Mindgames

Chapter 14: History lesson

Mariah remembers

Mistress Desiree gave no indication of her surprise to have Mariah back so soon. She listened, with her fingers pressed together and her face blank, to Griffin's outraged explanation. When he curtly refused Mistress Desiree's offer of a replacement, she nodded and opened the door for him, biting down her hurt pride. There were plenty of others who were grateful enough to have the houseslaves she trained.

Mariah stood in standard position before her, legs apart, hands behind her neck, elbows back. Although she properly looked down, there was defiance in her stance. Why hadn't she fallen to the floor, tearful, begging for mercy? Was she unnatural?

But then Mistress Desiree was struck by a thought. Maybe Mariah didn't beg for mercy because mercy was the last thing that she wanted. And therefore the first thing that she needed. She made up her mind.

"I'm not sending you back to the training center," she said. Mariah nodded to indicate that she had heard, but made no response. She had not been asked a question. "I'm giving you a gift, instead." Again, Mariah nodded. Mistress Desiree was impressed by her refusal to even look up. She knew it was more willpower than training.

She continued, "I'm sending you to a pansy." This time a quick intake of breath with the nod. "His name is Master Townsend. If you behave . . ." She cut herself off. "You may thank me."

"Thank you, Mistress," Mariah said. She glanced up, and then quickly down.

Present day

"Master, where's Mariah?" Gabriel woke at Rose's puzzled question to Animal. The two of them were crossing the meadow towards him. The sun was more than halfway across the Western sky. He had been asleep for hours.

Where was Mariah?

Gabriel meant to spring up, but his limbs were stiff from the hard ground and he couldn't get his footing immediately. Animal scrambled to the top of the boulder and looked in all directions. To Gabriel's upraised eyebrows he shook his head. He climbed down. Stunned, Gabriel circled around as if Mariah might appear out of the ground.

Animal crossed the meadow to him. "I thought she might pull something. I meant to talk to her this morning," he muttered.

Gabriel looked up, and Animal recoiled from the expression on his face. "You meant to talk to her?" he said, his voice hard and loud and incredulous. "Why didn't you watch her? You knew I'd been up all night with Bella."

Where was Mariah?

Animal took a step back, his hand up. "What? No, I didn't! You didn't tell me. You should have asked for help."

"I did!" Gabriel was shouting now. "I asked you to drive the buggy so I could sleep, and you . . ." He was shaking. "You said no!"

Animal breathed out hard, even as his eyes scanned the horizon. "I can't read your mind, Gabriel. I didn't know you were tired." He scowled and looked at his friend. "And why were you up all night anyway? You're not the only healer in Riviera, you know."

"I may as well be!" Gabriel snapped. "I'm the only healer in your forsaken home who was willing to be roused out of bed to save the woman's life." He added, viciously, "Just like I'm the only one of us who was willing to drive the buggy!"

Where was Mariah?

"That's not true!" Animal's voice was low now. "You take it all on yourself and then you tell yourself no one else will step up. You . . ."

But a movement from Rose stopped him. She fell to her hands and knees between them, pressing her forehead into the ground. "What?" Animal demanded.

Rose kneeled up. Into the silence she pleaded, "Masters, . . ." She looked up. "We have to . . ." She stopped, took a deep breath, and continued, "We have to look for her." She threw herself down, her forehead touching the ground.

Gabriel deflated, the anger gone out of him as suddenly as it had come. "Please, Rose," he said tiredly. "Don't do that." Rose kneeled up. She quickly wiped her eyes.

Gabriel spoke softly, almost to himself. "It's as she said about the other runaways. She took her chance."

"No!" Animal said harshly. "She'll die out here. You know it even if she doesn't!"

Gabriel and Animal looked at each other for a long moment. Gabriel dropped his eyes first. He said brokenly, "My sister could track her maybe, but I . . ." He stopped suddenly and put his hand to his forehead to shade his eyes. "She's coming!" he said. "And with bags full of your flowers!" He ran to meet her, Animal and Rose right behind.

Mariah stopped, looking startled. When the others drew near she handed to Animal the bags she carried. "Here," she said evenly. "I found another meadow."

Gabriel stood still for a moment, stunned. Then he grabbed Mariah and pulled her into a hug, which Mariah bore stoically. "I was so worried. I thought that . . . we thought you . . . I thought you'd run away," Gabriel finally said into her shoulder.

