There they were. Lined up by the dozens.
Uniformly tall. Uniformly beautiful. Nearly uniformly blond.
Marching out the front entrance of their glittering sorority house in their coordinated pea coats. Casting nary a glance at the house staff attendants who dutifully held open the enormous double doors for them as they strode into the chilly evening air.
Shivering through their coats and their fancy formal dresses in the early-December cold as they waited to board their fancy ass coach buses that would take them to their fancy ass Founder's Day dinner at some fancy ass restaurant.
Now, as if they all shared the same creepy, basic-bitch hive-mind, the entire lot of them coldly turned to watch her approach the sorority house.
She knew that, beyond the poison that their Chapter President had no doubt poured into their ears, these girls had already been predisposed to resent her.
Perhaps they resented her fame as one of the more recognizable figures at Perion.
Perhaps they resented her sexual attraction to women.
Perhaps they resented her blatant disregard for Pi Pi Pi, or for sororities in general--the very disregard she was flouting at this exact moment, as she strode confidently past a line of designer evening gowns while wearing a blue Perion Flag Football sweatsuit.
Perhaps.
Or perhaps, just maybe...it was that these fembot twats, with their lip-plumper and their spray-tan and their beauty-queen curls, had thought that they had completely cornered the market on beauty. That to be in Pi Shop was to be the most pretty, and that to not be in Pi Shop was to be less pretty. That, just maybe, this lie was the foundation upon which the entire house of cards that was Pi Pi Pi had been built...
...And then a badass redhead named Jacqueline Sullivan had to walk by tonight and show every single one of them just how wrong they were.
Drink it in, you lemmings. Cast those pathetic death-stares. Put on a good show for your boss...
...But we both know that every single one of you pathetic followers would gladly stick your tongue inside of me just so you could get close enough to my body to try to figure out how to make your OWN bodies look THIS GOOD.
As Jacqueline marched up the sidewalk, past the entire robot army, she could already see:
The Queen Twat was waiting for her.
She had hung back, between those double doors, her green peacoat still unbuttoned to reveal a shimmering emerald gown.
Jacqueline rolled her eyes.
Oh, look at you. You're so goddamn fancy and sexy. Except for the part where you threw that coat on the floor of a filthy basement just so your desperate mouth could get rejected by the only cock that was in the laundry room that night.
Finally, as 150 wannabe-instagram-models stared daggers into her back, Jacqueline stepped up the walkway, arrived at the Pi Shop entrance...and greeted her sworn enemy.
"What's up, Cunt."
"Jacqueline," Cooper Deering returned evenly. "Thank you for gracing us with your presence this evening. I see you've worked quite hard to dress to Pi Pi Pi standards."
"Oh, this?" Jacqueline remarked, looking down at her sweats. "Yeah, I pulled these out of my hamper just for you. Sorry if I get sweat stains on your, like, embroidery, or whatever."
Jacqueline stepped forward and leaned past Cooper, surveying the interior of the house.
"Is that what you do in here all day, Cooper? Like, crochet some shit while you eat out each other's pussies? I honestly have no idea. I'd really love the full tour, though! Show me the cauldron where you sacrifice the baby goats every day to make you each look one minute younger!"
"Oh," Cooper returned icily, "I know how much you must WISH that any of these girls would ever put her mouth on you, Jacqueline. I'm sorry to disappoint you! We, of course, welcome all kinds of girls here at Pi Pi Pi, but we don't happen to have anyone within these walls at the moment who...shares your proclivities."
"Wow, SHOCKING," Jacqueline replied with another eye-roll. "As I was walking past those buses just now, I was really bowled over by the STAGGERING DIVERSITY of Pi Shop. What a fucking RAINBOW COALITION you've got going on over here. You must be so proud."
"Oh, I assure you," Cooper affirmed, "We ARE proud, Jacqueline. We're QUITE proud of the standards we've cultivated here at Pi Pi Pi. Perhaps you've noticed that the entire social scene here at Perion revolves around this house and those standards? Or perhaps you're too ensconced in your little touch football games over at--where is it, again? The soccer field?"
"Wow, Cooper!" Jacqueline returned. "Proclivities? Cultivated? Ensconced? You use such big, fancy words! Does Chris love it when you use those big fanc--"
Jacqueline snapped her finger theatrically.
"Oh, shit, that's right!" she corrected, staring unblinkingly into her foe's equally green eyes.
"My bad, Cooper! I forgot why I was here tonight!"
For a moment, Cooper glared right back at her, surrendering not an inch.
Then the Pi Shop President turned back into the house.
"Follow me."
As Jacqueline passed through the doorway, she happened to glance over at one of the attendants holding the doors open.
The woman was staring back at Jacqueline with a very particular blend of confusion and curiosity...
...but Jacqueline pushed onward in Deering's wake before the attendant could say a thing.
