Learning to Submit

Author's note: Hi! This is the introduction to a story that will be heavily BDSM in nature, focusing on the main character's journey into the world of dominance and submission. This first chapter is sex free, but the next one will get into the action quickly. I hope you enjoy reading it!

Thanks to ftw752 for his comments to help make this story better!

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Chapter 1

"Hey Jazz, do you have a few minutes when we're done today?

Jazz looked up at me from across the table.

"Everything ok Christy?"

"Yes," I answered quickly. Maybe too quickly. "I mean, maybe. I don't know."

I let out a sigh and dropped my gaze. I knew Jazz was the perfect friend to talk to, but it didn't make this easier.

"Pat... suggested something last night. I just need to talk it through with someone, and your particular...experiences...make you the perfect person. But it's ok if you're busy." I added the last part quickly, giving him an out if he didn't want to go down the rabbit hole with me.

"No, it's fine. I'm not in a rush. Want to grab a coffee or something?"

"Yes, that would be great. Thank you."

I let out the breath I'd been holding. I still had to find the courage to have this conversation, but I knew Jazz could help me sort through all my feelings.

I'd been together with my husband, Pat, for over 15 years, and it had been a long road. I was a socially outgoing but inwardly shy 19-year-old when we first met. I was thin and athletic with almost golden red hair and sparkling green eyes. Patrick was a quiet guy in his mid 20s at my work. He seemed shy at first, but it was clear that he had a calm confidence under the surface. He had amazingly bright blue eyes, dark brunette hair, and a sprinkling of freckles. When I first met him, I loved how easy he was to talk to, and how awesome his butt looked whenever I saw him walking down the halls at work. He thought I was cute, and it didn't take long before we were dating and fucking.

He was the first guy to ever make me orgasm. The first guy I watched porn with. The first guy to pop my anal cherry, and the first to try stuffing my ass and fucking my pussy at the same time (Fireworks!). But after the first few years together things had started to change.

My life was suddenly stressful. I lost my libido almost entirely, and it seemed no matter what he tried, I couldn't get it back. After years of a very occasional sex life, my husband had started getting creative in ways to fire up my sex drive. Recently, he had been suggesting that maybe being shared with another man would work. Initially I was hesitant...if I couldn't satisfy one guy, how was I ever going to handle two? And what if he got jealous? What if it destroyed our marriage? Sure, it wasn't perfect, but he was a solid guy and I loved him.

Fate decided to intervene and drop an openly poly friend into my path. Jazz was the kind of guy everyone loved to be around. Easy going and warm, always wearing a smile. I decided maybe I could share my fears and get his feedback.

As we sat down in a quiet corner of the coffee shop later that day, I took a sip of my drink and tried to organize my thoughts. Jazz waited patiently, knowing I'd get there when I was ready.

"Can you tell me a little more about being with more than one person? Like I get that for you it's more than just sex. Being in a Poly relationship means being a family with more than just one person. But it also means sharing someone. How does that work? I mean physically I get it I just... Emotionally. How does everyone get behind it? Especially at the beginning?"

Oh man. That made a lot more sense in my head!

Jazz smiled kindly at me.

"Don't be shy. It's all good! I'm happy to help. Can I ask a question though? What brought this up for you? Last I knew you were a happily married woman."

"I am. But a while back I fought through depression when work got really stressful. I changed jobs, and life is a bit easier, but somehow I totally lost my drive along the way. We've tried everything. Even saw a sex therapist. This is the latest in Pat's ideas to 'Spice things up'. And I'm not totally against it. I have to admit the idea got things stirring. But I'm terrified."

Jazz listened intently, and replied simply, forcing me to get to the bottom of the issue.

"Why are you afraid?"

I sighed.

"Pat's never been the super jealous type but he would be if he thought I was getting close to someone else. In fact, that happened with a male friend of mine who needed some extra support. It wasn't my job to out him, but it took a while before Pat was comfortable with the bond we had as friends. And before he trusted nothing was going on. So if he reacted that badly to a friendship with a gay guy, I'm having trouble believing he'd be ok watching me having sex with someone else, even if he was participating."

