Behind the Green Veil

Chapter 3

How will she deal with the guilt?

--------- Jackson --------

I tried desperately not to fall asleep before she came back from the bathroom. I slapped my face a few times trying to stay awake but she was taking forever. I would have naturally wanted to fall into a deep sleep after sex like that which drained so much out of me. Combined with the fact that I had been up for over 24 hours and I wanted to fall into a good 14-hour coma. I looked over at the clock. It had been over 10 minutes and I got a little worried. I somehow managed to crawl out of the bed, walked over to the bathroom and knocked, asking if she was ok. I got a muffled response that said that she was fine. I didn't believe her.

Her face registered shocked surprise as I walked into the bathroom and found her sitting on the toilet, face in her hands.

"Hey! I'm peeing!"

"I heard you finish peeing five minutes ago," I said, spreading her legs and kneeling on the cold floor in front of her. "Now you're sitting here feeling guilty, regretting what we did." She tried to smile at me reassuringly but it was a sad smile.

"Am I that obvious?"

"You're a good woman, Orkideh, and you don't strike me as the kind of woman who would cheat on the man she loves."

"Yet here I am," she said, taking my face into her hands. She looked deep into my eyes and I saw a mix of emotions play across her face. "I don't regret what we did," she said finally, "but yes, I do feel incredibly guilty. Brian has been really good to me and I do love him. He didn't deserve this."

"No one deserves this," I interjected, "but something really special happened between us today, Orkideh. I couldn't bring myself to go get on my plane without saying goodbye. By the time I was dropping you off at your hotel after dinner I was aching to take you in my arms and kiss you... kiss you until our lips got sore. That ache would have remained like a weight in my chest, haunting me for the rest of my life if we hadn't done this," I told her, kissing the inside of her palm that was caressing my face.

"I think I would have felt the same way, too. But now I fear I'm going to live with this guilt for the rest of my life. My problem is that I don't know which is worse -- living with the loss I would have felt if we didn't get together, or living with the guilt because we did."

"You can't think like that," I told her. "You have to think of this moment as separated in time from the rest of your life. Look, I know I have you on borrowed time and that you've made a commitment to another man. I know that in a few hours you will get on a plane and I will be a part of your past. It hurts but I've made peace with that. But you know what Brian deserves? Instead of concentrating on the guilt, concentrate on being a good wife to him. Be the best wife to him you can possibly be. Love him, honor him, and when he's at the end of his life let him look back on the life that you two have shared and be happy. He deserves that more than your guilt. It's what I would want."

"Yeah, but I'll be living a lie. Is that what you would really want, a wife who was living a lie?"

"If you love him, yeah. The lie is your problem, not his. If I was in your fiancé's shoes and you still loved me and wanted to spend your life with me, I wouldn't want to know. Now, of course I wouldn't want you cheating on me. But I wouldn't want one night of infidelity to prevent me from having a lifetime of happiness. So if after tonight you are sure that you can love him and be faithful then swallow your guilt and just be the best wife that you can be."

She put her face in her hands and sighed. "What you say makes sense," she said, looking at me with blood-shot eyes, "but it feels like a pretty self-serving way to deal with it."

"I'm just telling you the truth about how I feel, having had a few years to think about such things. Would I want a faithful wife? Of course. Would I want a truthful wife? For the most part, yes. But there are many truths that we often don't want to hear. When I'm dating someone new I don't want to know details of her sexual past. That's her personal business and I don't want to know. As far as this one instance of infidelity, if I had my choice I would prefer a life of happiness never knowing that you had been unfaithful because once I know something like that I can't forget. I could never feel completely comfortable with you again, never completely trust you again. It would essentially ruin our relationship. Knowing the truth would make me miserable both with you and without you. So if your love is true, I would prefer that truth over the truth of fidelity or infidelity."

There was a long bout of silence. "That sounds pathetic," she said finally, "and also extremely wise."

"Probably some of both," I chuckled. Her mood seemed to soften then, too.

"I'm really so happy that I met you, Jackson. I will try to take your advice and be a good wife to Brian. But I don't regret what I've shared with you today, I don't regret it at all."

