Part 4 Family Bonding and Best Laid Plans
The day after the party, Nicole moved her things out and Stephanie moved her things in. It was strange not seeing Nicole in the house. She was with me for over ten years. I would always consider her part of the family, no matter how long she lived somewhere else. Seeing Nicole's room empty, then filled with Stephanie's clothes and furniture was surreal. I was glad Stephanie was here, but it just felt weird.
I sat down and talked with Stephanie. She saw me relaxed the previous week, letting the women do what they wanted. I never put them in a tough position. Now that she lived in our house, I had to make her understand that the family always came first.
"You're now part of our family." I began, "There is nothing keeping you here, and you are free to leave if you wish. However, if you live in this house, you will follow my instructions. My word is final, both here and at work. If I tell you something, I expect you to do it. Most of the time I won't have you do anything questionable, but there will be times I will. Even if you question my instructions, I expect you to follow them immediately. We can discuss it later if you have any problems with it."
"You can relax and be yourself." I continued, "Wear what you like, but look decent. You can dress down and not look like a slob. We have visitors, and I don't want people to think we don't care about ourselves. We have a reputation of professionalism, and we maintain that. I hold myself to the same standards. I told you that all of my relationships are unique, and I base them off of what each woman wants. Tell me, Stephanie, what do you want from this relationship, and try to be as precise as you can so I can understand what you're looking for. Just saying you want to serve me doesn't give me anything I can use. Service can take many forms, and we may think of two very different things."
"I'll try to describe what I'm looking for." Stephanie answered, "I want to submit myself fully to you. For me, that means you make all of my decisions. It's what you described Beth's relationship is like. I'm talking almost like a parent to a child. I never had a father. My mother became pregnant, and honestly, she didn't know who my father was. It could have been any of five or six different men she was sleeping with. I was one of three kids, and I was the youngest by fifteen years."
"By the time she was pregnant with me, she was tired of raising children." Stephanie explained, "She told me one night when she was drunk that she would have gotten an abortion, but the pregnancy was too far along and she couldn't find a doctor who would do it. It was difficult to hear that your own mother didn't want you. I dealt with it as best as a twelve-year-old could. My sisters were adults and moved out as fast as they could get away from my mother."
"Not that she was abusive, she just didn't care." Stephanie continued, "By that time she added drugs to the mix, and there was no hope. I fended for myself from that point. My mother received welfare, and I had to watch her to ensure she paid the bills and bought food. I received my clothes from churches and charities. Thankfully, she did just enough not to lose me to the system. I had to juggle school, tending my mother, and just survive."
That would explain Stephanie's attention to detail and intensity. She had to have a strong focus to make it through her childhood. I asked her, "Is that why you want me to take total control of you, to have me care for you the way your mother should have?"
"Yes, that's part of it." Stephanie answered, "I never had a father, as I mentioned. I lacked a strong male figure in my life, someone to protect me and make me feel safe. The men my mother surrounded me with were just as bad as she was. Thankfully, no one abused me. I was always searching for a powerful male, taking attention from any boy, then man, that I thought fit the bill."
"I had boyfriends in school, but they were just interested in what they could get from me." Stephanie went on, "Just like the men were just after sex with my mother. No relationship lasted long. They used me and left. I met Brian, and he exuded strength and confidence. He was a respected leader in the FBI. Surely this was the man I was after. I started a relationship with him and thought I was in heaven. He took control and was the father figure I sought."
"I realized, however, that I was missing something." Stephanie explained, "He controlled my life, but I didn't get the caring I was after that my mother never gave me. To hear my mother didn't want me affected me. I wanted to have someone that saw me, accepted me, and valued me as a person. Brian controlled me and protected me, but I felt he was only after what I could give him. Not having everything I wanted stopped me from marrying him."
"He married Amanda and took care of her, seeing her like I wanted to be seen." Stephanie noted, "My answer to that was to move in with him. Maybe if I was with them, he would see me the same way and I would have what I was after. Unfortunately, it never happened. He treated me the same while I saw how he looked at Amanda. He still didn't put either of us first, but I could see he loved her."
"When William started taking over, it made it worse." She said, "William was strict, he handed out punishments liberally, and life became a series of rules. Megan was now in the mix, and I became lost in the wash between the other two women and protecting myself. I accepted it, it was my life. I liked Brian, and William wanted to help us, he was just misguided. Nowhere in there did anyone see me."
"You asked me what I want." Stephanie concluded, tearing up as she talked, "I want you to care for me like my mother should have but didn't. I want you to control my life and protect me like my father would have if I had one. I want you to see me for who I am like no other person has ever done. I want to be myself, but serve you. I want you to use me for your pleasure, your business, and any other way you desire. I want you to wrap me up inside of you, control me, dominate me, care for me, love me, never let me go, and never let me feel alone again."
Stephanie fell into my arms, crying. She opened up her heart and poured it out in front of me. As I held her, she put her head on my chest and hugged me tight. I leaned down and kissed the top of her head. She responded by burying her head further into my chest. Stephanie would fit right in. Except for Isabella, who had issues of her own, all the other women came to me emotionally or psychically scarred. I didn't think there was anything special about me, but there was something that made the women feel safe around me. I hoped I could do the same for Stephanie, who had been through far more than I imagined.
Still holding her, I said, "Stephanie, I can't see the future, and I don't know what our relationship will bring, but I can promise you a few things. I promise I will care for you. I promise I will protect you. I promise I will do everything I can to make you happy. If control is what you want, then I will give that to you."
She pulled back and looked up into my eyes. She stood on her tiptoes and kissed me. This wasn't a sexual kiss, but a soft one, one given as thanks for accepting her. I could taste the tears that ran down her face and onto her lips. I would remember this kiss and the salty taste because it marked the beginning of our relationship. She spent many years crying over the missing parts of her life. I made sure she never had to cry over those again.
After getting Stephanie settled, I finally spoke with Penny. She was hesitant about letting on that anything was bothering her. However, once she started talking, everything came out. Penny told me how tired she was. Tired of holding Julie back. Tired of running Julie's life. Tired of feeling isolated from the family. Just plain tired. She started crying, finally getting everything off her chest. I hugged her, and she grabbed tight and refused to let go. We sat like that for at least fifteen minutes until she had all her frustrations out.
I asked her, "Why didn't you tell me this earlier?"
