Mary replied: "Of course."
We continued eating breakfast. The girls all were hungry, especially Cindy. I chuckled at that thought. Mary said: "It looks like I need to make another batch."
Mary stood and put her apron back on. She had her back to us as she worked and I found myself admiring her ass. I thought: "I know where Ann and Cindy got their beautiful behinds."
Connie dropped a piece of pancake and it landed on her right breast. Syrup then ran down to bead up on her nipple. I bent over and ate the piece before licking the syrup off. I said: "Your nipples are sweet even without maple syrup."
She blushed. The blush spread to her breasts. I never remember seeing a blush spread to a girl's breasts before.
She said: "Flattery will get you everywhere."
We laughed and returned to eating.
Suddenly Connie turned white as a panicked look spread over her face. She turned to Mary and asked: "Mrs Wells, you're not going to tell my mom about any of this are you?"
Mary replied: "Of course not, unless you want me to and even then we would need to have a long talk first."
Connie looked totally relieved, the color returning to her face as she went: "Whew." She paused then said: "My first reaction is don't tell but maybe we really should talk about this. I'd rather be open and honest with my mom. Mrs Wells, how do you feel about your daughters being sexually active?"
Ann stood and took over pancake production from her mother who then sat back down.
Mary replied: "My daughters have never given me any reason to worry. They demonstrate tremendous wisdom, all three of them. Yet, when it was a theoretical question involving an unknown partner, I was worried, very worried, because my personal history was full of very painful mistakes. It is natural to want to protect those you love and if I could be that foolish, not want them to repeat their mother's blunders. The girls have been on birth control for years at my insistence, not because I did not trust them but because I knew just how easily things can get out of hand. At the same time I didn't want them to be virgins at 50 or even at 25. Waiting for marriage may not be a good idea either. I'm very thankful that 'my gallant knight' showed up when he did I find that I do trust their intuition and my own and our intuitions all said the now is the time to go ahead. By the way I am now willing to share my history with you, but we can go into those details at another time. Does that answer your question?"
Connie replied: "Yes I think so. I just hope my mother will be so understanding."
Mary paused, then went on: "I guess I should explain one thing however, Over one thousand years ago I was a peasant girl in love and in lust with a knight who lived nearby. He was an honorable man, a courageous and kind man, generous with everyone around him, but he barely knew that I existed, even though he protected me once. He probably saved my life but the act was so routine and unimportant to him that I'm sure he promptly forgot all about it. I have wanted that knight sexually for those thousand years. I've wanted to thank him sexually as was the custom of the time for the fine ladies. Last Tuesday evening he walked in my door. I looked at him and I knew. I wanted him - oh, how I wanted him, but I felt too dirty, too defiled, for him to possibly want me. I found myself wishing that I could be a virgin again, but you can't go back. Still, I wanted to show him my love. Ann told me that she wanted to sleep with him and I thought that at least I can give him the most pure, the most precious thing I have, one of my daughters. Over the next two nights he slept with Barbara and Cindy too. In Barbara's case I had to push her a little bit."
Barb jumped in here: "She didn't have to push too hard. When Matt was getting out of his car I already knew he was someone special because he had a magnificent aura but I had absolutely no feelings of sexual attraction. The funny thing is that I had not been viewing myself in sexual terms. My higher self did not seem to be either male or female, it just was. I considered myself and still consider that to be my real self. In some ways I was still seeing myself as if I were still a little girl. Sex was something for the far distant future if at all. I was quite content to remain a virgin for my entire life, "
She brought her hands to her bosom and continued: "- in spite of these, in spite of how the boys act around me. In fact up until the end of my dance I hadn't really been seeing myself as a sexual being at all - ever."
Barbara went on: "Ann asked to borrow my negligee but all that did was remind me that I had it and my intuition was very clear - I should wear it. When I first put on the negligee set it seemed cute and appealing but opaque and thus tame. I didn't realize the extent to which the robe part of it would refuse to stay closed. When I did discover that it was too late. I was already showing far more than I wanted to show. In some ways that set the stage for what came later. Nonetheless I still was not seeing myself as a sexual being."