"We still have a few more hours," I said, getting up off of my knees and helping her to her feet.

"Oh God, I'm exhausted! I'm going to pass out before my head hits the pillow. Don't tell me you still have energy left?" she asked incredulously.

"Do me a favor and sleep on the plane tomorrow. I have two more hours of happiness with you, Orkideh. I don't want to spend them asleep."

"Yes, but I would also love to go to sleep snuggled up next to you and wake up in your arms."

"I would love that, too," I said, running some warm water and wetting a washcloth, "but if I have to choose between having two more waking hours with you or spending those two hours asleep so we can wake up together... I'll choose the two more hours awake." I used the warm washcloth to wipe any urine residue from her pussy.

"Yeah," she sighed, spreading her legs a bit to give me full access, "definitely not regretting having this night with you. You even give a good wipe down after sex. I'll try to stay awake for these next two hours but I can't make any promises."

We kissed, and I tried to usher her out of the bathroom so I could then take a pee. She wasn't having it.

"If you can barge in on me while I'm peeing then I'm staying right here," she insisted, hands on her hips. Standing there fully nude, she was a sight. I liked her spunk.

"Suit yourself," I said, lifting the toilet seat and preparing to let go. My dick was still slimy from our lovemaking. Then, as if she had a sudden epiphany, Orkideh ran over to stand behind me. She reached around me, moving my hand out of the way to take hold of me and waited for me to release, giving me a little shake. It was a new one on me. I was surprised and slightly nervous which made it difficult for me to release right away. I wasn't shy about her holding me while I peed, but I was scared that her aim would be off and that I would pee everywhere

but

in the toilet. Eventually my bladder released its contents and all my fears were realized. We laughed hysterically as my urine flew everywhere. We continued giggling while we cleaned it all up.

She took the same washcloth I had used on her and dabbed just the very tip of my penis but left the rest of it slimy with our sex juices. I wondered why until she led me back into the bedroom and sat me down on the edge of the bed then crawled between my legs, pushing her suitcase that sat on the floor at the foot of the bed out of the way. The look in her eyes spoke of a deep hunger and she licked her lips lustfully.

I had long since lost any semblance of an erection but Orkideh wasted no time taking me into her mouth. I heard a moan escape from deep within her chest as her tongue bathed my flesh and swirled my penis around in her mouth. She pressed her nose far down into my pubes, inhaling deeply as she cleaned all the messy sex juices off of my cock. Her nails pressed into my thighs, pushing them far apart to maintain her access.

My body could not help but respond but at the same time a sense of sadness came over me as I realized how alike we were when it came to expressing this kind of intimacy and how much I would be losing when she walked out of my life in a few hours. The way she sucked me spoke of a dark, untapped need for really intense and edgy sex that was going on unfulfilled in her regular life. I recognized it in her because I had the same needs. Our perfect chemistry freed us both to express those needs and desires.

As my erection grew in her mouth I missed having her close enough to me to smell, kiss or taste. I craved the olfactory stimulation she had been giving to me all day to compliment the physical stimulation her lips and tongue were providing. I spotted the light sweater she had been wearing earlier, discarded on the corner of the bed presumably when she stripped to get into the shower. I picked it up and brought it to my face so I could fill my senses with her. She looked up at me and shook her head disapprovingly, never taking my dick out of her mouth. She reached for her sweater.

"I want to smell you while you're loving me," I said in protest. The motion of her tongue on the underside of my cock suddenly stopped, telling me that she meant business. I reluctantly gave up the sweater and she rewarded my compliance by pushing her mouth down on my cock as far as it would go. I was now fully erect. She couldn't deep throat me, but it wasn't for lack of trying. In fact, it was sexier watching her try desperately to cram all of me down her throat, fighting her gag reflex and losing. I saw her reach down toward the floor and fidget around for a second before her hand emerged with a tiny piece of green fabric in them. She put the garment in my hand. It was a pair of her panties. They were damp.

