A Gift in Disguise

[

In Chapter 1, readers learned that I had sought help from psychologist Dr. Lorraine Theriault. I was at the time a 23-year old, otherwise healthy male who could become sexually aroused but who was unable to sustain an erection when trying to penetrate a woman. Dr. Theriault, using unorthodox and professionally unapproved methods, was able to help me overcome that, but in the course of her treatment of me, she learned that I possessed an unusual and powerful gift -- the ability to help women achieve super-orgasms.

In Chapter 2, Dr. Theriault introduced me to neurocardiologist Dr. Kimberly Geiler-Callaghan. Lorraine hoped that Kim might help her determine the extent and source of my "gift." As I subsequently learned, Kim was not only Lorraine's cardiologist; she was also Lorraine's client. Kim had been unable to orgasm after the birth of her second child. Lorraine hoped my "gift" might help Kim overcome whatever was preventing her from achieving sexual climax while at the same time reassuring me that my restored ability to sustain an erection would continue with women other than Lorraine and in locations outside her office. Lorraine and Kim, with my eager agreement, had agreed to collaborate on further studies of my "gift."

That brings us to Chapter 3.]

Although both Lorraine and Kim had my cell phone number, they preferred to leave voicemail messages on my apartment's landline telephone. Since I was still in graduate school working toward my MSEE focusing on sensor nanotechnology, they did not want to interrupt school or lab work by ringing my cellphone.

At my latest meeting with both Lorraine and Kim in Lorraine's office, Lorraine had persuaded me to let her once again wire me up to her specially-adapted polygraph. With my graduate school and career choice in electrical engineering, it was logical that I would be curious about the technical details of her sexual polygraph. Yet Lorraine had been rather vague in discussing it. That didn't bother me, but I was curious about the extent of her electronics innovation and knowledge.

Rather than detecting lies, the usual use for a polygraph, Lorraine's adapted version measured her client's subtle physiological sexual responses to various visual stimuli. This test allowed her to determine what sexually aroused someone and what didn't. When the device was used with women, it also allowed her to chart not only a woman's arousal but also her response during orgasm if one occurred. It was less effective in recording male orgasms in any meaningful way.

The preliminary analysis of my most recent sexual polygraph test did not exactly alarm Lorraine, but she did notice there were indications of changes since my first test, taken before I had had sex with her and subsequently with Kim. She and Kim wanted to carefully analyze my test results and then meet with me to discuss them. Lorraine expected the analysis to take about a week.

Good to her word, exactly seven days later when I returned to my apartment, I had a voicemail message from Lorraine.

"Tom. This is Lorraine. Please call."

I thought I heard a discernible urgency in her voice, something not really typical for her when calling to set up an appointment. I called her cell phone.

"Hi, Lorraine. I got your message to call. You didn't sound normal. Is something wrong?"

"Tom, thank you. Well, no ... not really wrong. It's just that when Kim and I were carefully comparing your first test with the most recent, there was an unexpected change in one area. At first we thought it might just be the polygraph recording was out of synch with the videos you were watching, but we compared the time codes, and they were spot on. It's certainly nothing to be alarmed about, but if you wouldn't mind, we would like to rerun the test to resolve if we have a presentation problem or an instrument problem or some other technical issue."

"Well, yeah. I wouldn't mind, I guess. About how long do you think it would take?"

"About the same as the previous ones. To ensure the results are accurate, I'll run the entire test again. As you know, there will be a series of video images. They will range from nonsexual content to highly explicit sexual scenes involving one or more people.

If you're willing, when would be a good day and time? The only time I can't do it is tomorrow before lunch. The rest of my schedule is flexible."

"Well, then how about tomorrow afternoon at 2 p.m.?"

"Tom, thank you. I apologize for inconveniencing you, but I do want to resolve the rather unexpected indication we both observed. I'll see you tomorrow." She hung up without waiting for an answer.

That didn't exactly set my mind at ease. Then again, if it were something serious relating to my health, she or Kim would have told me.

