Shane And Carmen The Novelization Ch 06

Chapter 6 Smile, You're on Candid Camera

Shane had to circle the block and the two adjoining blocks to find a parking space. She and her housemate, Jenny Schecter, could hear the music and the crowd noise coming out of the club halfway down the block. There was a big banner hung on top of the neon sign that identified

The Planet

that said "Grand Opening – Under New Management." There were people milling about outside, smoking and drinking and having a good time. The windows of the place were lit by occasional flashes of lights of different colors, reflecting the light show that was accompanying the music inside. It was a happy place on a happy Saturday night. It was a far cry from the time a few months earlier when

The Planet

was mainly a coffee bar and restaurant that catered mostly to the West Hollywood neighborhood's lesbian crowd. The old

Planet

had been open at night, too, but it had a milder, more subdued atmosphere back then. Now the place was jumping. Before they went in Shane turned to look at Jenny.

"You going to be okay?"

"I'm fine," Jenny said. "But thanks for the morale check."

"You're sure?"

Jenny nodded. A year ago she had moved to West Hollywood from Ohio with her boyfriend, Tim, who had gotten a job as swim coach at California University. At this very club Jenny had met the woman who was then its owner, Marina Ferrer, been seduced by her and had an affair with her that cost Jenny her relationship with Tim. And as it happened in the small world of Gaytown, as some people called West Hollywood, Jenny and Tim had rented a house next to a lesbian couple, Bette Porter and Tina Kennard, who hung out a lot at

The Planet

along with Shane and some other people who had adopted Jenny and became her friends. When Tim had gone back to Ohio, Shane moved in with Jenny and became her housemate. Their neighbor Bette's half sister, Kit Porter, also a friend of the group, was now the new owner of

The Planet

. But there had been a lot of rough water over the dam for Jenny, a lot of it connected to

The Planet

and its previous owner, and that's what had Shane concerned.

"Yes, I'm good. Really. Let's go in," Jenny said. They edged their way through the crowd out front and went in through the big double doors. Inside, the place was packed, mostly but not entirely by young women. The music was hot and loud, and at the far end of the room on a raised dais a gorgeous woman DJ in a yellow top and a white Panama Jack pork pie hat was spinning records behind a table full of audio equipment. Red, blue and white lights played over the bandstand and the audience of swaying, dancing women and men.

Shane saw Kit standing at the side of the room watching the crowd and smiling. They made their way around to her.

"Shane! You came!" Kit said, wrapping her arms around Shane in a big hug.

"Of course we came, what did you think?" Shane said, hugging her. "And congratulations, this is fabulous!"

"Jenny!" Kit said, laughing and embracing her, too. Jenny laughed and hugged her back.

"Best of luck, Kit, you've done a great job!" Jenny told her.

"Where's the gang?" Shane shouted over the sound of the music.

"Oh, they're around, I just saw Bette and Tina a minute ago. Alice is here, and Dana. Hey, thanks for the recommendation on Carmen, she's terrific."

"I told you she'd be great," Shane yelled into Kit's ear. She turned and looked at the stage as Kit hurried off to greet somebody. Up on the dais, Carmen looked over just then and saw Shane and Jenny, and waved. Shane nodded back.

"Is that Carmen spinning?" Jenny asked, peering through the dark to see who Shane had nodded to.

"Yeah, I hooked her up with Kit. Carmen's a great DJ."

"Aren't you gonna go say hi?"

"I just did."

Jenny looked at Shane with a half-amused, half-contemptuous look.

"What?"

Jenny sighed. "Shane, sometimes you just remind me of guys I used to date in high school." She wandered off.

Shane went over to the bar and ordered two Dos Equis, one for her, one for Carmen. Just then the record ended, and Kit went up on stage as Carmen put down her headphones and walked offstage. Kit picked up a live mic and addressed the crowd as behind her five members of an indy rock band called

Betty

came on stage with their instruments.

"Ladies ... and a few gentlemen," Kit said, getting a few laughs, "tonight, well, this is a dream come true. I've

always

wanted to have a place where musicians could come and jam and get much love. So I want you to give it up for

Betty

!"

The audience cheered and applauded. One of the band members, Alyson Palmer, took the mic from Kit.

"Give it up! Givin' it up for Kit Porter! Does she know how to throw a party or what?" Palmer yelled into the mic, and the band kicked into its song

It Girl

as the audience cheered and danced.

