Critical Misclass Ch 04 06

CHAPTER 04 - A Tale and a Tail

It turns out that a slimy giant rat corpse doesn't support adult bodies well. Too exhausted and dizzy to do anything about it, I slid down its backside and onto the hard ground. I could hear the young swordswoman's shaky breaths, followed by the echoing

clang-ang-ang

of her sword being dropped.

Thia ran in the direction of the robed woman, and grunted as she pulled her body out from beneath the monster's head and paws. There was a small

pop

of a cork being removed from a bottle.

"Please... please, Vestele. You must drink...."

Thia's voice was soft - I could only hear her because the cave had returned to its eerie silence - but full of concern. At that moment, I just wanted to tell her that everything would be okay. Who better to hear words of encouragement from than a dying man smeared in rat grease?

"Why," Thia sniffled. "Why did you heal me? Why didn't you move out of the way when you... when you had the chance?"

For the next ten seconds, the only thing that broke the silence was the occasional sniffle from Thia. The next thing that broke was an empty glass bottle, which landed just a few feet away from me.

Thia gasped and the robed woman - Vestele - scrambled to her feet with surprising energy. "I didn't move because I

would've died!

But if you hadn't moved, I-- oh, crap!" She ran around the enormous corpse towards me. "Hey! You! Are you okay?"

She kneeled, and while my vision was still blurry, I could tell that she was absolutely beautiful. As her face became clearer, however, I saw that she was looking down at me with disgust.

"

Ugh.

Gotta do something about this, first."

The woman held her hands several inches above me, and a familiar glow slowly filled her palms. It wavered and flickered a bit, but then I felt my skin grow warmer. All of the dirt, blood, and grime I had accumulated in my time in the cave lifted off of my skin and clothes, rose a few inches into the air, and then vanished completely in a pleasantly colorful burst. My clothes had become cleaner than they were when I put them on, back at my apartment.

Unfortunately, the spell - it

had

to have been magic, no matter how stupid it felt to think that - left behind a smell that reminded me of bleach. I couldn't dwell on that, because my skin started to go from "warm" to "hot" and felt like it was about to reach "scalding". I grimaced uncomfortably.

"It'll stop soon," Vestele muttered with a mix of embarrassment and frustration, and she was right: the sensation faded away almost immediately. A nervous smile formed on her face once it was clear I was no longer uncomfortable. "There. That's a big improvement." She gently placed a hand on the side of my head. "Uh, anyway," she removed her hand, "thank you. If you... I mean... just a

moment

later, I... never mind. I'll help you now. Uh, I'll try."

I saw Vestele reach out to place a hand on my wounded leg and instinctively flinched. Fortunately, she was gentle, and her hand once again filled with the pale blue light. A pleasant sensation flowed through my skin... briefly. Suddenly, the bite and scratches on my leg gave off a sharper sting than ever before, and I found myself yelling out in pain.

"Don't move! I'm almost done." Beads of sweat were forming on Vestele's forehead. "There. That wasn't so bad."

"That hurt like hell," I groaned, finally feeling strong enough to speak.

Was that some kind of healing magic? I thought that would feel better.

"What are you doing to..."

The words caught in my throat as Vestele wiped her forehead with one of her robe's baggy sleeves, then pulled down her hood and shook her head gently. I wasn't lightheaded or foggy anymore, and my vision seemed to clear up, but I was unprepared for what I saw.

First of all, the act of wiping off her sweat was ridiculously sexy. I was right: she was a beautiful woman, with full lips and green eyes. Secondly... she had cat ears on top of her head. The fur matched her (for lack of a better term) "regular" hair, which was patterned in three colors: black, white, and orange.

...Like a calico

, I realized.

That's when I noticed that her pupils were slightly oval-shaped, similar to a cat's. An actual cat's, that is. She furrowed her brow, and I realized I had been staring. "...What? I almost died a minute ago." She wiped her face again, more thoroughly this time. (It was still pretty sexy.)

"Uh, your ears." I raised my hand to point at her, as if she didn't know what I was referring to.

"What's wrong with my ears??" Vestele ran her hands over them nervously, and turned her head. "THIA! What happened to my ears?!"

There was no response. I turned my head; Thia's back was turned and she was still over where Vestele had been laying.

