Life's Wonderwall

***I hope you'll lend me your ears for just awhile. And please comment/vote. This is my first time writing for literotica, so I hope my stay here will be a wonderful one. Thank you. -Floater_320 ***

Right now, I'm looking out the window. And I'm depressed by what I see. Dead trees, soggy earth, and dead leaves. I desperately wish I could live in a world where it was spring and summer all year round. Spring brings new life and love. Beauty and green. Summer holds freedom. Sunshine and happiness. And warmth. And best and most precious of all, the memories you make and keep in your heart forever. I get so depressed when summer ends. Fall is long over, and we're in the dead of winter. I miss the green. The flowers. The freedom. The happiness.

I really hate being older. You have to get a job. You have to make money. You have to buy a car. You have to go to college. You have to do this. You have to do that. Go here. Go there. I hate it.

I miss the past so dearly. Like a friend who's no longer alive. Like going to sleep happy and safe, and then waking up the next day to find yourself alone and cold. It makes me so sad.

If I have to get a job, I want it to be what I know and love. I want to live somewhere beautiful, but a bit mysterious too. I want to wake up next to the woman I love. I wanna wake up smiling and go to sleep excited for what tomorrow will bring. I wanna be so happy. I wanna grow wings and be free. I wanna be so happy that I'll never stop smiling. Or laughing. And especially loving.

But people are cruel. You have to follow their rules. You have to meet someone's expectations and hope to get what you want. All my life, it's like I'm always working to please somebody. Whether it be my parents, teachers, friends, peers, etc.

When is it going to be my turn to make myself happy? I don't give a fuck if it's selfish. I have a right to want and need. Why can't we all just get what we want? Why couldn't I have been born in a kinder world? Why can't I shake this phantom of sorrow which plagues my heart everyday. Why am I always looking up at the dark sky, hoping to see something impossible? Why do I feel this way? Why can't I just be like everyone else? God dammit, answer me! Who am I?! What am I?! Why am I here?! Please! Please tell me the answer. Someone.. Anyone... Please...

Life is like a ice cream. You enjoy it. You savor the flavor. You share it with others. You throw your own toppings into the mix. And it always has that little cherry on top. But... Once it's all gone, you wish there was more. But it's the only one the store had. You miss it already. You wonder what'll happen now. What do we do when it's all gone? If it were me, I'd probably say something like "well let's just go out and find some more! Tons more! And we'll get everybody together and share it! And after that, let's go outside and play!"

You know what? That actually sounds fun. I should do that. When spring comes home and summer follows behind, I'll throw a big party with everyone, and we'll hang out and fun.

I love this world. And it terrifies me everyday that one day, I won't be able to do all the things I used to do. I won't be able to run. I won't be able to write. I'll slowly slip away, and fade back into where ever this messed up world will take me.

I'm so scared. I feel like a lost little boy at the mall. Or a mouse looking into the cold eyes of the snake that's about to kill him. I don't want to die. I don't want to see the world, this beautiful and gentle world that I love so much, to fall apart before my eyes. It's too sad. Too painful. Too frightening.

I will not cower away. I will not just take it. I refuse to accept that there are limits on a man's life. I won't accept that this is all there is. We can't be the only ones here. We can't be alone. We just can't. There has to be more to life than all that we see in front of our faces. There has to be some kind of force or thing in the world or universe just waiting to be called out to.

I leave you now with all this hanging in the air. One day, I will return to answer these questions that mankind has left for me to solve. I will go out into the world and find the answers. I'll find what I'm looking for.

And when I do, I'll come home. I'll come back and tell you all what it was like. What it's all about. What the point is. The reason. I'll find it. And I'll tell everyone.

My journey begins here with these words etched into the fabric of the Internet. Or maybe it's already started...

This is what I am here to do. This is who I am. My name is Jon, and...

This is my story.