"Beth went out with a friend one night, a week after I turned eighteen, but I was just getting over a bad head cold and begged off. The police knocked on our door at two in the morning. There had been a car accident, and Beth and our friend Susan were dead," the last word a sob.
Amy took a long drink and Rosario squeezed her hand and refilled her glass.
"Thank you, honey."
"It was horrible, and Ursula and I clung to each other for support. The night after the accident I lay awake, feeling numb, when Ursula came to my room after midnight and crawled in beside me. She didn't say anything, just hugged me to her and held me, and we cried ourselves to sleep.
"The next night was the same, and the one after that she just came to bed with me. She flipped the light off and said, 'Come to Mama, baby.' I snuggled up against her and she wrapped her long legs around me. We were asleep in minutes.
"After the funeral the following day, Ursula said she had to start working again and asked me to put on something nice and join her in the studio. It was crazy, Rosie. There was a bed and a sofa, and there were bright lights and three cameras set up to stream everything.
"Ursula told me she did shows three nights a week, and special private shows other days. I was clueless and asked her what kind of shows she did, and she just smiled and queued up her last show while she changed clothes.
"She was wearing lingerie and talking to the camera, playing with herself and stripping as people watched online and gave her money. Then somebody asked her to fuck herself with a dildo, and she said she would if they gave her enough money.
"I was vaguely aware that this was a thing, just not that Ursula was doing it, or how sophisticated her setup was. She came out of the bedroom in a red cocktail dress that left little to the imagination, took my hand, and sat me on the sofa. She turned all of the equipment on and sat down beside me.
"Ursula introduced me as her daughter's bestie, Madison, which is my middle name, then she apologized to the hundreds of people watching for missing several shows, and then about the accident being the reason why. As she talked, people began to give her money.
"We talked about Beth for a while. I was really nervous, but people were leaving welcoming comments, saying how sorry they were for our loss, and I began to relax. People told me I was beautiful and asked if I was a model and if I did shows like Ursula. I shook my head, and everyone said I definitely should, that I could make a lot of money. Ursula ended the show soon thereafter, promising to get back to her regular programming in a couple of days.
"We had sex that night, a first for me. I was snuggled up against her, talking about the cam show, and she said with tits like mine, I could make a fortune. I was heavier then, and like a 36E, now I'm more of a 34D. She hefted my breast and ran her thumb across my nipple. I was nervous and lay real still while she ran her hands over my body, under my t-shirt, and inside my panties. I remember that night like it was yesterday."
"'I need you, baby, please,' Ursula breathed into my ear."
"'I'm still a virgin, Ursula,' I replied, my heart pounding, wet between my legs.
"'Call me Mama, baby, please. Let me teach you.'
"Ursula rolled me onto my back and kissed me. She had the softest lips and tasted like peaches. We just kissed for a long time, our hands slowly feeling each other. Then she threw the covers off and got on her knees, throwing her long T-shirt into the corner.
"She was so beautiful, Rosie. Her legs! My God, I get wet just thinking about those impossibly long legs of hers. She pulled my panties off while I tossed my shirt away, and I swear I was shaking when she spread my legs and tasted me. I orgasmed in just a couple of minutes, no clue what was happening," Amy chuckled.
"That night was so good in so many ways, but what I'll always remember most is that she cried the whole time. Not big sobs or anything, but she had tears in her eyes every time I looked at her, which made it sad, too.
"We slept together every night after that, and she gradually introduced me to her cam viewers. After a month, I was on every show with her and the sex was incredible, just sooooo goooood! I fucked my first-ever man in front of a camera, an older hunk named Alan, who worked in the porn industry. More about him in a second.
"Ursula was really struggling with depression, and I was basically holding everything together. Sex was the only thing that could hold her interest, and she was almost manic about it. The shows were great because of it, and we were making a fortune, but when we finished, she would just curl up on the couch or wander around the house in a fog.
"She wasn't eating or taking care of herself, and I was worried about her, but I was dealing with my own depression and didn't know how to help.
"It was the four-month anniversary of Beth's death. I was up in the studio that evening, getting everything set up for the show, and when I went down to see if she was ready, I found her on Beth's bed, dead from a drug overdose."
Amy wiped at her eyes and took a long drink, draining her second margarita in twenty minutes.
"It was just horrible. I lay down next to her and held her hand for a long time before I called the police; I was in shock, I suppose.