Vestele looked at me again. "Whatever. Time for this one." She placed a hand over the cuts on my waist.

"Your ears are -

AHHdammit

- they're fine." The surge of pain hit me as it had when she had touched my leg. "I mean, they're nice. Never seen that before." Feeling a lot better, I shifted myself into a sitting position.

Vestele gave me a look like I was crazy, but I could have sworn she was blushing a little. Hard to tell when the only light was coming from a single torch, several feet away. "You're delirious.

'Never seen that before.'

Okay."

"I don't sound like that..."

"And then those clothes you're wearing... oh. That's got nothing to do with your injuries. Guess you're just weird. Hiding in caves wearing a cloak and hardly anything else. Not even with a party. How many other women have you

conveniently

saved today?"

She stood up, keeping her eyes on me as she took a few steps back, then returned to Thia. This wasn't the first time I had accidentally offended someone, but I wasn't sure how much of her reaction was because of the life-or-death situation and how much was because I seemed to be some kind of cave-dwelling pervert.

"Thia, come on. He's all healed, so let's get the tail and then get

our

tails outta here."

Ignoring the catgirl, Thia stood up swiftly and marched over to pick up the torch, then approached me. I was caught off-guard by how close she stood, which made the full foot of height difference much more noticeable. What was even

more

noticeable from this angle was something I had missed entirely during the fight: she had a pair of black horns poking through her golden tresses. I started to feel self-conscious about being the only one in the room with only hair on top of my head.

"It's deeply unfortunate that you were injured due to our inexperience." Her words quavered slightly as she craned her neck to look at me, the torchlight reflected in her sparkling blue eyes.

Be cool... just because you'd do anything she asked right now doesn't mean you need to look overeager...

"Whatever your reasons for being here, your timing was truly ideal." The bronzed beauty took my hands in hers, not breaking her gaze. "I pray that we might meet again, good sir. Should that time come, I would very much like to converse with you."

Removing one hand, she beckoned me closer. Although I wasn't sure how much closer we could get in that moment, I obliged, and lowered my head slightly. Thia rose on her tiptoes and gave me a small kiss on the cheek.

"Don't encourage him," Vestele scolded, her arms crossed. "Hurry up so we can go."

Thia spun around and I pulled back my face, narrowly avoiding her horns. "I'm

sorry

that I, in the heat of battle, positioned myself away from your magic's reach." She strode towards Vestele, her body tense. "I'm a complete novice at this.

You're

a complete novice at this! We only joined forces because of our... lamentable circumstances, but clearly, all we accomplished was doubling our misery."

Vestele's ears flattened as the petite blonde glared at her. "I didn't mean--"

"I-I thought we understood one another. I sought you out because no one else would help me." Thia sniffled. "It seems I should have continued searching. And I recommend

you

do the same."

A tear falling down her face, Thia turned on her heels again and stormed out of the chamber, taking the only light source with her. Before Vestele or I could react, we were engulfed in darkness.

The calico woman cleared her throat. "So, uh... what's your name?"

"Jeremy. Did she really just leave us without the torch?" My phone was still in my pocket, but I was hoping not to use it around Thia or Ves until I knew more about what was going on with me. Not to mention that the battery was already lower than I was comfortable with, since it hadn't been charged since I woke up that morning.

"Well, Jeremy,

I'm

Ves, and she needed it more than I did." A mote of light faded into view. As it slowly intensified, I could see Ves's face frowning in concentration. Once the light was able to illuminate a radius of a few yards around her, she exhaled in relief and her eyes darted in my direction. "Don't laugh."

"...At

what?

That was--"

A clear, loud, voice interrupted me.

CONGRATULATIONS, CHILD FROM BEYOND MY GRASP.

It sounded like a hundred voices, young and old, high and low, speaking in unison, but leaning somewhat more towards feminine voices. I looked frantically in every direction, but Ves just stared at me in confusion (and probably some annoyance). The voice seemed to be speaking directly into my mind - another tally mark in the "I've gone insane" category.

FOR YOUR DEEDS, YOU WILL BE GRANTED THE "ROGUE" CLASS. LEARN AND UTILIZE YOUR NEW SKILLS WELL, AID THOSE IN NEED, AND RIGHT THAT WHICH IS WRONG. YOUR BONDS WILL BE YOUR STRENGTH, AND YOU, THEIRS.

