I had worked for this company for almost 6 months, and I'd never felt as invisible as I felt now. I worked as a receptionist for a medium sized business. Answering phones, sorting mail and copying documents didn't sound too glamorous and it wasn't, but it paid the bills and gave me the flexibility to come and go, and the insurance that I needed for being a single parent. I was content in my job and performed most of my daily tasks with little or no brain power. The less stress the better because when I got home it took all of my energy and attention I had to keep up with my 5yo son.
I loved being a parent and loved my son, and thought my life complete, until a month ago when HE started working here. He was our new sales rep for the western region. At a little over 6 ft., with thick dark hair that looked finger combed into a messy array that somehow stuck up in all the right places. He had an average build, maybe even a little soft in the middle, but it was his eyes that first drew my attention. They were a dark stormy grey, lined with thick black lashes that seemed to look straight to your soul. They seemed flash with deep emotion, humor, anger, frustration, concern, and passion all within a split second of each other. And when they looked at me, something deep within me shifted, stirred, and warmed. And lately, although no one else seemed to notice me, he was looking a lot.
I never thought myself a beautiful woman, but I wasn't ugly either. A little taller than most and since motherhood, my hips were a little larger than I liked. I had stopped really paying attention to how I looked just glad that I managed to dress everyday in something that wasn't covered in sticky hand prints. I usually wore dress pants, or a skirt with a blouse or sweater. My hair was always in a neat bun or French braid that reached right past my shoulders, more because of lack of time to style it rather than trying to look professional. His gaze made me feel like I was wearing nothing at all. My nipples would tighten every time he walked by and smiled, and my legs grew weak if I had to deliver papers or a message to his office. I knew it was just a matter of time before I made a total fool of myself by tripping, or spilling something all over his reports. And it looked like today was going to be my lucky day.
It started out as any other day; I was dressed in a straight skirt that stopped a few inches above my knee, with a light weight sweater that I thought made me look soft and huggable. Being adventurous I decided to wear shoes with 3" heels. I always got to work a little earlier than everyone else, starting the coffee warming up the printers, checking the companies voice messages, looking at my work list for the day. As I settled into my routine others started to arrive. Most people just nodded as they passed, and were barely civil until they had at least one cup of coffee in them and today was no exception. I found myself glancing at the door wondering when he was going to come in. The time passed with me making the copies for the day and taking messages. I had a stack of messages for him, mail and a report I printed marked "Urgent". I gathered all of these together, switched the phone to voicemail, and headed to his office, hands full, feeling steady on my feet only because he hadn't arrived yet.
I flipped the light on with my elbow when I entered his office and glanced around. This was the first time I had been in here without him sitting at the desk usually with fingers busy on the computers keyboard, and phone to his ear. I put his messages, mail and report on his desk and almost turned to go, I should have just turned and walked out but being a woman I couldn't resist snooping just a little. After all even Oprah admits to going through people's bathroom drawers when she visits and whats good for Oprah...
I looked over his desk, which was remarkably organized and clean and wondered what this told me about him. Maybe he was OCD, anal, controlling, or maybe just very thorough. His large broken in leather chair looked comfortable and inviting, but held an air that spoke of a confident and potentially powerful man. I couldn't resist sitting in it for a minute and taking in his domain. Looking over his desk again from this angle I noticed the one thing that looked totally out of place in his manly office. I reached for the overly decorated pencil holder stuffed with pens and smiled. It was a soup can covered in orange felt, decorated with glued on beads of every color, blue rickrack, and fuzzy little pompom balls, with the words "Worlds Best Unkle" with the "K" being backwards. Again being the curious woman that I am, I tilted the can slightly to look at the bottom, hoping to see a name of the child that made this masterpiece. That's when things went wrong. I wasn't paying attention and every pen, pencil, and paperclip dumped out of the can and came crashing to the floor with a loud clatter on the plastic floor mat under his desk. Swearing a little louder than I planned, I slipped under the desk and started to pick up the mess.