Though she hadn't specifically instructed me not to masturbate until after the test, I knew from past experience that she preferred me to be as "charged up" as possible for it.

Lorraine looked a bit uneasy when she greeted me at her door the next day. I had expected her to take me into her office, but instead she led me directly to the examination room.

Once in the exam room, she pointed me toward the dressing room where I would remove my clothing, affix the penile sensor cuff, then put on a hospital gown.

After following her instructions, I returned to the exam room. She was already there with the remaining sensors and apparatus. As she was attaching the sensors, she instructed me to put on the headphones, relax, and watch the screen while listening on the headphones. I could communicate with her through the intercom's lip mic on the headphones. Once I was comfortably seated in the recliner, she returned to the control room to zero her instrument and wait for me to relax enough to begin the examination.

The lights in the room dimmed, there was relaxing music on the headphones, and after a few minutes, the image sequence began. It lasted about an hour, and although these were people and scenes I had not seen in the earlier tests, I couldn't see much of a change in the general content. After the images stopped and the room lights came back up, I wondered what Lorraine had added to this test to help her interpret the odd results she said she and Kim both saw in the preceding one.

After letting me relax for a few minutes, Lorraine came in to remove all but the penile sensor. She seemed a bit tense, which was not reassuring to me. But I knew better than to ask just then for any comments. She was in her "professional and businesslike" mode.

"Tom, why don't you get dressed, then join Kim and me in my office. We'll both go over the results with you." It was more a command than an invitation, and she did not wait for me to answer.

A few minutes later, I walked into Lorraine's office. She was seated behind her desk, and Kim was seated in front, facing Lorraine. While they were not exactly solemn, neither were they bright and cheery. I wondered what was going on. I seated myself in the chair next to Kim's so we were both looking across the desk at Lorraine.

"Tom, both Kim and I have examined the results of the exam you just completed, and we agree on the interpretation of your responses.

Just as in the two preceding tests, you have a strong preference for women older than you. You prefer them to be somewhat sexually aggressive toward you and to be vocal and animated during sex. If you are already sexually attracted to them, that attraction and your sexual responses to them are enhanced by their having 'natural' rather than shaven body hair. Their body hair seems to be an aphrodisiac, but only if there is already a strong sexual attraction.

You displayed a strong aversion to anal and oral sex between men. But unlike on the first test, on the second test and this one you showed some arousal between two men or between a man and a transexual woman engaging in frottage to orgasm."

I was unfamiliar with the term "frottage".

"It literally means 'rubbing,' Tom. In the videos it was two men or a man and a transexual woman rubbing their penises together or between their two bodies until one or both orgasm. It is a form of non-penetrating sexual intercourse. It is more a form of mutual penile masturbation than strictly sexual intercourse."

I started to speak, but she continued.

"You may recall that in each of the three tests, there were women who appeared wearing rather conservative, one-piece swimsuits similar to what you saw Kim wearing at the university pool. In all the tests you showed marked increased sexual arousal when those images were on the screen even though the women did not disrobe or engage in any overt sexual actions."

I was puzzled by her transition from my responses to male frottage to my responses to women in relatively modest swimsuits. Her explanation caught me off guard.

"Tom, in today's exam, there were five women who were wearing a variety of one-piece swimsuits. Do you recall them?"

"Yeah, I guess there's something about a pretty woman in a swimsuit that really excites me," I said looking at Kim. If she was recalling how she had seduced me at her house while wearing her one-piece "not for public viewing" swimsuit, she didn't give any indication of it.

"And did you notice anything particularly distinctive about any of them? Did anything cause you to pay particular attention to one or more of them?"

I tried my best to recall the images. All of them were attractive. Their ages varied from probably early 20's to mid-40's. They all appeared trim and fit though not especially athletic. I suppose the best term I could use would have been "normal but attractive."

Before responding to my recollections, Lorraine paused, more I suspect from her own uncertainty than for any dramatic effect. Then she continued, "Tom, three of the 'women' were transexual women, that is, women who were biologically men but prefer sexual assignment as a woman."

