Sleep Paralysis

I was awake before I opened my eyes. I already knew what the clock would say if I did. I felt my heart quicken in my chest.

Breathe...

I said to myself.

Just breathe.

If she heard my heart change rhythm, she might know that I am no longer sleeping.

The ticking of the clock suddenly stopped.

The sounds of insects quieted leaving a silence so absolute that my heartbeat became the only thing tethering me to the earth.

With a herculean effort, I opened my eyes.

The clock ticked to 3:01am.

And there she was.

Just like she was all of the other nights.

Neither my arms nor my legs responded though my mind begged them to run--to escape.

I only maintained control of my eyes.

They flickered desperately around the room as a feeling of dread began to set in.

I felt the tears prickling behind my eyes as I looked

--almost as though I was compelled to--

towards the bedroom door.

My room was cloaked in darkness

-not even the streetlights managed to penetrate the darkened room-

but somehow she was darker.

The words shadow isn't absolute enough to describe the way light seemed to disappear into her silhouette.

She devoured light, drawing it into her depths.

And soon, she would devour me too.

I squeezed my eyes shut tightly, a tear running down my face and into my hair.

This is a dream...

I told myself.

All of the doctors told you these dreams, while uncommon, are nothing to worry about. Try journaling before bed. Do yoga. Spend time in nature. This problem will right itself when healthy habits are established.

It's just a dream.

It's just a dream.

It's just a dream.

With bated breath I allowed my eyelids to open again.

She was gone.

My doorway was empty. I allowed myself a moment of relief before noting that I was still frozen, unable to move or control my body. She was still here.

Somewhere in this room. I looked to the left, then to the right as far as my eyes would allow.

The night before she lurked for what felt like hours, crouched like an insect waiting for prey, in the corner of my ceiling before slinking inkily down my wall towards me.

How long had she been watching me tonight?

How long before she made her move.

I blinked my eyes again, another tear escaping as I did.

A raspy breath filled my ears and the icy tip of an unseen finger swept the tear from my cheek.

My eyes strained to look beside me and were met with that soul binding darkness.

The figure that had been knelt by my side rose, the shadow of her finger still out stretched.

She seemed to roll the tear between her fingers before melting into nothing.

I knew this time that there was no use in hoping she had gone.

I knew she was there, and I knew what would come next.

I could feel her caress on my ankle as she landed, lighter than a cat, on the foot of my bed.

Her touch does not feel like the touch of a human hand.

It slithers through my bones.

It burns like dry ice on skin.

It feels like the soft touch of a lover.

It feels like everything and nothing at all.

It's the crushing weight of one million unknown universes.

It's the pinprick toes of a butterfly perched on a stranger's hand.

I was filled equally with fear and longing as I felt her move up my thigh.

My nerves lit up at the point where her fingertips glided across my skin, spiderwebbing it's way, sending pleasure signals to my brain.

Her touch awakened in me a yearning like no other I had felt.

I felt my bed depress around me as if she had mass. I could not see her still, though I strained my eyes to their limit.

I felt her inch her way up my thigh,

leaving in the wake of her hand a powerful sensation that burst through my entire body.

My heart was beating out of control now, and a warmth had begun to spread through my sex.

A warmth, a caress, and the longing that had stirred within me was almost feral.

My fear had evolved in the space of these few short seconds into desire.

My sex ached as though my heart was sending blood there alone.

My groan came out as a sigh through my paralyzed vocal chords.

A hand I could not see snaked its way around my neck stealing the breath from my throat.

That only made my heart beat with more excitement, the burning in my loins becoming unbearable.

She held on tighter bringing what should have been her face level to mine.

I stared into the nothing where I thought her eyes would be, wondering what would happen if she came even closer. If she held on tighter.

The weight on the bed around me began to tighten as though I were in the grip of a human's thighs.

Her body was straddling mine which lay frozen in the same position I had fallen asleep in.

While her hold strengthened around me, she seemed unable to physically move me.

The sensation was confusing and beyond enticing.

I wanted her to grab me, to bite me, to pounce.

She leaned in until her darkness was all I could see.

The pressure around my neck eased long enough for me to catch a single breath but redoubled when it returned.

A surge of adrenaline shot through my groin and inner thighs and I knew that if I had control of my own body, I would be pulling her even closer, grinding into her.

Perhaps she felt my desire, for there was suddenly a sensation so kneebucklingly pleasurable pressing into my sex.

It rolled back and forth slowly along the sensitive, blood filled organ.

The pleasure was deep, long, and prolonged building with every movement.

Her hand relaxed again, allowing me to take a gasping breath.

The crescendo below made me wish I had a voice to moan, to beg for more, to beg for release.

There was not a cell in my body that was not on fire for her.

I wanted to disappear inside of her, my life and light the next thing for her darkness to swallow.

And still she moved against me, slow but sure, each pass bringing me closer and closer to the brink.

Rational thought was gone. Nothing existed but the darkness and my climbing ecstasy.

I felt her hand close on my neck once more as she expertly brought me past the point of no return.

I writhed with the force of my climax.

Her grip on my neck loosened, my legs quivered weak and wet as a cry of extasy broke free from my lips.

It was only during the quivering after shocks of my orgasm that I realized the pressure was gone all around me.

I sat bolt upright looking around my dim room fearing she might still be lurking in the shadows.

She was gone.

The light outside of my window had changed. It was nearly morning.

I fell back onto my pillows and wiped my sweaty brow, my fingers still tingling as life reentered them.

As I fully caught my breath the fading waves of pleasure slowed.

Could the doctors be right?

Were these nightly visits no more than dreams?

I reached down to touch my groin and felt that I was soaked.

My finger trailed over the slippery, sensitive skin.

I trembled again.

My body remembered her though my mind began to lose the details.

And as my body remembered, it was filled with the ghost of that same longing.

My fingers glided expertly coaxing my sex to life again.

My mind reeled back to the vibration of her touch, the sense that a shooting star was just out of sight.

My legs widened and my hips began moving in tandem with the exploring of my fingertips.

I remembered her hand on my neck and began to move quicker, more earnestly.

The moan at my lips was desperate, begging for more.

My hand slid effortlessly as a new wetness aided the delicious movements.

It was not enough.

Grabbing my pillow, I got to my knees.

I could see my own dampness spreading across my pillowcase as I grinded against it.

My momentum and my orgasm swelled as I cried out.

Finally I collapsed, wet and raw, the pillow still clutched between my knees.

My eyes began to flutter with the weight of sleep again while my clock dutifully ticked beside me.

Perhaps this time I would remember everything, I told myself as I drifted once more to sleep.