would probably be panic stricken except for the two children standing at my sides. Just by their presence, they say, "Life goes on." But where is it going and how did I get to this place at this time? It will make most sense to begin with a look back.
I'm Jim. My wife's name is Patty. We met at college. It was a college associated with a Protestant denomination and was located outside the city of Chicago. I was not very experienced in relationships as I entered college. This was my first serious one. When I was sensing it was becoming serious for both of us, I felt I had to bring up the topic of sex in our relationship. One of the reasons I was not highly experienced was because I had a pretty good notion that my sex drive was more intense than that of many of my peers. I was afraid that I might very well have trouble disciplining myself in a relationship. Not having a relationship at all seemed safer than having a relationship with a girl and having that relationship get out of control. I wanted to respect women. I certainly wanted to respect the woman who would become my wife.
But once I felt that I was in a relatively serious relationship with Patty, I knew it was only fair to bring it up to her and talk quite frankly about the intensity and frequency of my sexual thoughts and feelings. I brought it up in this context: that I knew that I was a highly sexual individual and I would require a wife who also liked sex -- a lot. If that was not who she was, then we should break it off now, before our feelings became even stronger for one another and our pain upon breakup would be more severe. What would be even worse would be for us to get married with widely divergent views on the importance of sex to the relationship. It seems as though having divergent views would bring a constant source of conflict into the marriage. I did not want that. I did not think that Patty would want that either.
We had two or three talks about this over a period of a couple of weeks and each time she assured me that she, too, felt that her sex drive was higher than average. She was confident that we would be able to meet each other's needs and would bring joy to our marriage. These discussions were never meant to be a prelude to sex, and indeed they were not. It was not too much after these discussions that we talked about marriage and felt it would be best to get married sooner rather than later. Parental pressure and achieving a college degree postponed the marriage until the end of the spring semester. It was our sincere desire to be able to refrain from a sexual relationship until our wedding day, but a few times we slipped up.
Upon leaving school, I got a job and Patty almost got one too, but we discovered that she was pregnant. This was the mid 1960's. Few people wanted to hire a pregnant woman. We were scratching by financially, but at the cost of such things as date nights for ourselves. I also noticed that our sexual relationship suffered. Patty had to deal with morning sickness and the changes to her body. We also read that pregnancy interferes with the normal ebb and flow of a woman's hormonal balance. That probably also affected her sexual desire. Patty was not as easily aroused as she was before the pregnancy and was sometimes irritated by my sexual advances. In addition, while she never said so in so many words, we did have some conversations that led me to conclude that her own mental
image of what a good wife and mother should be like seemed to revert back to what she observed of her own mother and grandmother. And what she observed of these two role models was not a highly
sexual woman. They hid their sexuality (however much they had) very well. It seemed as though Patty's role models for being a good wife and mother appeared to be almost asexual. And that seemed to be the direction toward which Patty was also heading. She seemed to be almost purposely denying her own sexuality in order to be a good mommy.
To make matters worse, nine months after our first child was born, our second one was conceived. The obstetrician had told us that as long as Patty was nursing she would not get pregnant. I guess Patty was the exception that made the rule. The pregnancy was physically demanding on Patty, and then, after the birth, taking care of two little ones was exhausting. By this time birth control pills had been produced. The obstetrician was somewhat concerned with the amount of hormone that was used in the pills, but understood that it would not be good for Patty to have another child in the near future.
While Patty grasped at the promise of the pill as a way to keep her from getting pregnant again, I had the additional hope that over time, as the fear of becoming pregnant receded, her interest in sex would return. That did not seem to be the case.
As she regained some health and strength, she did engage in an exercise regimen that returned her mid section to almost pre-pregnancy proportions. She was capable of being very attractive, but hardly ever used any makeup. While her body was shapely, her usual attire was sweat pants and a sweat shirt. She never initiated sex. There was no passion when we made love.
I felt it was up to me to try to re-ignite the spark. By now the influence of the pill began fueling the sexual revolution. Hence, we could now go into bookstores and find a number of books on how to achieve better sex. We bought and read some of these books that caught our eyes. Sometimes we read together, sometimes she would read a book written more for women and I would read one written more for men. Following a suggestion in one of these books, we purchased and read (usually together) erotic literature. I purchased adult magazines. We purchased a few sexy outfits for her. We tried different positions. We tried role-playing. We oil wrestled a few times. To encourage her to go to the beach in a revealing bikini I purchased a men's posing suit for myself to wear with her. At times in bed we would tell fantasies about ourselves or about our partner. And to help her have the energy to spend with me, I also helped with child and house care, doing my share of the diapers and vacuuming, of doing the dishes and putting the children to bed. I tried to take her out to places where she could dress up, look her best and catch the admiring eye of other people, both men and women.
