The heavy, moist air lingered as a constant reminder that this had been one summer to remember. Sunset had only curved the heat while the streets of New Orleans filled with humidity. Now the darkness surrounding the city was alive.
Behind the majestic horseman statue in the famous City Park, I was lying flat on my back looking at the southern sky and the peaked sword like extensions of the Saint Louis Cathedral as they stabbed upward at the heavens. Three nights straight I had left my lonely little apartment to lie in this exact spot, in this same park by myself with not even a blanket to rest on, crying and talking to myself.
I brought my wallet of course...that would account for the alcohol on my breath. Drinking was one of the only things that I could motivate myself to do, other than dragging myself from the cramped little living space of mine. I had lost my job, my friends, my sanity, and now I was aiming for the only thing that I technically had left.
Now of course I had been warned time after time about the “freaks” that were around the city at any given time and how dangerous it was, but let’s face it, at the moment I didn't give a shit. In fact, in my own strange way I was inviting death and daring it to take me.
After three nights straight of this I was guessing that “Death” had someone or something better to do.
Again I could hear the words in my head, over and over in his voice.
“I love you...but I’m not in love with you...I want you...but not in the relationship sense...I’m sorry...I wish I would have treated you better...but now there’s this other girl and we’re hanging out...I’ve been trying to find the words to tell you.”
Wracking with sobs I pleaded with the vast New Orleans sky as the sides of my face had become sticky as the tears kept drying, only be replaced with new ones.
“I waited for years...for this. If you are up there...do you find this funny? He was all I wanted...just for him to love me back...and then it seems I have my wish only to have it jerked away after I plan to build my life around “us”. He loved me one day and the next he didn’t. How can someone just wake up one day and not love someone anymore? Please...don’t make me feel this for another night.” I pleaded with God, just in case he did exist.
It’s not as if I would get an answer but it was still worth a shot. I stayed for another hour or so, hoping some thug or drug crazed junkie would just come along and beat me to death. I had no luck. I staggered drunkenly to my feet and sighed a bit as the damp material of my top clung to my moist skin. Folding my arms across my chest, I began to walk through Jackson Square. Perhaps I had passed hundreds of people, but I just didn’t see them.
The only thing I could see was the mental picture of my lover’s adorable smile, if I tried hard enough I could even imagine his laugh. Then I imagined him wanting someone else. I wanted to drop right there in the street so that I could be trampled.
Instead I found myself cutting down the famous little alley near Saint Louis Cathedral with all the tarot card readers and self proclaimed mediums. I had been ripped off more than once by people like this so I kept my distance and continued my zombie like trance towards the farther parts of the French Quarter, snapping out of it every once in a while to get a frozen mixed drink in a plastic cup and carry it along.
There was no way in hell I was going to The Morgue tonight. It was our favorite bar and if I saw him with some bitch there...hmm...well we'll just say the name of the bar would be quite appropriate in that case. Typical jealous woman.
I could hear loads of motorcycles in the distance and spotted a whole line of them in front of a popular bar. The noise caught my attention but it was the little shop directly next to the bar that held my fascination. It’s blinking neon sign that read “Tarot, Palm Reading, and Voodoo”. I had been to this shop once before when I had first moved here. I had gotten a tarot reading, which, was strikingly accurate to my surprise.
I staggered into the store and glanced around slowly at all the books and prepackaged voodoo dolls with their color coded pins that hung near the register. Beside them sat little primitive looking dolls made from corn husk.
“You’ve gotta be kidding me. This is it?” I groaned with disappointment as I leaned over and flicked one of the painted doll faces.
“Can I help you?” A slender, perfect looking college aged girl asked.
“I want to speak with your priestess. It really can’t wait until tomorrow.” I answered softly.
“It’ll be about another ten minutes, she’s with a client.”
I simply nodded and walked around the store, waiting. I looked at my reflection in a mirror that hung in the corner of the store and stared at myself.
“I still look the same...” I whispered to myself. Absent mindedly I ran my hands over my tiny waist and much broader hips. I was still the same rather curvy Anna that I was when we were together. The only slight difference in myself I saw was that my eyes were puffy and red from crying and I looked tired. I had the same long ebony hair, the same big blue eyes and pale skin. I hadn’t gained any weight, in fact I was only averaging eating every two to three days, so I was probably losing weight.
“He’s probably fucking someone that looks like her.” I mumbled referring to the sales girl, who I was sure had “anorexia” stamped across her forehead lingering right beneath those wispy little blonde bangs.
“Why doesn’t he want me anymore...what’s wrong with me?”
“There’s nothing wrong with you, dear.” I heard a woman’s voice chime in to answer me.
Spinning around to my left, there stood a old woman, clad from head to toe in purple, wearing dozens of long beaded necklaces and big rings on her tiny fingers.
“I know I’m not what you expected, you were probably looking for an African American woman with a long dress and a red bandana.” She patted my shoulder. “Come on back, girl.”
We walked behind a black curtain in the side of the shop and sat down around a table filled with tarot cards, crystals, colorful stones, runes, and many other curious things.
“Now,” the woman said to me, “what brings you here to seek my counsel.”
I went through the whole story, exposing every gory detail to her. I bawled and cried throughout the whole thing as she sat there listening with genuine concern, only moving to grab me the occasional tissue.
“There is nothing wrong with you, honey. This man obviously has shit for brains. I will not be the first, and not the last to tell you that you seem like a kind, well educated, and very beautiful young woman. You look like a little porcelain doll baby.” The priestess smiled at me and reassured. “You don’t need this bastard.”
“I know...that’s what everyone says but it’s not true. I love him and it’s killing me. I can’t go on like this anymore and if I can’t have him back, then I don’t want to breathe anymore. I really mean that.”
