I woke up, or perhaps it's more accurate to say that I came to, in a dark place. The first sensation I felt was a bolt of pain, spiking through my head like a lightning bolt, but it faded as swiftly as it came. It was only then that I opened my eyes and became aware of the space in which I was... floating?
I couldn't register any other impressions from the space, not even what I was sitting on. If I possessed limbs, I couldn't move them, but at the same time I didn't feel at all restrained. I didn't feel fear, either, only some kind of vague, pervasive sense of coziness and comfort.
My senses were dulled, but eventually sharpened enough to see that before me, a short distance away was...
It was a beautiful woman.
Well, at least I think it was a woman. She had the usual womanly features- a pleasantly plump chest, round hips, delicate features- all wrapped up in a clingy white gown that was figure-hugging but somehow also virginal.
However, what was somewhat un-woman-like were the pair of brown floppy dog ears hanging down on either side of her head, a shade lighter then her neck-length hair, and the frenetically waving, fluffy tail behind her.
"Welcome, kind master, to heaven," she said softly, giving me a heart-meltingly warm smile.
It was the kind of welcome that nerd men always dream about, of some cute girl giving them a warm smile and calling them 'Master'. However, the feeling was spoiled by my anxiety uncoiling from my spine like an angry snake. I wasn't ready to be someone's 'master', and even if I was, the circumstances here were incredibly suspicious. Maybe it was some kind of dream?
"Uh, excuse me, perhaps there's some mistake," I began, struggling to see elsewhere in the room, but my vision remained stubbornly focused on the dog-girl with the clingy robes. But I interrupted myself, my words cutting off with a hard click of my teeth. What if this strange floating sensation wasn't the result of a dream, but rather some kind of drug? Could I have been kidnapped by some yandere type for her own nefarious purposes?
Try as my anxiety might, though, it couldn't break through the pervasive sense of calm. I couldn't even hear my pulse quicken, which was normally how I knew a panic attack was coming. The girl seemed to notice by discomfort despite that, and quickly began waving her hands and continuing in a bit of a panic.
"Do not worry, human! I haven't kidnapped you! You're here because you are blessed in the eyes of Dog!"
Rather than allay my fears, that statement only caused the anxiety-snake to threaten even harder. This crazy person wasn't just a strange dog-girl who worshipped something called "Dog", but she was also capable of reading my mind. Of course, the poor, flustered dog-girl fed on my rising panic, and in return started to panic herself.
"Oh, I'm so terrible at this part!" she whined, literally whined as in it was accompanied by an appropriately dog-like, high pitched moan. "I know you have many questions, but please be at peace! I can answer them all for you, and everything will be explained!" she said, waving her arms in a panic as if she could beat back my fears. Her legs drooped, disappearing behind the folds of her robe. "I can read your mind, and I'm sorry it's bothering you, but I can't help it! You don't have a physical body right now, so the only difference I can feel is when you intend to speak or not! Oh, that's probably just going to make you feel worse...."
It did bother me, a little, but the dog-girl panicking like she did was so adorable, I was immediately disarmed. As soon as my mind got distracted, the anxiety fell away like it didn't exist. "Hey, hey, it's alright," I said, trying to soothe her, "Why don't you take a deep breath, collect yourself, and then start over from the beginning?"
She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and slowly let it go, her ample chest rising and falling with the motion. When she opened her eyes again, and seemed to be a little recovered- even her tail began to wave a little, cautiously. "Welcome, kind master, to heaven. You are here because you are blessed in the eyes of Dog," she said, starting over as I suggested, "I also do not have that backwards, I did mean to say Dog."
I puzzled over what she sdaid for a moment. "Wait, so you're implying that God, as in the Capital-G God, is a Dog?" I asked. As a lifelong atheist, that bit of knowledge came as a bit of a surprise.
"Yes, of course. Dog loves all humans. It is why Dog sent almost all of his angels to accompany humans, help them, and be their companions."
That's ridiculous, I thought for a moment, before my brain actually processed what she said. That did make a certain amount of sense.
"I am also not a kidnapper," she went on, "Nor am I crazy or obsessed with you. As to why you are here... I'm very sorry, kind master, but you are dead."
That was a shock. "Uh, what?" I asked, the words just popping out of me in surprise, "Could you run that by me again?"
"Unfortunately, it is true," the dog-girl explained, her tail drooping once again with sadness, "You had what is called a 'brain aneurysm' in your sleep. Snore, snore, pop! And now it's all over."
"I have a problem with you treating this so lightly," I snarked, then immediately regretted it as the girl became even more despondent.
"Oh, I'm sorry... b-but it's not my fault," she replied, "I don't make that kind of decision...."
Exactly like a puppy, she was able to melt my anger in seconds by sheer force of cuteness. Making her so sad felt awful, and I couldn't help but relent. "I'm sorry for my outburst," I added, trying my best to think about having a smile, "Please continue."
Exactly like a puppy, she bounced back immediately.
"I know it's hard to comprehend all this, but there's some good news, too!" she said with a cheery smile, "Because you spent your entire life being kind to all animals, you will now pass on to a 'Heaven' of your own design. Yay! Thank you!"
The puppy angel clapped and I had the impression of a small amount of confetti dropped from above. Was I really kind to all animals though? Big dogs and basically all cats gave me anxiety, so I avoided them. I lived in the city, so livestock and larger animals were never a factor. I was a homebody who preferred to stay in his room all the time, so my opportunities were limited anyway.
I hated bugs, so I never wanted to touch them. Did I really go my entire life without squishing a single one?
Also, when I thought of a "Heaven of my own design", I immediately had a parade of perverted thoughts. Maybe that kindness test fails in that regard. Sorry, Dog, I thought, I hope you are as forgiving of my sinful thoughts as you are fluffy.