"Call her." Clair closed Laura's office door and leaned against it.
"Don't you think I've tried?" Laura went to the window, unable to meet her secretary's eyes. She acted like a spurned teenager, which was humiliating, but she couldn't seem to help it. "I left her alone until Tuesday. Yesterday I left half a dozen messages. Today I tired twice. It's obvious she doesn't want me anymore."
"It's not obvious. You said she had something to do with her ex-husband. Maybe she's been too busy. Try again."
"I don't want to sound desperate."
"Not to rub your nose in it, but you are desperate."
"I know." Laura closed her eyes and rested her forehead against the glass. "How did this happen? I run a multi million dollar company and I can't manage a relationship with my lesbian lover."
"Stop it." The sound or Clair's palm slamming on Laura's desk made her jump. "You sound like your feelings should mean less because they're for a woman instead of a man. Is that how you see Sarah? Less of a person because she's gay?"
"No!" Laura glared at Clair. "I thought we had a real connection but its turning out to be a one night stand. Isn't that what men do to women? I expected a woman to treat another woman better."
"Does Sarah consider your relationship a one night stand?"
"Yes." Laura sighed and shook her head. "No. I don't know. The whole world seems different. I don't know where I fit anymore, at least in my personal life. I keep wondering if I did something wrong, or if I was supposed to do something and didn't. I don't know what the rules are for lesbians."
"Think of Sarah as a person instead of a lesbian. Did you ever consider she had a bad time with her ex-husband? Maybe she needs time to get her emotional center before she see's you again. Maybe she's worried you won't want her if she comes across needy or wounded."
"That's ridiculous. She knows me better than that."
"Does she? How long have you known each other?"
"A couple of weeks."
Clair raised an eyebrow. "Are you sure?"
"Yes, I'm sure. We met . . . " Laura glanced at her calender. "Six days ago." Laura slumped back in her chair. "It seems like so much longer."
"See? How can she possibly know how you'll react if she acts different?"
"I guess I better call." Laura grinned wryly.
"Yes, and keep calling until you get her." Clair gave Laura a satisfied nod and left her office.
Laura dialed Sarah's number and almost dropped it when she heard the younger woman's voice.
"Hello, Laura." Sarah's voice sounded flat but Laura ignored it. She was too happy Sarah answered.
"Thank god, I was so worried. How are you? Is everything all right? Do you need anything?"
"I'm fine. I'm sorry I worried you."
Laura knew what Sarah sounded like when she was sad, happy, scarred and angry. This flat monotone was new and Laura didn't know what it meant. "Ok," Laura said into the awkward silence.
Another silence stretched and Laura desperately tried to find something to say. She didn't want to sound too nosy or bring up a subject that might put more distance between them. On the other hand, demanding to know why Sarah hadn't talked to her before now might put the younger woman on the defensive. Desperation forced Laura to say something. "I've missed you. Did you miss me?"
"Yes."
"Well it doesn't sound like it." Laura bit her lip and squeezed her eyes shut. She hadn't meant to snap, but Sarah's neutral tone got under Laura's skin.
"I'm sorry."
"Did I do something wrong?" Laura never liked to whine or beg but the situation drove her beyond her normal self control. She felt exposed, vulnerable; Sarah's reticence made it worse.
"No."
"Why didn't you answer my calls?" So much for keeping Sarah off the defensive.
"I was busy. I had some things to sort out."
"You couldn't pick up a phone and let me know?" Laura knew she sounded shrill, but she couldn't stop.
"No."
Laura's scatter-shot emotions collected into a heart chilling fear as an unpleasant possibility formed. "Is your husband still there?"
"No." A hint of puzzlement threaded through Sarah's voice. At least it was something.
"Can you talk freely? Is someone there, listening?"
"No one's here." Now Sarah sounded confused. Laura, on the other hand, sagged with relief. For a moment she thought Frank was still there forcing Sarah to shut herself away from people again.
"Can I come over to talk?"
"No!" Sarah finally showed a real emotion, too bad it sounded like panic.
"Sarah, are you dumping me?"
"No, of course not. Why would I?"
"Then why can't I see you?"
"You can see me. I just don't want you at my house right now."
Laura pulled the phone away from her ear and stared at it. "Ok, if you don't want me there can we meet somewhere or can you come over to my house?"
"I can go to your house."
Laura wanted to slump with relief but doubted she was out of the woods. "How soon can you get there?"
"As soon as you want me to."
"I want you now."
"Ok."
"Would you like to spend the rest of the week at my house?" Laura worried her lip between her teeth while she waited for Sarah's answer
"It'll take me a couple of hours to pack."
"That's fine. I'll clear up my schedule. I have some things to tie up first, but I'll be home in less than an hour. Come over any time after that."
"Ok."
***
Laura tried not to wear a hole in her carpet by pacing out her nervous energy. She emptied out three drawers for Sarah then cleaned her house a second time although it was already spotless.
Her indecision became ridiculous. She got out a bottle of wine and glasses because she needed a drink. Then she put them away because it might send the wrong signal. There was obviously tension so they might both need a drink. Laura got the wine and glasses out again. Then she thought better of it and put them away. Then she thought to hell with it and put the wine glasses on the dinner table and left the wine in the rack. It was available but not blatant.
When the doorbell rang Laura leaped for the door, praying it wasn't some delivery person. She knew she shouldn't yank the door open less than a second after the door bell rang. It made her look as desperate as she felt but she decided to hell with it. She was desperate.
Sarah stood, framed in the doorway, with a hesitant smile on her lips. She looked stunning and acted casual, but she gripped her bag like a lifeline. Laura noticed she made an exceptional effort in getting dressed. It had to take forever to look so beautiful without making it look like she was trying to look beautiful. She had her crisp, white, Ann Taylor blouse tucked into black slacks, and her one inch white pumps looked brand new. Her makeup was minimal but impeccable while the shine and luster of her hair indicated she spent a long time on it. The whole package screamed of great care but Laura knew if she commented on it, Sarah would say, "What, this? I just threw it on and came over."
"You look beautiful, Sarah. I'm so glad you made it." Laura wished she had taken the time to dress up. It didn't cross her mind and she feared she looked horrible. She still wore her work suit and had probably chewed her lipstick off.
Laura picked up Sarah's small suitcase and led her inside. Once the door closed Laura dropped the bag and pulled the younger woman into a hug. She wanted Sarah so bad she couldn't help kissing her.
Sarah returned the kiss mechanically, going through the motions but not showing any interest. Laura wrapped her arms around Sarah but the younger woman only rested her hands on Laura's hips.
Laura ended the kiss and stepped back, feeling awkward. She assumed since Sarah agreed to spend the next four days with her she wanted the physical side of the relationship as much as Laura did.
"I'm, um, sorry about that." Laura looked down at Sarah's bag, thankful for an excuse to look someplace other than Sarah's remote eyes. "I'm glad you made it. Is there anything you want to do tonight? We can go out if you want. My treat. Or we can stay in."
Sarah shrugged in response and looked around the room. Laura waited for Sarah to elaborate until it became clear she had nothing else to say. Not knowing what else to do, Laura led Sarah upstairs wishing the younger woman would talk to her.
Sarah paused on the stairs to study the array of family photos lining the wall and looked unutterably sad. Her fingers traced the photo of Laura's daughter, Marcy, as a toddler. She was snuggling Logan, her infant brother, and smiled like the angel she was.
Laura waited patiently at the top of the stairs while Sarah worked through her emotions. When at last she continued up the stairs Laura led the way to her bedroom.
"I hope you'll want to sleep in here with me, but if you don't want to, I have a guest bedroom you're welcome to use."