Carmen made her way through the crowd to the bar and got two bottles of Dos Equis, one for her and one for Shane, and went looking for her. Carmen had very mixed emotions at that moment. On the one hand, she was grateful to Shane for recommending her to Kit Porter, essentially sealing the deal and getting Carmen this gig. On the other hand, she was still upset about Shane's goddamn mind-fucking, how after an afternoon and evening of some great sex – no, make that great love-making, world-class love-making, baby – Shane had suddenly gone cold and uncommunicative, had gotten up, gotten dressed and gone out, leaving Carmen alone to find her way out and home without so much as a goodnight kiss. Shane had said she "didn't like sleepovers." By everything that was sane and holy, Carmen ought to just forget about Shane, she was some sort of demented, mood-swinging psycho bitch. She ought to just move on, find somebody else.

Except. Except ... shit. Carmen didn't know. Was she in love? This was crazy, nuts. What was the hold this boi/girl had on her? Why did the mere sight of Shane, with her unruly, shaggy hair, and her man's shirt and her pencil-thin geek necktie, and her lips and her boyish grin make Carmen's pulse race? Was there such a thing as love at first sight? Why did Carmen look at Shane and get this vibe of an underlying sadness? Why did Carmen know at some deeper level that Shane was some sort of injured creature, a bird with a broken wing, someone who aroused Carmen's pity, and her compassion?

Carmen was the daughter of a Mayan medicine man; she had powers. Even if she had no other tools available to her, she could heal with her love. Perhaps she could make Shane whole. Maybe she could take away and dissolve whatever that hurt was that had been done to Shane. Maybe she could just make the bitch fucking

talk

to her, for crying out loud. Maybe. Because the words were still echoing in Carmen's head,

Quiero, quiero

, I want. Because, goddammit, Carmen wanted Shane. There had to be a way, that's all. Strong-hearted, bold daughters of Mayan medicine men don't quit.

Ixchel

, the jaguar goddess, didn't quit.

Ixchel

healed.

Ixchel

was wise, and had patience. Carmen would be wise and patient, too.

Up on stage, one of the guitarists, a tall, thin, flaming redhead named Elizabeth Ziff, who went by the name ezgirl, took off her guitar, grabbed a microphone, went to the edge of the bandstand and stepped down into the crowd, still singing. She glided through the crowd, which parted in front of her. She came to the bar, and there was Shane standing there, watching. Ezgirl slowly walked up to Shane, singing, and then the spotlight danced over them as ezgirl began to caress Shane as the crowd hooted and cheered them on. Shane blushed and was bashful -- but she did nothing to discourage ezgirl, who wrapped her arms around Shane and sang into Shane's ear, the crowd loving this display. Ezgirl nibbled on Shane's neck and then kissed her on the mouth, a lingering, sensuous kiss that the crowd cheered and applauded. That was when Carmen, threading her way through the crowd and still looking for Shane, saw what the crowd was cheering about. Carmen, watching, felt her anger and jealousy rising. She turned away and went over to the bar, where she found Jenny sitting on a stool and moodily watching the antics. Carmen held up her spare bottle of Dos Equis she'd gotten for Shane.

"Beer?"

Jenny took it and nodded. "Cheers," she said, and they clinked bottles in a toast, and drank.

The song ended, and ezgirl's sister, Amy Ziff, came to the front of the stage.

"Thank you," she said into the mic. "I have a confession to make. Kit Porter is my idol. And to be standing here on

her

stage after growing up, listening to

her

music, is -- it's like a dream come true. Kit? Kit Porter! Will you please come up here and sing with us?"

The crowd whistled and cheered, and, blushing, Kit went up on stage. In another, earlier life Kit had been a professional singer, had been quite famous in her day with a couple of Top 10 hits, until drugs and booze and success and craziness had set in, as it took so many other entertainers. But a lot of people remembered Kit Porter, and she still held all their affection, even this newer, younger audience that was only half Kit's age.

Betty

broke into a cover of

Some Kind of Wonderful

, with Kit singing with Alyson, Elizabeth, and Amy.

Carmen and Jenny sat at a table at the back of the room nursing their beers. They'd met briefly the other night at Jenny and Shane's house, in the kitchen. Carmen thought Jenny was cute, a tiny, porcelain kind of girl, and the polar opposite of Shane. Jenny was girly, and responsive, and could talk. She had a nice, tight little bod, and great blue eyes in spite of her brunette hair coloring. This is the kind of girl I ought to be dating, Carmen thought. Somebody sane.

Sitting at the bar, Jenny could tell Carmen was unhappy and pining over Shane, angry at Shane's shameless behavior with that singer. She felt sorry for Carmen, and wanted to cheer her up. And she thought, maybe ...

"Would you like to get out of here?" Jenny asked.