Mariah stiffened, and she pulled away. "Well, I didn't," she said. She turned away, her face burning.

Animal snorted in disgust. Gabriel grabbed Mariah's arm. "Stop," he said shakily. When Mariah merely stood there, he said, "Mariah, I need you to . . ." He took a deep breath, looking from her to Animal. Another breath. Mariah stared at his boots. "My heart can't take any more moments like that." Still she did not look up. "I want you to give me your word you won't run away, not while you're under my protection."

Mariah met his eyes at last. "Of course, Master, I promise," she said coolly.

"No!" Gabriel said. "Don't toy with me. Swear it, by . . ." But he could think of nothing she could swear by. He squeezed her arms. "Give me your word," he said softly. "Your true word, and I'll believe you."

Mariah didn't react for a moment, and then she seemed to shrink into herself. She paled, and opened her mouth and closed it. There was anguish in her face, and she shook her head minutely, as if against her will.

Gabriel sighed, defeated. "Of course you can't," he said.

But Animal burst in, "Of course she can. And she will." He turned to Mariah. "You owe him that," he said. When Mariah merely stared at him, he added slowly, as if she were stupid, "for everything he's done for you."

The anguish on Mariah's face disappeared, replaced by hardness and anger. "I owe him nothing!" she spat. "He said I would be safe, and then he led the hunters straight to me." She pointed at the boulder, and looked at Gabriel, shrieking now. "There, that's the safe haven you gave me! The place where I cowered when the dogs came! You sent them to me!"

Gabriel flinched, but after a moment he said calmly, almost but not quite aloofly, "It's your choice to still believe that." He walked towards the buggy, stiffly arranging the horses, looking at no one. When Mariah started to climb onto the front bench he said shortly, "Sit in back, Mariah. I just can't look at you right now."

Mariah remembers

Mariah watched Master Townsend exhale smoke through pursed lips, sigh contentedly, and sink back into his armchair. He would be oblivious for a while. Mariah took advantage of the opportunity to scratch her scalp, which itched, as did the rest of her. How long had it been since she'd had a shower? She couldn't remember.

And of course the worst itch of all, between her legs. Sometimes on an errand she would purposefully cross a master in the hope that he would notice and fuck her. Usually she was subtle. Eye contact, or failing to keep an appropriate distance. Sometimes she would go further, tripping in front of him or jostling him. Most ignored her. A few would slash her with a whip. But two had fucked her. The one last week had seemed to notice her desperation. He had taken her to a side hallway and had her up against a wall. He took his time, touched her clit with his finger, made sure she was satisfied. She didn't know his name. Dark skin, lithe, a kind face. Thinking of it now increased her discomfort.

Master Townsend opened his bloodshot eyes. Taking a deep breath, she put down the feather duster and approached him, prostrating herself before him. It took a moment before he noticed her. "None of that now," he said with the smile that made Mariah shiver with loathing. "You know you can talk to me."

Mariah kneeled up. Boldly she put her hand on his knee. "Master," she began, as Master Townsend brought the joint to his lips, "please, let me do my duty to you. Let me service you."

Master Townsend inhaled, held his breath, and exhaled. Putting the roach in an ashtray, he removed Mariah's hand from his knee. He shook his head sadly. "Now, now," he said, and paused. Mariah wondered if he was trying to remember her name. "You know I'm a pansy. I promised you when you came here I wouldn't oppress you, and I won't."

"Master, I want to have sex with you," Mariah burst out in frustration. "I need to, please."

But Master Townsend just patted her on the head. "You only think that," he said. "It's all in your head. You need to overcome your upraising."

Mariah sighed, and mouthed along with him, "I could be you and you could be me." He was off, as if he hadn't already told her his theory that there was no innate difference between slaves and humans. At first she had been fascinated by what he had shared: How a long time ago there were no slaves, but that through a combination of a huge fight called a war and unimaginable shortsightedness people had brought the Turmoil, which had resulted in countless deaths. Many who survived did not have the resources to provide for their own needs. The people who controlled those resources became known as humans, and the refugees who begged for their assistance became their slaves. Which was which was merely an accident of geography.