While my helping her with the daily chores was a regular thing, achieving an evening of mind-blowing sex was once-in-a-while at best. And sometimes, after a night of very satisfying sex, she would be moody the next day. One day she explained it: ". . . you catch me off my guard and I lose control." It solidified my conclusion that she was now in the grips of the notion that a good wife and mommy kept her sexuality tightly under control -- so much so that if she had a good night (or day) of sex, once it was over she was flooded with guilt over having lost control of herself. That was our life for the next few years.
While I had received my degree, Patty was still a few courses shy of getting her degree when we got married and started having children. My job took us away from Chicago. And so it was that when the children were around 5 years old we thought it might be a good idea for Patty to return for an
intensive summer semester and finish the course work that she needed to finish on campus to complete her degree. Classes started the second week in June. We were living in the Detroit, Michigan, area.
We left as a family to take Patty to the college, helped her get situated and said our good-byes. The children were not the only ones who were crying when we left. This was at a time before cell phones. There was no daily contact. However, Patty would come home for an extended Fourth of July Weekend. She came home by bus and the children and I picked her up from the bus terminal on the Friday before the Fourth. She was due back at school on Wednesday the sixth. When she got off the bus I was not disappointed. In fact I was elated. The children took precedence in running up to greet her and in demanding her attention with their stories of what they had been doing.
But Patty came off the bus wearing her tightest pair of jeans and a shirt unbuttoned enough that I was given a tantalizing view of her generous C cup tits offered on the platter of a lace push up bra. As I hugged her I told her how gorgeous she looked and thanked her for dressing so nicely. All she could get out before the children demanded more of her attention was a sincere, "I've missed you so much."
And then I gathered her suitcase and we were on our way home.
This was mid-afternoon. We got home and Patty suggested that the children put on their swimsuits so that they could play in the back yard running through the sprinkler and splashing in the kiddie pool. It was a warm sunny day. She quickly explained that the bus was air-conditioned and her jeans and shirt were fine for the bus, but now that she was out in the heat of the day, she was going to change into swimwear, too. I had made sure that all the housework and laundry was done so that she would not have to feel like she would have to come home to clean up after the kids and me. By the time the kids were changed she was too -- into her skimpiest bikini. As she came out she told me that I was way overdressed for the rest of the family and I had better change, too. I did. As a matter of fact, when Patty bought this skimpy bikini, I had noticed that it was very stretchy. It was on a rack where bottoms and tops were sold separately. I bought another bottom and cut the lining out of it. I was then able to put it on and it was so stretchy that it stretched over my junk. When I came out, Patty said, "That's more like it," and gave my cock a squeeze. For the rest of the afternoon, when we thought the kids were not looking we were teasing and grabbing at one another.
We cooked hamburgers on a grill for supper and we had ice cream and strawberries for dessert. We played outdoors with the children and then sat around the kitchen table and played a board game before putting the children to bed. Their bed time was 9 PM and we held to that rather strictly, so we did not get much grief from the children over that. By 9:30 Patty and I were in bed, telling each other how much we missed each other and how much we loved each other. Talk was supplemented and then somewhat replaced by moans of contentment as we touched and stroked one another and explored our spouse's body. It felt so good to touch and to be touched. Eventually I was suckling at her breasts and teasing her pussy with my fingers until I had to move my head between her legs. It did not take too long with a combination of one hand working her nipples, two fingers stroking her G spot and my tongue and lips caressing and lightly sucking on her clit for her to begin cumming. And then at her invitation I entered her. I had learned to pace myself so that I did not cum right away. We started out in a missionary position, then moved to doggy before she rode me cowgirl. That was extremely visually stimulating for me and almost drove me over the edge. But we moved her onto her back and put her legs on my shoulders so that I could pile drive that pussy and we finished with a mutual climax. It wasn't a screaming climax. We didn't want to awaken the children. But it was a good climax for both of us and soon we were fast asleep.