The voice - voices? - went quiet. Just when I thought it was over, it added:

YOU HAVE GIVEN YOURSELF A SECOND CHANCE. USE IT WISELY.

At that, I was nearly blinded by an intense burst of light all around me. I could feel something wrapping around me; it was tight, but not uncomfortable. The light faded as quickly as it had appeared, and Ves stepped closer with an appraising look on her face.

I looked down at myself. I was now wearing a new set of dark brown leather armor, just like I saw on the corpse when I first found myself in this cave. A cloak was still around my shoulders, but had either been replaced or repaired - the part that I had torn off to tie around my leg was intact.

"Rogue, huh? I guess you were being helpful." The corner of Ves's mouth raised a little, giving me a sly grin. "I was wondering what the hell you were doing just now. You got the whole 'congratulations, my child' speech?"

"It, uh..." I was still trying to comprehend everything that was happening. It was confusing enough even before a symphony of voices spoke to my brain and then magically dressed me. "Kind of? They said 'child from beyond my grasp.'"

Her head cocked slightly and she looked almost disappointed, as if she had finally started to trust me until I told an obvious lie. "Really. What does

that

mean, exactly?"

I sighed. There was no easy way to get through this, and I didn't even like to think about it, much less try to explain it to someone. "I think that I might... be from... a different world." My face made a "I know, right?" kind of expression.

Her ears - as well as eyes and mouth - flattened. "This - whatever this whole thing is you've got going on - it wasn't cute to begin with, and now it's getting annoying. Surprised you didn't become a bard, or jester, or one of the other ridiculous--" She paused. "Who am I to talk? The Goddess doesn't seem to give a damn about who gets what class anymore."

I didn't know what she was talking about, but it confirmed my suspicions that her frustrations were less about me and more about something else in her life. "That was just my best guess. I honestly don't know what happened to me." Without waiting for an invitation, I launched into an explanation of everything I had experienced, starting with leaving my apartment to go for a jog. While I thought that Ves might not hear me out, she didn't interrupt - but her eyes widened a bit when I mentioned the corpse I found.

By the time I finished my story, Ves's expression had softened considerably. "Okay. I believe you... I think. Your story wasn't interesting enough to be made up, and you don't seem to want anything from me, so it doesn't feel like a scam. And I suppose you did help us out." It looked like she was trying to suppress a grin when she said that, which was cute.

"Your Goddess spoke to me and gave me a class." Thank you, video games, for giving me the context to understand what that even meant. Close enough, anyway. "Does that say anything about my character?"

Ves considered that for a moment. "Yeah, kinda. People tend to be granted a class when they 'perform a deed that demonstrates their true nature', or something like that. It's never been spelled out, and sometimes people are granted a class that they didn't expect. They

usually

learn something new about themselves when that happens." She kicked a small rock. "Real heartwarming shit. And

rarely

, someone will earn a class by doing something they've never done before, and then they're terrible at it and never get better."

"Do you want to talk about that?"

"...Not in here. Why are we just standing around? Let's get the hell out of here. Wait! The stupid tail. Could you cut it off?"

"

That

tail?" I pointed to the enormous corpse.

"Not the whole thing. Just two, maybe three, feet, to be safe. Enough to prove that we killed it. May as well earn a little money after all this, right? And you're the only one here with any kind of blade, so hurry up!"

I couldn't help but wonder how Thia might have asked me to do something like that. She had her own sword, though, so it wouldn't have been an issue if she had still been there. Crouching down, I pulled out the dagger and began sawing at the warty tail.

"Oh yeah!" Ves's eyes lit up. "Where exactly did you find that corpse?"

CHAPTER 05 - Sanguinary Secret

Returning to the room with the corpse felt like a bad idea, but Ves explained that we had to backtrack a bit to reach the exit anyway, so a "little detour" wouldn't make much of a difference. Still, I felt anxious to leave, and concerned about getting lost, so I picked up a rock and started scratching marks onto the walls to mark where we'd been.

"It's too bad the little ones aren't worth anything." Ves kicked one of the dead rats that I now knew Thia must have slashed on their way to fight the giant one. Some of its guts fell out as it slid along the ground and hit a stalagmite, and I could tell she immediately regretted kicking it.

