At the next weekly luncheon date after her date with Hank Doran, when Diana met with Makayla Brown, her best friend, and classmate at the School of Nursing of the University of Michigan, she had lots of happy information to impart. She described all the details of her spectacular date with Hank Doran. She listed all the attributes she discerned in him. Finally, she listed her hopes and dreams of establishing a serious relationship with him.
For Makayla, this exuberant account by Diana of her aspirations for Hank Doran seemed eerily like a case of déjà vu, when compared to Diana's previous infatuation with Brad Winters.
Makayla responded, "Look, Diana, you have to see that you're jumping the gun on envisioning 'mistletoes and reindeers'* (*air quotes) in the possibility that you and Hank might become an item. You really should tamp down your expectations of a future liaison with Hank, until you have some concrete evidence that you are genuinely in a relationship with him. Surely, I don't have to remind you that you were almost ready to marry Brad Winters after only one real date, and of course, it all came to naught."
"That's not fair to compare. As you know, Brad died in a car accident before we could establish a significant relationship."
Makayla snorted as she replied. "Oh my, but aren't we guilty of selective memory? As I recall from what you have told me, Brad died in a car crash, as he was coming to Ann Arbor to submit to a paternity test. You had intimated to him that if the paternity test showed that he was not the father of your baby, you would abandon your desire to form a relationship with him. With Hank Doran, you're even in a worse position since you know with absolute certainty that he is not the father of Laura."
Diana responded, "I think that we have apples to oranges debate. In the case of Brad, we were probably going to enter into a relationship, but he was involved in a motor vehicle accident where he killed a man. At that point, he thought he was unworthy of me, and so thought he was doing the noble thing by releasing me from any possible commitment. I pointed out the possibility that he might be the father of my baby, and for that reason, we should not abandon hope that we could still be a couple. So he agreed to submit to a paternity test, but as you know, he died in a second accident. Notwithstanding, what I had told Brad to convince him to take the DNA test, I believe even if the test had been negative, I could have convinced him that we do have a future, and I would wait for him as he served out his prison sentence. Besides, as I told you at the time, I had the strongest premonition that he was indeed the father.
"As for Hank, it is entirely a different matter. He knows that he is not the father, and he wondered why I did not get an abortion. His only concern was why I did not make an effort to try and ascertain the sire of my baby. I think nowadays most men are not concerned about the past sexual history of their current girlfriend or their wife. However, if their girlfriend or wife has a child or children from a previous lover or husband, then there exists potential subconscious jealousy in the mind of the man. He might be plagued with uncertainty and doubts as to how much he is loved by his girlfriend or wife, vis à vis the father of her child or children. In my case, neither Hank nor any future boyfriend or husband I may acquire, can legitimately or even emotionally, maintain such a similar negative feeling in his mind. Yes, I'm an unmarried mother with a child born illegitimately. Still, Laura is not a 'love child'* (*air quotes) as it is generally understood in modern jargon. I would venture to say that I'm in the same position in regard, as a single female who has custody of her nephew or niece, because of the inability or the impossibility of her sibling, and or the other responsible parent to raise the child in question.
"Finally Makayla, I appreciate your concern that I seem to have overreacted in proclaiming my heartfelt love for Brad, and now for Hank, before establishing a solid history of intimacy with either of them to justify my expressed apparent euphoria. All I can say is that I'm not fragile; I do not break. Yes, Brad's death was an unbelievably painful shock that was hard to accept, but I was able to move on. If nothing comes of my anticipated relationship with Hank Doran, no doubt I'll be dismayed, but I won't be devastated.
"I think, Makayla, what you don't understand is my perception of myself. My two sisters are genuinely gorgeous. Compared to them, I had developed a feeling of inadequacy throughout the time I was growing up. As a result, I lacked self-confidence in my sexual appeal or allure. I was reticent in getting sexually active, and that, in turn, reinforced the idea that I was not appealing to the opposite sex. I welcomed your friendship, Makayla, because you seemed to be the kind of fun woman I wanted to emulate. I believe that knowing that you had already participated in the Frat party charity gangbang orgy in the year previously, was the tipping point for me to consent to participate in the same event in the last school year.