Again, she paused to allow me to understand the import of her explanation.

"Although Kim and I were interested in your overall results today, Tom, we were most interested in your responses to those five persons. Specifically, we wanted to see if your conscious or subconscious physiological responses were different to the three transexual women.

The test results showed that while you experienced increased arousal to all of them, you were slightly more aroused by the three transexual women than by the other two.

So our question is, Tom, do you consciously remember seeing anything in their mannerisms or anatomy that might have triggered your responses?"

I thought about each one, as much as I could remember which wasn't much at all.

"No, but are you suggesting that I may be bisexual, homosexual, or what?" I asked, my voice no doubt revealing some concern.

"You are decidedly heterosexual, Tom. But keep in mind the labels we hear and commonly use, labels like homosexual, heterosexual, bisexual, and asexual are imprecise. It is a particular culture that defines them, not strictly the mindset of the persons displaying them. A particular culture or subculture tends to define one of them as 'normal' so that all the other behaviors become to some degree 'abnormal' in that culture. The reality is that sexual distinction is as much defined culturally as it is genetically and anatomically. Cultures intent on self-sustenance lock in on their own definitions and tend to promote them without regard for the subtle distinctions. To put it another way, they sometimes don't distinguish between one's gender and one's sexuality.

In successfully overcoming the particular inhibition that kept you from sustaining an erection with a woman, you most likely overcame, or at least subconsciously questioned, other cultural barriers as well. Let me assure you that as difficult as it may be for you to accept, your arousal watching scenes involving frottage was more likely curiosity than any change in your sexual orientation. You are not only what you are, but to some extent you are what you have been defined to be by others.

Let me make a comparison. People are drawn to the spectacle of a building on fire. That doesn't mean they are latent arsonists, only that they have some interest. People fantasize about having sex with famous people, but that doesn't mean they are going to become stalkers or attackers."

Lorraine could see that I was still concerned, but before I could interject, she guided the conversation in a slightly different direction.

"Tom, you and I have had very fulfilling sex together. Suppose I stood up right now and took off my clothes and you saw I had somehow acquired a penis. Do you think you would still find me sexually attractive, enough to maybe find a way to still have sex with me? Or would my mysterious acquisition of a cock completely change your sexual attraction to me?"

I thought about it for a while, even tried to visualize Lorraine with an erect cock. I had to admit that I would still want to have sex with her. It was not a difficult call to make.

"Of course I'd still want to have sex with you, but I'm not sure how. I mean, the thought of sucking a cock or anal sex really turns me off."

"I understand, Tom. The pleasure of anal sex in particular is sometimes overstated. It can painful for the recipient, especially if not done carefully. But a significant number of women do orgasm regularly from anal sex, often a result of stimulating the woman's G-spot from inside. Of course, when Kim simultaneously masturbated you and massaged your prostate, she entered you very, very slowly with a well-lubricated finger, much smaller than an erect penis or even a dildo. That was completely different from the usual anal sex people engage in. The fact is that the human anus is not constructed for sexual intercourse. It is not a vagina. Still, anal sex can be pleasurable for both women and men if it is done properly."

She waited to see if I had anything else to say. Her facial expression was one of uncertainty, conflicted, but finally she spoke.

"Tom, please wait here. I'll be right back."

Kim said nothing while Lorraine was gone. She returned in a minute or two carrying what looked like a shoebox with a lid. She placed it on the desk in front of me and removed the lid. After folding back the inner paper, she produced a remarkably lifelike and detailed replica of a hard, fully-erect penis complete with scrotum.

"Do you know what this is, Tom?" she asked.

"I guess it's a dildo. There was one used in a couple of the scenes you showed me."

"You're partially correct. It is a dildo, but it is significantly different from the ones in the videos. This is one designed and constructed to my own specifications. It is more of a prosthetic than a sex toy. Go ahead and touch it, Tom."