"Ursula didn't have a will, and nothing was in my name, so I had no claim to the house, the camming equipment, or the money in the bank. I talked to a lawyer, who told me the estate would be tied up in something called probate for a long time, and he sort of hinted that if I wanted something, I should take it now, before someone appointed by the court came in and documented everything.
"Alan stopped by when he heard about Ursula, and he offered me his spare bedroom for a month, so we loaded up his pickup with the cameras, lights, laptops, my camming outfits, and so on. I had a debit card for the checking account, so I withdrew what I could.
"I was so fucked up, Rosie. The next two years were a downward spiral. Alan got me work on adult films, first as a fluffer, blowing actors to get them hard for their scene, then on-camera work. I wasn't a very good actor, though, so I had to do some pretty sketchy stuff to get by, weird fetish shit I had to be on coke to get through, and I was soon addicted. I hated myself, my life, everything, and I was only twenty.
"Then I met Jack. Some wealthy guy hired a friend of mine to entertain some businessmen, and she hired me and another girl to join her. We were at a nightclub and my 'date' had some blow, so we went into the men's room, into a stall, and did a couple of lines.
"We fucked right there in the stall, probably the least-satisfying fuck of my life, and that's really saying something," Amy barked a laugh.
"Then the guy says he'll leave first, like no one knew what we had been doing, and left. I got myself together, left the stall, and as I was walking past the sinks, there he stood, looking at me in the mirror."
"Jack," Rosario said, squeezing Amy's hand.
Amy smiled and nodded.
"Jack. He glanced at me and then went back to washing his hands, which pissed me off, because I looked goooood that night, at least I thought I did.
"'Want some, baby? No charge for a handsome man like you', I said, popping a tit from my blouse, squeezing it, and giving him my porn moan. It was, looking back, as pathetic as it sounds," she chuckled, shaking her head.
"He looked at me in the mirror and didn't say anything. It made me nervous, but I didn't move. There was just something in those eyes that rooted me to the spot, even with the coke coursing through me.
"He walked over and dried his hands, not looking at me, taking his time, and still, I didn't move. Then he turned and stepped over to me. I was so nervous, Rosie! He tucked my breast inside my blouse and buttoned it, like a parent dressing their child, just looking at me. Then he put a finger under my chin, barely touching me, and we shared a look. God, it was so fucking hot! Just a pure animal attraction...for me, anyway.
"He spoke quietly, 'Thank you, honey, but no,' and started toward the door. I burst out, 'Wait!' and he turned and looked at me. 'Why not?' I sounded so whiny, like a little girl.
"He stepped back to me, and pulled a business card from his jacket and handed it to me. 'If you want to get clean, change your life, maybe find your purpose, call me,' he said, then he leaned down and kissed me. It was soft and gentle, the best kiss of my life, by far. 'I hope you'll call,' he whispered, and then he ushered me out the door. I saw him leave a little while later, but not before we shared another look."
"How long did you wait to call him?" Rosario asked.
"Hmmm? Oh, a whole six hours," she grinned, laughing when Rosario started.
"I was leaving my 'date's' hotel at about five in the morning, when a female police officer met me in the lobby. Apparently, this asshole I'd just been with had been mouthing off about meeting a prostitute earlier and someone had notified the hotel manager, who called the police when we got back to the hotel and waited in the lobby for me to leave.
"They took me to the station, read me the riot act, then let me off with just a warning when they saw I didn't have a record. I was wondering how I was going to get home and rummaging through my purse to see if I had any cash when I found his card. Just reading his name, Jack Armstrong, made my pulse quicken. I sat on a bench and stared at that card for ten minutes before I found the courage to call the number.
"'Hello?'
"I couldn't speak, Rosie, I just sat there, listening to him breathe. I was so, I don't know, scared, I guess.
"'Text me the address, honey, and I'll be there,' Jack said, and I sobbed, just once, and hung up, then texted him the address.
"A taxi pulled up twenty minutes later and Jack got out, came to me, and hugged me. I started crying and couldn't stop. We went to his hotel, and I talked for hours, baring my soul, then he tucked me into bed and held my hand until I fell asleep.
"We flew to his home in New York, and I got clean, which, thankfully for me, wasn't that difficult. His--our home is in the countryside, and I walked for hours every day. I finally had space to grieve for Beth, Ursula, and Susan, and I forgave myself for all of the awful decisions I made after they died.