"Brian gave that sweater to me," she said, taking her mouth off of me briefly but offering no further explanation. "Use these instead," she insisted between licks to my swollen head, "they smell even more like me." A sly smile broke out across her face and she swallowed me again. Somewhere between the bathroom and the bedroom she let go of her trepidations about our encounter and decided to leave every inhibition behind. I was turned on beyond belief.

She was right about the smell of her panties. She had boldly given me the pair that she had been wearing all day, knowing how ripe they were and correctly guessing that their pungency would excite me immensely. They were ripe but not foul -- she hadn't been sweating but her pussy had been leaking into them for quite a while, judging by the size of the wet stain and the strength of her scent. I found the damp crotch and pressed it right up to my nose as Orkideh went back to blowing my brains out.

She alternated between sucking the life out of me and licking my balls while she rubbed my dick all over her face. It was by far the best blowjob I had ever had but not because of her skill or technique but purely because of the intense emotion she put into it. She wanted to be the best for me, wanted this to be something I remembered for the rest of my life, just as I had tried to do for her earlier.

Even sexier than what she wanted me to get out of it was what she wanted for herself -- I sensed a lifetime of repressed desires that were exploding out of her; a long yearned-for freedom to make love without fear of moral judgment. Once she had made the decision to cheat, there was no more immorality left to be afraid of.

Her mouth was driving me crazy and I couldn't take it any more. My cock was so hard it could barely bend. I could tell she would have gladly swallowed all I had to give her if I decided to let myself cum but I really wanted to be back inside of her, to feel her legs and her pussy wrapped around me one last time. So I gently pulled my dick out of her mouth and pulled her up onto the bed. She climbed on top of me and immediately sank her pussy down onto me while she snatched her panties away from my face and sucked my tongue out of my mouth. She was sopping wet, just as excited as I was.

She rode me sensually, her hips doing a Persian dance as she undulated on top of me. She worked her pussy on me in a way that pushed the head of my dick right into her g-spot and I looked on in rapture as she took her pleasure unabashedly. It was mesmerizing watching her move. A moist glow of perspiration broke out all over her, making her olive skin shine. I wanted to lick every inch of her.

She alternated between leaning down to kiss me briefly but spent most of the time high up above me with her hands on my chest, arms extended supporting her weight. Her head started to roll back, whipping her hair to and fro. I tired to think about my mother and all the ugly women of my family -- anything to distract me to hold back my orgasm as hers fast approached. It wasn't working, so I tried to think of the men, then the old men. I thought of my 80 year-old uncle, thought of him naked, and bit the insides of my cheeks as she came, thrashing about until she collapsed on top of me.

I rolled her over and just slowly made love to her as long as I could. It was soft and sensual, all the urgency worn out of us. We expressed the deepest sentiments of love without saying a word. I

so

didn't want it to end. When I felt myself getting close I slowed down and just pressed my full length inside of her, letting her feel me throb. I did this three times and on the fourth time she threw her arms around my neck while thrusting her pussy up into me, and squeezed her pussy around me with all her might. I exploded, crying out loud with my toes curling behind me. I felt like my entire life had been drained out of me.

I collapsed next to her and brought her into my arms. "Don't go to sleep," I begged. She looked over at the clock. It was 4:37, about one hour before we needed to get up and shower to head to the airport.

"I don't think I can stay awake for the next five minutes, never mind the next hour."

"We can just talk and cuddle," I said, pressing my lips into hers.

"Sounds good in theory," she said but her eyes were already closing.

"Just don't cheat me out of my last hour with you," I said, my eyes extremely heavy as well.

The next thing I remember is hearing her exclaim "fucking hell" as the alarm on her phone woke us up. Our bodies were all tangled together and slightly sticky from our lovemaking earlier, so it took her a moment to disentangle herself and scramble over to her phone. She shut the alarm off and looked at the time with a groan. We had about fifty minutes to get to the airport to make her flight, which was slightly earlier than mine. The hotel was close to the airport and they had a shuttle so getting there wouldn't be a problem. No, the problem would be getting up out of bed on only 1 hour of sleep after being awake for slightly more than 24 hours, not to mention all the "strenuous activity" with which we capped off our night.