I did, and it had exactly the same skin-like feel as my cock and scrotum, not the rubberized or latex feel I had expected. Its hardness was also lifelike, unlike the rubbery, spongy flexibility I had expected. And it felt like body temperature. Even the blood vessels in it appeared real.

"Tom, if you were blindfolded and had not seen this in the box, do you think you could have distinguished it from a genuine cock?"

"Probably not," I answered honestly.

"It has some other features that are not as obvious, things that distinguish it from a commercial dildo," she continued. "For one thing, when a woman wears a commercial strap-on dildo, the only real stimulation she receives is clitoral stimulation as a result of incidental pressure of the base pushing or rubbing against her clit. More often than not, mainly because of a poor fit, she receives little meaningful sexual stimulation using a strap-on. It is frequently more irritating rather than pleasurable for the wearer. This one is designed to try and replicate in a woman the sensations a man feels in his cock when he is aroused.

This is going to get a little technical, but I'll explain.

At several places in this dildo are specialized generators. These are small devices which, when pressure is applied to them, generate electricity."

I interrupted, "Lorraine, I know what the piezoelectric effect is. I'm a double-E, remember?"

"Yes, of course, Tom. Anyway, the outputs from these generators are fed into a small chip that regulates the voltage and limits the current.

The output from that chip is fed to these tiny electrical plates inside the base. Those plates and these soft pressure bumps were precisely placed so that when I wear this properly, they make exactly the right physical and electrical contact with my clit, its hood, and my vagina and the area immediately around it.

Any externally-applied contact with the dildo's shaft and tip generates an electrical current which the chip processes, then translates into electrical pulses transmitted to my pussy and interpreted by my brain to be similar to what you feel when your penis is erect and you are aroused. Does that make sense?"

"So this thing supposedly lets you feel as a woman what a man with a penis feels when he's becoming aroused?" I asked.

"That's essentially it, Tom. Of course, being a woman and never having been a man, I can't know for sure, but I believe that's what I'm feeling. But then again, I'm a woman, so I'm feeling it as a woman, not a man. The rest of our body's senses come into play to complicate it a bit more.

Actually, I really don't feel anything like an electric shock or a tingle or anything. What I feel is the result, the arousal created by the pressure bumps and the small electric pulses rather than the electricity itself."

I had to ask Lorraine what to me seemed the obvious question. "Well, if you're able to experience arousal and orgasm as a woman, why would you want or need to wear this device?"

"That's a very good question, Tom. Just as there are some men who have some latent desire to experience sex as a woman, so there are some women who want to experience sex as a man. But in neither case does the man or woman want to permanently change their physiology. The psychological effects of gender-altering surgery are, in almost every subject, massive and certainly not as predictable as we would like. It would be highly desirable to have a lifelike prosthetic that would let a woman have the penis experience without permanent physiological change.

Also, there are some men who for various reasons such as accident or surgery no longer have a penis and scrotum. This is a first-generation prosthetic penis to try and restore a man's ability to experience sexual satisfaction after his own penis and scrotum have been removed or otherwise rendered unable to perform sexually. If perfected, it would not just be a cosmetic replacement. It would be a functional replacement in every respect."

Lorraine was apparently caught up in the excitement of the explanation as she continued.

"In my particular case, I became interested in this specialized dildo because ..."

"Lorraine," Kim interrupted with a caution tone to her voice.

Lorraine stopped abruptly, suddenly realizing she was perilously close to revealing sensitive client information.

"Thanks, Kim," she said sincerely. Then she continued. "I can tell you that in trying to help Kim achieve orgasm, I wore my device when having sex with her. Our thinking was that as a woman, I would better understand how to arouse another woman, Kim, and read her responses. While it did affect her arousal, it still didn't produce an orgasm in her.

In fact, it probably aroused me more than it did her, because I came very soon after I started fucking her. Consequently, I fitted her with one of these devices to use with me. The obvious thinking there was that it may be the wearer rather than the recipient who derives the most pleasure from the prosthetic."

She looked at Kim, who nodded assent to continue.