What had been most fascinating to Mariah was the fact that the wall that surrounded Riviera had originally been built not to keep the slaves in, but to keep the refugees out. What had happened to them, Mariah wondered? She had once ventured to ask that question of Master Townsend, but he had simply gone off on another long, rambling tale that ended when he dozed off.

"It's all random, you know?" Master Townsend said.

Mariah knew he was finished, for now. "Could I go to the exercise yard, Master?" Mariah asked. "I won't exercise, I promise. I just want to shower."

But he had already shaken his head. "Let your body reach its natural state," he said, leaning back, closing his eyes.

Present day

Mariah sat on the wagon floor, her back against its side, her arms hugging her knees. She stared straight ahead. Rose had finished loading the wagon and Master Animal indicated to her to sit in front with Master Gabriel. He climbed in back and sat next to Mariah. When the wagon began to roll forward he opened his sketchbook.

At the gate Master Gabriel exchanged a few words with the gatekeeper, and they continued on their way. Mariah looked over to see what Master Animal was drawing. The field, the boulder, Master Gabriel's prone figure, sleeping. She looked away quickly. Master Animal said to her, soft enough that only she could hear, "He won't stay mad."

Mariah colored. "You think I care?" she hissed.

Master Animal shrugged and said placidly, "It's nothing to me, Mariah." He continued to sketch, his hand flying over the page, filling in details.

Mariah watched him without really seeing. The light continued to fade, and Master Gabriel lit a couple of lanterns. Master Animal sighed and put his pencils away.

"My ribs aren't healed," Mariah said.

Master Animal said, "Gabriel said it would take six months. It's only been three."

"It would hurt to climb a tree," Mariah said.

"Well, yes, I would think so," Master Animal said. "You're not supposed to pull with your arms."

"So I wouldn't be able to escape from dogs, or . . ." Mariah fell back into silence and then added, in a fierce whisper, "I still know it's a mindgame!"

"Of course you do," Master Animal said. "And I appreciate the blooms you brought me no end." Mariah glared at him the dark. She scooted towards the back of the wagon and looked away from him, over the dark fields.

Master Animal called to the front of the buggy, "Gabriel, if you show me what to do I can drive for a while."

"That's not necessary," Master Gabriel said stiffly.

"Nevertheless," Master Animal said, "I want to."

Master Gabriel pulled back on the harness, stopping the horses. "Very well," he said. "I could use the help."

Mariah turned to watch Master Animal clamber to the front. As Rose stood up to make room, Mariah saw her slyly pat his butt. Master Animal smiled and whispered something to her before she climbed to the back and sat on the floor next to Mariah.

"What's going on with the two of you?" Mariah asked, not bothering to keep her voice low. "You've been going at each other all day."

Rose shrugged, and smiled, but didn't answer. Instead she said, "I'm glad you're here."

Mariah scowled. "It's still a mindgame," she said, deliberately loud enough for Master Gabriel to hear.

Mariah remembers

When Edwin, the hall master, did his belated monthly inspection, Townsend's apartment was a shambles. The dishes in the cabinet were sticky. The bed was not properly made. And the housegirl -- Myrtle, was it? -- was nowhere to be seen. When he inquired of Townsend where she was, he just shrugged vaguely and said something nonsensical as usual. Townsend sighed, sent his own girl to fetch him a book, and sat down to wait.

When the chit returned at last, carrying a package from the food exchange, Edwin shuddered. He could smell her from across the room. Her dark hair was lank and greasy, her body filthy.

When she saw Edwin something flashed across her face. Relief, maybe? She sank to her knees and bowed her head, silently awaiting his judgment. Townsend took no notice.

Edwin sighed. As disgusted as he was by the housegirl's sloth, he knew it was not her fault. All of Townsend's slaves ended up this way.

He would send someone in to do a thorough cleaning, as always. Townsend wouldn't care one way or another, but Edwin wouldn't risk a roach infestation, or worse.

He clucked to himself. Pansies were disgusting. He wished it were not his unfortunate lot to have one in his hallway, where he had to deal with the mess.

He would have the girl groomed. If she was palatable enough then, maybe he'd fuck her himself. If Townsend's history held true, he had denied her relief this long time. It would be unkind to send her back to her training center in such a state.

