Suzy sat quietly in her office, the phone still in her hand. She could hear the dial tone and then the annoying high pitch tone one hears when a phone is left off the hook.
Stunned didn't quite begin to cover exactly what she was feeling. She looked out the window and swallowed hard. She could feel the sting of tears forming in her eyes. She swallowed and gulped, swallowed and gulped, over and over, like a fish out of water.
Most of all she felt embarrassed, so embarrassed that she had placed herself in a situation in which she was so poorly thought of.
She recalled what he'd said....."Maybe I'll let you have her when I'm done...."
"Oh Jesus, how embarrassing."
She was mortified. She dropped her head in her hands and began to cry softly. Not only did Tom think of her as a piece of ass, but his partner and best friend was in on the joke too.
A little voice in her head screamed out, "Well what the fuck did you expect?! Isn't it what you wanted?!"
She had to admit she had been playing with fire. She knew she had been pushing the envelop, but figured Tom was "interested" as he never complained or told her to "lay off", so to speak. She knew lately she had been quite bold in making it clear that she wanted him.
She was in such conflict and turmoil. One minute she lusted after him like there was no tomorrow, the next she would gather her resolve and tell herself that she really only wanted him as a friend and mentor.
She was torn and often didn't know what to feel or think. She felt insane with lust, with hope, with disgust and with sorrow.
"Well it's too late now." she thought to herself. "I pushed him into thinking of me as a piece of ass. How am I ever going to face him? How am I ever going to be able to speak to him again?"
She cried even harder when she realized she'd lost any shot of having him as a friend and mentor.
She remembered her first day of paralegal classes. She had been so nervous. She had absolutely no knowledge of anything to do with the law. She felt like getting up and running out of class because everyone else already had so much more experience. They all either worked in a law office or were just so damn sure of themselves. At least that's what it seemed like to her.
She had been so excited about beginning her career in paralegal studies the minute she got her textbook in the mail she read the first three chapters. When she was done she felt as if she had made the biggest mistake of her life. The terminology was so foreign to her, as if it was in another language. She felt as if she would never understand what the heck was in the textbook.
It felt even worse the first night in class when she overhead the easy banter her classmates had among themselves.
"I filed the paperwork with the clerk, with the blue cover as needed even though my boss forgot it was local court rules. You should have seen him when I got back and as a joke I told him I hadn't been able to file the complaint. I told him the clerk wouldn't take it. He asked me why and I mumbled something about a blue cover. My boss looked like he was going to shit in his pants. I swear I never thought he would actually start crying. Can you imagine? An attorney crying?....." Her classmates all roared with laughter.
"Blue covers? Complaints? Local court rules? What the heck are they talking about?" Suzy thought to herself.