"As I had already told you, Makayla, that orgy was the first time that I had experienced vaginal sexual intercourse. And on that occasion of my actual first-time sex, I fucked 101 different men. Discounting the fact that I got pregnant as a result of that orgy, I knew that aside from a couple of exceptions, I thoroughly enjoyed myself. That led me to question myself as to what kind of woman I aspired to be. I believe that I desired to become a superwoman as dictated by today's society. You know, the kind with an exciting career, a wonderful husband and a passel of adorable children. But given the promiscuous nature of the beginning of my sexual lifestyle, I'm regarded as a slut and a bimbo. And given the fact I had no shame in enjoying the sex, I had come to believe I was, in fact, one, because I couldn't shake my lusty nature. I honestly did not think I could remain faithful and exclusive in any relationship. So I thought that I was precluded from attracting a decent man, and therefore I cannot become a superwoman.
"Still, as a politically conservative woman, despite my Democrat parents, I admire most Kellyanne Conway, the senior counselor for President Trump. That woman was thirty-four years old when she got married and has since given birth to four children. Despite the typically enormous demands of motherhood, Ms. Conway has risen to the status of being one of the most successful professional women in the country, as evidence by her high profile position with President Trump's administration.
"Naturally, I have not envisioned that I would achieve such a high profile successful public career as Ms. Conway, but I believe I'm in the same league as her. I'm going to become an officer of the United States Navy, which I daresay is even superior in the social hierarchy than a mere attorney, which Ms. Conway was upon completion of her education. So, although I aspire to be a woman of substance in the mold of Ms. Conway, I feared that my slutty nature would do me in.
"However, I've changed my mind as a result of having known first Brad Winters, and now Hank Doran. Had he lived, I do not doubt that he would have become a successful lawyer even though he would have had to do some prison time. As for Hank, I have every confidence that he will become a fabulous chemical engineer. In a nutshell, these are terrific men. Therefore I know I would have been faithful to in Brad's case and can be in Hank's case. Again, Makayla, if nothing comes from my association with Hank, I won't despair. There are lots of other fish in the sea, and I now know I can catch and keep a worthwhile one."
In answer to Diana's lengthy explanation of her sentiments, Makayla answered, "Wow, you sure have a great head on your shoulders, Diana, and you certainly know your own mind. You said you want to emulate my fun nature, but I marvel at your intellect. You are, without a doubt, the most impressive female friend I've ever had, and I confess that knowing you has influenced me to become a better woman. However, I do advise that you need not be so serious and over analyze all of your sexual experiences. Even your heroine, as you said, did not get married until she was thirty-four. So you have lots of time to cat around and sample the various fish in the sea before finally settling on the best catch of the day."
They both laughed at the banal use of the fish metaphor. Diana promised to Makayla that she would not give away her heart on Hank's string unless and until there was a serious, mutually established exclusive commitment.
Alas! Hank Doran did not call. As the days passed with no word from Hank, Diana started to imagine a déjà vu feeling.
'Surely,' she thought, 'Lightning cannot strike twice! Surely Hank has not died as a result of a motor vehicle accident, and that's why I haven't heard from him.'
It didn't help that the University of Michigan is a large institution of higher learning. The fact that Hank and she were students in different faculties made the possibility of their seeing each other remote. Simply passing each other during their regular student activity while attending the school did not transpire.
Naturally, in the ensuing weekly luncheon dates, Makayla Brown had to endure Diana's enunciated despair and fretfulness at the lack of communication from Hank.
Finally, losing all patience with Diana's constant whining, Makayla exclaimed, "Enough already! Stop bitching about your situation! Why the fuck don't you just call him and find out where you stand. You do have his number, don't you?"
"Yes, certainly. I captured it on my iPhone when he called me to ask me out to the basketball game."