Carmen turned and looked at Jenny. Goddamn Shane had kissed a woman. Well, maybe it was time to kiss somebody herself. Fuck Shane. Jenny was cute. Jenny was sexy. Jenny was available, and Jenny was asking. Carmen's mood lightened, and she laughed softly.

"Yeah, I do," she said, looking into Jenny's eyes. "But, um, I'm actually still working. So, maybe we can do it some other time?"

"Yeah, I would like that," Jenny whispered.

"Yeah?"

"Mm-hmm," Jenny said.

Carmen leaned in to Jenny's face. Cute. Big liquid eyes. Desire in them. Carmen hesitated, then moved all the way in, Jenny coming to meet her, a kiss that was not just a kiss but also a promise.

Shane, standing a few feet away, finally found Carmen ... and then saw the kiss. She watched, full of conflicting emotions that made the noise level in her head increase to a roar. She felt a sickness in the pit of her stomach, a twinge under her ribs near her heart. Well, so much for that. Shane turned away with the two beers in her hand, filled with feelings she didn't recognize or know what to do with.

***

Alice, Tina and Dana were deep in discussion at their usual table at

The Planet

, which had returned to its usual late Sunday morning brunch/lunch cafe ambiance and customers, when Jenny and Shane came in. Alice looked up to acknowledge them.

"Hey, guys!" she said as Jenny and Shane sat down. Alice returned to her conversation. "All right. Here's the hypothetical question. A fairy godmother comes to visit. She tells you she's gonna give you a penis. "

"Oh, my god," Dana laughed, throwing back her head and rolling her eyes.

"You only get it for twenty-four hours, and then it disappears," Alice continued. "What do you do with that penis for twenty-four hours?"

Shane had an immediate answer. "I would pee standing up on every bush I could find."

"That's all you would do, you would just ... just pee?" Dana asked.

Shane nodded confidently. "Mm-hmm. Yup."

"You really wouldn't try to fuck a lot of girls?" Jenny asked.

"I don't need a dick to do that," Shane said, and everybody laughed. Shane's reputation as a superb cockless cocksman was well established. Everyone knew Shane took scissoring and tribadism -- her specialty -- to whole new levels.

Tina wanted clarification. "Okay. How big is my penis?"

Alice thought about it. "Okay. Lean."

Tina sat back in her chair, and Alice looked at Tina's crotch. Tina had nice hips, and was pregnant. Clearly, she would most likely be well-endowed by nature had she been a man.

"Okay. I see a really big cock down there," Alice said, making Tina laugh. "It's long, it's not too thick, it's not too dainty." Alice sounded almost wistful. She and Tina were both bisexuals -- or perhaps retired bisexuals, ex-bisexuals, if there was such a thing -- who had each enjoyed sucking and fucking just such cocks once upon a time.

Dana, on the other hand, never had. She screwed up her face in disgust. "Gross," she said.

"I, on the other hand, have a

giant

sausage!" Alice exclaimed triumphantly. Everybody laughed, and just then Kit came over with a tray of drinks.

"I think that I probably have a really small penis," Jenny offered.

"Girl, you need to work on your self-esteem," Kit said, passing out cups to Alice, Tina and Dana.

"Oh, we're trying, Kit." Shane told her.

"No, no, no," Jenny protested, "I kinda like men with small dicks, 'cause then they work really hard to try to please you, you know? Right?"

"Jenny, I am beginning to think that you are

definitely

a lesbian," Tina laughed.

"Carmen's certainly hoping so," Shane said.

"Carmen? What?" Dana asked.

"What?" Alice asked at the same time, and equally befuddled as she turned to Jenny. "Wait, there's something going on between

you

and Carmen?"

"No, no, no, it's nothing!" Jenny said.

"Girls!" Kit said to the table, and then looked specifically at Jenny with approval and a wink. "Carmen is all

that

."

"Kit!" Jenny protested again.

Kit laughed.

***

Shane came out of her room to get a bottle of water out of the refrigerator. Jenny was sitting at the kitchen table hunched despondently over her laptop. She was a writer, or trying to be a writer, as Shane knew. She looked up. "Shane?"

"I'm sorry, uh ... I didn't mean to interrupt your flow," Shane said, getting the water and coming over to the table. Jenny closed her laptop and sighed.

"I am so broke. If we don't find a third housemate, there is no way I'm gonna be able to come up with half the rent."

"Me, too," Shane said.

"Good!" Jenny said, and they both laughed.

"Good night," Shane said, walking back to her room.

"Shane?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you okay with that thing that happened between Carmen and me? I mean, if we were to --"

"Are you?"

"I don't know," Jenny said. "I mean, we just ... " Jenny shrugged. "We just kissed. She hasn't called or anything."