"I will admit I was very conflicted, my intuition was screaming - Yes, Yes, Yes but all my upbringing and my conception of myself was saying - No way, this is totally crazy. When I'm calm I generally really listen to my intuitive side but it can get harder to hear when I'm excited and I was becoming really excited, without really understanding why. Mom wanted me to dance nude but my feeling was that only a slut would do such a thing. Well, I'm certainly not a slut. I was angry with her over that. I couldn't understand why she would suggest such a thing especially since she has always been so modest and always encouraged us to be modest too. Anyway I did go with my intuition enough to agree to the dance, but not nude. Taking off my bathrobe to start that dance was probably the hardest thing I have ever done. As I said, my intuition was screaming Yes, but my mind was screaming No. When I got into the dance however, I was getting so much love that the rest just happened. During the dance I was more connected with my higher self than I had ever been before in my entire life. I became aroused but it was only when the dance ended that I realized that that was what was actually happening. With the end of the dance I lost the spiritual connection and I suddenly felt totally lost, totally confused and instantaneously scared, not of who I was with or what they were thinking of me but of who I now was. I was suddenly aware of myself as a sexual being, with sexual feelings, sexual desires and I didn't know how to deal with them. I was really surprised to find that my higher self could be sexual. Actually my higher self wasn't sexual but it was loving in a way that allowed my personality, to become sexual."
She paused, then continued: "Now, I'm just so thankful. When I asked Matt to make me a woman, he didn't say yes, instead he said: 'I will be honored to.' I knew that he meant that and by answering that way he was honoring me. There was honor both ways.
With all of this I find that the connection between my personality and my higher self has expanded. My personality used to sense my higher self as abstract intelligence but now it is that plus pure love and I have more of a sense that when in human costume it is proper to take advantage of the characteristics of that costume. One of those characteristics is being sexual."
Mary then said: "I was so glad that the girls were getting to make love and it was clear to me that that was what it was. I'd never gotten anywhere near that. I could see the beauty in it and I felt worse somehow, even more inadequate, even more ashamed for letting myself be defiled. Then a funny thing happened. I started to feel safe. Safe enough to show my feelings. Safe enough to tell my story."
She looked at Connie and continued: "Safe enough to admit my deepest darkest shame - I had an abortion. But then my gallant knight rode to my rescue by getting me to ask a question: 'What happened to the baby's soul?' I got an answer and the answer was that she was back, back as Ann. Years of guilt evaporated and my knight stood there loving me, prodding me to see my own virtue, my own worth. Then he made love with me too."
We were quiet for several minutes. Ann served the new batch of pancakes and sat back down.
Connie looked at me and asked: "Several times in your writings, you tell the story of the Taoist farmer. How does that work? Did the mare jump the fence to save the boy? Was it all a weird coincidence? What?"
I answered: "It is far more than coincidence but it isn't fate or even divine plan either. The mare jumped the fence because somehow she knew it was a good idea. Did she know that she would become the boss mare of a small herd? - Maybe, maybe not. I doubt that the rest was even considered, but then I don't know how horses think or how psychic they are. Some horses seem to be very psychic. Nonetheless I think we can assume the farmer treated the mare kindly and that kindness caused the mare to bring her new herd home."
I continued: "Synchronicity, however is about possibility. It doesn't force things. There is an amazing example from the second world war. The Doolittle raid on Tokyo was planned as a symbolic act, they did not expect to actually do any significant damage. As our fleet was approaching Japan it was spotted by a Japanese fishing boat. That boat was immediately sunk but it was likely to have radioed a warning to the mainland. The decision was made to launch the attack immediately, which was one day earlier than planned. As our bombers flew across Tokyo a Japanese plane flew through their formation. It was not shooting at our planes so none of our gunners shot it down. If they had the war would have taken a very different course since prime minister Tojo, the leader of the Japanese militarists was in that plane. I believe that if any of our gunners had been in a really intuitive space he would have fired."
Connie asked: "Is synchronicity like what Jung talked about?"
I answered: "Yes, in fact he coined the term. Sometimes synchronicity becomes serendipity, the fortunate seeming accident."
I then proceeded to describe my drive here. Finally I said: "If I had left my motel five minutes earlier I would have been ahead of the first accident and just driven by on the interstate. If either of the accidents had not occurred I would have driven by on the interstate. When the second blockage occurred I had a choice whether or not to use what I thought would be a shortcut. I could have checked the weather forecast earlier and done something different. The storm might not have shifted. I could have driven off the road and been killed. Ann had to be plowing the driveway at just the right time. All sorts of things just had to go right for me to be here. Were they coincidences? - I don't think so. Were we being guided? - Oh, Yeah. Was it fate? - No, not at all. Every one involved had total free will throughout."
