"Easy, tiger. Well, look. We definitely have unfinished business, but now there are people coming back to my spot. Which kinda fucks me up. So I got a room at the Baybreeze motel. The one by the pizza place. Come meet me there at, like, five and we'll resume our conversation."
Rachel's skin tingled. A motel? It felt even dirtier and she didn't like it.
"Baybreeze? Why there? Why do you suddenly care if people are at your house?"
Jeff smirked. "Uh, I care because I'm not a fucking idiot like Tyler. He was lucky I was the only one at the house earlier when you two came by. Obviously, I'm not gonna rat him out but who knows who might drop by and see you? Nah, a motel is safer."
Rachel sighed. He'd obviously worked everything through. He always had been really smart as far as she remembered. And there wouldn't be any changing his mind at this point. She still felt like he might be bluffing and she wanted to badly to tell him to go fuck himself. But she just couldn't bring herself to do it.
"Okay. I'll be there."
Jeff grinned through the phone.
"Sounds good. See you at five."
Rachel hung up the phone and tossed it onto her bed. All the earlier feelings about how things might be okay were gone again. How was Rebecca going to help her? What magical solution would she have that Rachel couldn't come up with on her own?
She shook her head with resignation. No, she'd be going to the motel. And she'd be sucking his dick again. And it wasn't just that that scared her; she could get through a single emotionless blowjob just fine. It was what else Jeff might want. And that there was no end in sight.
Rachel realized she hadn't felt this trapped since what had turned out to be the last time she'd pulled away from Matt's house back in the spring. She'd had no way of knowing then that things would turn around in such a miraculous way. In fact, the light had seemed to be at its dimmest point.
Her throat tightened as the memories of that day streaked through her like ghosts. Time had helped to lessen the shameful revulsion she'd felt in the immediate aftermath, but her stomach still tickled whenever she'd let her thoughts wander their way back. It wasn't just about Flip and the obscene ways she'd both exhibited and then given herself to him. It was how she'd done it all on Matt's simple instruction. From flashing her boobs, to letting Flip watch her have sex, to the ultimate degradation of so lavishly servicing him, she'd never felt more like a puppet on a string. Never felt such a complete loss of autonomy.
When she'd left Matt's house that day, she'd been overcome with clutching panic. Not only had she felt sick and awful about both the physical nature of her acts and the twisted revelation that Flip connected her story to Rebecca's, she'd also felt so helplessly trapped. Matt had been pushing her across lines for weeks and even the perversion of what she'd just done hadn't been enough for her to say no. And it terrified her that if something didn't change, if she couldn't find her way out of the darkness soon, there might not be an end in sight.
The memories fused with the freshness of her current predicament and she shivered as she again thought about the picture Jeff had of her. How long would he hold it over her head? And to what end? Would she simply be at his beck and call indefinitely? As long as the threat existed, she would either have to decide to risk calling his bluff or continue to give in to him whenever he wanted.
She already knew he wasn't going to stop after today. And after she'd sucked his dick a few times, he'd surely want more from her. Her senses sizzled as she recalled how he had physically probed her for sex on his bed earlier. She swallowed the unwanted arousal that came along with it as she felt again the sensation of his penis rubbing teasingly over the edges of her pussy. He'd clearly wanted it. Her fingertips went numb as she considered his decision to get a motel room. He might just try to talk her into it this same afternoon.
Rachel flinched at the troubling thought as sat down on the bed and stared at the wall. She had no idea what to even do next. Keep racking her brain? Get dressed? Still call Rebecca? It was a little after two so she had a few hours before she needed to leave. But for what? What solution was out there waiting? What stone was there left unturned?
The blank mask of defeat she'd been wearing twisted suddenly as an emotional wave sliced deeply through her gut. Her lungs tightened and she felt the hot burn of tears beginning to rush to the backs of her eyes. She'd been pushing the waves of dread down repeatedly all afternoon, knowing that they would only interfere with her ability to think straight. But now, with no reason left to be strong or brave, she released her grip on the lock and let it all out.
The sobs exploded from deep in her chest and she pushed her palms into her eyelids as she bowed her head and let go. The tears fell freely into her hands and her shoulders shook as her cries rang out and bounced chaotically off each wall of the room. She whimpered noisily, her fast breaths choking their way from her throat. Every muscle tensed with pain.