Jazz smiled at me again.

"All of that seems totally justified, but that doesn't mean inviting someone else to your bed would go the same way. At the end of the day, it's all about trust and honesty. You have to be totally honest with each other about what you both want. Why you're doing this. And how you're feeling every step of the way."

"So how do we do that? It's not like it's fair to invite someone to come have sex with you and then kick them out half way through, or as soon as you get naked."

Jazz looked at me seriously.

"First of all, you always have to look out for yourself in a situation like this. Would it suck for someone to get invited over and kicked out early? Yes. But if either you or Pat felt that your relationship was in danger if you continued, it would be the right thing to do."

I nodded. It made sense. But ideally we'd be able to avoid getting to that point. As if he read my mind, Jazz continued.

"Best case scenario, you do your best earlier to take the temperature of the situation several times to see how everyone is going."

He paused for a second, taking another drink of his coffee before he continued.

"There are clubs in the city for people who are kinky to meet other people who are kinky in a safe way. With rules and layers of protection for everyone in the building."

My mouth fell open as he talked. Here? This was a seriously conservative city and I was having trouble believing we had any kind of kink scene.

"We have kink clubs here? Seriously? Half this town has a stick up its ass."

He laughed. "They do, and the other half is in the kink clubs. Plus, you'll find kinky people in all walks of life. Sometimes those who appear the most reserved on the surface are pretty wild underneath."

I nodded. That made sense.

"Anyway, let's say you and Pat went to a club like that. You get a table by the dancefloor on a Saturday night. Have a drink. Make it known that you're open to company. Most people in the scene are pretty respectful up front. So a guy sits down with his drink and asks how you are doing. You think he's cute maybe. You tell him you're fine and ask his name, turning on a little flirt for him. Now this is the most important part. You look at Pat, and make sure he's ok. If you aren't sure, you ask him. Work out a signal or something ahead of time so he can let you know if he's uncomfortable. If he's not, you keep talking and flirting, but you keep an eye on him."

I was fully engaged in the picture he was painting. Not only did it seem like a smart way to meet someone and take things slow, it also sounded like a ton of fun. I'd loved going to dance clubs in my early 20s with friends, and the idea of going to one again sounded great. Especially one that was a little more edgy.

"Now maybe after you chat for a few minutes he asks if you want to dance. Or maybe in his flirting he puts his hand on your arm, or your leg. Keep checking in with Pat. If you're nervous about it, tell the guy what's up. Tell him you're new in the scene and thinking about playing with someone else but you're taking it slow. If he isn't willing to work at your speed you cut him loose. He wasn't a good fit. But if he is, maybe you dance a little. Flirt a bit more. Sit closely between the two so you can touch, and be touched, by both at the same time. And be prepared to pull the plug anytime if you need to."

"By pull the plug you mean leave and scrap the idea?"

"That's up to you. I mean stop. Take a breath and talk. Being open about what you are thinking and feeling is the cornerstone of kink. If something specific seemed too fast, try again and keep it slower. If the guy was just giving off a vibe he didn't like, then try again with someone else. But you need to be honest and so does he. Even going slow and checking in you could get to the point where another guy is about to bend you over and need to stop. You could freak out. Or Pat could decide he can't watch it and pull the trigger on the scene. But chances are better if you take it slow that you'll have an idea where you stand and even if there's a bit of jealousy, you'll be able to talk through it. You asked how it works, and that's how. We talk about everything."

I thought about everything he'd said, and realized the scenario he'd painted was turning me on. As he talked about kink, my brain went back to my love of being tied up early on and the books I'd read where the main character was being regularly spanked and forced to submit to a variety of men. I had told Pat about it, laughing about how strange it was an adult would get off on spanking, while I hid the fact that reading about it was making me wet.

The books had been another idea to help my libido, and although they'd helped a little, it never lasted.

As I considered his words on the way home that night, I knew there was more I had to talk to my husband about. More than just the surface of this conversation. I had to be honest about how I'd always felt.

I had to tell him what I really wanted, and hope he could meet me somewhere in the middle.