Saturday, September 14, 2013
I woke in what was undoubtedly the best arrangement I'd had in months—with a naked Cece lying on top of me. She had one arm and leg across my body as she used my chest as a pillow, her red hair splayed out.
This is what I've been missing.
Cece began to stir as I slowly ran my fingers up and down her bare back, savoring the feeling of her skin against mine. Her eyes fluttered open.
"Good morning," I said.
She smiled, then closed her eyes again as she snuggled up even closer to me. "Mmm, good morning." Her eyes popped open. "Oh, shit. Shit shit shit." She started scrambling around, looking for her phone. "What time is it?"
I sat up. "I'm not sure. Still pretty early, I think." I rolled over and grabbed my phone from my nightstand. "It's just after seven. Why?"
"I wasn't planning on staying the night," my girlfriend said, her voice slightly panicked. "I need to be home to help my dad in the mornings. He needs to take his meds, and he can't eat for an hour after, which means he wants to take it early because he gets hungry, and I need to help him make breakfast, and-"
"Cece, it's okay. We'll get you back home. Everything will be fine."
She stumbled a bit as she pulled her clothes back on. "You don't understand. Taking care of him is the whole reason I'm even in San Diego, Ryan. He needs me."
"He's seemed pretty capable the times I've seen him. I'm sure he can handle a himself for a couple hours in the morning."
Cece finally tracked down her phone, which had slid under my bed. "Shit. He called me over an hour ago." She tapped the screen and then held it to her ear. "Hi, dad. Yes, I'm fine. We just had a few drinks last night and needed to sober up before Ryan drove me home. I guess we fell asleep. Is everything okay? I'll be home soon, we're leaving now." I was still sitting in bed, naked. She shot me a look, so I rolled out and went to my dresser to grab some clothes. "Love you too, dad. See you in a few."
"Is everything okay?" I asked.
She let out a breath. "Yes, he's okay right now."
"See, I told you-"
"But just because he's okay right now doesn't mean he always will be," she interrupted. "He has good days and bad days. I just got lucky this time." She started walking towards the door. "Can we go?"
"Yeah, sure." I was surprised by how stressed out she seemed, and how short she was being. I followed her out of my room, grabbing my keys and some sandals on the way. "Do you want a banana, or at least something to eat?"
She shook her head. "No, let's just go. I can grab something at home." When we got into my car, I could tell that Cece was still worked up. Her shoulders were tense and she was staring out the window.
"Hey," I said, placing my hand on her leg. She turned to look at me, her gaze softening as I smiled at her. "I'm sorry. If I knew that you needed to make it home last night, I would have made sure that you got there."
She sighed as she rubbed some of the sleep out of her eyes. "You don't need to apologize. I know you would have. It's my fault, not yours."
"That being said, last night was amazing. And it was really nice waking up with you this morning."
Cece smiled, placing her hand on top of mine and giving it a squeeze. "Yeah, it was. You're a pretty great pillow," she said. She even blushed a little bit.
"I'd really like to have that happen more often," I said.
"Ryan, I..." she paused, frowning. "It's just really hard, with my dad and everything..."
"I get it, Cece. I do. But there's got to be some way we can make it work, right?" I had said I was willing to be patient with her in terms of our sex life, but now that I'd had a taste, it was hard to not want it more often. Especially if it meant I got to wake up next to her in the morning.
"I want to...but I just don't know. This morning was fine, but not every morning is. I'd feel awful if something happened and I wasn't there for him." She turned her head to look out the window again.
"It's not like you're there with him twenty-four seven right now. You go to the gym, you go to work, we go out on dates. My apartment is only a ten minute drive from your house. It's closer than Eastwood," I said. I wanted her to be able to feel comfortable staying the night with me more often, but mostly I just wanted to help her not feel so stressed out about this situation.
She took a deep breath. "You're right. I just panicked a little bit. I'm just so used to our routine, and when I'm out of the house he knows where I am and how to reach me. When I saw that I had missed his call from over an over ago I just started spiraling. It's..." She stopped to get her emotions under control, but I could see her eyes starting to water.
I gave her hand a squeeze. "It's okay."
"I'm sorry," she said, still fighting back her tears. "I've already lost my mom, and the thought of losing my dad too just terrifies me. I'm not ready for that. I'm here to take care of him, and to spend as much time as I can with him before it's too late. I know that I need to have my own life, too, but he's my priority right now."
"So then what about next weekend?" I asked.
She looked confused. "Next weekend?"
"On Saturday I'm flying up for my friend Sara's birthday, and Kevin is going to propose to her. We talked about you coming with me."
"Right, sorry, I remember. My brain is just all jumbled right now," she said. She bit her lip. "I don't know. I'll have to talk with my dad a little more and figure out if it works for us. Maybe I can set something up for him."
"I don't want you to stress yourself out too much trying to make it work. I just think it would be fun to introduce you to all of my friends and, well..." I trailed off.
"What?"
"It's going to be the first time I've seen Amanda since we officially ended things."
"Oh. I hadn't thought about that. Do you really think it would even be good for me to be there for that?"
"Whether it's next weekend, or at Kevin's wedding, or whenever, it's going to happen eventually."
"But for the first time you're going to see her since your breakup? I don't know if having me around for that is the best idea."
"I'm not trying to rub you in her face or anything. It would just be nice to have you with me. I'm not expecting to have some big heart-to-heart with her or anything. Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if we don't even say a word to each other the whole time."
"Really? You don't have anything else to say to her?"
I shrugged. "What would there be to say? We're over, she's in my past now. If we ended up talking then I guess I could ask how her family is doing. I was close with them. But I don't think there's anything left to be said between us as far as
'us'
goes."
"I'll try to let you know by Monday if I think I can make it work. Is that okay?"
"Yeah, sure. I just need to know if I'm buying one plane ticket or two, and figure out where to stay Saturday night. If it's just me then I'll probably just crash on someone's couch, but if you're coming then we can find a hotel room."
"If I'm coming I can pay for my own plane ticket."
"I'm not going to make you pay for a plane ticket to go see my friends. I'm inviting you on this little trip, I can pay for you. It's not a big deal, anyways. Tickets from San Diego to San Jose are really cheap."
She pursed her lips but didn't say anything else on the topic. When we pulled up to her house, I asked if she needed any help or wanted me to come in.
"No, thanks though," she said, shaking her head. She leaned over to give me a kiss. "I had such a great time with you last night. I'm sorry for going a little crazy this morning."
"I had a great time, too," I said as I stroked her arm. "Don't worry, I understand."
"I'll figure something out, I promise." She gave me another kiss. "I'll text you later, okay?"
"Yeah, sure. Say hi to your dad for me, and my apologies for not getting you home last night."
"I told you it's not your fault."
"Still, I kind of want your dad to like me."
"I like you, and that's all that matters to him." She gave me one last kiss before hurrying out of the car. "Bye, Ryan. I'll text you later."
I took a few moments to enjoy one of my favorite views in the whole world as I watched her walk into her house. While driving home, I tried not to worry too much about the morning's events. I really liked Cece, but I did feel a little bit of concern that the situation with her dad was going to continue to cause problems as our relationship progressed, or rather that it would be a roadblock to our relationship continuing to progress. It was perhaps unfair of me to think like that, but I couldn't help it. I understood where she was coming from, and it would be childish of me to complain about Cece making her sick father more of a priority than her boyfriend of barely a month. I just had to trust that she would work on figuring out a solution that would allow us to spend more time together.