She hadn't cried since the moment she'd seen Rebecca outside of Baja Fiesta that fateful prom weekend. It hadn't been the easiest stretch since, but everything really
had
turned around. She'd worked her ass off in school, and while she'd fallen just a hair short, she'd at least put herself into a good position to move forward in a positive way.
The tears rushed down her cheeks as she thought about what she'd done to herself. Her life had been going so well and the week had been almost perfect up until the moment she had pushed too far and lost her grip. She could still recall the pure bliss she'd felt as she'd sat on her beach chair with her friends the afternoon they'd all arrived. She'd been almost unable to process the completely euphoric way in which her world had been resurrected.
But now, she felt trapped and powerless like she had back in the darkness of the spring. Images she'd buried flashed hotly across her brain. Rebecca confronting her in the parking lot that fateful day. Matt easing her onto her back on his couch as he spread her legs and prepared to have sex with her for the first time. The girls from the bathroom of the museum, unknowingly ripping her to shreds with the casualness of their vile rumors. Kevin's eyes as she'd slipped into the basement with Jeff.
And it had all started with Brad and the unexplainable mistake she'd made. She'd been riding the wave up until that night, reveling in the beauty of her life and the blessings that surrounded her. She'd been at her highest point. And then she'd brought it all down.
She realized that so much of her suffering was of her own making. Something was wrong with her brain. A crossed wire. A self-destructive gene. She simply couldn't deal with life when it presented her with nothing but an easy path. She got bored and antsy, and before long, she would engage her pathological need to push the envelope and feel the sizzle of a new rush.
She dipped her head lower and cried loudly into her knees as she replayed the previous night in the club. It felt like a different girl she was watching in her memories. Yes, she had been drunk but that had only served to encourage the thing that she'd already become. The reckless thrill-seeker with selective tunnel vision. She had blocked out everyone and everything around her so that she could focus on her next fix. And in this case, it had been her strange imaginary battle with Erica.
She understood now that Tyler had always been secondary. She had convinced herself that she'd needed him, but that had only been an after-the-fact rationalization. She had certainly enjoyed almost every second of their sexual time together, but he had just been a means to an end. Erica had been the target all along.
Rachel had never really gotten over what she'd heard her say that day in Tyler's basement, nor the ways she'd treated her in the past. Erica's vicious attack on her character had become the symbolic embodiment of every ugly and unfair thing anyone had ever said about her and the way she lived her life. It had let to a thirst that could only be quenched through spiteful malice of her own.
It had been over a month since that day after Kevin's prom, but time had done nothing to heal the wounds she'd suffered. The hatred had only laid dormant waiting for its chance to rise up and strike again. Rachel recalled how her temper had been flaring unexpectedly at various points in the week. She'd always had a quick trigger but she'd found herself startled by the quick flashes of rage that had poked up quickly, seemingly disproportionate to their targets.
She'd been able to quell them easily at first, but when Erica had barged into that party and teed off on her unprovoked, the hydrant had run dry. From that moment on, the entire tone of the vacation had started to change. And Rachel had changed with it.
Rebecca had been right about her. She'd gone out of her way to hurt people. Erica had even apologized. But by then it had been too late. Rachel's blinders had been on, and she'd never seen the quicksand her lust for vengeance had been pushing her towards. She'd had a singular focus and goal. And she'd been unable to stop. The fact that she had thrown herself at Tyler in such a public way scared her. She really
had
lost control. And now she was paying for her crucial mistake in judgment.
And what about Alex and Derrick? What had
that
been all about? It seemed like forever ago but it had literally been that just that morning! The Derrick part wasn't really bothersome, but what she'd done with Alex made her skin crawl. Particularly the second time.
She sniffled through her tears as she shook her head in disbelief. Talk about reckless. She'd sucked Alex's dick in Derrick's room. She'd still be sitting on his bed! What if he had come back from the shower two minutes earlier and seen his friend with his hands on her head, pumping his cock into her mouth with strained lust? What would she have said or done? The only difference between her mess with Tyler and Erica (and now Jeff) and what she'd done with Alex was that she hadn't gotten caught.
