NOTE ON CONDOM USE
Because this is a fantasy and no lives are in danger and there's no possibility of pregnancy (unless conceived in my creative brain) I have eschewed the use of condoms. You may assume one of the following: Condoms are, in fact, being used (hard to assume in some cases). We're in a time warp and have gone back to the early 70's. Everyone has been tested and given a clean bill of health and (unlike real human beings) have a deep sense of integrity which precludes them from engaging in sex with anyone who can't prove they also have tested negative. These people are nuts.
I am not, in any way, advocating for the abolishment of condoms in real life. This is fantasy, folks.
*
CHAPTER ONE
The first time I heard about the Happy Lady's House of Roosters I was having my nails done. Shelly, my regular manicurist, turned to Roberta, her co-worker, obviously continuing a conversation that had been interrupted by my arrival.
"She's crazy," Shelly said as she began working on my left hand. "What woman in her right mind would want to join a club just to get screwed on a regular basis?"
"Who's crazy?" I said.
"Oh, some woman in town I heard about," Roberta said. "She's starting a rooster club or something like that. Like a whorehouse only with men in it instead of women."
"She's nuts," Shelly said. "Women aren't like that. And, anyway, it's easy enough to find a man to do that for free."
Maybe, I thought to myself. Maybe if you were an extrovert like Shelly and had the time to spend searching for a suitable man it would be easy. And in Shelly's case she'd had a steady boyfriend for the last seven years so she was talking off the top of her head.
By the time my nails were done my head was buzzing with fantastical ideas that made me want to squirm.
The second time I heard about the Happy Lady's House of Roosters I happened to catch part of a conversation between two well dressed women in the dairy products aisle of the grocery store.
"It was fun," one of them was saying. "I can say that I'm a happy lady. I was with Garth and I'd recommend him to anyone. He looks like a caveman but he's really sweet. He makes the damndest noises when he's doing it."
Doing what? I lingered as if uncertain as to precisely which brand of yogurt I wanted to buy.
"Are you thinking of joining?" The other woman said.
"I just might," the first woman replied as the two of them began to move away. "The place is kind of funky right now and there are only three roosters to choose from but Dorothy has big plans."
Roosters? Why did that word ring a bell?
The third time the House of Roosters entered my life it was during a lunch date with my best friend Ellie.
"Hey, Melissa have you heard about this new club called the House of Roosters?" Ellie said after we'd exhausted our usual catch-up chit chat.
"Like a brothel, only for women?" I said.
"Yeah."
"A couple of things. Nothing very specific."
"Do you think it sounds interesting?" Ellie asked.
Ellie and I are close and at various times in the course of our friendship we'd discussed our sexual frustrations and experiences. Never in a lot of detail but enough to know that we both enjoyed sex and wanted more than we were getting. Which, for me at least, wasn't very much at all.
"Kinda," I said.
"Only kinda?"
"Well," I said. "It's kind of a weird idea. I mean, I find it exciting to think about but what's it like in reality? I heard someone say it's kind of funky and that there's this guy there who looks like a caveman.
"Shit, you know more about it than I do." Ellie said.
"But the woman who said it seemed to like the place. And the caveman guy."
"Let's check it out," Ellie said.
"How?" I said. "All I know is that it's supposed to be somewhere in the city. Maybe it's already been shut down."
"I found it on the Internet," Ellie said. "There isn't much on the website but I do have a phone number." She took a card out of her purse and slid it towards me.
"Oh, right," I said. "You're going to make me call this place."
"I found the phone number," Ellie said. In truth this was how we usually operated; Ellie tended to be more the nerd while I had the people skills.
"Okay," I said. "I'll do it."
It took me two weeks to work up the nerve. After telling myself every day I was going to make the call I finally did.
"The House of Roosters," a cultured older woman's voice said.
"Ah, yeah..." I said, my mind suddenly blank.
"It's okay, honey," the woman said with a hint of laughter. "I realize this is scary at first. Why don't we set up a meeting and I'll explain what I'm doing and answer any questions you might have. My name is Dorothy, by the way."
"Okay," I said. "I'm Melissa." After a minute or two of discussion we settled on a time and she gave me her address.
"Oh," I said. "Is it all right if I bring a friend?"
"Male or female," Dorothy said.
"Female," I said.
"Sure, no problem," Dorothy said. "I'll see you both Thursday."