"We fell asleep," she mumbled, crawling over to the center of the bed where I lay and collapsing back on top of me. My arms enveloped her instinctively, having missed her for the 10 seconds she was away. "I think sleeping one hour makes it worse than had we not slept at all... I'm bloody exhausted."

"You were right, though," I said, pressing my lips into the top of her head and smelling her hair, "waking up with you in my arms is a wonderful thing. I'm glad I got to experience it."

She shivered and I could feel goosebumps breaking out all over her skin. We had been hot and sweaty when we had fallen asleep so the feeling of the cool air in the room blowing over our naked skin was welcome. Now feeling cold, Orkideh pulled the comforter up over us and snuggled deeper into my chest, draping her leg over mine and rubbing her sex against the top of my thigh. The warm, damp sensation made my cock twitch against her tummy but I was much too exhausted to get hard. But getting fully aroused wasn't the point. She was letting me know with her body that she shared my sentiment. We just held each other like that in silence for about five minutes, barely conscious because of how tired we were. When I felt her breathing take on a regular rhythm I knew she was falling back asleep.

"We have to get you to your plane," I said softly, sadly. She stirred.

"I'm

SO

not ready to leave you yet."

"If it was up to me you would never leave but..." I trailed off, leaving the obvious unsaid. She was silent for a moment.

"How can you be so sure you would never want me to leave after knowing each other for such a short time?" she challenged me. "We know we have a strong attraction to each other and we know we deeply care for each other, but we've only showed each other our best faces today."

"If I were younger I might agree with you but I've been around long enough that I can sense right away when I'm really compatible with someone. I just feel it. You just feel right to me."

"Yeah but we don't know any of each other's bad habits. I could have some that really get on your nerves, and vice versa."

"Do you know how much I would give to be with you long enough to learn some of your bad habits? Besides, you've seen one of mine already," I chuckled.

"When?"

"On the plane... my computer. You didn't say anything but I know you saw those other movies I had."

"Oh yeah, you naughty boy." I couldn't see her face because it was buried against my chest but I could feel her cheeks and lips curl up into a smile. "But I don't think badly of you because of that -- I'm not your typical academic feminist in that respect. In my country, many women -- and gay men sometimes -- get beaten and killed because of how our morality gets hyper-policed. So as long as someone isn't raping children and being dishonest with their lover, I don't pass moral judgment on their sexual expression. Although if we were together," she added, "I would hope that I fulfilled all your sexual needs." She rubbed her body against mine and pressed her pussy down into my thigh for emphasis.

"Of that, I have no doubt" I said, pulling her head up for a kiss. "I think the bigger challenge for us would be our cultural differences. Intellectually, politically, sexually -- we'd be fine. I suspect that culturally and socially we have some great differences that may take getting used to. But I would

so

love to try..." Sadness crept back into my voice as I realized I would never get the opportunity to find out. "We need to go," I said finally, "or you're going to miss your plane."

One would think that I would be the last person to remind her that we needed to get going. Deep down inside, I knew that saying goodbye to her was going to hurt me tremendously. Of course I didn't want her to go but there was another part of me that wanted to get on with it and avoid putting myself in a situation where I would lose my cool.

I knew she could feel the tension in me and I could feel the same tension in her as she lay there for a moment, contemplating what to say. "I think I have an idea," she said finally, a mischievous smile on her face. She pushed away from me and reached for her purse on the night table by the bed. She pulled out her ticket and grabbed her phone then dialed. I could just barely hear an automated computer answering system on the other line. She pushed a few numbers and then finally spoke to a live person.

She changed her voice a bit, sounding like she was in great pain. Over the next few minutes I heard her explain to the airline representative about some horrible food poisoning she had which was causing her a great deal of illness which would prevent her from flying that morning. For extra emphasis, she explained to the person how she doubted she could stay in her seat for more than five minutes at a time without needing a trip to bathroom, "lavatory" as she called it in her Persian/British accent. She asked if her reservation could be moved to a flight later in the evening to give her system time to flush itself out in order that she might be able to fly.