Chapter 29 - Softness
I marched my way all the way to the house, purposeful in keeping my "fuck-off" demeanor up all the way there. I was in no mood for another interruption. I soon reached the house and opened the door, only allowing myself to be slightly worried that I might be at the wrong place.
When I opened the door, however, I found that it was indeed the place I had woken up in that morning.
And sitting in the bed on the far side of the shack was Aamalyn. She was staring at me, clearly startled, her eyes were puffy and swollen. And she was clenching the shirt I had been wearing to her face. Was she ... smelling it?
I could feel my heart melt a bit, and I took a deep breath to calm my anger.
Aamalyn released the shirt and let her distant stare fall to the floor. In a tired tone, she asked, "How did you find me?"
I glanced at my fist as I stepped through doorway and closed it behind me. "I took a page out of your book from last night."
Aamalyn furrowed her brow.
I walked next to her bed, took a deep breath, and then sat down beside her. Finally, I asked the question that had been plaguing me for so long. "Aamalyn ... what happened between you and the University? You were a student there, right?"
Aamalyn nodded and then sniffled before she replied. "Yeah ... three years ago. I ... was a freshman student. Dominance disposition, red ring. Experimentalist focus, like most first-years. And I met someone."
I nodded, trying to show that I was listening.
"She was exciting and pretty ... and seemed so bold, even as a submissive," Aamalyn said with a sad smile. "So I pursued her ... earnestly. It took a while-there were plenty of people she was interested in. My advantage over them was that I listened ... to her preferences, her kinks, her likes. It didn't take long to win her over."
Again, I nodded. I noted that it all sounded a lot different than the approach Aamalyn had taken with me.
Aamalyn continued, "For a while, things were good. My magic and hers amplified one-another's so we were stronger than any other students. And being with her ... every day was a new adventure. But then, something happened. I'm not really sure what, no matter how much I try, I can't remember what triggered it. It was like overnight that my powers went away-the only student ever to lose her ability to do magic."
I placed my hand on Aamalyn's back, a sour and empathetic feeling forming in my gut as she continued.
Aamalyn shook her head, fresh tears forming in her eyes and her tone becoming almost defensive as she continued. "I did everything a good domme was supposed to for her. I played myself out to be strict, cruel, cold, all the things she had said would turn her on. Playing a pretend villain was fun for a while ... until it was all I was allowed to be. Until I failed. And the way she looked at me when my magic went ... it was like I was dead to her."
I shook my head, not sure the words that could express the depth of how horrendous that was. All her pretending and changing herself for the person she clearly loved more than anything, it had been so ingrained into her that it seemed burned into place. So much so that it had only been in the last day that I had gained any sort of glimmer of who Aamalyn really was beneath the image she had created.
All I could say was, "That wasn't fair to you."
If Aamalyn heard me, she didn't make it known. She shook her head and continued, "I went to the Director ... to try to figure out why my magic was gone. They tried a few things, but nothing worked. They offered me a job as staff or to help me find a place in one of the nearby towns. But that was it, they ... they gave up on me. She gave up on me. Everyone gave up on me. So I just left ... and came here, hoping that if it didn't give me my magic back, at least nobody would know. When I got my jobs, I wore the mask."
Again, so nobody would know that she didn't have magic. Even so, she had gotten a reputation as the Non-sorcerer. I didn't have the words to express how impressive it was that she had been successful here all this time, even without her magic. Her fight with the farmhands had been amazing! Still, I knew that this wasn't the time for all that ... it wasn't anything that would help. So, instead, I just continued to listen.
Aamalyn let out a sob and breathed heavily for a few minutes. When she finally caught her breath, she continued. "When we met, I was trying to fight that goblin from your school. She was cute, and I had sparred with her once as a student. So I knew she also got off on a good fight. But then you were there ... telling me off in the meekest way possible. I don't know how to explain how it made me feel, other than that seeing you made me feel the old me, just a little. And again, every time we met after. I thought ... I thought if I could win you over how I had won her over, maybe my magic would come back. I was so sure ... but it didn't. What's worse, you saw me ... the real, powerless, pathetic me. And your energy changed, your own power in that fight diminished just by looking at me. And ... I can't even blame you for it." She turned away and began to sob once again.
I sat there, stunned. Everything made sense now. Her hatred for the school, her fake magic, her fake persona, why she had been so sure that she was going to be able to use magic again.
I reached around and wove my arm under hers.
Almost immediately, Aamalyn turned and began crying into my chest-with loud wet sobs.
I gently trailed my fingers along her tight ringlets. Smelling the same sweetness as when I'd worn her shirt. I whispered, "You deserved better than all of that ... of being given up on, than not being appreciated for just you, than being made into some sort of kink dispenser."
Aamalyn continued to sob unresponsively.
I continued, holding her gently. "I don't give up on you. And ... I think you still have access to your magic. I felt it, when we were eating, on the road."
Finally, Aamalyn looked up, her eyes more swollen than ever, and asked hoarsely, "Then why didn't my powers work in the tower?"
I thought for a moment and then replied, "I don't think ... you were being you in the tower. You were on the road, when there was no pressure and I couldn't see you. But then you were on the spot again, and I can't imagine how much pressure you were putting on yourself in that moment."
"You were there," Aamalyn whispered. "I should have been aroused."
"Maybe you were ... but magic here is built on a sexual connection you have with yourself," I said, remembering back to all my classes and my talks with Daava. "I think ... maybe you lost that somewhere along the line of trying to remake yourself for someone else."