From a distance of eleven years, it's hard for me to recognize that young girl - awkward and dressed in ragged jeans and a t-shirt, no make up or styled hair, bedraggled and frankly dirty after a long bus ride - who found herself kneeling in front of Barbara's cunt, wondering how to please this uber-rich society bitch on whom depended her next meal.
I thought of Cheryl, the buxom classmate in whom I had confided during my senior year. As I've said, without going into detail, my primary sexual experience had been being gangraped by much older men, who of course cared nothing for my pleasure but used me as they would use a rag or some other inert object. It was all about them getting off, not about pleasing me in any way. Finally, when I had permission to sleep overnight at Cheryl's while my stepfather was out of town on a business trip, I told her what was being done to me.
"Oh Alex, how awful," Cheryl had said, giving me a hug. We were sitting up in her bed wearing only our nighties, and Cheryl's ample D-cup breasts swelled against the fabric of her nightie as she took me in her arms. I nestled my head between her breasts and without thinking about what I was doing, took a nipple in my mouth and began to suck like a baby.