Why is that little girl dressed like a dominatrix
? Jaycee thought as she walked toward the front door.
The "girl" was standing on the other side of the storm door, visible through the glass pane. She was wearing an impossibly tight pink catsuit with a plunging neckline and a pink lace harlequin mask. There were pink cat's ears in her hair, and fine little white whiskers painted on her cheeks.
The main door was open, held ajar by the small table with the candy bowl, so that Jaycee could take in the costumes before handing out the mini Twix bars and boxes of Nerds. The small kids had long-since gone home. For an hour there had been only a few ten-year-old stragglers and a couple of stoned middle-schoolers, so she wasn't expecting the doorbell when it chimed.
Should have shut the door
, she thought when she saw the outfit.
By the time she reached for the bowl, Jaycee knew that whoever was in the catsuit, it was no middle-schooler. She
was
miniscule --even in 4-inch stilettos, she was barely over 5 feet tall-- but that's where her resemblance to a little girl stopped.
She was supernaturally curvaceous, and the latex bodysuit clung to her form like a glassy candy shell.
It was a shade of pink that made your mouth water, with bright white zippers at strategic locations, and a small, plastic ice-cream cone hanging from the zipper fob below her cleavage. The two small, pink sequined cat's ears poked from hair that was as white as whipped cream. Pink ribbons (with plastic cherries at the center of the bows) scooped the fine white strands into ponytails on the sides of her head. Her skin was the color of caramel, and her brown eyes so big you could drown in them. Around her neck was a thin pink leather collar, like a choker, from which hung a ruby-red plastic cherry.
She looked like an ice cream sundae that you wanted to fuck.
In one hand was a glittery, hot pink rectangle that Jaycee mistook for a cell phone. In the other was a leash that trailed up behind her to the collar of an all-white Great Dane that towered over her. He too wore a pink collar, but with a plastic bone dangling from the leash ring. He was sitting calmly to her rear, a tongue the size of a paperback book lolled out of his mouth, panting and uninterested.
To their right stood a massive man who towered over the Great Dane and was nearly as wide as he was tall. He was wearing a black
mariachi
costume with a wide
sombrero
and hot pink embroidery (that
costume must have been a bitch to find
, she thought), also with a black fabric harlequin mask. He had his hands clasped in front of him, one holding the other at the wrist, like he was waiting to tell Jaycee about her
SeΓ±or y Salvador, Jesucristo
.
They looked like villains on a comic book cover.
Even for Halloween it was odd.
Jaycee might not have opened the door at all, had it not been for the cameras.
There were two of them, one on either side of the trio. They had floodlights attached and created a blinding halo when they pointed in Jaycee's direction. She could make out a fuzzy boom mic hanging to one side of the massive dog's head.
What fucking TV show is this?
she thought as she pushed open the door.
"Trick or treat!" yelled the little kitty, as the dog let out a single bark.
"What is all this? Who are you supposed to be?" Jaycee asked from around the corner of the storm door. She was holding the bowl in front of her, like the Jolly Ranchers and Tootsie-Rolls might ward off trouble.
"It's reverse trick-or-treat!" said the young woman. "I'm Pussy Kandy --that's 'Kandy' with a 'K'-- and I'm trick-or-treating through neighborhoods, giving away samples of my
hot
new lip gloss, Pussy Kandy, to all the sexy ladies!"
"Pussy Kandy, huh?" said a dubious Jaycee. "What's with the cameras?"
"I'm streaming this out to all of my fans! You're on the
Pussy Kandy and Mr. Snickers Show!
2.8 million total followers!"
She leaned forward slightly at the waist, lifting the back of her hand to the side of her glistening pink mouth in a mock conspiratorial pose.
"
Mr. Snickers is the dog,
" she fake-whispered to Jaycee, then straightened and resumed her normal voice, playing to the cameras. "Right, Mr. Snickers?"
The dog barked once, a booming
woof
she felt in her chest. He was totally, almost impossibly, white.
Why name a white dog 'Snickers?'
Jaycee thought.
"The big guy is Mister Daddy. He's our security. He doesn't talk unless I say so." She gave a broad wink to one of the lenses.
"Everything OK, babe?"
Jason came up behind his wife, wearing a white sailor costume that made him look like the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man. He was not prepared for the supernova of sluttiness standing in his doorway.
"Yeah," said Jaycee --annoyed that she hadn't gotten rid of this tiny tart before Jason saw the outfit. God knew that was going in his spank bank now. One more thing to compete against. "She just wants to sell me lip gloss."
"Buy it." said her husband.
"I'm not
selling
it! I'm giving out samples!" said Pussy, "And I don't just want to just give you lip gloss. I want to give you a
taste
."
"Do it." said Jason.
"I don't think so." said Jaycee, backing into the house.
"C'mon! It's just a kiss!" said Pussy. "It's the sexy way to sample the product on the sexiest holiday! A taste of Pussy Kandy! Just a little peck on the lips! No tongue, even!"
She held up a "Scout's Honor" sign with three manicured fingers and did a little half-curtsy.
"I don't know..." Jaycee said, but she was looking at the young woman's pink lips --full and shimmering, almost dripping. She and Jason had been going through another rough patch, and it had been two months since she'd been laid. The lips made her tingle a little.
"Pleeease! Just a quick kiss for the fans! Pretend you're back in college!" said Pussy. "Your husband will love it! Just look at him!"
Jason blushed, but shrugged at Jaycee, hopefully.
'
Why not? It's Halloween,'
his eyes said.
She turned and handed him the candy bowl, giving a look that said,