Shane thought about it. "You could call her," she said.

"I can't do that."

"Well, uh ... do you want me to invite her over?"

"You would do that?" When Shane nodded, Jenny added, "Are you

sure

that you're okay with that?"

"Consider it done," Shane said, smiling. "G'night."

"G'night, Shane."

***

It wasn't billed as a "party," just a small, informal get-together, a little music, a little pot, drink a few beers, chill out on a Saturday night. Alice got there late, and when Jenny opened the door she found Alice on the doorstep with a six-pack of Dos Equis. They exchanged greetings and Jenny kissed Alice on the cheek. When Alice entered the living room she found Shane, Carmen and four or five other girls lounging around. Hellos were exchanged again.

"How was the, um ... how was the blind date?" Shane asked.

" Fucking Tonya set me up with a guy," Alice complained, making a face.

"Oh-ho, shit," said a girl who was sitting on the couch half in Shane's lap. "Was he cute?"

"Yeah, he was totally cute. I don't know, I actually kinda liked him, believe it or not. I don't know." Alice held up the six-pack she still carried. "Um, beer, anyone?"

Carmen had gravitated over to the stereo equipment in a wall unit and was looking through Jenny and Shane's collection of CDs. "You have the complete

Bardot

collection?" she exclaimed, referring to the recently defunct four-girl Australian rock group and not the French actress.

"Um ... " Shane said.

"This is

excellent

," Carmen added, impressed.

"That's ... that's Jenny's," Shane said, waving a beer bottle in Jenny's direction.

"I

love Bardot

," Carmen said.

Jenny smiled shyly. "Me, too."

Carmen resumed looking through the CDs. She glanced up at Shane from time to time, noting each time who had their hands where, and who was licking who's ear. Carmen pretended not to care, but ... shit. Shit, shit, shit. Shane was practically tongue-fucking the girl's ear. Carmen felt her stomach drop.

***

They were playing

Don't Call Me, I'll Call You

, from

Bardot

's second album,

Play It Like That

. The ash trays were full and there were empty beer bottles on the coffee table. A couple of joints had made the rounds. The girl in Shane's lap was rambling on about somebody Carmen didn't know.

"Liz Van Assum and Gabby Devaux are, like,

totally

dressed in SM leather. And Gabby? She has a

huge

chain from her crotch that goes through her legs and is padlocked to Liz's crotch," the girl said.

"Gabby Devaux's a freak," Alice said sourly, sitting on the floor and taking a swig of beer.

Jenny was sitting in a chair by herself, her knees pulled up tight to her chest. She was looking at Carmen and smiling shyly. Carmen was restlessly prowling around the room, trying hard not to look at Shane or care about anything Shane was doing.

"I think Gabby freaked Alice pretty bad," Shane laughed.

"Yeah," Alice confirmed. "I don't touch that shit anymore. I'm through with mind fucks."

Shane's girl turned her face to Shane, touched Shane's cheek, and stuck her tongue in Shane's mouth.

Carmen cleared her throat and said, "I think that, um ... that I'm gonna be going now." She looked at Jenny who looked at Shane, who was busy French-kissing and ignoring everybody.

"So. I'll see ya later," Carmen said, going to the door and leaving.

"Bye ... " Alice said, pouring herself a shot of something and drinking it down.

Jenny looked down at her hands sadly.

Alice poured herself another shot.

***

Jenny and Shane sat on the couch. Opposite them on the edge of a chair sat a very cheerful woman who had come to be interviewed about being their new housemate. She was the seventh or eight unsatisfactory interview of the afternoon. Their house had a small building out back they called "the studio," and constituted a third bedroom. At one time it had been a garage. Of course, whoever slept in it still had to come into the house to use the bathroom and kitchen, and the living room, if they wanted.

"Linda's my real name, but I decided to go with 'Feef' because I think it's more memorable, don't you think?"

Jenny and Shane stared at her. "Uh, Feef, what do you do when you're not being an extra in one of your movies?" Shane asked, glancing down at Feef's resume.

"I signed up for a Berry Gannon sitcom technique workshop. Oh, I really wanna be a TV star! I just did a little horror movie and the director

totally

noticed me. At least, I think it was the director. He was wearing a baseball cap."

Jenny and Shane stared at her. "Do ... do you have any other jobs?" Jenny finally asked.

"I'm signed up with three different temp agencies that cater to the entertainment business. I just think I'm the perfect candidate to get discovered. I mean, just

look

at anyone who's on TV right now! Most of them started out temping." Feef sighed, then smiled. "I just read a whole article about it in

Star.

"