Present day

Mariah lay in her bed half asleep, warm and relaxed, listening to the sounds in the apartment as she had for so many mornings. Master Gabriel getting dressed in his bedroom and then fixing himself breakfast. The patio door opening and a quiet conversation with Rose. The doorway to the hall opening and closing, with Rose's softer footfall remaining in the living room, no doubt cleaning the immaculate space.

Something had happened the day before, something very upsetting, but Mariah was not ready to remember that yet. She was too comfortable. She allowed her hand to drift down. The transgressive nature of this action thrilled her more than the release it would bring. She touched herself sof

t

ly as her mind sought a story to tell. She remembered the sounds she had heard Rose and Master Animal make in the field the previous afternoon. Swiftly she closed off that thought. She had no desire to intrude on them.

Circling, she rejected other directions as well. If she dwelled too much on any part of her life -- the fields, the factory, her various assignments -- she risked getting lost in their sour taste, hatreds and despair buried but not gone.

At last, she thought of the master she had met in the hallway, just once, when she belonged to Master Townsend. He had fucked her when she was desperate, and had been straightforward about it. Mariah's body began to melt. He had had her quickly, and she had been so needy, she had come almost as soon as he touched her.

In her mind, after, he turned her around, and they were on a couch, and he was rubbing her back, and saying kind things to her. Noticing her. Seeing her. And then, without willing it, it was Master Gabriel who was on the couch with her, and his hands went down to her lower back, lower still, and his lips were on her shoulders, and she was . . .

She jerked her hands away from her body and sat up. Master Gabriel, never!

All the events of the day before came crashing back to her. The feeling of calm, of rightness, that had overtaken her in the meadow had seemed so true. She had been outside the gates, with Rose and Master Animal and . . . her master, she forced herself to think the words . . . nearby, and she had felt content. Even as she walked away from them, exploring, it never occurred to her to escape. Only a few days ago she had decided not to make an attempt while her body was weak and she had no plan. She had put the idea out of her mind. She had relaxed. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

And then she had come to the next meadow, filled with flowers, and had actually felt good -- good! -- about helping Master Animal. When she had gone back to get him she had heard him fucking Rose, their enthusiasm -- joy even -- surprising but unmistakable, making her ache herself. Rather than disturb them, if she even could, she had grabbed some empty sacks. She returned to the next meadow and filled them. As she did so she felt an odd pain inside. Loneliness, she had realized, but not the kind that had followed her for so many years. Something lighter, as if it had a cure.

And then she returned with the flowers, and . . . She shuddered, thinking of it. With Master Gabriel's words she realized that she had misunderstood everything. That feeling of peace was not because she was supposed to stay, but because she had a chance to run. Instead, she had been a lapdog. And because of that she had missed her glorious opportunity, outside the gates.

Bitterness had overwhelmed her when she realized how close she had come to forgetting that all of this was a mindgame. That Master Gabriel, her supposed rescuer, was responsible for her being caught when she had run. That she was a slave. His slave. Forced to play the mindgame until the ending he chose.

She heard Rose murmur a few words, and then the door the corridor close. Footsteps in the living room that she did not recognize, followed by silence. Curiosity gave her energy to drag herself out of bed and open the door.

"Good morning."

"Raul?" Mariah asked, confused, when she saw the hall monitor on the couch. "What are you doing here?"

Raul held up the knitting needles in his hands, and pointed them towards a basket on the floor. "Darning socks," he said. When Mariah merely blinked he added, "And seeing that you don't run off."

Mariah's nose flared. "Watch me," she said. She swiftly crossed the room to the door.

As she reached for the doorknob, Raul said, "You don't remember me, do you?"

Mariah turned to look at him. He was about the same age as Mariah, compact, with curly brown hair and a calm manner. Rose spoke of him as a friend, or nearly so.

Mariah shook her head. She could not place him. The fields? The factory? One or another of her placements?

"We were at Mistress Desiree's training center together," Raul prompted her. Mariah blinked, and took a step towards him to get a closer look at him.

"Once," Raul said, "you and I were sent for a bushel of apples. On the way back, I tripped. The apples went flying, and I sprained my ankle. I couldn't walk." Mariah shook her head. She had no recollection of this. Raul continued. "You sat me down, gathered up my bruised apples, went all the way back to the orchard, brought me a fresh basket, set it down next to me, went to Mistress Desiree's and came back with a vet." He shook his head. "And you managed it all so that I was never punished."