Afraid to touch her, Bill slumped in the chair beside Faith's bed for nearly an hour. She looked fragile -- face swollen, wearing an oxygen mask, and lying so still he had to watch closely to see her chest rise and fall.
Doctor Grady explained that her physical injuries, although initially disfiguring, were actually minor and in a few weeks would fade away. The smoke seemed to have irritated only her upper respiratory system. The arterial blood gas analysis was negative. A chest x-ray was scheduled for tomorrow as a precaution. If nothing changed dramatically, Faith would remain on oxygen and intravenous fluids for another day and be discharged the following morning.
"My main concern is emotional trauma," Doctor Grady had said. "Mr. Holder, even though you're not part of her immediate family, I'm telling you this because Faith needs someone she trusts to stay close for a few days. She has fixated on you as her guardian and refuses to let us contact her children because she doesn't want to disrupt their lives." Looking stern, he'd asked, "Pastor Richards told me that Faith met you only a few days ago. Is that correct?"
"Yes, that's right, Doctor." Then in self-defense, Bill added, "But I'm here to stay for as long as Faith wants me."
Looking skeptical, Dr. Grady went on, "Whatever you decide later she'll have to deal with. I'm asking you to stay until she's out of the hospital. Faith is experiencing something called Rape Crisis Syndrome. The primary stage usually lasts through the first 24 hours following the assault. During this phase she's going to need significant emotional support. You should know what to expect. Faith may experience physical reactions such as numbness, shaking, cold sweats, nausea, over-reaction to noises, loss of appetite, sleeplessness, nightmares, unexpected crying jags or the inability to cry at all, confusion about time, memory loss.
Emotionally she may experience a sense of failure and a loss of control over her life, helplessness, violation, shame or humiliation; alternating sadness and anger; fears of dying, darkness, of being alone or isolated, of the rapist returning, of falling asleep, unusual impatience, inability to handle normal routines, and changes of personality in handling relationships. The emotional reactions are most severe in women who didn't know their attackers, or the reason for the attack. Many survivors who cannot identify the rapist experience an unfocused fear of all unknown persons and noises." Pausing, he asked, "I understand they have someone in custody?"
"Yes."
"Well, that may help lessen her anxiety." Doctor Grady's face softened. "Bill, when Faith wakes up she's going to be very pleased to see you. No one was able to calm her. She only wanted you. I hope, for her sake, you're up to the challenge."
Pointing the way, Dr. Grady walked him to her room, adding, "Faith claims that she wasn't raped and wouldn't let us do more than examine her wounds. If she changes her mind, a Rape Kit needs to be done within 48 hours of the attack for the evidence to be useful. Regardless, the affects of the violence are the same, even without vaginal penetration. You can expect the same emotional trauma."
Standing outside her room, Dr. Grady finished with, "They've given her a private room so noise from other patients won't disturb her. All you can do now is be supportive. When she's released from the hospital, Faith should seek counseling. If she's willing, Pastor Richards and his wife have offered to take her into their home so she won't be alone."
Bill held out his hand, "Thank you, Doctor. I'll do my best to help Faith through this."
Shaking hands, Dr. Grady said, "Be patient with her. She has a strong will and, being a trained Social Worker, she might think she can heal herself. Don't let her fool you into believing she's okay." Taking a peek at the chart in his hand, he informed Bill, "The sedative should wear off in about an hour. Keep her calm. I don't want her tranquilized if it can be prevented. The drugs could mask a breathing problem caused by the smoke."
When Bill entered Faith's room a young woman stood and introduced herself as Jessica Richards, the Pastor's wife. Bill's first impression, 'Tom married well.' Her charm matched her beauty. She seemed down to earth and genuinely concerned for Faith.
"Is there anything we can do?"
"Well, I'm going to be staying here with Faith. If someone would feed Hershey..." Bill explained the dog's eating routine and told her the house was unlocked.
"I'll stop on my way home and pick her up. She can stay with us until Faith is better," accepting the responsibility without question. "The kids will love spoiling her." Patting his shoulder in passing, she left.
Saint Lucy's was an old hospital, the first building over two stories high in Franklinville. The room, though clean, had a 1920's atmosphere and probably the original two-tone paint scheme -- cream and green. The terrazzo floor was cracked and showed a traffic pattern from years of nursing rounds. Old abandoned gaslights were capped on the walls near the ceiling. The room's electrical circuit had been upgraded with brown, surface mounted wire raceways.
Depressing would characterize the room's ambiance.
Bill rubbed his face, thinking, 'Hospitals are no place to get well.' Waiting quietly, he prayed that his failure to protect Faith hadn't devastated the woman he'd grown to love.
Picking up the vinyl-padded chair, he moved to the other side of the bed and lowered the railing. Sliding the chair forward, laying his cheek on the thin white blanket, he gazed through swimming eyes at her hand a few inches away. The skin was unscathed and he remembered the new gloves. 'At least they did their job.' Unable to resist touching her, his index finger traced lightly around her hand before covering it with his own.
Closing his eyes -- weary with regret -- he fell asleep.
A muffled scream and his head bouncing on the mattress jarred Bill awake. Faith bolted upright, panting -- the oxygen mask hanging under her chin. Her round and unblinking eyes -- one, a blood red -- stared unfocused.
"Faith, it's okay, you're safe now. You're in the hospital, remember?" his voice soothing, his heart pounding.
Hearing him, her head snapped in his direction and her eyes became sane and overflowing. "Bill, you're here," her face calmed and her smoky voice softened. The hand he'd held reached out to caress his cheek.
Gently lifting the oxygen back into place, he smiled saying, "Of course I'm here, Babe, where else would I be?" softly pushing her back against the pillow.
Unintelligible sounds came from under the mask; he lifted it and asked her to, "Please repeat."
In a hoarse whisper, she said, "I'm not going to be much fun to be around. Babe is going to be black AND blue for a while."
A sad little grin played on the corners of her split lips and he knew that she was beaten but not broken. There was hope. "You get lots of rest and I'll have fun watching you get better."
She winced briefly, adjusting her position to lie on her side to face Bill.
Picking up her hand, he kissed the knuckles.
Her closed eyes crinkled in momentary happiness as he tenderly massaged her fingers, hoping to give her some pleasure despite the pain.
A nurse entered and in a booming voice, asked, "Did I hear our girl's awake?"
Faith lurched at the noise and then groaned from the pain of the sudden movement.
Bill's irritated look harpooned the waddling white whale in mid breach. A tad softer, she apologized. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't be so loud. It's a bad habit left over from being the youngest of six children," like it justified her thoughtlessness. "Let me take your vitals and then I'll leave you two alone." Quickly she completed her appointed rounds and exited stage left.
Bill walked over and slowly closed the door most of the way -- wanting to slam it. When he sat down, Faith reached out her hand and wiggled her fingers, magically melting his heart. First pressing the palm against his lips, he resumed administering the sweetest, softest, most pleasurable caresses that large callous hands can apply, loving each finger, each bone, each tendon, vein, corpuscle, genome, chromosome, until she pulled it away and pointed. Following her finger, he spied her uncovered right foot with wiggling toes beckoning him.
Bending over her ear, he whispered, "I love you, Faith," and kissed her smoky hair.