"Ooh!" Jacqueline offered as they traveled deeper into the ornate building. "Are you going to take me down to the 'dungeon', or whatever you call the place where you fucked over my friends? Is THAT on the tour, you Stepford Wife slut?"
Cooper didn't glance backward or offer a reply.
Soon, though, the pair arrived at a door...that opened not to a descending staircase, but, instead, to a small, intimate, first-floor space. Judging from the soft light and the presence of a few desks and tables within the cozy room, this was apparently a Pi Pi Pi study area.
"Wait..." Jacqueline intoned with grave sincerity, "Do you girls actually do COURSE WORK here in Pi Pi Pi? I thought you all just swallowed enough professor cum until you were each given a B-minus!"
Once again, Cooper didn't reply...but it didn't matter: By this point, Jacqueline's attention had already moved on...to the presence, in the room, of a third individual.
"Who's this? Pi Shop Barbie?" Jacqueline bluntly inquired, gesturing at the girl with flowing blond curls who was waiting, with expectant, meticulous posture, in a luxurious, lavender-hued formal dress.
"Oh," Deering smiled, "This is Tracey Harrington. Does that name ring a bell?"
Jacqueline cocked an eyebrow.
"Should it?"
Deering shrugged.
"I suppose not. But in any case, don't you worry! We'll get to Tracey soon enough."
Deering gestured to a narrow table in the intimate space that was adorned with two facing chairs.
The emerald-eyed nemeses took their places opposite each other at the table. Tracey Harrington, who hadn't yet said a word, remained standing...now, just over Jacqueline's shoulder.
"I don't know what kind of mafia intimidation shit you think you're playing at here," Jacqueline growled, casting a glance back at Harrington, "But if that bitch so much as touches me, I'm breaking her arm."
"What?" Deering replied with a laugh. "INTIMIDATION? Oh, no, Jacqueline! That's not what this is at all! I'm not trying to intimidate you!"
"If anything," Cooper proceeded, "I should be CONGRATULATING you. You've done it!"
"You've made me look like an absolute fool!"
"Bitch," Jacqueline returned, "If the shoe fits, then fucking WEAR IT."
Deering's tone remained level.
"No, you're right, Jacqueline!" she admitted. "I WAS a fool."
"It should have been so obvious to me the second that Chris started to become more distant. I suppose I should have realized that, after all, she DOES live in Chris's dorm! But I'll be honest, Jacqueline...I'd forgotten all about her! I suppose it's my own fault for just assuming that she'd learned her lesson..."
"Her LESSON?" Jacqueline seethed. "Say ONE MORE bad thing about Kelsie and SEE WHAT HAPPENS, Cunt."
"Yes yes yes," Deering calmly continued. "My point is, I was sloppy! I mean, I was going over to that dorm so regularly that, I suppose, I just assumed that if anything was amiss, I would have seen it myself! Or that someone else would have told me! After all, we have several Pi Pi Pi sisters living in Howard Hall!"
"NOW, of course," Deering went on, "I realize just how much EFFORT you were all committing just to help this girl! I assume you must have been watching those hallways around the clock just to sneak her in and out of there! You and your teammates...oh, and those Korean twins! Now that I know the truth, it's all just so clear! They wanted to join your little revenge circle...all because, what: I wouldn't let the sister be a Preditorette? My God! Some people and their childish hang-ups!"
It was a miracle that Jacqueline didn't leap across the table right then and smash her freckled fist into Deering's pretty face. The fire-haired quarterback kept her rage in check.
"You can call it whatever you want, you stupid twat," Jacqueline spat. "But we all got Kelsie and Chris together. Just like they were supposed to be all along, before you stepped in and wrecked their lives."
"Oh," Deering agreed. "You certainly DID bring them together! And then Chris cooked up that preposterous lie about his father...and I believed him! Again, silly, silly me! I've been sitting around twiddling my thumbs...and the entire time, they were off together doing who knows what! I suppose I can do nothing but congratulate your little army for pulling this whole thing off."
"But it's YOU I should congratulate the MOST, Jacqueline!" the Predatorette Captain offered.
"We're both leaders, you and I! We both know what it takes to organize other women, to plan, to push our girls to excellence...so believe me, I completely appreciate just how much YOU, in particular, had to do with this..."
"...Which became so plainly obvious after the UDW game! You, Perion's top Flag Football player, running out there to hug Chris? Making it into a big news story? Letting me see you out there with him...and then running over to show me how close you are to Kelsie and Alexia? What can I say, Jacqueline? Well played!"
Jacqueline answered Deering's monologue with a thunderous sigh of boredom.
"Blah blah blah. Are you DONE?"
Deering pursed her lips.
"Yes, you're right. Of course. After all...our buses ARE waiting for us!"
"Go ahead, Jacqueline. The floor is yours."