"Eh... carrying this tail's bad enough as it is." I had it slung over my shoulder so I didn't have to touch it as much, and had already made a mental note to buy some gloves as soon as possible. "What are these things, anyway? We don't have them where I'm from. Not exactly."

"No cave rats in your world?" Ves looked a little amused at this.

"There are other kinds of rats, but most aren't anywhere near this size. And none are NEARLY as big as the giant one." I shook the tail for emphasis.

"We've got other kinds of rats, too. Including the kind you're talking about, it sounds like. Huh... so no cave rats or cave rat queens." She scoffed. "What do new adventurers kill as part of their training? Kobolds?"

"We don't have

those

either, and we don't really have adventurers. Not in any way that would seem familiar to you, I guess. No classes, no Goddess, no monsters apart from, y'know, other people."

Ves chewed on that concept for a moment. "Sounds kinda nice."

"Yeah, well... I'll tell you more later. I need to learn a lot about this world first. But not too much all at once." Despite the thrill of actually being in a fantastical new world, I had a feeling that my mind wouldn't be able to focus on an information overload.

"Okay, sure." The catgirl smirked and shook her head as if she were humoring me. "Our world is called 'Fielende.' We're in the Treosett Empire. Do I need to slow down?"

"I'll just let that sink in for a minute." We entered the chamber that connected to several passages. It was easy to remember which way I originally came from, because it was on the opposite side from where we now stood. Ves walked around and looked down some of the other tunnels. Her expression did not fill me with confidence.

"Hmm... which was... oh, here it is!" She pointed down one of many dark passages. "There's one of the rats we, I mean, Thia and I, killed on our way in."

Looking in the direction she was pointing, I couldn't see anything but darkness beyond the range of her magical light, and told Ves as much. She gave me a smug grin. "Netharri, like me, can see very well with just a little bit of light."

I'm not extremely jealous or anything...

"Nice. Cats are the same way back home, so that-- oh wait, do you have cats here, too?"

"Uh, yeah."

"Is it offensive to compare you to a cat?"

Her ears twitched and her eyes narrowed subtly. "No. There's a lot of similarities. As long as you remember that I'm not a cat or a human, okay?"

I agreed, wondering what other things she had in common with cats, and showed her which way to go if she still wanted to find the corpse. I led the way this time, and told her I wanted to learn more about classes. Without trying to explain what role-playing games are, I told Ves my understanding of the concept: they were a way to classify people with various skills and talents, not unlike a job.

"More or less. So what did you want to know?"

"Does everyone get a class?"

She lowered one ear in mild confusion. Or incredulity. "Do you know about classes or not?"

"Eh, a lot of stuff from your world only exists in my world's fiction. I don't know how to explain it any better than that."

At least, not without taking a couple of days and sounding like an absolute dork.

Ves sighed and shrugged. "Oh-kay. Uh, no, not everyone gets a class. Most don't. Maybe about... one in twenty people? Or thirty? I'm from a small village, and if anyone's ever gone around and surveyed the rest of the Empire, I haven't read their report."

"Fair enough. Well, how many different classes are there? I know there are Rogues," I pointed to myself, then motioned to Ves. "As well as... Healers?"

"'Vitality Mage', but yeah, most people just call us 'Healers'. Um, well, there are some that are more common, like Defenders, Warriors, and Element Mages, but I've heard stories about really rare classes. Dunno if any of those are actually real, though."

Before I could ask anything else, we reached our destination. Although it had only been less than an hour since I jogged out of my world and into the cave wall, it felt like ages since I'd been back here.

"There's the body. So, uh, why did we have to go back here?" I had been so caught up in learning about this world that I forgot to ask why Ves wanted to see it.

"If we can find some kind of identification, then we might be able to get a reward for returning it. Puts people's minds at ease, and it's hard enough to make money as a fledgling adventurer, so we gotta take any opportunity we can!"

I crouched down next to the corpse.

Guess this guy was a beginner Rogue, too. Shit, this really could have been me if things had gone slightly worse. Still could be, if I'm not careful.

Since the body was laying face-down, I hesitantly touched its arm to roll it over. "Not sure what I'm looking for, but let's see--"

The body hadn't even finished rolling all the way over when I saw a cave rat sticking out of what was once the stomach. It seemed that I had interrupted its meal. I cursed in shock as it hissed and scratched at me.